Chapter Text
Kate knows she has been irrational lately. Much to Anthony’s distress, she eats less than the doctor recommends (she really is trying her best to adjust to English food). She’s kept her morning rides under a compromise that she limit them as much as possible, even when doing so makes her irritable. She cries far easier than she was used to as a perpetually stoic, unmarried young woman. Anthony, on the other hand, remained calm and adaptable, soothing her through every random sadness, every bout of irritation.
She will be better for him. He has been so busy lately, and she does not wish to burden him with even more of her problems.
Today, at least, she was just so hungry. This was not anyone’s fault but her own. There was plenty of food in the house. But this child inside of her must be Indian at heart, because he only wanted a fresh aamras puri. So, Kate picked from the assortment of fruits, trying her best to pretend it was aam instead. Really, she could just force some food down, but she was worried it would come back up.
Which is why she had to suffer the consequences accordingly: by eating nothing instead.
She watched Eloise’s pitiful dancing next to Francesca’s graceful steps. Were there really no aam on this island? It simply cannot be true. It truly was absurd that she may go her entire life without eating one again. It was even more absurd that Anthony might never try it; he had just stopped drinking English tea entirely so Kate was sure he would love aam as well.
As if her thoughts had summoned him, Anthony barreled into the room. “Family, is my wife– ah there you are.” He was wearing a purple waistcoat that Kate loved, and a smile that she loved even more. As he sat next to Kate, she truly, completely forgot why she would ever wish to leave England, or go anywhere without him by her side.
Feeling soothed by Anthony’s presence, Kate put her head on his shoulder and squeezed his hand; their silent code for “I missed you.” Anthony squeezed back and placed a kiss on her head before resting his head atop hers. After a few moments, he murmured, “Are you hungry? You’ve barely touched your plate.”
Kate considered telling him the full truth. She really did. But she can’t bear to see the look in his eyes whenever the implication arises that she gave up a life in India for him. He hides it admirably well but Kate knows him. She knows how his self-doubt creeps up and how, instead of talking with her, he only punishes himself.
“I suppose I lost my appetite.” For anything English.
“Ah well, as long as you’re not hungry...” He says it with the cadence of a joke and Kate ruefully smiles.
“Of course not, Husband.”
He settles in closer. For a few blissful moments, they watch the four youngest siblings wreak havoc while attempting to dance.
Anthony turns slightly to say something to her. Right as he opened his mouth to speak, they both heard a low growl, coming right from Kate’s stomach. Kate’s eyes widen in shock, and then tear up in embarrassment.
Gods, now he would know she was lying. What would he think of her? She couldn’t even bring herself to eat for the sake of their own child. Now her sweet husband would just worry even more on Kate’s account, further adding to his already extensive list of worries.
Stupid. Kate lowered her head in shame.
In a low voice, Anthony asked, “Kate, darling, do you need to eat?”
His voice was gentler than Kate deserved. Ugh. She was acting like a child.
The tears were spilling down Kate’s face, and she tried to explain herself. “There is a fruit…in India called aam. It is very sweet but some…sometimes it is added to puri, which makes it savory.” She had to pause to wipe her face. “It seems that your child desires no other food.” Kate felt her face crumble as Anthony pulled her into his side while rubbing circles around her back. She cried softly and listened to his whispered apologies.
“I’m so sorry darling, everything will be alright.”
“It’s alright, shhh, I should have realized why you’ve been subsisting on fruit and chai all week.”
“This is all my fault, you know? I should have traveled to India the moment we suspected you were pregnant so I may have brought back an entire ship’s worth of aam.”
She let out a choked laugh at that, still furious with herself for crying.
Unfortunately, this had attracted the rest of the family’s notice. Violet’s sharp voice rang out, “Anthony, what have you done?”
Whatever happened next, Kate knew she was not in control of. The entire world felt as if it had frozen in time, and there was nothing but herself, hurling a white-hot ball of rage at her mother-in-law.
“How could you say that?!” She stood up, with her hand on her stomach, nothing but anger and hunger propelling her forward. Even Violet’s stricken expression was not enough to stop a long-suppressed tirade from spilling out of Kate.
“Anthony has done nothing. In fact, I am the one who is burdening him with a daily dose of irrationality. The only thing he’s guilty of is being the nicest man in London, really, and of being far kinder than I…” Than I deserve. Kate trailed off when she realized the rest of the family was staring at her in bewilderment. More tears of shame returned. She hoped Gregory and Hyacinth wouldn’t follow the terrible example she was setting.
She muttered a quick, “Excuse me,” and rushed out of the room.