Chapter Text
Chishiya sighs exhausted, pushing the door close behind him and throwing the keys into the tray on the sideboard. He slips out of his shoes and coat, not even caring to put them neatly onto their usual place, too tired to do anything else beside breathing.
The last few months had taken its toll on him, both physically and mentally. The long shifts in the hospital, the surgeries, the many hours spent in his faculty’s library, studying for his final exams like a madman. It drains on his nerves and energy, like a bloodsucker on an open wound and his mental state has reached a new low today.
Dragging himself into the living/dining room, he selfishly hopes to find it empty. Unfortunately, Niragi had decided to work at the dining table today, a few different tabs opened on his laptop and quantities of different code flashing across the screen. Next to him is an opened book and a cup of coffee. He has his earphones in, humming a melody that reminds him of that one rockband Niragi loves to listen to - 'The Soloist' or something along those lines.
Therefor the other only notices his arrival when he leans back on his chair, stretching his long arms and letting his head fall in his neck, looking at him from upside-down.
"Oh, hey!" He pulls himself up again and one of his earphones out, waves him closer with a big smile on his face. "You’re back."
Chishiya takes the last bit of energy to trot over to him, letting himself be pulled down into a warm and soft welcome kiss. It’s the first nice thing happening to him today and still it’s not nearly enough to lift his mood.
"You look … tired," Niragi says as Chishiya pulls back again.
Chishiya hasn’t the strength for more than an undefined "hm", letting his bag slide from his shoulders and throwing it next to the end of the couch. He feels Niragi’s gaze in his back, definitely frowning in concern. It’s not like him to just let his stuff lie around their apartment randomly - that’s more Niragi’s sense of ‘order’ - but Chishiya can’t find it in himself to care right now.
"Give me five minutes and I’ll make us dinner, yeah?"
"Not hungry." As sweet as the offer is, Chishiya just makes a dismissive hand movement. Even the thought of lifting a fork seems impossibly exhausting in this very moment. All he wants is to bury himself under his sheets and never come back out again. "I’m taking a bath. Then sleep, I think." With that he just vanishes into their shared bedroom and from there into the bathroom, leaving Niragi behind without another glance.
*
He doesn’t expect to find Niragi sitting on his side of the bed, when he comes out of the bathroom half an hour later.
"Don’t you have work to do?" The words slip out of Chishiya’s mouth and he immediately regrets them. He sounds dismissive and frustrated, when in fact Niragi has done nothing to be at the receiving end of his abysmal mood.
Niragi looks up from the book he’s been reading, giving him his trademark insolent grin. "Why? Wanna get rid of me again?"
He deserves that one, most definitely, but despite how his words sounded, there is underlying concern in the way Niragi glances at him through his round glasses. He never wears them outside of their apartment and even at the start of their relationship Niragi was reluctant to wear them around Chishiya. Nowadays, he often comes home to Niragi sitting infront of his laptop, typing rapidly away on his keyboard, every now and then pushing the glasses back up on the bridge of his nose. It might have helped that Chishiya admitted having a thing for men with glasses - which was a lie, he doesn’t have a thing for men with glasses, he has a thing for Niragi wearing glasses. Or plain simply: He has a thing for Niragi.
"Wanna be alone for now?" Niragi’s tone his softer now and the teasing smirk gone. His facial expression is open and sincere, as he closes the book and places it onto the nightstand on his side. The glasses follow, then his eyes are back on Chishiya, with an angelic patience that doesn’t fit his usual temper.
Chishiya quickly shakes his head, moving to the bed and crawling under the bedsheets. He turns to his nightstand to turn off the lamp and then keeps lying in that position, back turned to the other, hands under his pillow and legs slightly tugged up. He feels so fucking tired and exhausted, like he’s about to collapse, but his head is still ringing with all the tasks and work to do in the coming weeks, with all the responsibility and stress on his shoulders.
Next to him, Niragi turns the brightness of his lamp down, leaving them both in a dimly lit room. The bedsheets rustle as Niragi adjusts his position.
For a few seconds they stay like this, quiet, motionless. Then Chishiya feels fingers brush against his hip, carefully and questioning. "Is it okay if I hug you?"
The gentleness in Niragi’s tone unlocks something inside him and he feels like crying, only holding back a sob with the utmost effort. It’s always one or the other extreme with him, once he’s in this certain state of mind. Sometimes he craves the support and closeness his boyfriend offers, other times he can’t stand even the smallest of touches. Niragi has learnt how to read the signs and how to approach without smothering him.
It’s fairly rare for Chishiya to feel overwhelmed by his emotions, to let them overwhelm him, but when it happens every once in a while, he feels like breaking. He’d rather break in Niragi’s arms tonight than alone on his side of the bed.
He nods, then adds a small, choked-up "Y-Yes" to make sure Niragi understands. Almost immediately Niragi shuffles closer to him and then an arm snakes around his waist, softly pulling him back against the warm body behind him. Only when Nirags splays his fingers across his stomach, not constricting but embracing him, and lays a kiss on top of his still slightly wet hair, Chishiya lets out the breath he’s been holding in, feeling a bit of immediate stress relief due to the other’s closeness.
For the next few minutes Chishiya focuses on the breathing of his boyfriend, brushing against his skin whenever a comforting kiss is placed on his hair, neck, cheek. The chest against his back rises and falls evenly, the heartbeat of the other calm and unhurried, subtly luring him to calm his own breathing and preventing the emerging panic attack from taking control over him.
When his lips reaches his ear, Niragi halts for a moment. Then he dares to whisper: "What’s wrong?" Niragi doesn’t ask if something is wrong, because he knows if given a choice Chishiya would most likely shake his head and swallow all his problems down, dealing with them himself. It’s what he is used to- was used to, before he’d met Niragi.
"Everything?" His tone has to sound way more shaky and small than he wants to admit, because on instinct Niragi searches for his hand and intertwines their fingers. He gives him a short squeeze, right before putting their intertwined hands back onto his stomach, both hugging him and holding his hand. "Nothing at all? I-" Chishiya swallows, trying to get his mind to bring out coherent sentences. Niragi’s fingertips draw small soothing circles on his stomach, encouraging, but never pressuring. Warmth emits from inside his chest and he feels his body pressing itself further into the arms of the other man, something that earns him a series of lovely kisses onto his hair and neck. "It just- everything feels too much lately and I- I struggle to cope right now …"
The kisses come to a halt, the fingers intertwined with his own tightening for a moment. "Since when? How long have you been feeling this way?" Although Niragi tries his best to keep his voice steady and quiet, Chishiya notices the trepidation in it, mixed in with an overly present amount of concern and a tad bitterness. Chishiya knows what he’s thinking, knows which conclusion Niragi will draw if he lets that question go unanswered.
"It’s been creeping up on me the last months, I think." Behind him, Niragi tenses up and Chishiya is quick to add: "It’s not like that. It’s just constant stress and both physical and mental exhaustion due to the pressure. But I’m not-" Chishiya bites his bottom lip, hesitant to speak that word out. He has never been there before, but Niragi has, on multiple occasions in his life, so Chishiya has learnt to tread carefully around that topic.
Niragi takes the decision off him. "Suicidal?" he rasps out, low and quiet, but spiked with an amount of raw emotions that makes Chishiya reverse the position of their hands, now laying his hand on top of Niragi’s and brushing his fingers over it. If he lets his thumb wander further down to his wrist, he’ll find the remembrances of all the dark times Niragi has endured, telling him a tale of hurt, loneliness and self-loathing. Niragi hates his scars, thinks them ugly, a sign of his weakness he tries to cover up with long-sleeved shirts and hoodies whenever someone - even Chishiya - is close to get a look at them. Most times Chishiya lets him, knowing and respecting Niragi’s own boundaries, but other times he catches his forearm, softly pulling the fabric back up to lay bare the scars underneath it. Traces them with his fingers, before lifting the arm to his lips and placing gentle kisses along the scarred skin, telling him they are a sign of his strength, of what he’d overcome and that he never ever needs to feel ashamed about them. These are the moments in which Niragi stares with teary eyes at him, as if he’s an angel he isn’t even worthy of looking at and Chishiya feels shy, because he is anything but that. Although for Niragi, he’ll always try his best to be just that.
The fingers on his stomach start to fidget a bit and remember Chishiya that he still hasn’t answered. "Yeah, suicidal. I’m not." He squeezes his hand in emphasis. "I’m not, Suguru."
Niragi breathes a "Okay" against his skin, his body losing a lot of its tension. "Will you …? Promise me you’ll tell me if you ever feel that way?"
"I will." Then he dares to ask: "Will you?"
For a moment Niragi turns rigid behind him and Chishiya fears he might have triggered some unwanted memories, but then Niragi exhales deeply and relaxes against him. "I will try."
It’s not what he wants to hear, but it’s the best Niragi can give him. He knows that. Despite some of his rather "unpleasant" personality traits, Niragi has always been honest and direct to a default, even if that means hurting or concerning others with the things he says. Chishiya respects that; and intends to change the "I will try" into a "I will" in the future.
"Good enough for now," Chishiya answers and can’t stop himself from snuggling even further into his boyfriend’s arms - who lets it happen more than willingly, using his free hand to play with a few strands of his blond hair.
"Your roots are growing out." Fingers fondle the top of his hairline, making it tingle pleasurably.
"I know," Chishiya sighs. He hasn’t found the time to do them in the last few months, his schedule so full that he barely finds time to breathe.
"I can do them for you on the weekend?" Niragi offers, gently raking his hand through the strands now. "Or you grow them further out. You’re pretty either way." There’s no flirty or seductive undertone in his lover’s voice and that makes the compliment even better right now.
"Would like to dye them, but can’t," Chishiya admits. "I’m scheduled to work this weekend."
He can practically feel Niragi frown behind him. "When was the last free weekend you had? They shouldn’t fuckin' expect you to take everyone’s shifts. Just request a few days off."
"Can’t," Chishiya grimaces, knowing that Niragi doesn’t like the answer. "Final exams are in March and I still need to learn a lot in theory. And lot of practical experiences I only get in the hospital, so I-"
"You, Chishiya Shuntaro, are top of your fuckin' class ever since you first set foot in your faculty! You definitely don’t need more practice ‘cause they already let you work like a full-time Doc - which, by the way, adds up to the stress! March is five months away and you’re way ahead of your learning schedule, so don’t play Mr. Excuses with me right now," Niragi talks himself into a small rage against his hair, definitely annoyed at Chishiya’s perfectionism. Realizing that his little outbreak might not have been really helpful to his situation, though, Niragi plants an apologizing kiss onto his neck, voice calmer now: "That being said, if by whatever reason you won’t reach full points in your finals, I can always hack into the university servers and make sure you get the diploma you deserve."
"Of course you’d offer that as a solution," Chishiya huffs amused.
Niragi only makes an affirmative noise against his neck, his fingers starting to brush softly over his stomach again. "Feel a bit better now?"
"I’m still stressed - and my body feels like I’ve been mountain climbing for the last two weeks, every muscles hurting," Chishiya begins jokingly, but gets more serious and meek at the end: "But … yeah, I don’t feel like … like breaking apart any moment now." Thanks to you.
"Still stressed, hm?" Niragi mouths along his neck and something differs from the short and innocent kisses from before. "I know a few ways to relieve some of this stress, ‘Shiya," he murmurs against his skin, the innuendo clearly audible in his lower tone now.
That’s also very much like Niragi; jumping from serious topics to straight up sex, an (unhealthy) coping mechanism Chishiya had seen quite few times in their relationship now - and had indulged in, to be honest. They never pretended to have a perfect or completely unproblematic relationship, with both of them having their own demons, but neither of them claim to have a higher morale ground than the other. Maybe that’s why they work out nonetheless.
"Hm, what do you say?" By now Niragi had worked himself to the side of his throat, giving him shivers with the way his lips ghost over the sensitive skin. Normally Chishiya would be so on board with whatever Niragi had on his mind, but the tiredness, stress and his every muscle aching make the thought of having passionate sex rather torture than pleasure.
"I-" Chishiya begins and even in that one word reverberates so much of his current mood that Niragi diligently stops his distracting kisses, sensing his hesitation. "I just don’t … don’t think I’d enjoy being penetrated tonight," he manages to say without blushing too hard. Whereas Niragi has a dirty and shameless mouth through and through, Chishiya is much more reserved and shy when it comes to talking about sex. "And I certainly don’t want to top tonight, so …"
Snickering against his skin, Niragi says: "Who said anything about penetrating? You and your dirty mind, ‘Shiya."
"Shut up, Niragi," Chishiya grumbles, but it’s without any malice. His cheeks heat up even more as Niragi laughs lightly into his ear.
"I have something else in mind." Niragi lets go of him only to turn him around on his back softly, looking down at him with a light-hearted smile. "You only have to lie here and relax, hm?" Seeing Chishiya’s sceptical gaze, his own face becomes a little more serious, too. Taking his hand in his own, he searches his eyes. "Do you trust me?"
Chishiya sighs, already knowing the answer to that. "Hell only knows why, but yes, I do."
The smile is back on Niragi’s face, almost blindingly so. Every time anew he’s smitten with how soft and utterly beautiful Niragi looks when smiling from the bottom of his heart. Hands find their way to the hem of his T-Shirt, tugging at it in question. "Can you help me pull it off?"
Still not sure where this is going, Chishiya lifts his arms so that Niragi can pull the shirt off him. Next up is the grey sweatpants and after Niragi has put both clothings neatly away, Chishiya expects him to make short process with his boxers, too. Funny enough, he doesn’t. Instead he only tells him to lie on his stomach and get comfortable, before he’s off to the bathroom.
Following his request, he lets his body sink into the mattress, trying to leave his limbs as limp and relaxed as possible. Niragi is back in no time, the mattress sinking a bit where he’s accompanying him on the bed now. Swinging one of his legs over Chishiya, he seats himself on his lower back, mostly holding himself up with his knees as not to add pressure on his already aching body. Chishiya swallows dryly, the position more than familiar and already causing associations to play out in his mind. Niragi drapes his body over his back, softly tugging at a handful of his hair. "Shuntaro?"
"Hm?" He takes the cue and turns his head to the right where Niragi meets his gaze. Without any further words, Niragi grazes his lips with his own, kissing him gently and without hurry, awakening all those tiny little butterflies in his stomach. When Niragi finally moves back, his eyes sparkle with unfiltered affection, leaving him breathless. "I love you."
The butterflies flutter wildly and uncontrollaby now and a happy smile pulls at his lips. "I love you too, Suguru."
They share another kiss, before Niragi sits upright again. Taking the bottle he’d brought from the bathroom, he puts a good amount of lotion on his hands, rubbing them together. A pleasant flavor fills the room that Chishiya identifies as the massage lotion he has been gifted by Kuina last Christmas.
Niragi starts with rubbing the lotion across his neck, shoulders and back, distributing it to make the following massage more efficient and pleasant.
"You took a warm bath before, right?" His hands dance around his shoulders now, starting soft and turning a bit firmer when working on the tense muscles.
"Yeah." Chishiya sighs loudly, already feeling the impact of Niragi’s talented fingers, the short painful burn when his thumbs press into a particularly tense spot, followed by blissful relief when the muscles relax under the treatment.
"That’s good. Helps to loosen your muscles further," Niragi comments quietly, his hands working on his neck now.
Chishiya relaxes under Niragi’s hands, sighing contently whenever some tenseness leaves his muscles due to the treatment. Niragi’s touches are soft and lovingly where he can and firm and efficient where he needs them to be, working his neck, his tense shoulders and then his spine, aching from the hours-long surgeries he had done in the past few months.
Everything is (mostly) under control, until Niragi slides further down, his hands now working to loosen up all the tenseness in his lower back. Which means his fingers brush against the swell of his ass. Chishiya knows he isn’t doing it on purpose, that particular movement where every so often his fingers slide a bit under the waistband of his boxers to better reach the muscles he needs to press and massage. Unfortunately, that knowledge doesn’t stop his body from reacting to it and he wishes there’d be no fabric between them. There’s a very sudden and persistent urge awakening in him to feel those fingers on his butt cheeks, kneading them and leaving soft fingerprints on his skin.
With a rush of embarrassment he notices that he’s half-hard right now, his erection starting to press against the mattress. It’s a problem, because it multiplies his previously subtle desire into a full-on craving. Keeping as still as possible, meticulously avoiding to rub his dick against the mattress, he tries to calm himself down, telling his hormone-driven brain that it’s just a simply massage, nothing else, nothing more.
Niragi’s fingers disappear under his waistband again, working a particular muscle right where his tailbone sits and therefore slipping his fingers just the slightest bit along the cleft of his ass. The associated implication is enough to force an involuntary groan out of Chishiya’s mouth, his erection very interested in it.
"Everythin’ okay?" Niragi asks, caressing the spot he thought to have hurt due to his noises. If he only knew … fuck.
"Y-Yeah, ‘s okay." Chishiya blushes deeply at hearing his own voice and presses his face into the pillow to overplay how fucking breathless and aroused he sounds. There’s no way Niragi didn’t catch up on that, not with how attentive his boyfriend is to such things. As if to confirm his suspicion, the other halts in his movements for a moment and Chishiya can feel the burning gaze on his skin; it only adds to the pleasure.
Biting his bottom lip, he swallows every kind of treacherous noises when Niragi continues his task, tries to ignore how his fingers work wonders, gliding up and down his body, always slipping just slightly under his waistband yet without going any further. Fuck, how pathetic can he be, getting so freaking aroused by the most innocent touches?
Niragi doesn’t give him time to ponder over his rhetorical question as his fingers wander down again. This time, thought, they don’t slip under the fabric and move up again. This time he stops at the seam of his boxers, deliberately. Hooking his thumbs under the waistband, he tugs carefully.
"Can I?" It’s a rough, slightly hoarse whisper, but Chishiya doesn’t hold it against him as his own voice threatens to crack when he answers with a short, breathless "Yes". He lifts his hips a bit to help, relieved at releasing some of the pressure on his awakening erection. If Niragi has noticed anything about his arousal, he doesn’t comment on it, occupied with pulling the fabric down his butt, thighs and legs to finally get rid of the last piece preventing Chishiya from feeling his fingers on his naked skin.
Niragi starts massaging his thighs now, working his hands up and down and always just stopping short before his ass, giving Chishiya a reason to bite the pillow in sudden frustration. Hell, he even considers begging for it. Luckily enough, Niragi seems to have pity with him because finally his hands are on his butt, his lips placing soft kisses along his neck, shoulder blades and his back, evoking pleasurable goosebumps to rise all across his body.
It starts out like a normal massage, but changes rather quickly into something more sensual, the fingers kneading his ass the exact same way Niragi always does when he’s … taking him from behind. Chishiya clutches the bedsheets in support, when his cheeks are pulled apart a bit so that the daring thumb can brush over his entrance. The touch is featherlight and without any pressure, but it still forces a low gasp out of him.
"Still okay?" Niragi checks up with him, attentive to the smallest of reactions from him.
Chishiya just nods quickly, squeezing out a hoarse "Yes" and right now, being penetrated doesn’t sound like the worst idea anymore. Niragi repeats the same motion a few times, giving him nearly a heart attack whenever he brushes over the sensitive ring of muscles, soft and without any real intention of going further.
"Fuck," Chishiya moans out when his hips rock back reflexively to meet the teasing thumb, putting a bit more pressure where he really needs to feel it right now.
"Fuck indeed," Niragi curses under his breath, before letting go of his ass completely and sliding up his body, placing sloppy kisses on his skin along the way. Their lips met instinctively and it’s not the innocent, soft kiss from before. No, this one is heated, tongues dancing with each other and making them both pant into each other’s mouth. Niragi breaks the kiss in order to mouth along his throat again, biting softly and forcing another low moan out of him.
"You’re so goddamn sexy, Shuntaro," he growls against his ear and gives him a full-body shiver, because there’s just something so sensual about hearing his first name murmured in that low, rough voice. "Wanna eat you out so fucking bad right now. That okay with you?"
"Ye-Yeah, fuck- Yes!" His tone his drenched in need and it makes Niragi smile against his cheek as he places a little kiss there. Then he kisses his way back down to his destination again, grabbing a pillow and prompting him to lift his hips a bit.
"You’re comfortable like this?" Niragi asks after tugging the pillow underneath his middle, placing a series of gentle kisses on his lower back.
Warmth emits in Chishiya’s chest and it’s different to the passionate heat burning in his lower stomach. His throat feels too tight with emotions, so he just nods quickly.
Niragi gives both his butt cheeks a kiss, before sliding his fingers between them, gently pulling them apart for better access.
"So pretty," Niragi purrs lowly, biting the inner side of his cheek playfully, "And all mine to play with."
Any reply he might have had on the tip of his tongue is overpowered by the choked-up noise leaving his throat, as Niragi begins to fondle the twitching ring of muscles with his talented tongue, knowing exactly how to lick, suck and tease to make him go crazy with lust in mere seconds.
It’s not the first time Niragi goes down on him like this, but he always manages to make it feel like the first time. Today is no different and Chishiya is already overwhelmed at the stimulus in the best way possible, his head clouded by pleasure and arousal while he gives himself to the slow but intense pace Niragi sets.
Between the enthusiastic licking, that fucking tongue piercing dragging against his sphincter every now and then and the thumb massaging his perineum with just the right amount of pressure, Chishiya gets dangerously close in no time, already feeling the burning pull in his lower stomach.
But then, out of fucking nowhere, Niragi pulls back, ceasing any kind of stimulation alltogether and Chishiya feels the unstoppable urge to punch him in his handsome face. "D-Don’t fucking dare teasing now, yo- H-Hey!" His complaint is interrupted by his own yelp as he’s manhandled onto his back in a swift motion.
"Don’t worry, pretty boy." Niragi grins up at him from between his legs, tongue licking lasciviously over his lips as if he’d just tasted the most delicious meal. Chishiya feels his cheeks light up a deep red. "Just making sure we’re leavin’ no mess." With that he wraps his lips around his cock, sucking him eagerly and without holding back. Chishiya’s head falls back into the sheets, mouth slack and eyes fluttering close. It doesn’t take more than a few sucking motions, the tongue piercing brushing over the tip of his cock, and Chishiya comes inside the warm, wet mouth with a strung-out moan, his whole body shaking in bliss and ecstasy. Niragi swallows all of it, meticulously licking him clean until Chishiya flinches away from the touch, too sensitive in his post-orgasmic state. Niragi pulls the boxershorts back up and Chishiya just lets it happen, feeling content but also very tired all of a sudden. It’s what an amazing orgasm does with one’s brain.
Niragi joins him on the bed again, wrapping both his arms around his torso and pulling him closer again.
"What ‘bout you?" Chishiya mumbles dozily, feeling a bit guilty for not returning the favor.
"Don’t fuckin’ worry ‘bout me. ’s all ‘bout you tonight." Another kiss is placed on top of his hair, before Niragi buries his face into his neck. His breath comes out evenly against his skin. "Now go to sleep, ‘Shiya."
Chishiya is already dozing off, snuggling further into his lover’s embrace.