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The cold, grey landscape wasn't easy on the eyes. It had been a year and still, nothing had changed. No one had begun to rebuild. No one had cleaned up their messes. No one seemed to stay dead. Little Haven stood as still and silent as it had been last Christmas. Before the blood and the fighting. Before the zombies and the death. Before everything changed.
Anna knew she shouldn't have gone back, the empty snow-covered road made it clear that there wasn't anything left for her, but there was something inside that was so desperate to see anything familiar that she practically begged Steph to make the drive.
The silence that hung over the town was so thick it was almost tangible. No birds swooped across the sky and there wasn't a single zombie in sight. Anna didn't say a word and neither did Steph. In the slowly diminishing light, Anna felt as though she had been trapped in the moment when all she yearned for was to fly.
"Could you stop here?" Anna whispered as a familiar set of railings loomed into view.
Steph stopped the car and they both got out, feet sinking into the powdery layers of snow. The gate to the park was locked but the buildup of snow and rubble allowed the pair to easily vault over the railings. Once inside, Anna struggled to fight back the emotions rising inside her. She had made so many happy memories there as a child and now they were all tinged with pain. She exhaled, a trail of white leaving her lips before wiping at her eyes. Steph must've noticed this as she gently placed a hand on Anna's shoulder.
"You okay?" She murmured.
Anna slumped down so she could rest her head against Steph, leaning into the warmth she provided. "So much has changed," She began. "I'm not the same person I was last year. I've lost everyone I've ever loved. I'm barely an adult but my life is over."
Steph's hand slipped into Anna's. "No one has their life together at nineteen. Besides, you haven't lost me." She said simply, leaning closer rather than pulling away. It was a big move for someone who had once hated physical touch. Times change, and so do actions. Reflecting on Anna's words, she realised that she had changed too. She was no longer that aspiring journalist vying for her parents' attention. Last year, Steph North would've told you to help out in your community. This year Steph wouldn't talk to anyone in fear of encountering the undead.
It was a rule she had made after they had lost Nick.
They had been ambushed by a group of boys they found whilst foraging through a deserted petrol station. They all claimed to be bite-free but there was no mistaking the choked gasping sounds they made as their bodies turned. Nick had cleared a path and shoved the girls through before he cornered himself, buying them a few but precious moments for their escape. Steph could still hear the tortured screams of both Nick and Anna as the zombies began to devour his flesh. Anna didn't speak for almost three weeks as she took in what had happened. She would sit motionless in the passenger seat of the car, face blank with her eyes fixed on the road ahead. Until finally on a moonlight night, sitting on a bench under the stars, she began to speak.
"I never thought I'd miss him. Don't get me wrong, he could be a real dick at times. But he died for us and now all I feel is this emptiness inside."
Steph lowered the bottle she was holding from her lips. The label had long since peeled away but the smell and taste confirmed its alcoholic content. Both of the girls had agreed that they needed something alcoholic to take away the pain and had grabbed the closest thing they could find to it. Anna's words cut through the hazy veil of drunkenness and Steph nodded, her mind wandering back to a loss of her own.
"I feel the same way about Chris. Lisa too. We didn't have as much of a history as you and Nick did but they sacrificed themselves so I could get away. I owe them my life too."
"How have you managed to carry on?" Anna whispered, her eyes shifting from the sky to Steph.
"I keep their memory with me. I try to imagine them together. Someplace safe and free of zombies, where they can have a Hollywood ending."
"A Hollywood ending?" Anna questioned, draining her bottle and placing it down by her feet.
"They always seemed like a perfect Hollywood couple y'know. The type of people that were ready to burst into a song and dance about their love at any given moment. I like to think there's an alternate reality where they have a happy ending." Steph had never mentioned this out loud and felt slightly awkward at hearing the words hanging in the air. Her cheeks flushed and she cleared her throat, the alcohol she had consumed was making her head fuzzy. "I'm sorry, that probably sounds ridiculous. I'll be quiet now."
"No, that's not stupid," Anna began, "I think it's a beautiful way of remembering someone." They fell into a comfortable silence until Anna spoke again. "So what Hollywood ending do you have for us?"
"For us?" Steph trailed off trying to conjure up a story. "For us, we'll be out of here. Out of Little Haven, out of Scotland, out of Europe. You'll be in Australia, I'll be writing something somewhere. Our lives will be simple, maybe even dull to some. But we'll be happy and that's what matters most."
"We'll be happy, but we won't be together?" Anna asked.
"We could be together if that's what you want." Anna turned away, her gaze lost in the stars once more.
"Would that- Is that the ending you see?" Steph asked imploringly.
Anna was silent for a moment. Then; "It's your story, only you can really write the ending."
Steph pulled herself out of her memories as Anna began to walk, her hand still caught up in hers. They reached a flat area of ground next to the swings. The snow was smooth and undisturbed. It seemed perfect.
"I was here with John the night before all this started. We made snow angels by the swings." Anna said, breaking the silence.
"Is that what you want to do now? Make snow angels? Don't tell me I drove all this way just for you to lay on the ground and flap your arms."
Anna scoffed and wandered away from Steph. Memories were flooding her mind. Walking to school with John, decapitating a zombie with a seesaw, snow angel competitions with her mum. A prickly feeling grew behind her eyes and she tried to sniff discretely.
"Hey," Steph called out softly, "I didn't bring you here to wallow either."
Anna steeled herself before turning back to Steph. "It's terrible. Everythings the same as it was when we left, there's nothing we can do to fix things."
Steph frowned. "We're just two against the world. We haven't found any decent survivors yet and we haven't even considered what's going on outside of the UK. As much as it pains me to say it, things will eventually get better. We're doing all we can by just existing."
"Why couldn't this have been some nightmare? Why can't I just wake up right now and have this be some stupid thing my mind made up?"
Anna's shoulders slumped as she shoved her hands into her pockets and kicked at a pile of snow. The powdery white flakes shimmered in the light of the setting sun before settling on Steph's boots. Steph could see the tears starting to form in Anna's eyes and shuffled forward so they were closer together. Steph placed a hand on Anna's shoulder to try and comfort her. Once more, Anna leant into Steph's body. It was an almost-embrace that they had adopted over their time together. Not quite a full hug, not quite separate either.
"We can leave if you want," Anna murmured.
Steph nodded before an idea bloomed in her mind. "Look at all this snow, we could leave a mark here and it might not ever be seen." She bent down and scooped up a pile of snow, rolling it into a ball.
"That's your idea of leaving a mark? A snowball fight?" Anna said. She was trying to keep her tone measured but there was a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
Steph raised an eyebrow before taking aim and throwing the snowball through the air in a perfect arc, exploding it against Anna's chest. She squeaked in indignation as the snow seeped into her clothes. Steph wasted no time, taking advantage of Anna's distraction she gathered up two more clumps of snow that she threw in the direction of her opponent. Anna retaliated with several impressive throws of her own. Steph narrowly missed two but was caught in the face with a third. She spluttered in shock, dropping her pile of snowballs as she shook the moisture from her hair.
They gave up on attempting to throw snowballs and simply chased each other, laughing away the pain, exhaustion and fear. At some point, Steph had slipped and grabbed onto Anna. They both tumbled to the ground, Anna landing on top of Steph. The laughter left their lungs, replaced by a newer tense, charged feeling. Anna reached down and gently stroked Steph's cheek, the cold skin rough under her fingers. She pondered for a moment, considering the tidal wave of emotions that she was feeling inside. Then, before she could stop it, she was leaning down and kissing Steph.
They had kissed exactly one time before. The memory was cloudy but it still stuck. They had broken into a bar somewhere along their travels in celebration of Steph's birthday. They had started asking each other questions, trading stories and laughing about seemingly random things. It was a little around three in the morning when Nick had passed out under the table, leaving the girls to themselves. Suddenly Anna was shy, dropping eye contact and stumbling over her words.
The questions had gone from 'what's your hidden talent' to 'how did you realise you like girls'. Steph usually didn't like to answer stuff like that. You say the wrong thing to the wrong person and suddenly the town wants your head on a spike.
Well, maybe it wasn't that drastic. But at some points it felt close enough that she kept her head down and focused on the day that she would get out of Little Haven. But then with Anna it felt different. She had known her for what felt like forever. (Fighting for your lives together in a zombie apocalypse does that to you.) And besides, it felt like they were the last people on Earth, there was no sense in worrying about what other people thought when there were no other people at all. So Steph had recounted the journey of her sexuality.
There wasn't a really massive moment that ended with the sudden realisation of "oh, I'm gay". It was more a series of smaller things that contributed to the larger picture. An incredibly close friend from Canada that was most likely her first crush, avoiding the Victoria's Secret in the shopping centre, watching the same film over and over just for that one actress. It all came out in one big flood. It had been so long since Steph had been able to talk freely about herself like that. All the while, Anna sat quietly and nodded from time to time. Once Steph had finished there was a silence that wasn't entirely uncomfortable.
Anna's hands shook as she took a sip of her drink before talking. "I think I'm... like that a bit." Her voice was uncharacteristically quiet. Though the bar was empty, she spoke as though the whole world was listening in on the conversation. "I think I'm bisexual."
Steph fumbled over her words. For so long she had been the one doing the coming out, she wasn't sure what to do when someone was coming out to her. She settled on a smile and a "That's great."
As the night went on, they drank more and the memories became fuzzier. But what she could remember was Anna moving closer and closer until suddenly there was no distance between them at all. The next morning, nursing a hangover, Anna had pulled Steph aside and apologised. They both agreed that whatever had happened didn't mean anything. They left whatever feelings they had in the bar and continued their journey.
So sure, they had kissed before but this time it was different. This time it actually meant something. It was as if the world had fallen away, leaving the pair locked in their embrace. Neither one of them cared that they were laying on the ground out in the open. They ignored the feeling of the snow seeping into their clothes. It was worth it for the moment of peaceful bliss it brought.