Chapter Text
Eren wasn’t insane. He was just overwhelmed with the things he liked about Armin. He couldn’t help it, not with the way Armin’s eyes shined brightly for him. He couldn’t call it love either, he doesn’t think he’s ever felt that for anyone. He was watching him again and it was something Armin was always too smart for. He’d always ask Eren what he was looking at but he knew. He knew exactly how Eren was looking at him even at their young age.
Armin was stomping on bugs, watching the guts splat against his dirty shoes. He told Eren that his grandpa hated how dirty he’d be when he’d come home. He told Eren that he was still a secret, that his grandpa didn’t like new people. Eren was fine with being a secret as long as he got to stay. As long as Armin would still meet him outside where the trees grew thicker. He liked to be alone with Armin.
“Grandpa says that he wants me to stop killing bugs.” Armin pouts out, his shoes landing on another one.
“Are you gonna stop?” Eren asks, poking at broken pieces of the bugs that Armin has left behind.
“I don’t know.” Armin said as his shoe grated against rocks and dirt. “He said it’s not fair because I’m so big.”
Eren got up from the ground, not caring about his dirty clothes or bug-gut covered hands and laced his fingers in between Armin’s.
“You’re not so big compared to me.” Eren offered.
Armin’s eyes swung down to their intertwined hands, his foot pausing in the air before his next stomp. Eren knew he wasn’t going to get this one anyway, it was a grasshopper and it would jump before Armin could.
“That’s true.” Armin said carelessly, eyes turning back to the grasshopper that had already jumped away. “Aww, I missed him.”
Eren grimaced, he didn’t like the empty tone of Armin’s words. He wanted him to care, he wanted him to like him for trying to make him feel better.
“That hurts, Eren.” Armin said quietly, attempting to tug his hand out of Eren’s. Eren breathed a sigh of relief, finally, Armin had said something with feeling. He squeezed Armin’s hand harder to see if he could get him to do it again. Armin pulled back harder this time, his strength a lot weaker than Eren’s.
“Eren, that really hurts!” Armin whined out, his murdering spree forgotten while he used two hands to pull at Eren.
“Maybe this is what your grandpa was talking about with the bugs. You’re my little bug Armin and . . . . If you ever leave me then I’ll. . .”
Armin’s eyes welled with tears, his eyes surveying the area he had just made his stomping ground. He still pulled at Eren’s hand, panic setting in because Eren was right and so much smarter than him.
“I’m the bug?” Armin asked with disbelief, his tears rolling down thickly. “I don’t think I want to be the bug.”
Eren drank in the sight of Armin’s eyes going wide and big. He knew the word for that look. It was innocence and it was amazing that he could look that way after killing so many insects. It was his favorite look on Armin.
“If you don’t want to be the bug then promise me we’ll be friends forever. That way I can protect you from anyone else who thinks you’re a bug.”
Armin’s eyes softened from their panic, nose sniffling and wet. He smiled through his tears, his free arm coming around Eren securely.
“Do you promise?” Eren asked, pulling Armin closer.
“I promise and I promise that I’ll stop killing bugs.”
“But I like when you kill bugs.”
Eren isn’t 9 anymore. He doesn’t like meaningful conversations, or his family, or the dead bugs Armin leaves outside his front door. Armin is a pest all his own now. Eren still thinks he can be pretty, he still thinks he can be beautiful but it has little to do with his looks and more to do with how much he’s willing to suffer. He waits for Armin by the bleachers everyday now after school. They meet up and talk about whatever it is Armin wants to do. Most of the time Armin wants to talk about gory things, about how he’s too old to keep killing bugs. Eren agrees, and tells him he should find something bigger. A better hobby that will get him accepted amongst their peers. He sees Armin’s face crumble when he says that and it’s exactly what he wanted.
“I thought it didn’t matter what other people said? I thought we made a promise.”
Eren rolls his eyes and snubs out his cigarette that he had stolen from his older brother. His whole family would kill him if they knew, it was against morals to let a 13 year old smoke. Armin’s giving him that drowned puppy dog look and even though he lives for it, sometimes it makes him want to stab out his own eyes. It’s just that Armin can almost be too convincing sometimes and Eren doesn’t really want to worry about him at all, he doesn’t think he has it in himself to actually care.
“You promised me, I didn’t promise you anything.” Eren says in a way that causes pain to ripple across Armin’s face. “I have other friends ya’know. They said you were weird and if you’re weird that makes me weird by association.”
“Who was it?” Armin asks, his arms coming around Eren’s waist.
Eren sighs and pushes away, giving Armin the cold shoulder because it has to be helping him more than the hugs do.
“It was Floch, alright.”
“Do you think he’s right?” Armin’s voice came out unsure, like Eren’s response could dictate his entire life.
Eren leaned back against a metal pole, reaching out to flick the ends of Armin’s hair and pulled him closer, his freshly lit cigarette balancing between his fingers.
“Yeah, I think we’re too old to be playing such childish games.” Eren said coolly before kissing Armin softly.
Armin’s cheeks heated pink quickly as he turned his head away from Eren. This wasn’t the first time they had done something like this. It was an unspoken thing now, that they were together except that sometimes Eren could be like this with others. It didn’t matter as long as Eren came back to him, as long as he was the one to get the soft touches and admiring stares. That’s why he left the bugs at Eren’s house, a reminder of their promise.
"You wanna try?" Eren asked, leaning away and offering up his cigarette.
Armin frowned and shook his head, nose scrunching up at the smoke that wafted in his face. He hated that Eren smoked, it was a disgusting habit but he couldn't deny how cool Eren looked while doing it. Eren looked cool no matter what he was doing.
Eren pulled at Armin, setting the cigarette at the edge of his lips, still holding on to it securely. Armin tried to pull away as he watched the humor play out on Eren's face. He knew this wasn't going to be fun, Eren hardly ever let something go once he had started. It was one of the many things that Armin admired even if it didn't always turn out so well for him.
"Come on, just try it once?" Eren pushed, his eyes full of delight.
"I don't really want to."
Eren pushed the cigarette past Armin's lips as he spoke, holding the cigarette steadily while Armin pulled in a deep breath of shock, lips forming around the intrusion. His eyes went wide as he tried to pull away. Eren's steady hand on the back of his neck kept him into place. Their eyes connected in that moment and the blank stare in Eren's eyes almost stopped his refusal. He didn't like how indifferent Eren could look. Armin finally coughed, the smoke had been accumulating in his mouth and throat until it flowed out of his nostrils. He didn't expect it to be so uncomfortable. Eren's eyes were focused on Armin's mouth, watching him suffocate on the smoke. Armin felt Eren's grip loosen and he took the opportunity to push away, the cigarette retreating from his mouth.
"Quit!" Armin yelled, hands flying up to push the cigarette away.
He recoiled in pain, clutching his palm as the burning sensation crawled it's way into his skin. Eren didn't say anything, he just dropped the cigarette and stepped on it roughly. Armin squatted down, holding his hand close to his body, eyes watering from the searing pain such a tiny burn produced. He was sure Eren would make it his fault and maybe it was. He couldn't help thinking that if he had just taken what Eren offered then maybe it wouldn't have turned out so bad. Maybe his face would have twisted up in disgust while he coughed, Eren laughing at his low tolerance. If only he had listened, it could have been over as soon as it had started.
"Let me see it." Eren said calmly, reaching out and grabbing Armin without permission.
Armin winced at the touch. Eren's hold was pressing into his skin, letting him know that he was mad even if he wouldn't say it. Armin closed his eyes when Eren turned his hand over, he didn't want to see the damage. Eren's fingers softened against his skin, pulling more tears out of him. The softness was unexpected, he knew that he had made the mistake so it only made sense for Eren to get mad.
"I'm sorry, Armin. Can you forgive me?"
Armin opened his eyes slowly, looking at the sincerity of remorse on Eren's face. His breath caught in his throat, a smile working its way onto his face even though his palm still burned. He studied the blistering skin, the deep red and light pink of it turning his stomach even though Eren didn't mean to hurt him. He was the careless one who reacted without thinking, Eren wouldn't want to hurt him like that. He feels like he knows that for a fact.
"Mhm." Armin mumbled, his thoughts turning to mush because of Eren's soft smile.
He liked the way the breeze pulled Eren's hair, washing away the sick smell of smoke. He liked the way Eren's eyes looked sad for the pain he had caused him. Armin isn't too good at reading Eren, he can't tell that this is all just a game to him, that he doesn't mean the words he says. He doesn't know that Eren likes to build him up just to bring him back down. Eren smiles at him again and for some reason, Armin thinks everything will be alright.
"What do you want me to do, Eren? so that people will stop saying I'm weird."
“You could always stop killing bugs and move on to something else.” Eren said quietly, pulling Armin back to him with another kiss.
Armin nodded against his hold, the feeling of Eren’s lips on the top of his head sealing his decision. He’d do anything for Eren.
“I don’t want to lose you either but you’re killing my social status.”
“But I love you for more than your social status.”
the cigarette burn never faded from his skin but Eren never tried to get him to smoke again.