Work Text:
It was a shock to all the sides that Remus was actually quite good with children. When they first accepted him, it was secretly decided that they would hide Patton's little space from the duke. This led to a lot of random disappearances, muffled giggles, and being left out.
Remus didn’t mind that much because he was always too busy complaining about the lack of cobwebs and dark hiding spaces. It wasn’t that he didn’t notice, it was quite hard to not realise that they would randomly start avoiding him like the plague, but he just didn’t care. As long as they let him chew on the forks, he didn’t give their behaviour another thought.
Of course, this all changed when Patton had a nightmare on the one day all of his caregivers seemed to be asleep, even Virgil! So, because he was a very big boy who totally didn’t have the headspace of a seven year old, he headed downstairs for a glass of milk in hopes that it would somehow fight off all the mean monsters in his dreams. Unluckily for him, there was already someone in the kitchen.
“Yo, Daddio! Whatcha doing up? Did ya wanna hook up?” Remus was sitting inside the fridge, a wide grin on his face as he licked every single carrot before putting them back in the bag.
When he heard a sniffle, his head shot up and his grin faded slightly before coming back even wider.
“Well, fuck me with a chainsaw, why are you wailing? It's midnight , I only get bad at 3am!” he snorted, climbing out of the fridge and taking a seat at the table. He raised an eyebrow when he didn’t get a response, tilting his head. Sure, the moral side was still weary of him, but he’d never ignored him before. Maybe he’d been replaced by aliens! Or maybe there was a bunch of ants in his mouth, and if he opened it to talk, they’d all jump out and infest the mindscape so that all the food they ate would be full of ant skulls! Or-
Remus was pulled away from his train of thought when Patton started to speak.
“I-i had a bad dream. And e-everyones asleep, so i c-came to get s-some milk… Are you m-m-mad at me?” He spoke so softly that even Remus’ tiny, cold and chained up heart broke. He wasn’t sure why he felt bad, but he did, so he decided it is his mission to cheer him up!
“Nah, I don't have time for being mad at people. Why don’t we have some cookies, you like those right?” the duke offered. Once he got a nod from the other side, he summoned a large cookie jar and a pack of coloured pens, which were immediately snatched away by the little boy.
“Woah! It, it’s got so many colours! Look, it's got the whole rainbow!” Patton sat next to Remus, gushing over his new pens as he grabbed a cookie and began to nibble on it. After a few moments of silence, he asked, “What are we drawin’ on?”
As always, Remus had not actually thought it all through, so he had to think about it for a while before deciding,
“My arm. It’ll wash off later, so you can draw whatever you want. Even a penis!” He cackled as he rolled up his sleeve, feeling extremely proud of himself when he saw the sparkle in Patton’s eyes. It was the same sort of sparkle Remus himself saw whenever he looked at his reflection in a knife, which meant he must've made a good suggestion. This was then confirmed by a loud squeal as Patton began eagerly doodling on the duke's arm. He drew smiley faces and little houses, puppies and spirals, he even drew stick figures of all of the sides holding hands!
They sat there for a while until Patton let out a small yawn, which helped Remus remember that, no, not everyone can survive off of three hours of sleep a week. So, he scooped the moral side into his arms, wiping all the cookie crumbs off of his chubby cheeks, and smiled.
What if Remus sliced up Patton’s ace, cooked his skin, and ate it? Better yet, what if he served it to the others for breakfast? They would have no idea they were eating their dear old dad! He could put it in a sandwich and pass it off as bacon, or he coul-
“Mmh.. S’op it. No finking. Jus’ seepin’ now.” Patton had gently bopped Remus on the head to pull him away from his thoughts, and was now sleepily smiling at him. The poor boy was incredibly tuckered out from all the fun he'd had the day before, and now he was ready for a cuddle in bed.
He didn’t quite remember that Remus wasn’t supposed to see him regressed, he was too little to care, he’d slipped from seven years old to around a toddler after his fourth cookie, and now he just wanted to curl up and be sung to sleep like always.
The duke stared at him for a few moments before shrugging. He had nothing better to do, and Patton was acting weirdly bearable right now, so he decided, why not?
Remus held the moral side on his hop and walked upstairs, humming his theme song quietly, swaying his hips rather provocatively as he walked. He stopped when he heard a small whine, not without a dramatic sigh of course, and paused once he reached the line of rooms. He wasn't supposed to go into the other sides’ rooms, but he supposed it would be alright considering he was just putting him to bed. He'd be out of the room in like two seconds anyways!
So, Remus opened the door and entered, still humming quietly. He couldn’t help but smirk when he saw the mountain of plushies on the bed. It wasn’t unexpected, but actually the opposite. The entire room was just so him . From the doll house with little figurines of all the sides, to the polaroids hung up around the room by fairy lights, it all screamed Patton. He was both disgusted and entertained by how pastel and cutesy everything was.
His train of thought was once again lost when he felt a tug on his collar.
“Mmh.. ‘emus, s’eep time now!” Patton whined, gently headbutting his fellow side's shoulder, his thumb stuck in the pout on his face. His hair was all messy, his chubby cheeks were red from exhaustion, and his glasses were slightly askew from having his face squished against his friend.
Remus felt his heart melt out of its chains. He couldn't help it, Patton was just so stinkin’ adorable!
“Right, shit, sorry, I forgot-“ he muttered as he gently pried the man off of him and laid him in his bed, making sure not to squish any of the stuffed animals. So sue him, Remus treated toys like living beings. Have you seen Toy Story? He didn’t want a bunch of tiny green soldiers crawling into his ass while he was asleep!
He awkwardly tucked him in, not entirely sure how, but he managed. Of course his efforts were ruined two seconds after he turned his back, all because someone just had to open his mouth.
“Huh? ‘emus not s’ayin’ wif me?”
Despite what some may say, Remus was not a monster, thank you very much. Unfortunately, this meant that he couldn’t resist the soft whisper and immediately dived head first onto the bed. He enjoyed the small giggles he received and happily spooned him, gently patting his hair. He’s seen plenty of movies, so he knew exactly how to sleep with someone.
Funnily enough, Remus didn’t think about how sexual that could’ve been, because he was too busy listening to Patton’s quiet snores. He watched the boy turn over, felt him snuggle close, and he felt his hot breath on his neck, and he couldn’t think of anything other than how content he felt at that moment.
Of course the next morning he was rudely pulled away from his dream, which was about a pair of trainers having a foot kink, by the sound of whispers and flashing phones.
“Look, they’re cuddling! I didn’t even know Remus knew what a hug was!” someone whispered.
“Shit he’s waking up, run!” another person replied.
Remus simply groaned and pulled Patton close, nuzzling the curly mop of hair on top of his friend's head. He’d deal with the culprits later. For now, he was going back to sleep.
Apparently, the duke did need more than three hours a week, because he didn’t wake up for quite a while. Not even when a certain froggy side squirmed out of his grip and began adding new tattoos to his arm.