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They were finally, finally talking again. After two weeks of radio silence and that painful, awkward conversation after Alchera, here they were: Shepard and Vakarian, in the main battery, easily conversing about things that had absolutely nothing to do with anyone standing in anyone else's shot or making decisions about other people's lives they had no real right to make. The return to their sturdy friendship was such a relief that she could have kissed him for it.
Not that you need any particular reason to want to kiss him.
Shut up, brain. He's talking. Let me enjoy this.
She let herself get comfortable on the crate that she'd come to consider as one of her favourite seats on the ship and tried not to think about how much she had missed the sound of his voice. Or how much it was affecting her right now.
Much better to focus on turian discipline and recreation strategies.
"...training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full contact sparring. Whatever lets people blow off steam."
Which didn't sound like such a bad idea, really. Maybe she should ask him for a round or -
Garrus stretched above you on the mat, sweaty and panting, strong hands pinning your wrists over your head
BAD brain! Stop it! Put it into the "naughty Garrus fantasies" file and focus. He's telling a story.
And a nice story it was, too, almost amusing enough to distract her mind back into a more orderly and appropriate path.
Until he started talking about tie-breakers.
Until he turned and looked right at her.
"... More than one way to work off stress, I guess."
Attention, brain! Garrus Vakarian is telling a story with SEX in it! This is the opening we've been waiting for. Advance! Say something!
"It sounds like you're carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it?"
Because, come on, he wouldn't be telling that story if he didn't at least consider -
"I, ah, didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Commander."
Or he thinks you're so far from sexy it doesn't even occur to him.
Crap. Retreat or -? No, dammit, stop being such a coward! You can always play it off as a joke later. Just keep going.
"What if we skipped right to the tie-breaker?"
Too subtle? Maybe he's just not getting it? Right, active listening. Use his own words to make him understand. Come on, brain, this is what we're good at.
"Test your reach - and my flexibility."
Smooth. There's no way he can misunderstand. Now come on, Garrus, don't make me beg...
"Oh, I didn't ... Hm. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars."
Yes, he's got it! No try something seductive to convince him.
'No, just a weakness for you'
Too mushy, let's not go there yet.
'Yes, and I want to lick every single one on you'
Ugh, hell, no.
Crap, too late, what's he saying?
"Well, why the hell not? There's no one in this galaxy I respect more than you and ... If we can figure out a way to make it work, then ... Yeah. Definitely."
Was that - was that a yes? Yes, definitely! Oh my God, brain, do something! Say something! Anything!
...
Okay, then, tactical retreat. Let's get out of here before he changes his mind. Just act normal and suave, think we can do that?
I think you wouldn't recognize normal and suave if it shot you in the face with a flame thrower.
Shut up, brain, and walk.
* * *
It wasn't until much later in the night cycle that EDI observed an emotionally charged and distinctly one-sided conversation in the Captain's quarters. However, since she detected neither a threat to Shepard's well-being nor a convincing indicator of mental instability, she chose not to inform either Doctor Chakwas or XO Lawson of the Commander repeatedly groaning "Oh God, brain, why do you hate me so much?" into her pillow.