Chapter Text
We hate each other.
We really do, but it seems like we’re tongue-tied together.
I wish I could leave. I hate him- but part of me says I want to stay.
I will take the blame whenever he invites me along to wreak havoc upon the people. I feel bad, but I’m never able to do anything as a useless man.
He doesn’t know love, that’s why he invites me, that’s why he hates me. That’s why he loves me.
“Let’s go, I have everything ready.” He’d say to me late at night. I go along.
And at the end of the day, I’d die for him in a hail of love and hate. I care for him. Can't he understand that? That fucking ugly genocidal maniac.
I want him to hit me, to fuck up my body, to show him I’m sorry. I’m trying to show how much he means to me, how much I hate him, how much I hate myself. I’m trying to show how much what he does affects me. Slap me, punch me, kick me, frame me, taunt me, trample me, hurt me, I don’t care.
I only care about you. Even after how much we put each other through, I think he cares about me, too.
I don’t like what he does to other people, but I can’t be the one to blame him or myself, can I? I shouldn’t stop him; it’s just his payback. I should butt out. I will support him, even if I don’t support his actions. It’s my fault he’s like this. I will drive ourselves to the end, even if he drives us crazy first.
And when he’s done having his tantrum, we have nothing left. We are a couple with nothing in the middle, rotten flesh on the outside. But there’s still nothing left with him, I’m just the supporting flesh… flesh.
… I still need to prove myself. To prove I’m better, he’s still someone I have to prove my forgiveness to, to show I’m sorry, to prove I’m good enough for him. I want him to just look in my eyes and say we’re sorry, please! I’M SORRY! I’M SO FUCKING SORRY. I’M TRYING.
And then he slaps my cheek, and I feel better instantaneously. I love his touch.
And as I turn lemonade to lemons, he just… just… destroys others. Wasting body- Waste, maggot belly, body…
And as snow falls on the desert sky, he just destroys other people's bodies- he kills his own, too. He ruined ours completely.
Until the end of everything, I’ll just accept it. This feels like a repetition of my words, but it’s true.
It’s all true- I’m in love- I’m in love- I’m in love- I’m in love with a drug.
He’s a drug, and I’m in love. And as days pass and nights come round, we grow cold, we’ll show them all. How much we mean together, what our love is like. I turn pink from the envy I get from him talking to someone else. Because I’m a weak, jealous man.
And the more time we spent, the more this feeling mushroomed. The more of this bad feeling spread. The more guilt I felt. I felt my body melting in every way possible.
My heart melted for him, beeped for him.
I don’t like to feel this way.
But on another day, he beckoned me over. Like the loyal lap dog, I act like. (A/N: COUGH, COUGH BETA MALE) And something happened.
We merged again.
I’m not sure how it happened, but… I don’t remember a lot of it. I remember a pool of blood and screaming. We tried to rip our parts off. While we severed each other's veins, bones popped out, and nerves showed in detail. The rest is blurry. But I don’t want to remember, but I’m lucky.
But recently, we stared at the floor.
There was a,,,, baby.
anD IT STARTED TO BABBLE, UNHOLY FUCK.
And we both started to scream. WHY THE HELL IS there A baby HERE?!
Something else happened; I don’t remember too clearly either.
But Angel tried to walk out.
Tried to run away.
I wouldn’t let him.
“-It’s a baby!”
“Who cares?!” He screamed. And more things happened- But as the useless man I am, I cannot remember a single damn detail.
Why can’t I fucking remember!? I was there!
Angel and I argued with each other, but I stood my ground. He wanted to just leave it there, alone. A baby can't survive if that transpired.
There was an important detail, but it's just not here currently.