Chapter Text
"But I wanna feel all that love and emotion
Be that attached to the person I'm holding
Someday, I'll be falling without caution
But for now, I'm only people watching"
- People Watching, Conan Gray
The clouds in the sky, the rough wind against the metal, from up there life seems manageable, up there all my problems used to disappear, vanish with the wind, gone with the mountains. I loved to watch the world from up the clouds, to see the sun next to my eyes, to feel like I can control my own life.
But now…
Every time I look at the bright blue up our heads, every time I look at an airplane my body wants to run away and hide. The sky doesn't belong to me anymore, my problems are down here, in the dry land, where no matter where I run, I keep seeing her face.
The sound of the crash from almost a year ago keeps living in my head, I can’t forget about it, I don’t deserve to forget about it. If I let go it means that her life was meaningless, if life moves on, what’s the point of our past?
My eyes shot open, the nightmares never stop. Every lunch I try to eat alone, and sometimes I fall asleep against a wall, that was one of those times. My face is wet ‘cause of the sweat and the heat on the Navy's Base.
“Captain Hawks?” I hear someone with a rusty voice calling my callsign. I look up, Admiral Beau Simpson is looking down at me, his hands on his hips and concern in his eyes.
“Sir? I’m so sorry-”.
“The meeting is in thirty minutes”.
“Meeting? What?”.
“New Top Guns pilots will arrive by the end of the day, did you forget?”.
Yes, I did, and no, I can’t answer that.
“Of course not. I’m very aware of it”. Simpson offers his hand and helps me stand up.
The sun is burning on our skins, but I always insist on wearing long sleeves t-shirts, it makes me feel safe after what happened. We start to walk side by side getting inside the huge Navy Base, the white walls feel suffocating sometimes, especially when you’re me.
Even though I know a lot of people here respect me, a lot of them blame me for the accident that happened, and the gossip is always spreading around.
“The new instructor will arrive tonight” continues Simpson, “It’s your job to deliver all the information you have about the pilots tonight, the training start tomorrow”.
“This mission is really getting on your nerves huh?”
Simpson locks his blue eyes on me with a concerned expression, he walks very fast that I don’t even have time to look at my surroundings.
“All the previous instructors didn't accept this one, and you keep saying you aren’t in conditions to-”.
“And I’m still with no conditions to fly, Admiral Simpson. Helping with the training is the least I can do”.
“I know. I just hope this guy can help you with it”.
“Guy? Who’s the man you chose?”.
“We didn’t choose him. He is the only one left”.
Admiral Simpson opens a gray door and holds it to me, I enter the room, there’s a large table with some files, my files spread all around. At the other side of the table Admiral Bates is sitting with his arms crossed as he looks at the slide show impatient, not because of me, I hope.
When he puts his eyes on me a little, but soft, smile crosses his lips, and he looks relieved.
“Good afternoon, Captain”. He greets me.
“Same to you, coronel”.
“Your files are perfect, I hope the pilots we are receiving are as perfect as their results”.
“I hope they know how to press buttons and don’t faint in the airplane, like the previous ones,” Simpsons says as we sit at the table waiting for the Instructor to arrive.
"So, hm, you didn't tell me who is the infamous instructor at the bottom of the list. I'm curious".
The men look at each other and then at me again, I don't know if this is a good or a bad sign, maybe I'm thinking too much, or maybe I'm right, I can never tell.
A knock on the door steals my attention, and a voice, a very distinct voice echoes muffled by the door.
"It's him".
When the door opens, I have to contain a big smile from forming on my lips, in the front door is no other than Maverick, one of my favorite human beings in the entire world, he looks the same as ten years ago, just some tiny almost imperceptible wrinkles in the corner of his eyes, his brown hair always looking good, and his dangerous smirk on his lips.
Maverick looks surprised when he sees me, I give him a salute just before the start of the meeting because when it starts it looks like it will never end.
Simpsons gave Mav' all the information about the mission that we would be doing in three weeks, it's suicidal, I know that.
On the day of the accident we were doing a similar operation, I was the only one that came out alive, not because I was faster than the others, not because my pilotage was better, but because after my plane crashed and civilians found my body almost dead and helped me, so I survived.
I wish I didn’t.
I got lost in my thoughts just before hearing Admiral Bates saying my name.
“The Captain here will help you with the pilots, she has all the information about them, after that you’re dismissed”.
“With all due respect Admiral, I’m not a teacher”. Maverick says, his hands behind his back.
“Oh, I’m counting on that” I finally say, “These guys are the best of the best, they don’t need a teacher, they need a leader, Maverick, and we can talk outside. If that is possible admirals”.
I look at the men sitting beside me, both of them give a sharp nod allowing me and Maverick to leave, and that’s what we do.
“So… Captain, right?” Maverick says at the moment we entered Penny’s bar, I always loved all the decorations on the ceiling, the cups, the little airplanes, everything seems too easy there, like being a pilot was the easiest thing in the world, I wish it was.
I put my hands in my pockets a bit embarrassed, Maverick was like a walking legend to me, my grandpa had flown with his dad more than forty years ago, and I respect him so much.
“Yeah… It's been two years I guess. And you?”.
We sit at the bar’s counter and I watch as Maverick's eyes get lost in Penny Benjamin, I shake my head waiting for his answer but it never came, instead, he started to talk with Penny, gosh… the man got the moves.
As I wait for Maverick to come back from his endless flirting with Penny the bar’s door opens again, and there they are, a whole group of young Top Guns starts to walk inside the bar, their competitive eyes looking all around, and their loud laughs fulfill the place.
“And here they are ” I whisper to Mav breaking the fantasy he must be created in his head. He closes his eyes and then looks back at me, and I point to the other side of the bar at the pool table.
Maverick watch the pilots in silence like me, but sometimes his eyes go back to Penny and I laugh softly.
“Dude, calm down. You can take it”.
“Are you talking about the pilots or…” he points in Penny’s direction.
“You gonna figure it out” When I look down I see Mav’s phone on the counter, and I remain silent, maybe Penny didn’t notice.
Well, she did.
When she gives me my beer she locks her eyes on his phone and holds a laugh in her throat, after she rings the bell and the whole bar celebrates. Free round to everyone, poor Maverick... He is so confused that I can’t hold a laugh anymore, Maverick looks at me with wide eyes.
“You knew that?”.
“The plate is right there, Maverick. I thought you knew how to read”.
He rolls his eyes.
“How’s your family?”.
“Oh they are okay, my mom is just a bit recluded after grampa died”.
“Viper was a great man. No wonder why his grandkid is such a smart one. The last time I saw you, you were…”.
“Fifteen, I guess. It’s been so much time” I take one more sip of the beer and get up “I’ll be right back, don’t run away”.
The bathrooms are close to the piano, as always I tried to get there fast enough to not be disturbed by anyone, and when I was almost reaching it a tall man passed in front of me and we almost collided, he looked at me above his sunglasses a bit confused.
“Sorry”, I raised my eyebrows with an apologetic expression, I was trying to not be disturbed, but I ended up disturbing someone, life’s irony.
The blonde guy kept staring at me, and he hung up his sunglasses on the collar of his shirt.
“I’m pretty sure I know you from somewhere”.
I tilt my head to the side analyzing his features, the tall stature, the blonde hair, and most important the mustache, I would remember, right? He is pretty recognizable.
“I think I would remember”.
“Oh would you?”, he raised an eyebrow with a teasing tone.
“That’s not- that’s not what I mean. Can I just pass, please?”.
He laughed softly and opened space for me to pass through, I gave him a nod thanking him and went to the tiny bathroom of the bar.
When I returned to the bar a huge crowd was around the piano and an old song was being played. I took a glimpse of who was singing Great Balls on Fire , and he was there, the mustache guy was with the sunglasses on, and all the top guns were around him, I leaned against the bar counter watching all the commotion.
Penny was behind me watching too, I look at her with a little smile, she loved her job, that’s when I noticed that Maverick was nowhere to be found. His seat was empty and a few dollars were laying on the counter.
“What happened?”. Penny pointed to the bell, she must have rung one more time, and Maverick was thrown out of the bar. “I can believe I missed that”.
“And you’re missing that too” Penny pointed in the piano’s direction, the guy was looking above his shoulder in our direction, and when he caught my gaze on him he turned his attention back to the piano.
“Thanks for the drinks, Penny” Even though I knew that Maverick would pay for the drinks I always paid her, she deserve it.
“You barely finished” she answered confused, and she was right, my bottle was far from empty.
“I have a lot of work tomorrow”.
“No. You always use that excuse to run away”.
“No I don’t”, Yes I do.
“You’re gonna sit here and finish that bottle”.
“Hmm, you sound like my mom” Without taking my eyes off her I took the bottle in my hands, and took a sip. “Happy now?”.
She nodded satisfied.
I stayed there drinking and watching the people singing happy and full of life, I wonder when was the last time I did that.
Although I loved the bar, sometimes the huge crowd made me feel watched, and followed, that is just in my mind but I can’t stop thinking that way.
Someone sat on the bench next to me when I finished my bottle.
“Two beers, please” a voice that I recognize asked Penny and she quickly put the bottles on the counter, when I realized one of them was being offered to me. “I’m Bradley”.
“Are you trying to get me drunk, mister Bradley? ‘Cause I can guarantee you, it won’t happen”.
“Peace offering, what you’d think?”.
I frowned at him, I could feel Penny’s blue eyes on the back of my neck, so I gladly accepted.
“I think this will do, thank you”.
Taking a second look at him, he is familiar to me. Me and my terrible face recognition, ugh, I hate this feeling. He notices me staring at him for too many seconds.
“What?” he asks softly.
“I think I know you. I just don’t know from where”.
“Any guesses?”.
“No. You?”.
“I don’t know either, but I’m sure I know you. I never forget a face”.
“ Weird ,” we say at the same time and I laughed softly. “Though I don’t mind if you stare at me a little longer” he continues.
“Oh so you’re really trying to get me drunk, silly of me thinking you were a decent man,” I said ironically and a laugh in the end, Bradley laughed too.