Archive of Our Own

Yoongi blames Namjoon, as is his want to do, because Yoongi never would have downloaded a garbage app like TikTok if Namjoon hadn’t suggested it. “It’s a good way to get your music out there,” he had insisted, mentioning other artists that used the app regularly. The one thing Yoongi hates about Namjoon - okay maybe it’s more than one thing - but the thing he hates most is that Namjoon puts in a good argument. He’s convincing, in a way someone who has had questionable haircuts in the past really shouldn’t be. 

So Yoongi downloads the app, biting the side of his nail as he waits for it to finish, the icon appearing on his home screen. He opens it up and creates an account, hating himself a little bit more and more as he puts his personal information in. Agust_D is thankfully available as a username, which it would be, considering no one knows who the fuck he is. He picks a profile picture, one of him in a mask, flashing a V sign, a beanie covering most of his bleached hair. It’s pretty innocuous as far as profile pictures go. His bio he keeps simple - I make music. Short and to the point. 

He’s already convinced that he’ll delete the app after a week.

He searches Namjoon through his username - RapMonster - and finds him easily. Yoongi follows him, because it’s the least he can do, and scrolls through his page. Namjoon has been doing fairly well for himself on the app, gaining 12,000 followers, growing by the day, and he’s only been on the app for a month. Some of his videos have had a modicum of success, getting decent views, half a million likes in total on his profile. Namjoon’s videos are of him at the mic, rapping just one verse to show off his skills, either to his own beat or remixing someone else’s. A lot of the comments ask him for full versions of the songs he releases. 

It’s a fairly compelling argument for why Yoongi should pursue this. He’s a little rougher around the edges than Namjoon is. He isn’t sure he’s going to have the same broad appeal as his friend. He figures the least he can do is try, although a sinking feeling in his gut is telling him not to get his hopes up. 

He goes back to his for you page and the first thing that pops up is a kitten getting stuck in a bag of cheetos. Yoongi watches it three times in a row.

Maybe the app isn’t all bad.

________

Yoongi finds the mindless scrolling a little bit cathartic. He can watch a funny little video and then move onto the next one without any real commitment to it. His for your page is mostly animal videos and the occasional hip hop related thing. Yoongi has yet to post anything of his own - not satisfied with any of his work to put it on the internet, the perfectionist in him still hard at work, even if it is for an app like Tiktok. . 

He’s hit a wall with his current song, the verse he’s working on not flowing the way he wants to, but he also doesn’t want to change his lyrics. He grabs his phone and opens TikTok for a distraction. He can watch a few videos to clear his head and then get back to work. 

The first video that plays nearly knocks him on his ass. 

An Ariana Grande song that Yoongi vaguely recognizes starts to play and the guy in the video starts to dance. He’s not just good at dancing - he’s incredible - his body moving like liquid from one movement to the next. He appears to not have bones or joints from the way he can bend them so easily. 

The third time it plays, Yoongi finally looks away and down at the caption. “Just made this up and wanted to share” it says with three kissy face emojis. Yoongi feels his face flush as he swipes over to the guy's profile - J_Hope is his username. His bio reads “I’m your hope, you’re my hope, I’m J-Hope!” He has over 400,000 followers and is getting close to half a million. There’s a lot of videos - the guy seems to post almost daily. The first pinned video is of J_Hope and someone who is tagged as Baby_J doing choreography together to Gimme More by Britney Spears. They look good together, movements smooth and perfectly in sync, one sliding back while the other slides forwards, hips moving in tandem. 

Yoongi goes through every video, he can’t help himself, licking his suddenly dry lips when J_Hope does a body roll, his hand sliding down his chest, going lower and lower, until Yoongi feels a certain kind of way continuing to watch. Baby_J makes quite a few appearances, as does someone tagged as JKookie. In a few of the non-dancing videos, Yoongi learns that they are Hoseok’s (J_Hope’s real name - nickname Hobi) friends, Jimin and Jungkook. 

Having lost track of time, Yoongi forces himself to put his phone away and get back to work. But first he presses the follow button on J_Hope and pretends that it’s just because he has decent taste in music. There have been a few dance videos to some old school hip hop, Hoseok freestyling to Snoop Dog and NWA and early Jay-Z. 

It has nothing to do with Yoongi’s growing infatuation. 

Nothing at all.

_______

Yoongi falls down an internet hole - spiraling into a world of J-Hope. J-Hope’s instagram is linked to his TikTok and Yoongi feels compelled to click on it. J-Hope’s instagram is full of aesthetically pleasing photos. The guy seems to love taking pictures of his food, which is pretty standard Instagram behavior from what Yoongi can tell. He also seems to be an avid selfie taker, ranging from completely adorable to devastatingly hot. 

Yoongi feels like he’s in uncharted territory. 

Yet he can’t seem to stop himself from looking. J-Hope has gone through a few different hair colors, black, red, blond and his current light brown. He seems to dye it every couple of months, setting out polls of what his followers want to see. They all look good on him but the black might be Yoongi’s favorite so far. 

Yes, he’s a little alarmed that he’s thought about it enough to have a favorite. 

__________

“Man, you still haven’t posted anything?” Namjoon asks, spinning in the desk chair next to Yoongi’s. “I know you have material. You write like six songs daily.” 

“Shut up,” Yoongi grumbles, chewing on his lower lip. “What if it gets zero views? I don’t think my ego could take that hit right now.” 

Namjoon snorts. “Such a drama queen. You have to start somewhere!” 

“Look, I just don’t know if TikTok is the right outlet for my genius,” Yoongi says, ignoring the rolling in his stomach. He always gets cocky in response to his own self-esteem issues. He knows Namjoon can see right through it, and can see the doubt and uncertainty that’s holding him back. Luckily, Namjoon isn’t the type to call him out on it. “It’s more a place for happy sunshine people like J-Hope.” 

“Hobi’s worked really hard to get where he is,” Namjoon tells him, kicking Yoongi’s chair playfully. “He’s like you a little bit. Can’t stop, won’t stop sort of attitude.” 

“Wait,” Yoongi says, turning to face Namjoon. “You know him? Like in real life?” 

Namjoon blinks a few times and then grins. “He follows me on TikTok,” he explains, watching Yoongi pensively. “He DM’d me and said he liked my music. We sort of became friends. He’s an avid texter so we kind of talk a lot, usually about random shit, but he makes good conversation.”

Yoongi’s pupils shake as he contemplates that information. Hoseok isn’t just some rando on the internet, he is someone that Yoongi could potentially speak to and get to know. Someone he could meet in real life. “So, uh…is he nice? In real life?” Yoongi asks, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Oh my god,” Namjoon says, throwing his head back and laughing, loud and obnoxious. “Is this what the Great Min Yoongi is like when he has a crush? Dude, you’re practically blushing!” 

“I will kill you,” Yoongi responds with no bite behind it. Instead he puts his headphones back over his ears and ignores Namjoon’s question. “Let’s just get to work.” 

________

They decide that a collaboration is the way to go. It quells some of Yoongi’s nervousness, knowing that he’ll have Namjoon to lean on, to rely on. They run it like a cypher, over a beat that Yoongi made, Seokjin helping them set up the cameras to record. One is pointed at Namjoon, another at Yoongi, and a third doing a medium shot of the two of them. The perfectionist in Yoongi plans to edit it before it’s posted, making sure that it’s up to his standards. 

Yoongi is in his element, having found a good partner in Namjoon, their friendship and respect obvious from the way they match each other. Yoongi has his face away from the camera, staring down the mic, because that feels safer somehow. He has a face mask pulled down over his chin, leaving his mouth free to spit into the mic, a baseball cap pulled low and the hood of his jacket over that. He’s still not comfortable showing his whole face yet. Maybe once he gets used to the whole TIkTok thing he’ll open up a bit more.

When they’re done recording, Yoongi uploads the files onto his computer and starts to edit. Namjoon and Jin sit on either side of him, flirting and making faces at each other, just generally being insufferably in love. Yoongi never would have introduced them if he had known this would be the outcome. 

Yoongi knew Namjoon from the underground rap scene where they both used to perform pretty regularly. Namjoon had gone on to intern at BigHit while Yoongi had done his military service and then gone off to college for music production. That’s where he’d met Seokjin, who was in his musical theory class, taking it as an elective for his acting degree. The three of them had been their own little unit until Namjoon and Seokjin just had to go and fall in love with each other. 

“I think it’s done,” Yoongi says an hour later, unplugging his headphones and pressing the spacebar to let it play. The cuts are timed perfectly to the beat, switching between the three types of shots, depending on who is rapping. It’s fairly well made, if Yoongi does say so himself, and his chest swells with pride. He turns to Namjoon and Jin and is met with large smiles from both of them. 

“It’s awesome,” Namjoon says, holding out his hand. Yoongi snorts but takes his hand anyway, Kim Namjoon, the king of the awkward handshake. Before he knows it, he’s being pulled into a bro hug, and then suddenly Jin is there as well, hugging them both. 

“Get off!” Yoongi shouts, attempting to free himself from his two friends. He ducks his head and hopes that neither of them see that he’s smiling.

__________

Namjoon promises to post the video later that night and so Yoongi has no choice but to go home and fret. Every awful fucking thought he could possibly have seems to want to drift through his mind. Thoughts of failure and ridicule plague him even though he knows the song is good. Still, he can’t stop himself from thinking terrible things.

His phone dings with a notification and it’s a welcome distraction. It’s even more so when he reads it - a notification that J_Hope has just gone live on TikTok. Yoongi opens the app immediately and joins the live. Hobi is sitting extremely close to the camera, just his face visible from the angle he has it at. Yoongi makes himself comfortable on his bed and watches in anticipation. It’s his first time seeing J_Hope go live since he followed him.

“Hi everyone!” Hobi says, waving at the camera with a huge smile on his face. He seems to have put some make-up on, eyeliner making his eyes pop, his lips a bubblegum pink, and definitely a bit of blush on his cheeks. “I have a huge surprise for you all! We just hit half a million followers! I had a lot of suggestions on what to do for this milestone, a lot of you wanted me to show my abs, but unfortunately it’s just my stomach right now. Maybe if we get to a million I’ll do that but I’ll need time to hit up the gym with Jiminie and Jungkookie first.”

Yoongi bits his lip and tries to calm down. The idea of Hobi dancing, showing off his abs, maybe even sweating a little… Yoongi stops that dangerous thought before it gets too far. He shakes his head a little to clear it and focuses back on his screen. 

“I bet you’re all curious about what I’m going to do!” Hobi winks and smiles the cutest dimply smile. It’s weird, considering Namjoon also has dimples, but Yoongi can’t ever remember being affected by them the way he is Hobi’s. “This got a lot of requests as well. I think you’ll like it.” 

Someone takes the phone from Hobi and backs up. Hobi gets to his feet and does a spin, showing off the maid’s dress that he’s sporting, putting his hands together in a heart shape at the camera when he faces it again. Yoongi feels his own heart stutter. The skirt is a bit too short, showing off the long expanse of Hobi’s legs, his strong thighs. Yoongi’s mind conjures up a million different things he’d like to do between those thighs.

“Don’t I look cute?” Hobi asks, pursing his lips at the camera, playing up the aegyo. “I prepared a special dance for you, master.” 

Yoongi hates that his cock twitches at that. Woman by Doja Cat starts playing and Hobi starts dancing. The skirt swishes around his thighs as he moves his hips to the beat. Hobi drags his hand up his body and the skirt starts to ride up as well. Yoongi has never felt like more of a pervert as his eyes lock on the screen. He doesn’t even think he’s blinking. Maybe he isn’t breathing either. 

Hobi finishes the dance and starts laughing. His laugh is infectious and whoever is recording him starts laughing too. The live goes on for a while longer and Yoongi watches all of it. Hobi answers a few fan questions and then debates with Jungkook - who it turns out was the one recording - what hair color he should do next. 

Yoongi is typing before he can think better of it, before he can stop himself. He doesn’t expect a response, he doesn’t even expect Hoseok to see it, the comments coming in rapid succession. Still, he throws it out there, into the ether, into the unknown of the internet. 

“Pink?” Hoseok says, reading his comment. “Huh, I don’t think I’ve ever done pink before, have I, Jk?” 

“I don’t think so, hyung,” Jungkook responds, playing with a few strands of Hobi’s hair. “Pink would be interesting.”

“Hmm, do you think I would look hot?” Hobi asks, putting his arm around Jungkook and kissing his neck a few times.

“No way!” Jungkook says, laughing and trying to get away from Hobi. “Hobi-hyung!”

“Pink boy,” Hobi says, grinning at the camera. He sticks his tongue out of the side of his mouth playfully. “I like it.” 

“Should we dye it tonight?” 

“Yes!” Hobi says, his eyes glinting brightly. “Yes! When Jiminie and Tae get home!”

“Just don’t let Jimin-hyung do it drunk again,” Jungkook warns, his smile big to match Hobi’s. “That’s how you ended up with the orange hair.”

“Hey, I rocked that orange hair!” Hobi says with a pout. “Tell your hyung he looked handsome with orange hair!” 

Hobi attacks Jungkook with a hug and they both fall over. Jungkook is laughing even before Hobi starts to tickle his sides. “No!” 

“Say it!” Hobi insists, relentless as Jungkook flails on the ground. 

“You looked like a pumpkin!” Jungkook says as he tries to roll away from Hobi. Hobi reaches out and grabs him by the back of the shirt, dragging him back, Jungkook’s head in his lap, both of them giggling together. 

“Aish, this brat!” Hobi says, shoving Jungkook away and grabbing the phone from him. “Is there anything else you want me to do in this outfit? You might not get another chance!” 

Someone requests Ice Cream Cake by Red Velvet and Hobi’s face lights up. He sets the phone up and he and Jungkook do the dance together. At one point Hobi changes the choreography and starts wiggling his ass in front of the camera while Jungkook falls to the ground laughing. 

Hobi’s cheeks are flushed and he’s smiling as he comes towards the camera. “OK, enough of this. I love you all. Bye bye!” 

The live ends and Yoongi exhales loudly. He’s a strange combination of happy and horny, unsure what the prevailing emotion is. He does know that he’s half hard and he puts his phone to the side to do something about it. He knows he really shouldn’t be doing this, his crush on Hoseok is already bad enough, he really doesn’t need to add fuel to the fire. But there’s a persistent pooling of heat in his gut that he isn’t strong enough to ignore.

He takes himself in hand and lets some scenarios play out in his mind, some so filthy they make Yoongi genuinely ashamed of himself. He bites his bottom lip hard, trying to keep the pathetic little noises he’s making inside, tugging on his cock like he’s desperate for it. It has been a while since he’s done this, usually just getting off in the shower before class, never anything so self-indulgent. He’s leaking so much that it feels so good, his cock sliding easily through his fist, fucking up into it greedily. He’s so overwhelmed that his mind can’t concentrate on one fantasy long enough to finish. 

Frustrated, Yoongi kicks off his pants and boxers and spreads his legs. It’s also been a while since he’s played with his ass, but he needs something more, something to focus his mind on. He grabs the bottle of lube from his nightstand and coats his fingers. He’s in no mood to tease himself, so he slips in two, wincing slightly at the pain. There’s no finesse to it, just roughly fingering himself, imagining someone else’s hand. 

Please, please! Yoongi chants in his head, wanting to cum more than anything. He lifts his leg a bit higher and his fingers slide deeper. He lets out a surprised yelp as he finally manages to touch his prostate. Good boy, Yoongi thinks, Hoseok’s voice so clear in his head. He keeps his fingers stroking over his sweet spot as he jerks his cock in short, sharp thrusts, focusing on the head. His body arches and he finally finishes, his own release surprising him with how thick it is. 

Yoongi gets into the shower, hoping to wash away some of the guilt he feels, scrubbing himself nearly red under the hot water. By the time he’s finished washing his shame away, he’s forgotten all about Namjoon posting their video. He checks his phone and is surprised to find a bunch of notifications, some that are texts from Namjoon and quite a few TikTok notifications. He opens TikTok first and is shocked that he has followers now without actually posting anything. They posted the video on Namjoon’s TikTok and just tagged Yoongi in it so that people would know who he was.

The video already has 6,000 views in just two hours. Yoongi isn’t sure if that’s good but it seems like a lot. That’s 6,000 people that have heard his music. He starts to read the comments and then immediately has to stop. People love it, they really love it, and Yoongi is worried his ego will never recover if he reads all the praise. 

He goes back to his own profile and sees he’s currently at 1,000 followers. He feels a little bit like a grandpa with this whole thing, not knowing what is considered good on this stupid app. But there’s one thing that catches his eye more than anything else. One thing that makes him forget everything else. 

J_Hope started following you. 

___________

The next day Yoongi has up to 2,500 followers on TikTok, but none of that matters, because Hobi has posted a series of videos where he dyes his hair pink. Hobi, Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung are all crammed into the bathroom. Jimin is hard at work, sectioning Hobi’s hair and using a brush to try and dye it evenly. Jungkook and Taehyung do a mixture of dancing and eating snacks. Every once in a while Hobi will open his mouth and one of the two feeds him. Jimin whines that no one is feeding him, and Jungkook and Taehyung continue to tease him, putting chips close to his mouth and then eating it themselves. They only stop when Hobi scolds them. 

The final video is a hair reveal. Hobi has his hair hidden under a bucket hat that he suddenly pulls off and smiles wide. “Ta dah!” he says, turning his face from side to side. “Didn’t Jiminie do an amazing job? I love it!” Hobi grabs a pair of heart shaped sunglasses and puts them on. He runs his fingers through his hair and it gently falls back into place. “I think pink suits me, right? In other news, my friend, Rap Monster, uploaded a new rap video and I’m completely obsessed. It was with a rapper I don’t know, Agust D, but he was amazing. Please go watch it if you haven’t. I prepared a little bit of a surprise too.” 

The song starts playing, Yoongi’s song, and Hobi jumps up to his feet. At first he’s just playing around, but then during Yoongi’s verse he starts popping and locking, following not the beat, but Yoongi’s flow. Yoongi pauses his flow in the song and Hobi does a death drop. Yoongi feels his mouth open in surprise. The song ends and Hobi comes back in front of the camera, panting slightly and glistening a bit with sweat. “Seriously, it’s amazing. Please go give it a lot of love. Bye bye!” 

Yoongi watches the video through about fifty times before he makes himself stop. He likes the video and wonders what Hobi will think when he sees the notification. Will he recognize Yoongi’s username and reach out? Maybe DM Yoongi the way he did with Namjoon? Yoongi feels nervous and excited, still on a high from everything that has happened in the past 24 hours. His fingers are already twitching with the urge to make more music. He picks his phone back up and texts Namjoon.

__________

Instead of working on new music, Yoongi gets talked into going out to dinner with Namjoon and Jin. It’s not his favorite thing in the world - playing third wheel to his best friends - but Jin has offered to pay. They sit around the table eating lamb skewers and a ton of side dishes. The best thing one can say about Jin is that he definitely does not skimp on food. 

“Please stop me before I eat another lamb skewer,” Yoongi pleads, sitting back in his chair and pushing his gut out to try and make room for everything he’s eaten. “I feel like I might explode.”

“I’m not even full yet,” Jin says, grabbing another skewer for himself. 

“I don’t understand,” Yoongi tells him, shaking his head incredulously. “Where does it all go? To your shoulders? It definitely doesn’t go to your ass.”

“Excuse you, I’m perfectly proportioned,” Jin says primly. “I’ve seen people weep because of my good looks.”

“Hyung,” Namjoon interjects, rolling his eyes. “We all know you’re gorgeous. You don’t have to say such embarrassing things.”

“It’s not embarrassing if it’s the truth,” Jin reasons as he chews on a piece of meat, doing an excellent impression of a pig. 

“Why do I spend time with you two again?” Yoongi asks, dropping his head back with a groan, questioning his life choices, or at the very least his taste in friends. 

“That’s our little tsundere,” Jin teases, reaching out and pinching Yoongi’s cheek. “Pretending you don’t love us.”

Yoongi bats his hand away with a frown. “I’m not a tsundere.” 

“Oh so we’re just making shit up now, are we?” Jin asks, laughing loudly. “If you’re going to lie then at least come up with something convincing.” 

Yoongi opens his mouth to retort and then snaps it shut just as quickly. Either his eyes are playing tricks on him, or Hoseok and Jungkook just walked into the restaurant. Hoseok has his arm slung around Jungkook’s shoulder and they’re laughing about something Jungkook just said. Hobi’s laugh is boisterous enough that it seems to fill the whole restaurant.

“Hey, Hobi!” Namjoon stands up and waves in their direction like the massive idiot he is.

“No, no, no,” Yoongi says quickly, trying to grab Namjoon and pull him back down before they’re spotted. He’s not ready for this, he’s not ready to meet Hobi in real life and potentially make a fool of himself. 

“Namjoonie!” Hobi calls out. “Aigoo!” 

Yoongi feels his eyes slip closed and he tries to breathe evenly. He is zen. He is not bothered. He is not going to make an ass of himself. He can hear the footsteps approaching and he opens his eyes as they get to the table. He turns and there is Hoseok, larger than life, his smile wide and heart shaped and perfect.

“You know Jin, right?” Namjoon says, gesturing towards his boyfriend. “And this is Yoongi.”

Yoongi risks glancing up at Hobi and their eyes meet. Hoseok’s widen slightly in recognition. “Oh my god! It’s Agust D!” Hobi plays with his ear, and if Yoongi didn’t know any better, he would swear that Hoseok was blushing. “You’re amazing, truly.” 

All the positive feedback he’s gotten from his song with Namjoon pales in comparison to Hoseok saying he’s amazing. Yoongi lets it warm him from the inside out. They realize at the same time that they’ve both been staring for longer than normal and glance away at the same time. Yoongi clears his throat. “Yeah, um, thanks.” 

Seokjin says something under his breath. It sounds an awful lot like “tsundere.” Yoongi manages to kick him under the table in response. 

“This is my friend, Jungkook,” Hobi says, gesturing towards the younger kid next to him, the one who has a distinct deer in the headlights look about him. “He’s a huge Rap Monster fanboy.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook exclaims, looking mortified. 

“You are!” Hobi says, laughing at his friend’s expense. “I bet half your video views come from Jungkook.”

“Well, thanks for getting me on the TikTok creator fund,” Namjoon jokes, punching Jungkook slightly in the arm. Jungkook looks like he never wants to wash his arm again. “Even if their payout to creators is shit.”

“Not that soundcloud is much better,” Yoongi says bitterly. 

“Oh, do you have stuff on Soundcloud?” Hobi asks, sounding genuinely interested. Yoongi isn’t quite sure what to say in response. A lot of the stuff he put on Soundcloud is super old, from when he had just started out, angry and amateur and kind of rough. He’s just grateful at the moment that it was under his old rap name - Gloss. At least then Hoseok might not be able to find it.

“Uh, just some really old stuff from back in the day,” Yoongi tells him, avoiding eye contact at all costs. 

“You’re so cute when you get shy,” Jin teases him. Yoongi goes to kick him under the table again but Jin manages to avoid his foot. Yoongi makes a mental note to get him later. 

“Hey, so we were actually going to get food to go,” Hobi says, bouncing on the balls of his feet like he’s slightly nervous. Yoongi has no idea what someone like has to be nervous about. “Our roommates are getting beer and soju. We were going to have a bit of a night in at our place. I know you already ate but you’re welcome to come. Could be kind of fun and I’ve been meaning to ask Namjoon to hang out for ages. So what do you say?”

“Well, I’m in,” Namjoon tells him, grinning. “Sounds like fun.”

Yoongi isn’t sure whether to hug Namjoon or throttle him. On one hand, he’s going to spend the night at Hobi’s apartment and maybe have an actual conversation with him. On the other hand, it might be horribly awkward the entire time, seeing as Yoongi hasn’t been able to say more than five words to the guy. Yoongi hangs back as they walk towards Hobi and Jungkook’s apartment, only a few blocks away from the restaurant, and it's too much of a hassle to try and get a cab for all of them. 

Hobi is holding hands with Jungkook, swinging their arms between them, like a parent with a little kid. Yoongi isn’t quite sure what to make of their friendship or relationship or whatever they are. From Hobi’s videos, Yoongi knows that Hobi is very tactile, very open with his affections towards his friends. He seems to love kissing them on the cheeks and hugging them, treating them almost like a little girl treats her dolls. Yoongi can’t help selfishly hoping that’s all it is.

Hobi looks back at Yoongi for a moment and then drops Jungkook’s hand. He murmurs something into Jungkook’s ear and Jungkook nods in response. Hobi steps off to the side while Jungkook strikes up a conversation with Jin. He still seems too shy to say anything to Namjoon, which is adorable. 

Yoongi catches up to where Hobi is waiting and Hobi wordlessly falls into step with him. “Hi,” he says, glancing in Yoongi’s direction. Yoongi wishes he’d worn a better outfit, something more stylish than his ripped up jeans and black puma hoodie. “Did…did you happen to see my TikTok?”

Yoongi shoves his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie before he does something stupid like touch Hoseok. He’s worried that if he starts then he’ll never stop. He almost wishes he had met Hoseok sooner, had known him for as long as Jungkook and Jimin and Taehyung, so that all this could just be easy. So that easy affection would already exist between them. But that sort of skinship doesn’t come easily to Yoongi and he knows that it can only be built with time. 

“The one where you danced to mine and Joonie’s song?” Yoongi asks casually, unsure what his face is doing, but hoping it’s in some sort of neutral expression. He doesn’t want the panic he’s feeling inside reflected on the outside. He doesn’t mention that he’s seen all of Hobi’s TikToks. That he’s watched several of them on repeat. That Hobi is the only thing that makes him smile after a long day of classes and homework and assignments. ”Yeah, you were really good.” 

“I loved your verse,” Hobi tells him, moving infinitesimally closer so that their elbows brush as they walk. Hoseok has on a maroon bomber jacket with a white t-shirt underneath and black leather pants. He has his hands stuffed in his pockets except when he reaches up to run his fingers through his hair. “Namjoon’s was amazing as well but yours just floored me. You’re a killer, Yoongi.”

Yoongi snorts and shakes his head. “Hey punk, I’m pretty sure I’m older than you. Where’s the respect?” 

Hoseok’s mouth drops open in a perfect O shape and he quickly snaps it shut. “Can I call you hyung then?” 

Yoongi shrugs in response. “Or genius. I respond to either.”

Hoseok laughs, clapping his hands together, like he’s surprised. “You’re funny, hyung. I thought you’d be more brooding and serious.”

 Yoongi lets his lower lip protrude in a pout, puffing his cheeks, doing his best attempt at aegyo. “I’m very serious.”

Hobi bursts out laughing again and puts his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders. Yoongi is a bit thrown off guard by the gesture, but he doesn’t dare pull away. He presses a little bit closer to Hoseok and chews on his bottom lip shyly. 

“You’re something else,” Hobi says, giving Yoongi’s shoulder a squeeze.

Yoongi really hopes that’s a good thing.

_________

Nothing happens between Yoongi and Hoseok, much to Yoongi’s chagrin. It’s probably better that way, considering that Yoongi ends up drinking a bit too much, learning first hand that Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung are menaces beyond compare. It’s a mix of playing drinking games and singing karaoke until everyone is completely trashed. 

Nothing happens between Yoongi and Hoseok, but there is definitely something there. They spend most of the night flirting, Hoseok hanging off of Yoongi like he’s Hoseok’s personal coat rack, and their faces have a tendency to be way too close to each other. Yoongi keeps catching Hoseok staring at his mouth, like he’s fascinated by it, but neither of them close that small gap between them. They end up singing I was Able to Eat Well as a duet that makes everyone crow with laughter. 

Nothing happens between Yoongi and Hoseok, but Yoongi wakes up the next morning with a terrible hangover and Jung Hoseok’s number. 

Yoongi opens his phone and texts Hobi, before his brain comes fully online and he talks himself out of it. 

Yoongi: I feel like death. You up?

Hoseok: This is an awful time for a booty call.

Yoongi: How can it be a booty call if I haven’t called you?

Hoseok: Come on, everyone knows about the you up text. It’s in the spirit of the booty call. 

Yoongi: Can’t get into your pants right now. I’m literally about to die.

Hoseok: Hangover soup?

Yoongi: Are you going to bring me some? 

Hoseok: I was thinking we could meet at a place that has it.

Yoongi: Can’t get up. Death, remember?

Hoseok: I’ll see if anyone is alive enough to get us soup. 

Yoongi: I love you.

Hoseok: I haven’t succeeded yet. 

Yoongi: Can’t I love you for trying?

Hoseok: I’ll allow it. I think that makes you a cheap date. Not that I’ve gotten one from you yet.

Yoongi: Save me first. Date later.

Hoseok: I’m holding you to that, Min Yoongi.

Yoongi: Did you just call me Min Yoongi? What a cruel world this is.

Hoseok: Sorry Hyung <3 

Yoongi: I’ll forgive you this time but don’t let it happen again.

Hoseok: So understanding. JK is apparently better than all of us and somehow not hungover. I’ve bribed him into getting us soup. Did you end up going home last night?

Yoongi: Ended up on Joonie and Jin’s couch. It’s an awful couch. Lumpy.

Hoseok: You should have stayed. :( 

Yoongi: Couldn’t.

Hoseok: Why?

Yoongi: I’m a gentleman. 

Hoseok: Oh I bet I could change that ;) 

Yoongi: I know you could. That’s why I left. 

Hoseok; No fair! 

Yoongi: Suck it up, buttercup.

Hoseok: I’d rather suck something else.

Yoongi: Please don’t make me horny on top of everything else. I need to concentrate on not dying.

Hoseok: Fighting, hyung!

Yoongi: Just bring me my fucking soup.

Yoongi: And Coffee.

Yoongi: I require coffee. 

Yoongi: Don’t even bother showing up if you don’t have coffee.

Hoseok: So bossy!

Yoongi: You have no idea.

__________

Hobi and Jungkook show up at Jin and Joonie’s about half an hour later with soup and coffee in tow. Yoongi has never tasted anything so wonderful in his life. His mouth tastes less like it’s filled with cotton, which he appreciates, and his stomach feels less like it’s going to disintegrate into acid. 

After soup, Jin goes back to sleep, all of them teasing him about being an old man, which he responds to by giving them all the finger. Jungkook follows Joonie into his home studio, begging to be shown what he’s working on, which is cute as hell. Although Namjoon is awkward under the praise, Yoongi can tell he’s enjoying the attention. 

That leaves just Yoongi and Hoseok. Yoongi manages to tug Hobi onto the sofa with him and they cuddle up together. Yoongi slides his arm around Hobi’s back while Hobi buries his face in Yoongi’s neck. “You were right, this couch is lumpy,” Hoseok murmurs softly, shifting in an attempt to get comfortable. It’s a lost cause, there’s no such thing as comfort on this couch. . 

“I’m usually right about most things.”

Yoongi can feel Hoseok’s smile pressed against his throat and it’s lovely. “Fuck, you’re sexy, hyung.”

“Say that to me sometime when it’s actually true,” Yoongi says with a groan of despair. His head is still pounding and if Hoseok weren’t here it would be unbearable. But Hoseok is here and he’s sliding his hand under Yoongi’s hoodie, splaying his fingers over Yoongi’s stomach. 

“It is true,” Hoseok says with conviction, pressing a soft kiss to Yoongi’s collarbone. “I wouldn’t lie, hyung.”

Yoongi responds by sliding his hand up Hoseok’s back, into his hair, gently petting it. It must be the right move because Hobi makes a cute little noise and presses into the touch. “You like that?” 

“Oh god,” Hobi groans, shifting his legs, so his thigh is pressed against Yoongi’s crotch. “Don’t say things like that with your hot hangover voice.”

“Hot hangover voice?” Yoongi echoes, bucking up slightly against Hoseok’s thigh.

Hobi nods. “It’s all rough and growly. Your voice is hot anyway but this is just…” Hoseok rolls his hips down and Yoongi can feel his cock against his thigh. Fuck. “I’m starting to think that line you had about taking people to Hong Kong was true because damn.”

Yoongi tightens his hand in Hobi’s hair and tugs until Hobi lifts his head up. Yoongi doesn’t care if his mouth tastes like shit, all he wants to do is kiss Hoseok, and feels like he might actually die if he doesn’t get to. Their mouths slide against each other, hot and bitter from the coffee, and it’s perfect. Hobi brings his hand up higher under Yoongi’s shirt and pinches his nipple, probably in retaliation for the hair pulling, and it makes Yoongi gasp into his mouth. 

“If I have to dump a bucket of cold water on you two then I will,” Seokjin threatens, standing over them with his hands on his hips. “As terrible as that couch is, we can’t afford a new one, and I would have no choice but to burn it if you two fucked on it.”

“Okay, hyung,” Yoongi says, shifting out from under Hoseok. He knows that bucket of cold water thing isn’t just an empty threat. “Sorry.” Yoongi knows his face is bright red. He feels like a teenager that was caught by his parents. 

Hobi doesn’t seem to feel the same shame as Yoongi, because he sits up and hooks his chin over Yoongi’ shoulder, wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s waist. “I’d pay for a new couch,” Hobi says, kissing one of Yoongi’s inflamed cheeks. “It would be worth it.”

Yoongi shivers in Hobi’s embrace. 

“You two are gross,” Jin says, grimacing. “Have a little common decency, would you?” Jin goes into the kitchen and opens the freezer to get himself an ice cream, not bothering to offer one for anyone else. There’s a bit of an open door policy when it comes to their fridge anyway. “Not that I’m not happy for you two.”

Jin disappears back down the hallway to the bedroom. Hobi is still hugging Yoongi from behind and doesn’t seem in a hurry to move. His hands slide lower and cup Yoongi through his jeans. “Your place or mine?” 

_________

Yoongi doesn’t really consider himself a slut. He’s always been too introverted to be good at the whole hooking up/one night stand thing. Most of the sex he’s had has been with someone he’s in a relationship with or a few less than successful Tinder dates. He’s too weird and too in his own head and too particular about his space and who he lets into it.

Yoongi doesn’t really consider himself a slut, but he sure is moaning like one. The moment his back hit the mattress of his shitty one bedroom apartment, Hobi was on him, kissing and licking and tasting and teasing. Yoongi is somehow fully naked while Hobi has just managed to undo his pants. And for some reason that’s incredibly sexy in a vulnerable kind of way. 

After a quick conversation about how this was going to go, in between fevered kisses, Hobi has taken up residence between Yoongi’s legs. Yoongi is currently trapped in between Hobi’s fingers and mouth, being worked open and sucked, his hands fisted in soft pink hair. “Jesus fuck,” Yoongi cries out, dropping his head back in pleasure. “You gotta stop.”

Hobi gives Yoongi one last long pull and then dislodges with a wet pop. “Why?” Hobi asks, running his tongue over the glans of Yoongi’s dick. “I’m enjoying myself.” 

Hobi curls his fingers, having expertly found Yoongi’s prostate and has been abusing it for ten minutes or so, which makes Yoongi jerk his body in surprise. His cock twitches against Hoseok’s tongue and threatens to spill. “I want to be fucked. Come on!” 

“Knew you were bossy,” Hobi teases, sinking his teeth into Yoongi’s thigh hard enough to leave a mark. “It’s so fucking cute, hyung.”

Yoongi feels wrung out, Hobi having made a mess of him, and he hasn’t even cum yet. He feels like he might cry in frustration if he doesn’t get Hoseok’s cock inside him soon. “ Please! ” Yoongi whines, tugging on Hobi’s hair.

Hobi slides his fingers out and wipes them on Yoongi’s thigh. “So cute.”

Yoongi pouts and tries to grab Hobi’s shoulder to pull him closer. He’s about two seconds away from pushing Hoseok down and riding him. Hobi finds a condom in the nightstand and rips it open with his teeth, shooting Yoongi a wink as he does so. Hobi hisses as he slides it over his aching cock, red and full from being ignored. Yoongi feels the blunt head against his entrance and then Hoseok is pressing inside. Yoongi gasps and grips at Hoseok’s shoulders, fingers digging in as Hobi fucks deeper into him in small increments. He feels so full and so good. “Oh my god, oh shit!” Yoongi cries out, his mouth going slack as his orgasm hits him very suddenly, clenching down on Hobi’s cock as he ejaculates all over his stomach.

“Shit,” Hoseok says, wincing slightly from how tight Yoongi has become around him. “Did you just -” 

“Oh god!” Yoongi put his arm over his eyes, trying to hide himself in his utter mortification. He can’t believe he came so quickly and before they even got going properly. He blames Hobi for teasing him for so long and also for being so fucking hot. “Please pull out so I can go throw myself off Lotte tower.”

“Hyung,” Hoseok murmurs, doing a few small thrusts inside Yoongi’s ass. “You would leave me like this, would you?”

Yoongi shivers from the overstimulation. “I suppose I could suck you off before I go fling myself off a tall building.”

Hoseok captures Yoongi’s lips and kisses him deeply. Yoongi feels himself melt, clinging to Hoseok as he’s pressed into the pillows. “How about just the first part?” Hobi whispers against Yoongi’s lips. Hobi slides his fingers through Yoongi’s release and then brings his finger up to Yoongi’s lips. Yoongi sucks it into his mouth obediently, watching Hoseok through lowered lashes, tongue curling around Hoseok’s finger. “Fuck, hyung,” Hobi groans, his hips twitching. “You’re killing me. I want to pound you into this mattress so bad.” 

Yoongi manages to wiggle free from under Hobi and flips their positions. He pulls the condom off Hobi’s dick and settles onto his stomach. He starts slowly, lapping his tongue against Hoseok’s balls, sucking one and then the other. Yoongi discovers he has a hell of a praise kink, his cheeks burning from the sweet words of encouragement and adoration that are spilling from Hoseok’s mouth. He can still taste the latex of the condom, but like hell is he about to stop. He sucks Hobi in long pulls, enjoying the noises that Hobi makes above him. 

“Want you to fuck my mouth,” Yoongi pleads, pressing kisses along the side of the shaft. “I wanna feel you down my throat.”

“Oh shit,” Hobi moans, threading his fingers in Yoongi’s hair. “You sure, hyung?”

Yoongi nods and opens his mouth in an invitation. He sticks his tongue out and lets Hobi rest heavily against it, feeling pre-cum slip from the tip. “Give it to me.” 

Yoongi wraps his lips around the head, careful to cover his teeth. Hobi wastes no time pushing his hips up off the bed, fucking into Yoongi’s mouth, gently at first, to see how much Yoongi can take. His eyes widen as he keeps going and Yoongi keeps taking more until Yoongi’s nose bumps his pubic bone. “H-holy shit!” Hoseok hisses, staring down at Yoongi, his mouth open in awe.

Yoongi begins to tear up as Hoseok sets a pace of fucking his mouth, sliding his cock down Yoongi’s throat. He slides back and lets Yoongi inhale deeply before he’s back at the same brutal pace. Yoongi has drool dripping down his chin and he feels so filthy. It’s amazing. Hoseok says a stream of flattering things that have Yoongi thrumming, about how good Yoongi is, how well he’s taking Hobi’s cock. Yoongi can’t tell if he’s lightheaded from the lack of oxygen or from the high of being praised in such a way.

Hobi warns Yoongi of his impending orgasm but Yoongi stays resolutely where he is. His mouth floods with Hobi’s release and he swallows quickly so he doesn’t choke. Hobi spreads out onto the bed, boneless, his chest heaving. “Fuck that was something else. 10/10 would fuck again.”

Yoongi pinches his leg. “Did you just Yelp review my mouth?”

“Hey, I gave you a ten out of ten!” Hobi says, giggling, grabbing Yoongi and tugging him up until they’re cuddled together. “But seriously, I think you just ruined me for anyone else.”

“Good,” Yoongi responds, ducking his face down so that Hobi can’t see his smile. 

__________

For the first time in his life, Min Yoongi wishes he had done a little less fucking and a little more talking. The entire weekend was spent with Hobi, fucking like rabbits, discovering more kinks that he wasn’t aware he had. But in the harsh light of a Monday morning, Yoongi feels all those unwanted thoughts come creeping in.

Thoughts like what the hell even are they?

They didn’t exactly talk about it, what all the sex meant, or what they wanted from each other. Yoongi knows that Hoseok is into him - which is good - it’s a starting point. But it’s become very clear that Yoongi doesn’t actually know Hoseok that well and maybe weekend fuck fests are just part of his lifestyle. Not that Yoongi is complaining - the sex was incredible - but he’s never really been good at the whole friends with benefits thing. He certainly would want more with Hoseok if it were on offer, but that’s the problem, he has no idea what’s on offer. All he knows is his head is swimming with questions and it hurts to sit during his lectures.

Yoongi has this awful feeling in the pit of his stomach that maybe he should have played hard to get. Instead he threw himself into Hoseok’s arms the moment he could. But now he’s left with a sore back and a myriad of questions that he’s too afraid to get the answer to. So instead he throws himself into his music because that’s safe - charted territory - and not confusing the way Hoseok is. 

He starts uploading to TikTok a little more frequently, creating a schedule for himself, and sticking to it pretty well. He works on some new collabs with Namjoon, getting Jin to sing for them, even though he swears up and down that he’s an actor and not a singer. Yoongi fills notebooks with pages of lyrics, writes line after line, painfully aware that he’s just distracting himself from the real issue.

Not that Hoseok is ever far from his mind. He watches as Hobi posts new content on TikTok, careful not to spam like his content or else Hobi will know how obsessively Yoongi goes to his profile. Hobi posts a dance he does with Jimin and Jungkook to I Don’t Wanna Fall in Love by Kyle. Yoongi has a mild freakout, thinking that Hoseok is not so subtly trying to tell him something. 

It’s not like they haven’t been texting. Hobi reaches out pretty frequently because Yoongi has never been the one to text first. Hobi asks Yoongi to hang out with him but Yoongi always comes up with some kind of excuse for why he can’t. At least he is posting the content to back up his lies. He really is busy…sometimes.

_________

They really should talk about it - Yoongi knows this - it would be best to get things clear between them. But at the moment his mouth is occupied by sucking a mark onto Hobi’s neck, while simultaneously trying to get into his pants, literally not metaphorically. Hoseok is panting in Yoongi’s ear and his cock is half hard. Talking about their feelings just doesn’t seem like a priority at the moment.

“Fuck, hyung,” Hobi moans, tugging Yoongi up into a kiss. “You’re driving me crazy here.”

Yoongi grins and cups Hoseok’s cock, rubbing him through his underwear. “That was my intention.”

Hoseok growls and fucking lifts Yoongi into his arms like he weighs nothing. He carries him into the bedroom and drops him onto the bed, following him down and kissing him hard. Yoongi feels his heart hammering away in his chest. He promptly ignores it and focuses on Hoseok’s tongue instead, sliding hot and wet against his own. 

Hobi isn’t nearly as careful with him this time, not as much teasing, just Hoseok lubing up his fingers and finger-fucking Yoongi until he sees stars. Yoongi has no idea what words are tumbling from his mouth, but he is aware of a constant stream of profanity and Hobi’s name. The world tilts and suddenly he’s being manhandled onto all fours, his vision spinning, Hoseok’s hands on his ass. Hoseok uses his thumbs to spread Yoongi’s cheeks and then he pushes in.

“Holy shit!” Yoongi shouts, his head dropping forward. It feels like the air is being punched out of him as Hoseok doesn’t stop, he goes deeper and deeper, until he bottoms out. Hobi starts rolling his hips and it’s so fucking good that Yoongi feels like weeping. 

A hand comes up and grips the base of Yoongi’s dick hard and Yoongi whimpers in protest. “No coming yet, hyung,” Hobi purrs, biting the shell on Yoongi’s ear. 

“I wasn’t gonna,” Yoongi whines.

It’s overwhelming in the best way possible, getting fucked by Hoseok, the sound of Hobi’s hips smacking against Yoongi’s ass so loud in his ears. Yoongi drops his chest down onto the bed, burying his face in the pillow, keeping his ass in the air. It changes the angle slightly and now each thrust is a dead hit on Yoongi’s prostate. Yoongi grabs the sheets under him and screams into the pillow. 

“You like that?” Hobi asks, taking his hand away from Yoongi’s cock and giving his ass a playful smack.

Yoongi nods into the pillow, having forgotten all human speech, his eyes rolling back in his head. His mouth is dry and he’s panting like a dog. It only takes a few more those perfectly aimed thrusts and Yoongi is coming untouched, his orgasm making his entire body twitch. 

“Oh fuck,” Hoseok groans, realizing that Yoongi just came from the way he’s clenching around him. His hips stutter and he comes hard, filling the condom, his fingers digging into Yoongi’s thighs. 

He collapses onto Yoongi and Yoongi reaches back to smack at him, mumbling about him being heavy. Hobi rearranges them so they’re spooning and nuzzles against Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi winces slightly as Hobi pulls out and Hobi presses kisses to his jaw in apology. Yoongi hums contentedly and feels his eyes slip closed. 

Yoongi passes out and they never get a chance to talk.

___________

Namjoon: You’re an idiot. 

Yoongi: Listen Joonie, if I wanted to be insulted I would have texted Seokjin.

Namjoon: He’s reading your texts over my shoulder and he agrees that you’re an idiot.

Yoongi: How so?

Namjoon: You’re overthinking things.

Yoongi: Yeah that’s kind of my modus operandi. 

Namjoon: You’re the one pulling away. Just stop being a bitch and tell Hobi you love him.

Yoongi: Whoa

Yoongi: Whoa

Yoongi: I never said I was in love with him.

Namjoon: Tell that to the literal heart eyes you have every time he’s in the vicinity. 

Yoongi: I really hate you.

Yoongi: That goes double for Seokjin.

Namjoon: We love you too.

__________

Instead of dealing with his feelings, Yoongi decides to work on music instead. Music was simple, there were 88 keys on a piano, seven octaves, middle C. If he played a G chord he knew exactly what it would sound like. Yoongi is good at music, it make sense to him, and he has never been particularly good at peopling or relationships. 

Even so, he still checks Hoseok’s TikTok with alarming regularity, to see if he’s posted anything new. It’s dumb, and Yoongi hates himself every time he does it, but he really can’t stop. He knows he could just text Hoseok, it really is that simple, just ask him what they are, or if he wants to spend time together. But it’s so much easier to just watch him from afar, admire him without interaction, less chance of getting hurt that way. He knows eventually one of them is going to have to address it but he’s selfishly hoping that Hobi does so first.

Yoongi’s phone dings, breaking his concentration, which is fine considering he’s been at it for four hours. He sits back in his chair and grabs his phone. He’s got a few texts from Namjoon, that he ignores, and goes right to TikTok. Hobi has just started a live and Yoongi joins. He sets up his phone so it’s propped up on his desk and brings his knees up to his chest. For some reason seeing Hobi immediately gives him a weird mixture of calmness and dread.

Hobi appears to be eating dinner and Yoongi’s stomach growls in interest. He realizes he hasn’t eaten since breakfast and all he had was a bowl of cereal. He grabs his phone and heads into the kitchen. He props it up again so he can watch Hobi’s live while making ramen. 

“Please marry me, J-Hope,” Hobi reads out the comments, giggling. Yoongi freezes in the middle of pouring water into the pot. His eyes are transfixed on the screen. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’m already kind of spoken for.” Hobi puts his hand to his chest like he’s sympathetic for having to break their hearts.

Yoongi can feel his pupils shaking. A million questions are racing through his head and he can’t seem to remember how to make ramen. He puts the pot down in his sink and blinks at his phone.

Hobi takes a sip of his soda and then reads the comments. “Tell you about them? Hmm, I don’t think I will. I haven’t even gotten a proper first date yet! I can tell you that they are super smart and very cute.” 

Yoongi feels his cheekbones rising and he glances away from a moment, shy, as if Hoseok can see him, which is stupid, but he does it reflexively. He finally remembers how to function and manages to get his pot onto the stove to boil the water. He glances at the screen and the comments are coming in fast, moving up the screen in quick succession, so fast he can hardly read them. 

People are trying to guess who Hoseok has a thing for. Lots of comments guessing one of his roommates. Hobi bursts out laughing and shakes his head. “Nope, it’s not Jungkookie or Jiminie or Taehyungie. You guys are so wild. Don’t you guys have any questions that don’t involve my love life?” 

One person asks for a dimple smile and Hobi is quick to fulfill it, smiling at the camera and showing off his adorable dimples. He laughs shyly, covering his mouth with his hand, and then goes back to eating. Yoongi finishes making his ramen and sits down to eat it, bringing his phone with him. It’s almost like they’re eating together and it hits Yoongi like a ton of bricks just how dense he’s being. He could actually have that. Unlike the thousands of people watching this live, that wish they could be with J_Hope, Yoongi actually could. But instead he’s watching him through the safety net of his phone because he’s terrified of being in love.

He knows his self-worth is in the toilet. He’s too introverted and too grumpy and too in his own fucking head and too dour. The only thing he feels like he truly excels at is music. There’s Hobi, who is good at everything and so bright and cheerful. There are literally people lining up wanting to date him. Yoongi can’t fathom why Hoseok would choose him, so he’s been unconsciously choosing for him, trying to keep his distance, trying to not get his hopes up. 

He’s so sick of himself he can’t stand it.

Yoongi grabs his headphones and connects them via bluetooth. He grabs his keys and heads out, leaving his ramen half eaten in the bowl. He watches Hobi’s live while he sits on the bus, leg bouncing nervously, trying not to talk himself out of this. He’s nervous, and he can’t stop chewing on his bottom lip, but listening to Hobi talk in his ear is helping. 

When he gets to Hoseok’s apartment, he pulls his headphones down around his neck and gets out of the live. Taehyung answers the door and smiles at Yoongi in understanding. “You know he’s doing a live right now, right?”

Yoongi nods, his body thrumming from adrenaline and anxiety, a terrible combination for what he’s about to do. No turning back now, he thinks, following Taehyung inside. Jungkook and Jimin are on the couch watching some drama. They both wave at Yoongi in a mixture of confusion and interest. They both scramble off the couch and follow them to Hoseok’s room. 

Taehyung opens the door with a flourish and yells “Surprise!” Hoseok screams, his body jerking as he falls off the chair he was sitting in. 

“What the hell!” Hobi says, hissing at where he bumped his knee on the desk. “You really scared me, Tae! I -” Hobi stops as his eyes land on Yoongi. “Yoongi?”

“Hi,” Yoongi says, waving awkwardly because he doesn’t know what else to do. 

“Um, I - sorry - sorry guys, I should go,” Hobi says, floundering a little bit in surprise. “We have a friend over. I should go. Sorry!” Hobi ends the live quickly and stands up. He’s looking at Yoongi with a puzzled expression and he’s clearly waiting for an explanation.

“We should leave you two,” Jimin says, grabbing Taehyung and Jungkook and dragging them away. He shuts the door behind them, leaving just Hoseok and Yoongi alone in the room. Yoongi’s tongue feels thick in his mouth as he tries to remember everything he wanted to say, everything he practiced on the way over. 

“Yoongi?” Hoseok says gently, taking a step forward. “Are you okay?”

Yoongi laughs and shakes his head, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth as he feels tears prickle the corners of his eyes. “I’m a piece of shit.”

Hoseok steps forward and closes the distance between them. He puts his arms around Yoongi and hugs him tight. “No, you’re not. I don’t think that.” 

Yoongi whimpers and presses in tighter against Hoseok, seeking his warmth and comfort, even when he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. “I like you. I like you so much.”

Hobi pauses for a moment and then continues rubbing Yoongi’s back. “I like you too. I’m not sure how that makes you a piece of shit.”

“I’ve been avoiding you,” Yoongi admits softly, his voice breaking. He grips the back of Hoseok’s shirt, terrified of letting go. “After we fuck I keep getting in my own head about it. You’re way too good for me and I keep waiting for you to realize it. And if it’s just fucking then I can handle it, I might not be devastated when you finally figure out just how out of my fucking league you are. But then you said such sweet things about me on your live today when people asked. I’m in too deep already. It’s too late for it to just be fucking, and it’s already the best sex of my life, so there’s that. But I am absolutely terrified of letting you actually love me.”

Hoseok stays quiet for a moment, his hand still rubbing soothing circles into Yoongi’s back. “Wow, you’re an idiot.”

“What?” Yoongi says, caught off guard. 

Hobi laughs and hugs Yoongi tighter. “God! This whole time I thought I was being too pushy. That I was being annoying. Or that maybe rap genius Min Yoongi didn’t want to be seen with someone who puts on skirts and does girl group dances.”

Yoongi shakes his head. “You’re actually really hot when you put on a skirt. I kind of want you to fuck me while you wear that skirt.”

“Noted,” Hoseok says, pressing a kiss to Yoongi’s temple. “I thought I came onto you first. That I liked you first. I was fanboying over you before we even met. I mean, I made a dance to your verse and everything. Is there something I’m missing? Because I thought I was coming on pretty strong.” 

Yoongi sighs and lets his eyes slip closed. “I followed you on TikTok first. Before Namjoon and I even posted that video together. I’d watch your videos a lot and my favorites are almost exclusively your videos. I had a horrible crush on you.”

Hoseok laughs and slides his fingers up into Yoongi’s hair. “Why is it horrible?” he asks, massaging his fingers against Yoongi’s scalp. 

“I’m not so good with people,” Yoongi mumbles, melting against Hoseok’s embrace. “Or relationships. And I thought I’d never meet you so I would just be living this parasocial nightmare.” 

“You could have DM’d me, you know.”

“What am I, a fuckboy?” 

“I didn’t say that you should have sent me a dick pic!” Hoseok says, chuckling. “But you could have said hello.”

Yoongi shakes his head vehemently. “Too scary.”

“Fuck, you’re too fucking cute!” Hoseok coos, tugging on Yoongi’s hair gently until Yoongi acquiesces and lifts his face up. Hobi kisses him sweetly, unhurried, nibbling playfully on Yoongi’s lower lip. “You have no idea how into you I am. It’s bad. Like writing your name in hearts on my notebook bad. I like you so fucking much. So please be my boyfriend, Min Yoongi.”

“What did I say about calling me Min Yoongi, you punk?”

“Sorry, hyung,” Hobi amends quickly. “Be my boyfriend, hyung. Please.” 

Yoongi grins and kisses Hoseok again. “Fine,” he murmurs against Hoseok’s lips. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

________

“Who is Yoongi?” becomes a bit of a thing on TikTok for a while. Because the camera was only pointed at Hoseok during the live, no one saw Yoongi enter, and most people don’t know his real name. People have started to speculate that Yoongi is the “special someone” that Hoseok hinted at in his live.

They end up posting a selfie of them together on Hobi’s instagram. The caption reads “This is Yoongi” with a heart and a kissing emoji next to it. After that, Yoongi makes pretty regular appearances on Hobi’s TikToks. He doesn’t dance - he refuses to - unless he’s super drunk. One time Hobi gets him to dance Miniskirt by AOA, after quite a lot of Soju, Hobi laughing loudly in the background of the video, at least until he joins in. Yoongi only allows the video to stay up because his ass looks amazing doing the dance. 

People figure out that Min Yoongi and Agust_D are one and the same. A few “rappers” try to come for him, do stitches of Hoseok’s videos trying to start shit, making fun of Yoongi for being gay (he’s pansexual actually, but they don’t need to know that, probably wouldn’t understand anyway, homophobic pieces of shit) and for being a sellout. It leads to a dumb fight with Hoseok, where Yoongi is frustrated with himself and takes it out on Hobi, who absolutely does not deserve it. They end up having pretty fantastic make up sex, Yoongi clining to Hosoek as he apologizes over and over, Hoseok fucking him so sweetly that it makes Yoongi cry.

It’s difficult, and luckily Hobi understands, finding a balance between Min Yoongi - Hoseok’s boyfriend and Min Yoongi - hardcore rapper Agust_D. 

He ends up writing a song introducing himself, shutting down the haters, and rapping faster than he’s ever attempted to in his life. The last part of the song is Yoongi apologizing and telling the haters to keep up their health. He delivers it with a smile and his middle finger raised. The chorus makes another reference to Hong Kong - a little tribute to Hobi’s favorite line of his. 

It ends up going viral - Yoongi’s most viewed video. 

____________

“You want to do what now?” Yoongi asks, brow furrowed, figuring he must have misheard. 

“I want to learn how to rap!” Hobi repeats with an infectious smile. “It seems like fun and I love rap music.”

Yoongi laughs. “I don’t know how to teach you how to rap. You just practice and get better at it. You write lines and then you say them. I don’t really know how to teach you that.”

Hobi pouts and scoots his chair closer. They’re in the middle of a date, at a barbeque place that Seokjin recommended, and he always recommends the best places. “Please?”

“Why don’t you have Namjoon teach you?” Yoongi offers, holding out a cooked piece of meat to Hobi. Hobi eats it and makes a noise of approval. “Joonie has the patience for that kind of thing.”

“But Namjoon isn’t my boyfriend,” Hobi says, letting his lower lip protrude out even further. He knows that Yoongi is weak to that pout, finding it adorable when Hobi’s mouth is downturned into a triangle shape. 

“We could change that,” Yoongi teases, eating a perfectly cooked piece of meat and chewing thoughtfully. “It could be like Wife Swap. I wouldn’t mind taking Seokjin for a while. At least there would be good food.” 

“Hyung,” Hobi whines, draping himself over Yoongi, his arms around Yoongi’s shoulders. “You want to Wife Swap me?”

Yoongi chuckles and feeds Hobi another piece of meat. “Fine, I guess I’ll keep you.”

_____________

“I’m still not sure how you talked me into this,” Yoongi says, glancing in Hoseok’s direction. “I like my hair how it is.”

“Hyung, you’re going to look so hot,” Hobi assures him, his phone pointed at Yoongi to film him. “Plus, Jiminie is really good. You like my hair, right?” 

“Of course I do,” Yoongi says with a fond smile directed at Hoseok. He still hasn’t told Hobi that he was the one who suggested the pink. He might take that to his grave. He hasn’t decided yet. “But how the hell did we land on mint green?”

“Shut up,” Jimin says, turning Yoongi’s head to make him face forward. “It’s going to look stunning. And when it starts to fade we can either go blue or maybe silver. Unless you want to go black. Or I guess bleaching it again is always an option.”

“See, hyung? There's a lot of choices!” Hobi says, waving his free hand excitedly. “Besides, you know mint chocolate ice cream is my favorite!” 

Yoongi sticks out his tongue at him in response. “It’s not going to make me taste more like mint chocolate if I dye my hair this color.” 

“We won’t know until we try,” Hobi says, his eyes going dark behind the camera, his words suggestive and full of double meaning. Yoongi quickly breaks eye contact and hopes he isn’t blushing too badly.

“Please don’t flirt in front of me,” Jimin complains, painting the dye onto the left side of Yoongi’s head. “It’s gross.”

“Who’s flirting?” Taehyung asks, popping his head into the bathroom. 

“Yoongi-hyung and Hoseok-hyung,” Jimin answers, making a face. 

“Well I can flirt with you if you want,” Taehyung says, shooting Jimin a wink. “So you don’t feel left out.”

“Get out of here,” Jimin says, laughing as he attempts to kick at Taehyung, who dances away before Jimin’s foot can connect. Some of the dye splashes onto the floor from his movements.

“Aish!” Hoseok says, jumping to his feet. “Jimin-ah! Every time you dye someone’s hair I end up having to bleach the bathroom! Be more careful!”

“You’d do that anyway,” Jimin retorts, rolling his eyes. “Such a neat freak.” 

“He’s other kinds of freaks too,” Yoongi says, licking his lips at Hoseok. 

“Hyung!” Hobi says, blushing.

“TMI,” Jimin informs him, readjusting Yoongi’s head so that he can start on another section. “I also feel like I should give the obligatory you hurt Hobi and I’ll kill you speech.” 

“No need,” Yoongi says, adjusting the towel that’s around his neck. “Jungkook and Taehyung both already gave it.” It had actually been incredibly sweet. The two of them had sat Yoongi down and gone on and on about how amazing Hobi was. They had then threatened to break both of Yoongi’s legs if he ever hurt Hoseok, like they were in some mafia movie, and not a bunch of dumb kids.

Yoongi has discovered, from just a few times hanging out at the apartment Hoseok shared with the kids, that when Hobi isn’t around, it was close to chaos. They had come home from a date one night to find all three of them laying on the floor with bags of frozen veggies on their asses because they’d had a “spanking contest.” Apparently they had all been losers. Another time they had been sent a video of the three kids singing like chipmunks because they’d gone out and bought a bunch of helium filled balloons to suck all the helium out. 

It meant Yoongi and Hoseok spent a fair amount of time at the apartment just to make sure the kids didn’t kill themselves or each other. The only times they seemed to go to Yoongi’s apartment was to have sex. 

Hoseok leaves the bathroom for a bit, probably to check on Jungkook and Taehyung, who are the two most dangerous to leave alone together. Jimin can at least occasionally be the voice of reason when he wants to. If he isn’t sucked into the other two’s shenanigans. 

“Can I be really honest with you?” Jimin asks, leaning against the sink. 

Yoongi shrugs in response. “Sure.”

“Hobi-hyung has had an awful track record with relationships,” Jimin tells him, smiling sadly. “He’s too sweet and trusting, wants to see the good in everyone. He’s had people date him in the past because of the whole TikTok famous thing.”

“You know that’s not why I -” 

“I know,” Jimin interrupts. “I just don’t love that you ghosted him after you two hooked up. He was really worried. He thinks he isn’t cool enough for you.”

“What?” Yoongi asks, his jaw dropping. “I don’t get it.”

Jimin chuckles softly and shakes his head. “Listen, no one thinks Hobi-hyung is cooler than I do. He just has a hard time thinking of himself in those terms. He might seem bubbly and cheerful, but he’s kind of shy and really bad at taking compliments. Just, you know, something you might want to keep in mind. We’re all putting a lot of faith in you.”

“No pressure though, right?” Yoongi jokes, feeling a little awkward.

“Just be good to him,” Jimin says, placing his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. “That’s all we ask. Time to rinse.” 

_________

“Will you stop?” Yoongi bats Hoseok’s hand away. “If we fuck again I will literally die.” 

Hoseok laughs and pulls Yoongi towards him. “I can’t help it, hyung. You look so fucking hot.”

Yoongi grins from the compliment and tilts his face up. Hobi responds by giving him a kiss. “You like the hair then?” Yoongi asks against Hoseok’s lips. 

Hoseok hums his approval. “It suits you.”

________

Yoongi isn’t sure, but he thinks he might have fucked up. Hobi is usually the one to text first, so when he stops texting all together, it’s fairly noticeable. When Yoongi reaches out first, Hobi always responds, but his texts are short. It’s nothing like the normal barrage of emojis that is Hoseok’s forte. 

Yoongi has no idea what he did.

Over the following days, his mind continues to beat him down, awful thoughts racing through his head. All the doubts he had before getting into a relationship with Hoseok have resurfaced, thoughts about not being good enough, unlovable. He becomes lethargic, barely managing to make it to his classes on time, handing in assignments at the last minute or not at all. 

He hasn’t seen Hoseok in two weeks except on his fucking phone, watching his TikToks, because he can’t stop himself. It hurts in a way that Yoongi isn’t quite sure how to deal with, especially the videos that he’s in. He can see it, see the way he smiles at Hoseok, all the way up to his eyes, that he truly is gone on Jung Hoseok. Missing him becomes like a physical ache, spreading across Yoongi’s shoulders, down into his stomach like lead, into his feet. It’s painful and restrictive and Yoongi is reminded of why he doesn’t do this shit.

Yoongi feels like he’s shutting down - forgetting how to function. 

__________

Namjoon: Hey bro I have something to show you. Come over.

Yoongi: No,

Namjoon: You busy?

Yoongi: No.

Namjoon: It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. I’m worried. 

Read at 4:52pm. 

__________

Seokjin: Asshole.

` Seokjin: Hey asshole!

Seokjin: Don’t ignore me! 

Seokjin: Don’t make me pull the Hyung card.

Seokjin: Yoongi?

Read at 5:02pm

_________

Yoongi runs his pen through the lyrics he just wrote, pressing down hard, nearly ripping the paper. He can’t seem to write anything good. He’s got too much in his head but he can’t seem to verbalize it. He feels like he can’t focus long enough to write a coherent sentence. His mind is an endless stream of abuse levied at himself. Being unable to do the one thing he thinks he’s good at isn’t helping. If he can’t even write a fucking song then what good is he?

Fraud. Failure. Hypocrite. Sell-out. Untouchable. Unreachable. Unlovable. 

He ignores the knocking, it sounds very distant, or maybe it’s his own brain trying to escape the confines of his skull. It’s only when there’s someone in the doorway, his eyes too unfocused to make out who it is, that he realizes it was someone actually knocking. He can hear someone calling out his name, but his tongue is too heavy to lift, and so he can’t respond. 

Someone slaps him hard across the face. He blinks a few times and finally is able to focus on the person in front of him. Jin’s eyes are wide and terrified as he stares at Yoongi. “For fuck’s sake!” Jin shouts, grabbing Yoongi by the shoulders and shaking him. “I thought we were going to have to call an ambulance for you. You looked catatonic!” 

“Did you really have to slap him like that, hyung?” Namjoon asks, kneeling down on the floor next to Yoongi’s chair. “Are you okay?”

Yoongi looks between his two friends and shakes his head. A moment later, Hoseok runs through the door with a glass of water. “What happened?” he asks, placing it down gently on Yoongi’s desk. “I heard shouting.”

“No,” Yoongi says, his voice hoarse from disuse. He’s not sure when the last time he spoke out loud to another human being is. Maybe class a few days ago. He’s lost track of time. “I don’t want him here. Make him leave.”

Hoseok is standing there with a startled look on his face. “Is he talking about me?”

“Hyung?” Namjoon asks, looking between Hoseok and Yoongi. “I don’t understand.”

“He must have lost it completely,” Jin suggests, shaking his head. “He probably hasn’t eaten in days.”

Jin grabs Namjoon and tugs him up off the floor. They disappear into the other room and Yoongi can vaguely hear them making noise in the kitchen. He spins his chair around, away from Hoseok, and taps his pen against his notebook. He can feel Hoseok’s eyes on him and he’s painfully aware that he hasn’t showered in days. At least he has his hoodie pulled up over his hair, to hide its unwashed state, but he’s certain that he must smell like shit. 

“Hyung?” Hoseok says softly. He reaches out and touches Yoongi’s shoulder, but Yoongi jerks it out of his grasp.

His tongue feels too big for his mouth and he feels like he can’t swallow properly. He starts hyperventilating, terrified because he can’t get his basic motor functions to work. Suddenly his chair is spun around and Hoseok is there, grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. Yoongi clings to him desperately, hands fisted in Hoseok’s shirt. 

“Breathe, hyung, you have to breathe,” Hoseok says, his voice right against Yoongi’s ear. “I’m going to count, okay? You need to breathe with my counting.”

Yoongi barely manages to nod. Hoseok’s voice is so soft as he counts the numbers slowly. It takes Yoongi a few tries, but he’s finally able to match Hoseoks’ rhythm. He’s gently being guided towards the bed until he’s tucked up against Hoseok’s side. Hoseok whispers words of praise until Yoongi is finally able to breathe normally.

Hoseok carefully feeds Yoongi the rice that Jin made, Yoongi’s stomach not able to handle much more than that after starving himself for days. His fingers are gently petting Yoongi’s hair with his free hand, the steady stream of praise continuing until Yoongi has finished all the rice, kisses pressed softly against his forehead. Yoongi wonders idly if this is all some bizarre hallucination brought on by lack of food and sleep.

The rest of the night goes in fits and starts, Yoongi succumbing to his exhaustion, lulled by Hoseok’s presence. He comes to in the bath, held against Hoseok’s chest, while Hoseok washes his hair. The feel of it is so nice that it puts him right back to sleep. The next time he wakes up he finds himself in his own bed, Hoseok spooning him from behind, nose buried in Yoongi’s hair. Yoongi reaches up and grabs Hoseok’s hand, lacing their fingers together, wanting to reassure himself that Hoseok is actually there.

_________

Yoongi startles awake, kicking the covers down and sitting up. Hoseok is no longer in the bed with him, but Yoongi’s eyes search him out immediately, sitting at Yoongi’s desk. He’s looking at Yoongi’s notebook, his face pinched together, mouth downturned into a frown. Yoongi jumps out of bed and slams the notebook shut.

“It’s about time we put an end to this,” Hoseok recites, glancing up at Yoongi, his eyes sad. “This boring seesaw game.”

“You had no business looking at that,” Yoongi snaps at him. His hands curl into fists at his sides. He’s so worn out that even standing up feels like too much. He’s had too little sleep and not enough to eat. He feels like he’s barely alive. His anger is the only thing keeping him upright. “I don’t pry into your shit. I expect you not to pry into mine.”

Hoseok stands up and crowds into Yoongi’s space. Yoongi fights the urge to take a step back. He refuses to yield. “Is that how you describe relationships? Wanting to get to know you is prying into your shit?”

“What relationship?” Yoongi snarls, narrowing his eyes menacingly at Hoseok. “I haven’t heard from you in two fucking weeks.” 

“Did you…” Hoseok shuffles his feet, like he’s lost his footing and needs to readjust. “Did you think we broke up?”

Yoongi stares at the floor, at the ugly carpet he got at a garage sale, a terrible brown color that has either a juice or blood stain on it. When he bought it he had thought it would add character to his apartment. Now he just kind of wants to throw up on it. 

“Hyung, answer me,” Hoseok begs, reaching out and grabbing Yoongi by the arm. 

“Don’t touch me!” Yoongi hisses, backing away.

Hoseok drops his hand in an instant and raises them in surrender. “Okay,” he says, taking a step back. “I won’t touch you. Just please answer the question. Did you think we were broken up?”

Yoongi shrugs. Doing anything more feels too exhausting. He isn’t in the right mental state for this conversation. He doubts he will ever be in the right mental state for this conversation. 

“Fuck,” Hoseok says, his voice breaking. “Hyung, do you - do you want to break up with me? Are - are you ending things with me?” 

Yoongi chews his bottom lip and turns his face away. “Maybe that would be simpler.” He sounds cold, even to his own ears. He has no idea why he’s saying it. All he wants to do is grab Hoseok and beg him to stay, to cling to him like a child. He wants an explanation for the past two weeks. He’s been so in his own head that he has no idea how to crawl his way back out. He’s ruining everything but he has no idea how to stop.

Hoseok moves slowly, telegraphing his movements, reaching out. Yoongi watches him, eyes tracking him, knows he can step away, but he doesn’t. He’s curious, and a little bit desperate, waiting to see what Hoseok will do. Hoseok hugs him tightly and buries his face in Yoongi’s neck. “I don’t want that,” Hoseok whispers, nuzzling his face against Yoongi. “Please, hyung, don’t end it.”

Yoongi blinks a few times and then locks his hands behind Hoseok’s back, keeping him close. “You still want me?” Yoongi asks in surprise. It’s difficult to imagine anyone sticking around after finding him in the state he was in yesterday. 

“Of course I do,” Hoseok says like it’s not even a question. He sounds so sure and Yoongi has no idea why, but Hoseok’s certainty has the knot in Yoongi’s stomach finally unclenching. The voice in his head is quieting the longer Hoseok holds him, the constant stream of bad thoughts going blissfully silent. 

__________

Yoongi is pressed down into one of the chairs at Namjoon’s home studio. Namjoon is sitting in the other chair with something already queued up on his computer. Hoseok begins the pace behind them nervously. Yoongi has no idea what’s going on, he just knows that Hoseok dragged him here, full of excitement and anxiety on the bus ride over. He wouldn’t tell Yoongi anything though. 

“Ready?” Namjoon asks, looking at Hoseok first. Hoseok nods his head quickly and then continues to move, like he can’t sit still. Namjoon looks at Yoongi, who shrugs, still unsure of what he’s supposed to be ready for. 

Namjoon presses play on the track and Yoongi listens. It starts out simply with some synth and Yoongi nods his head along slightly to the beat. Namjoon begins his verse and it’s good, because of course it is, it’s Namjoon. He gets to the chorus and there’s another voice. Yoongi glances at Namjoon in confusion but Namjoon is just grinning at him. 

The chorus finishes and the second verse starts. Now that the voice is alone there is no mistaking it - Hobi. Yoongi spins the chair around, but Hobi isn’t looking at him, still moving around the room, antsy. Yoongi settles back into his chair to listen. Hobi’s flow is good, he doesn’t do anything too fancy with it, just a solid verse. “Oh, you wanna be my life?” Hobi raps in the song and it makes Yoongi smile. They finish out the second chorus about loving yourself and the song ends.

Namjoon nods his head towards Hobi, who still hasn’t stopped moving, even though the song is over. Yoongi gets up and grabs Hoseok by the shoulders. “Hobi, it’s amazing,” he says, pulling Hoseok forward. Hoseok stumbles a little bit, shaky on his feet, and then they’re kissing. 

“Hey! No making out in my studio! That’s a rule!” Namjoon says, slapping at Yoongi’s arm. 

Yoongi pulls back and finds he’s still smiling. “I’ve seen you and Jin break that rule numerous times,” Yoongi teases, his eyes still glued to Hobi.

“It’s a rule for you two, not me,” Namjoon grumbles. “Hobi worked really hard on this. You should be proud of him.”

“You wrote this?” Yoongi asks, cupping Hoseok’s face in his hands. 

“No!” Hobi says, giggling slightly. “Just my verse, and even then Namjoonie helped. You really like it?”

“I do,” Yoongi confirms, letting his thumb rub over Hoseok’s dimples, his smile wide enough to show them. 

“Good, because we were hoping you’d finish it off,” Namjoon says, leaning back in his chair. “Hobi was insistent that you take the last verse.” 

Yoongi kisses Hobi again - rules be damned - and Hobi laughs against his mouth and it’s wonderful. “I’d love to.” 

__________

They’re sitting by the Han river, each eating an ice cream, looking out at the early morning sun. They spent all night working on the song, laying down Yoongi’s verse and recording the chorus with Yoongi in it. Neither of them have slept, but they’re so keyed up from working that neither of them can think of sleep. Their thighs are pressed together and the breeze from the river touseles their hair. 

It’s a perfect morning.

“So this is what you were working on for the past two weeks,” Yoongi says, finishing his ice cream. “That’s why you were busy every time I texted you.”

“Yeah,” Hobi responds, ducking his head down in shame. “You told me to learn from Namjoonie so I asked him. When he told me that I could write a song with him, I really wanted to surprise you with it. I swore Namjoonie and Jin-hyung to secrecy. But I’m not great at keeping secrets, so I thought it would be easier to avoid you than ruin the surprise. If I had known it was going to hurt you then I would have just told you from the beginning.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Yoongi says, placing his hand on Hobi’s thigh and giving it a small squeeze. “My brain tends to go to the worse case scenario.”

“I’m still sorry,” Hobi says, placing his hand over Yoongi’s. “The way we found you was scary, hyung. I didn’t like seeing you like that. In the future if things get that bad again will you tell me?”

“I don’t know,” Yoongi admits, lacing their fingers together. “I’m not always great at talking about what’s going on inside my head. I don’t want to be a numb person, but sometimes expressing myself doesn’t come easily, so I get cold.”

Hoseok sighs and drops his head onto Yoongi’s shoulder. “I wish I could help.”

“You do help,” Yoongi assures him, running his thumb over the back of Hoseok’s hand soothingly. He’s never been good at this sort of thing, voicing just how much people mean to him. He’s hardly ever said I love you to his parents. “I’m grateful for you just being there. You don’t have to do anything extra.”

“It doesn’t seem like enough.”

“Trust me,” Yoongi murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of Hoseok’s head. “It’s enough.” 

____________

“Hello everyone,” Yoongi says, giving a small, nervous wave. He’s seated on the floor in front of his couch, his phone propped up on a pile of books on the coffee table. “This is my first ever live on Tiktok, so I’m not really sure how this is supposed to go. I’ve watched Hoba’s lives before, but since I’m not dancing, I’m not sure what to do. Some of you have been asking for this on twitter so I thought I might as well try it.” 

Yoongi wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans and hopes he doesn’t come across as nervous as he feels. It’s a bit daunting to be on the internet unedited. He knows he’s going to have to watch what he says and try not to curse too much. 

“I guess I’ll try and read some of the comments,” Yoongi says, scooting closer. “I’m guessing you wanted me to do this so that we could interact a bit more. Yoongi, marry me. Aish, sorry, I can’t. I very much have a boyfriend.” 

Yoongi sees a bunch more comments coming through and more people joining the live. “What’s it like to have a boyfriend that hot,” Yoongi reads, laughing at the question. “Uh, it’s not exactly a problem.”

“Whose boyfriend is hot?” Hoseok asks, coming into frame with a box of chicken and two beers. He puts everything down on the coffee table and flops next to Yoongi on the floor. 

“Mine,” Yoongi says with a grin. 

“Ah yes, he’s a lucky man,” Hobi jokes, doing a few model poses, showing off his angles. “So stunning. Oh yeah!” 

Yoongi chuckles and smacks Hobi on the arm. “Shut up and eat your chicken, Hoba.” Yoongi has only started calling Hoseok ‘Hoba’ recently. Namjoon had called Hoseok as Hope-ah and Yoongi had misheard him. When he’d said Hoba, Hoseok had giggled in response, his face lighting up, and Yoongi had decided he wasn’t going to call him anything else, if he could help it. 

“Bossy as always,” Hobi says, biting a piece of chicken and chewing it with a smile. 

The comments are going crazy, people greeting Hobi and saying how happy they are that they’re finally doing a live together. Yoongi put off going live for a long time mostly out of nerves. It was only when Hoba agreed to do it with him that he’d given in. 

“Someone asked if you’re going to release a mixtape,” Hoba says, pointing at the screen. 

“I’m working on it. Once I have enough songs that I’m satisfied with.” 

“Ooh,” Hobi says, giggling slightly as he takes a sip of his beer. “Impressive, hyung.”

“Someone asked if you’re going to be featured on any of the songs,” Yoongi says, peeling the label off his beer bottle. They hadn’t actually discussed anything like that before. People had loved the Cypher they’d released with Hoba on it. 

“No way,” Hoba says, shaking his head vehemently. “I was just curious if I could rap, that’s why I did it. It was just for fun.”

“Yeah, but you can rap,” Yoongi says, putting his arm around Hoseok. “So why not do it?” 

“Maybe,” Hoba says, blushing slightly from Yoongi’s praise. Yoongi finds it way too fucking endearing. “If it was for you, I would do it.” 

Yoongi has to look away, or he’s going to do something stupid. like make out with Hoba on camera. He leans forward to read more comments. “How did you two meet?”

Hoba grins and eats another piece of chicken. He gestures to Yoongi, inviting him to go ahead and tell the story.

Yoongi bites his bottom lip. “It was sort of a chance meeting at a restaurant. He came over because we had mutual friends and we got to talking. We were both fans of each other.”

“Would you say I was a bigger fan of yours or you were a bigger fan of mine at that point,” Hoba teases, already knowing the answer. He’s such a brat and Yoongi can’t stand how much he likes him. 

“I was probably a bigger fan of yours,” Yoongi says unabashedly. “I’d watched a lot of your videos and that was back when Namjoon and I did our first collab.” 

“Now look at you,” Hoba says, smooshing Yoongi’s face together. “This cutie is about to reach fifty thousand followers on Tiktok.”

“Ah Hoba,” Yoongi admonishes him, pushing his hand away. 

Hoba laughs, clapping his hands together as he does so. “Will you do something special for the milestone?”

“I don’t know, what should I do?” Yoongi asks, taking a sip of his beer. “Something fun?”

“Eat a bunch of wasabi?” Hoba suggests, giggling, covering his mouth with his hand. “I still have that maid costume.” 

“Hoba, it’s not a punishment!” 

Hoba laughs harder and drapes himself over Yoongi. “It would be funny though. How about bungee jumping?”

“Would you do it with me?” Yoongi asks, well aware of Hoba’s fear of heights. Not that he loves heights either. 

“No way in hell.” 

Yoongi snorts and takes another sip of his beer. “We’ll think of something good. We’ve still got time. What Hoba really needs to worry about is that he promised to dance shirtless if he got a million followers and he’s about to hit it any day now.” 

“Hyung!” Hoba cries out, pulling away from Yoongi, scandalized. “How could you remind them of that? I was hoping no one would remember!” 

Yoongi cracks up, smacking his hand against the couch behind him. “I doubt anyone forgot except you.” 

“Aish, this hyung,” Hoba says, shaking his head. “Unbelievable!” 

Hoba moves to stand up but Yoongi quickly shoots his hand out and pulls him back down. Hoba gives him an affronted look but it only lasts a moment before they’re both giggling. Yoongi leans in and Hoba places his hand on Yoongi’s chest to stop him. 

“Hyung, the live,” Hoba reminds him, glancing at the phone. “People are watching.”

“Shit,” Yoongi says, backing off. “Okay, well, we’ll think of something to do. Thank you for supporting us so far and look forward to Hoba dancing topless in the coming weeks.” 

“You -” Hoba sputters, leaping to his feet. “I’m never speaking to you again, Min Yoongi!” 

“I warned you about calling me Min Yoongi, you disrespectful punk!” Yoongi shouts after him as Hoba walks down the hallway. 

“Fuck you, Min Yoongi!” Hoba shouts back. 

Yoongi smirks. “I gotta go, Thank you, I love you all, and stay tuned. Bye!” 

Yoongi ends the live and gets up, his body stiff from sitting for so long. He hurries down the hallway, towards his bedroom, knowing that Hoba is there waiting for him. When he gets inside, Hoseok is already halfway undressed, his shirt off and his pants around his thighs. Yoongi slams the door shut and raises an eyebrow at him. “Fuck me, huh?”

“I meant that literally,” Hoba says with a wink, kicking his pants the rest of the way off. “Now come here.” 

Yoongi gets onto the bed and folds himself into Hoba’s arms. Hoseok kisses him sweetly at first and then grows more insistent. His touch is warm against Yoongi’s skin as his hand slides under Yoongi’s hoodie. Hoseok attaches his lips to Yoongi’s neck and begins to suck marks against his pale throat. Yoongi feels himself melt, sliding under Hoseok and tugging him on top, Hoseok’s weight a comfortable presence. 

“Wreck me,” Yoongi whispers against Hoseok’s temple. He wants to feel Hoseok to the very core of him, to be marked in places that people can’t see, etched on his soul. He’s not used to needing people, and the feelings he has for Hoseok are so foreign, but not unwelcome. He knows this love isn’t unconditional, but he still wants something permanent, like a scar on his heart, to remind himself that he can feel this much, this deeply. 

Yoongi arches his back as Hoseok fucks him, feeling it down to his toes. It’s hot and sweet, just like Hoseok, corrupting in its addictiveness. Yoongi doesn’t have to beg for more because Hoseok gives it all, already able to read him, knowing that when his voice pitches higher he’s really feeling it. For the first time in his life, Yoongi wants someone to know him inside and out, and to stay with him, despite all the imperfect bits.

__________

Yoongi finishes out the semester and graduates from college. All their friends take him out for barbeque to celebrate and afterwards they go to Namjoon and Jin’s for cake. It’s a nice night, filled with people that have miraculously become Yoongi’s friends, although he’s not certain why. He just knows that he feels incredibly lucky.

Yoongi and Hoseok talk about moving in together, jokingly at first, and then at some point it stops being a joke. Since there’s no reason to be near the university anymore, he doesn’t have a reason to stay. Yoongi complains about his apartment being too small and Hoseok complains about how messy the kids are. It doesn’t take long for them to get what they’re really after. Yoongi texts Hoseok’s links to two bedroom apartments that they could afford between the two of them. 

Despite living in the same apartment for several years, Yoongi finds he has frighteningly little in the way of belongings. Everything he owns fits into four boxes and one of them is his recording stuff. The room came furnished, so none of the furniture is his, and he has no attachment to any of it anyway. The only nice thing he bought for himself was a fancy desk chair, which he absolutely takes with him. 

He never realized how small his life was until it was all packed away. 

The same can’t be said for Hoseok. His wardrobe alone takes up five boxes, one of which is all just shoes. Everyone shoots Hoba death glares as they lug the boxes up to the new apartment. It’s in the same building as Namjoon and Jin’s apartment, which is convenient for recording purposes. 

Yoongi might actually finish his mixtape.

The apartment is bright and clean, unlike Yoongi’s old one bedroom, which was dark and a little bit musty. One bedroom is theirs and the other is an office. They have a full kitchen, which they might some day use if either of them can be bothered to look up a recipe. The living room is fairly spacious, so if Hoseok wants to film a dance video in there he won’t have to rearrange too much furniture. It’s a perfect fit for the two of them. 

It isn’t all smooth sailing between Yoongi and Hoseok. There’s times when Yoongi doesn’t want to be touched, and times when he needs to be touched, in order to feel grounded. There’s times that Hoseok gets on Yoongi’s nerves and times when Hoseok can’t stand to be in the same room as Yoongi. They fight and they fuck and they find a way to make it work. Yoongi is so fucking fond of Hoseok that it’s difficult to stay angry at him for any long period of time. 

“I’m taking bets,” Jin says, snagging a piece of pizza. It’s their payment for helping with the move. All the boxes are finally up in the apartment and the pizza arrives half an hour later.“How long before they kill each other?”

“Hey!” Hoba says, crumpling up a napkin and throwing it at Jin.

“Six weeks,” Jimin chimes in, pouring himself some soju. 

“We are not doing this,” Yoongi warns, his stare like ice at the two that spoke up. “And also fuck all of you.” 

“Two months,” Namjoon says, dodging the crumpled up napkin that’s lodged at him. “Hey, I was generous with that.” 

“I think they’re going to last,” Taehyung says, smiling widely. “They just make sense together.” 

“Aww, thanks Tae,” Hoseok coos, throwing his arm around Taehyung’s shoulders. 

“Besides, you can’t come back,” Tae informs him, patting Hoba’s leg. “We’re going to turn your room into a gaming room.”

“Yeah!” Jungkook says with excitement. “We’ve already ordered the foosball table.”

“Hey you cried when I told you I was moving out!” Hoba points an accusatory finger at Jungkook.

“Well I was sad, but I’m making the best of it,” Jungkook says with a shrug. 

Hoseok unwinds his arm from around Taehyung and throws himself at Yoongi. Yoongi manages to stay upright, even with Hoba’s attempt to tackle him to the ground. “Do you see? Do you see how they treat me? You’re the only one who appreciates me, hyung.” 

Yoongi smiles and kisses Hoba, just to show how much he truly appreciates him, eliciting loud groans from the group. They end up drinking up past two in the morning. Namjoon and Jin manage to get back to their apartment, taking Jimin with them to crash on their lumpy couch. Jungkook and Taehyung are left to share Yoongi and Hoba’s couch. 

Yoongi and Hoseok are too tired and too drunk to do much more than strip down to their underwear and get into bed. “Reminds me of that time you brought me hangover soup,” Yoongi murmurs, his head pillowed on Hoseok’s chest. 

“Mmm,” Hoseok hums in response. “I would have done anything you asked that morning. I regretted not going home with you. I wanted to see you again.” 

“Will you get me soup tomorrow morning?” Yoongi asks, tilting his face up to look at Hoba. 

“No,” Hoseok groans, curling in towards Yoongi’s body. “I’ll make Jungkookie go get it.” 

“Smart,” Yoongi says, pressing kisses along Hoseok’s jawline. “Just one of the things I love about you.” 

Hoseok freezes and Yoongi can feel the stiffness in his body. “Did you just -” 

“Yeah I did,” Yoongi grumbles, nipping playfully at Hoseok’s chin. “And also shut up. Just don’t call attention to it. Don’t make a big deal or I’ll never say it again.” 

“Okay, okay,” Hoseok whispers, lowering his face down and kissing Yoongi softly on the lips. “I - um - that - to you too. I that you. Oh this is ridiculous. I love you, yeah? I love you, hyung.” 

“Good,” Yoongi says, nodding once in satisfaction. “Now we’ve both said it. Let’s never say it again.” 

Hoseok snorts in amusement. “How about once a year? On New Year’s. Happy New Year, Hyung, I love you. Like that?” 

“No,” Yoongi says, making a face. “You can’t plan out your I Love You’s. Then they’re not genuine.” 

“You’re the one who doesn’t want to say it at all!” Hoseok reasons in frustration. “How is that genuine?”

“Fair point,” Yoongi says, biting his bottom lip as he contemplates it. “Fine, we’ll say it to each other but only when we really mean it. No half-assed I love yous.” 

Hoseok chuckles. “Only full-assed I love yous, then.” 

“Exactly,” Yoongi says, his eyes slipping closed. He’ll later blame it on the alcohol, but he can’t seem to stop smiling. They’re laying in their bed, in their own apartment, two thirds of the closet full of Hoba’s closes and the other third full of Yoongi’s. His stuff isn’t just his own anymore, but theirs: their couch, their plates, their bathroom. Yoongi never thought any of his relationships would last long enough to get to this stage. But Hoseok is here and they’ll be soup to chase away the hangover in the morning. There’s more mornings and hangovers ahead of them, and Yoongi doesn’t want to miss a single one, if he gets to have them with Hoseok. The good with the bad, but mostly the good, if it’s the two of them.