Work Text:
[CLICK]
JENNY
Hello, Seeker.
…wait, should I start with a proper greeting? Too formal? I don’t quite know how to do this with your English. [nervous laugh] Languages were never my thing, really. They’re one of yours, though, so I trust you’ll understand this when you hear it. If you hear it. Or, maybe, if you’re hearing it? Trying to tease out the details of how you work is… it’s a bit like looking into the sun.
I’m Jenny, by the way. We haven’t met.
That said, I miss you. You’re interesting to talk to whenever I picture us talking. I’ve had a lot of time and not much to think about, but that’s one thing I do like to run through. There's enough for me to piece something together from. We ask each other a lot of questions, mostly, which I would like very much. No one has questioned me nearly enough. I should be ashes. If nothing else, I shouldn't just be here, walking around, trying granola and getting shot through the shoulder by friends. No one is left who'd care to question it. If I meet you, and you are interested enough to demand an explanation, I think I would tell you everything and die on the spot, content.
I imagine what we could have learned from each other less dramatically than all that, not that it matters now. I could see the whole time. I watched you fidget with your hair and curse your god on the bench across from me, I think because you wanted to be alone without being alone. You never stopped expecting me to just shoot up from where I lay and tell you everything. I would have liked to. It's cruel that I couldn't do that when you could have been there, of course, but that's the nature of the thing. You were easy to focus on, even when I could hardly focus; I'd never seen anyone so exquisitely wounded. Counting the scars on your arms passed years, I think.
I know who your friends were. They don’t know who I am. I wouldn’t worry about it - about anything that little - if I was you.
You know, you’re closer to where I was born than I am here. I wish I was back now, not that there’s anything for me there except in light of you. It’s not too long at all to London from there. Maybe the sea is worse to cross now, but there's as much sea any way you slice it. We both come from islands and are younger sisters. I wonder if you know that now, or would bother to know - that we have things in common. We could eat lunch and talk about being younger sisters on islands. "Small talk," Alex calls it. [genuine laughter]
I got the tape recorder from Alex, by the way. She's around. You left it at her house, whether you meant to or not. She thinks you did it on purpose in case this happened. She's sentimental about you, won't believe that you did this. It took coaxing to get it from her. Thankfully, her wife hates you and wants nothing more to do with you except to kill you, so she helped me get Alex to hand it over. Alex doesn’t have a lot of fight left to spend on petty things, and fighting for this would be petty. It’s all she can do to keep traveling this far out of her own domain. The rats keep trying to bring her back.
Anyhow, she said you had one of these on you all the time when she had you over. You left them everywhere. There had to be a reason for that, whether you knew it or not, so I thought it might be a way to reach you before I meet you in person. I have been told that phones are actually the thing that's supposed to do that. But I've never used a phone, and an important enough rock can carry a message in my experience. The best case is that I can do for you what you did for me - be a voice, be a point of focus. Worst is that I have to introduce myself over again later, but a little practice still won’t hurt.
I think I mentioned that I'm going to meet you in person? That's what I walk for. I don’t have a place of my own, and I don't have anyone else left to walk to. Well, at least, anyone else who doesn’t want to feed me to a big pulsating tear in the earth out of finely aged spite. [pause] And whatever else you’ve done, you’ve done me a favor. This is better than it was for me. It's a nightmare, and a wonderland, and I am awake. I would like repay you if I can.
I am not sure what repaying will look like. I do know I don’t want to stop you, and I don’t want you to be stopped. I’m not going to let anyone end you if I can help it. Also I’ve been advised against bringing you flowers.
A very small warning if you get this: I am traveling with someone who wants to kill you, but don’t worry. One… Hunter? That’s right for you, isn’t it? One Hunter can’t do much even to me. Bea - this Hunter - certainly can’t, and not for want of trying. I’m only allowed to “tag along” with her and Alex because I keep the rats at bay, and anyone else left free who might do the same wouldn't use their freedom on that. I think they know I have ulterior motives but can't afford to care. I miss the luxury of questions.
You’d be fine against Bea. But the ordeal she has in mind sounds emotionally unpleasant, if you’re still attuned to that sort of thing. I’ll try to shake her before I reach you. It’s unwise to travel alone, and Bea is as good a guide as you can find anywhere right now shy of… well, you, probably.
If I can’t break off, I’ll deal with her myself. I’d rather not. My preferences don’t matter much to me anymore.
I hope you don’t feel anything. That’s the worst part of being stuck - when you keep stirring about inside. I hope you don’t try to help anyone. I kept trying that, and it made me worse.
Not sure how I’m awake. It’s probably your fault. You did me a favor, and I’m not angry at all. I’m repaying it. Your scars are too many count. It's like looking into the sun. I want to meet you. You’re not allowed to die. I am- [inhales sharply]
[under her breath] No.
[long pause]
I don’t think you can hear me after all, but I’ll keep the tape rolling as we go. I want it even if you don’t. Revera isn't as different as you'd think it would be, but it's still quite a landscape. It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell it to this so that it's told, even if I can't tell it to you.
Alex is asleep now, which means the rats are back. I just send them elsewhere so she doesn’t have to. They just want to be sent. She’s been dead a long time, you know. You know. Consider it a lullaby.
Goodnight, Seeker.
[CLICK]