Chapter Text
Out of all the things that have changed in Taehyung’s life ever since he’s been a part of the most successful group in the world, the night before a trip has always remained more or less the same. Both members and staff rushing around to pack their bags, double checking all lists, managers shuffling around to see if all the necessities have been met for their stay, phone calls and wishes from their families on a safe journey. No matter if the trip is for a week or for a whole month, the chaos that reigns whenever they have a flight the next day will never change.
And just like he has always done for the past eight years, Taehyung walks through the crew and staff until he reaches Jimin’s room and knocks. After a moment the door opens and Taehyung is not really surprised that he’s met with Jeongguk’s face, which lights up as soon as he sees Taehyung standing in front of him.
“Hyung, hi! What are you doing here?” he asks with a smile.
I should be asking you that, Taehyung thinks, as a bitter feeling seeps in his body. He hates it, but he can’t help it either. It’s not that he’s not happy to see Jeongguk. Hell, who wouldn’t be happy to have his adorable eyes trained on them? It’s just that he doesn’t like seeing Jeongguk in Jimin’s room, which has been happening a lot lately. The two seemed attached at the hip these days, going everywhere together, meeting up frequently for drinks and always talking about something in low voices and serious gazes, not letting anyone else hear their conversation. And it annoys Taehyung because, well, he and Jeongguk were the two who were like this, even before debut.
He disregards all these thoughts as he musters a smile at the younger. “Do I need a reason to visit Jiminie?”
Jeongguk’s eyes widen as he shakes his head. “No, of course not! I just thought maybe you needed something.”
Taehyung smiles and shakes his head as he walks past the younger into the comfortingly familiar room of his best friend’s, who’s currently sitting cross-legged on the floor in the middle of a mess of clothes, some messily thrown around, some folded and some packed in the huge suitcase lying on the bed.
“Don’t tell me you’re already done with packing,” Jimin gawks at him as he takes a seat on the bed.
“Of course, I packed my bag last night!” Taehyung says proudly which earns him a groan from Jimin. “Are you done, Jeonggukie?”
Jeongguk nods as he sits next to Taehyung, imitating Jimin’s position, making their knees touch. “Jiminie hyung helped me pack and now I’m here helping him pack his.”
Of course they pack their bags together. They used to do that together when they were younger. Taehyung hates feeling like this, especially about his two best friends that he literally grew up with. But he couldn’t help it, things were changing too fast around him and it was getting more and more difficult for him to catch up. He wills the ugly feeling spreading in his chest away.
Jimin rolls his eyes. “You haven’t even lifted a finger to help me, you ass.”
Jeongguk grins. “I’m lending you moral support, right Taehyungie hyung?”
It takes Taehyung a second to realize that Jeongguk is talking to him. He smiles and nods. “Right.”
Honestly, he hadn’t even heard the thing Jeongguk was telling him to agree with, but the smile on Jeongguk’s face as he placed his head on Taehyung’s lap, made it seem worth it.
“Of course Taehyung would agree with you, you’re his favourite,” Jimin says as picks up a stack of folded clothes and puts it in his suitcase.
“Am I?” Jeongguk teases and Taehyung almost blushes at how readily he wants to say yes. Taehyung loves each and every one of the members, but Jeongguk has always been different. Had always been his favourite ever since he took a liking to the thirteen year old who he had met after coming into the dorms, too shy to even meet his eyes, let alone shake his hand.
But Taehyung shrugs his shoulders instead, and Jeongguk pouts for a second before taking Taehyung’s hand in his and directing it to his hair. Taehyung smiles, shaking his head fondly as he starts running his long fingers through Jeongguk’s soft hair, mostly black now except for the tips, which are still blonde since the last time he had dyed them for the concert. Jeongguk lets out a sigh as he closes his eyes and Taehyung feels content.
Jimin stares at them for a second and then continues folding his chosen clothes, a small smile playing on his lips. “Are you nervous about our concerts?” he asks suddenly, breaking Jeongguk and Taehyung’s bubble.
Taehyung nods. “Obviously. It’s been so long since I’ve performed in front of an audience, especially an audience made up of Armys.”
Jeongguk nods. “But I’m really excited too. I’ve missed their cheers so much.”
The other two nod, having missed their beloved fans too. The conversation flows freely after that and Taehyung doesn’t even realize that Jimin has finished packing his bag and it’s time for them to sleep until their manager knocks on the door and almost scolds them to sleep. He’s about to get up when he sees Jeongguk fast asleep on his lap because of Taehyung’s hands through his hair, his mouth a little open. Just like when they were kids. Taehyung’s heart is about to burst.
“Is he asleep? He must be tired. Let him sleep here,” he hears Jimin say as he closes his bag and places it with his cabin luggage.
Taehyung nods, gently picking up Jeongguk’s head from his lap and onto the nearest pillow. The younger moves a little, closing his mouth and gripping the sleeve of Taehyung’s sweatshirt. He swears his heart doesn’t skip a beat.
“Sleep here, Taehyungie. Looks like Jeongguk isn’t ready to let go of you yet.”
Taehyung nods and lies down next to Jeongguk, fitting himself against his back while Jimin takes his other side. And as sleep takes the three of them and their breathing slows down until they’re mingled as one, Taehyung realizes that no matter how many years pass, some things really are impossible to change.
♫
The next morning passes in a blur of getting up, putting on an airport fit, checking their documents and driving to the airport. Taehyung finds a seat in the car Jeongguk is in as always, leaning his head on his shoulder as they drive through Seoul.
“Hyung,” he hears the younger say. “Are you tired?”
Taehyung nods at him. With the all black ensemble, Jeongguk looks a little bit intimidating, but the doe eyes that stare at Taehyung in concern get rid of the whole scary persona. “A bit,” he replies, as Jeongguk raises his arm to put it around the older, allowing him to shift closer to him.
“Should we stop for coffee or something?” he asks and Taehyung shakes his head.
“No, can we buy a smoothie instead? From the place we used to love to go to during our debut days.”
He smiles and nods, tightening his arm. Jeongguk feels warm and so familiar, and Taehyung never wants to let go.
The ride to the airport is over too quickly and soon they have to get off and face the worst part of being a celebrity: the paparazzi. “You ready?” Taehyung asks Jeongguk, who’s always been a little wary of the attention they get at the airport.
The younger smiles at him gratefully before nodding. “I think so.”
Taehyung returns the smile that he hopes is a little bit comforting for the younger. He can already hear the loud voices of the media who’ve gotten to know of their arrival and are preparing their cameras and other equipment he doesn’t give a shit about.
They get out of the car one by one and don’t move until they’re surrounded by their bodyguards to protect them from the clingy reporters or fans that love them a little too much. Jeongguk stares at Taehyung as he adjusts his green vest and looks away when Taehyung stares back. Cute.
They start walking when they’re told to, a way cleared for them as Taehyung walks next to Jeongguk with a mango smoothie in hand. The cameras around them start flashing as soon as they’re in sight, some of the reporters clamouring over each other to get the answers for their questions. The guards push against them fiercely and Taehyung feels bad for a second until he remembers the hell they’ve put them through every time they’ve stepped out in public and his moment of pity vanishes. He can hear the cries of his name around him, amplifying when Jeongguk starts walking next to him. Taehyung knows the media loves them together, if the countless articles that pop up every time they stand next to each other are anything to go by. He sneaks a look at the man next to him. Do they look good together?
With Taehyung’s beige coat and green vest with a white undershirt and matching pants and shoes, he looks completely contrasting to Jeongguk’s monochrome attire. Hell, even Jeongguk’s bag that he carries is black and Taehyung doesn’t know what makes them look visually compatible to the media despite their differences, but he’s not complaining. Sometimes, he even reads the articles with headlines that gush over what a beautiful pair they make when he’s in bed, but that’s none of anybody’s business.
They have a passport check at the gate and Taehyung panics for a second when he thinks a reporter is getting too close to his left. But then suddenly Jeongguk is there, smiling at the older as if he sensed his dread. Taehyung tries not to melt. No matter how scared Jeongguk himself is of the reporters, he knows he’ll be there next to him whenever his hyung needs it.
“You’re okay right?” he asks him, moving a little closer, and Taehyung can see every camera in the venue frantically flashing as he nods, and he knows he’ll have many articles to read tonight as well.
The inside of the airport is somehow more crowded with reporters than the outside and it makes Taehyung queasy. But he feels Jeongguk’s uncomforted presence next to him and he so desperately wants to hold his hand, telling him it will be alright. But he can’t, so he just brushes the younger’s arm lightly instead.
It’s always been like this, Taehyung and Jeongguk sticking with each other every time they’re at the airport. They’re not a single member’s favourite place to be, but for Jeongguk it has always been the worst. So ever since they were younger, Taehyung has made it a point to be next to him at all times whenever they are at one, providing comfort and reassurance whenever needed.
He remembers the last time they had been at Incheon airport, when they had come back from New York at dawn, absolutely exhausted when even standing for their mandatory checks was proving to be a task. Jeongguk was the worst out of all of them, not even able to open his eyes due to the uneven sleep he’d had on the flight, tossing and turning next to Taehyung. He couldn’t even properly keep his eyes open, and Taehyung had to worriedly keep checking up on him to see if he was alright. He knew it wasn’t looking that great when Jeongguk had leaned on his back when they were having their final checks. The younger was never the one to be overly affectionate in front of the cameras, so when Taehyung felt Jeongguk’s forehead on his shoulder and an arm looping through his, he knew he had to get out of there fast. He had leaned back on him then, whispering reassurances softly as the paparazzi crowded around them, telling him that it’s going to be over soon. Jeongguk had fallen asleep on his lap as soon as they had stepped in the car.
“Hyung, what are you thinking about?” Jeongguk asks him as they’re waiting in line to go through security checks. There are no cameras here, and Taehyung feels that he can finally breathe.
“Just about the last time we were here. I was so worried about you, you know?” he says with a little frown on his face. Jeongguk rolls his eyes and looks away, but Taehyung catches the little pink around his cheeks.
“I wasn’t. How can I, when I have you next to me?” he grins before stepping on the pedestal for his check.
Now it’s Taehyung’s turn to feel heat on his face. He’s really glad the cameras aren’t here.
They finish all the checks and then it’s finally time for their flight and Taehyung can feel something foreign creep up in his veins as he climbs the stairs to the plane. It makes him feel giddy, like he’s taken some substance and it’s just started to kick in. He doesn’t know if it’s just excitement, but what he does know is that he’s not the only one who feels it, as he and Jeongguk share a smile as they take their seats on the flight. He can’t put a finger on it, but he has a feeling that this trip is going to be something different.
♫
Taehyung pants as the song comes to an end, silence engulfing the studio. They hold their ending pose for a few seconds as they catch their breath, slumping down in exhaustion against the mirrors after Hoseok claps his hands, telling them it’s finally time to take a break. He closes his eyes as he leans against the hard surface. He hates this part before the concert the most, the non-stop-practice-until-you’re-perfect part. He feels someone’s presence in front of him and he opens his eyes, smiling when there’s a tattooed hand in front of him holding a bottle of cold water.
Taehyung takes it, muttering a thanks as Jeongguk sits next to him, his chest still panting a little. He tries not to stare as the tight black shirt the younger is wearing sticks to his body due to the sweat. Jeongguk has always been a fan of exercise, heading to the gym more than they’re required to and all the push ups and weight lifting has made his body more…physically appealing and Taehyung is well, a very gay man.
“You excited to walk around the city later?” Jeongguk asks after he sips water slowly.
Taehyung nods, then pouts. “Yeah, but I would be more excited if you would come with me and Hobi hyung.”
Jeongguk smiles lightly. “I wish I could come, really. But the jet lag is really getting to me and I don’t want to fall sick before our concerts.” He pushes the elder’s sweaty bangs away from his eyes, leaving a burning touch that makes Taehyung’s cheeks redden up.
“Take care of yourself, okay? Wouldn’t want our little Jeonggukie to get sick, do we?” he says in a voice in a higher pitch than normal, smiling teasingly at the younger.
Jeongguk laughs as he playfully shoves him, getting up as he hears Namjoon calling the two back to perform the last round of their choreographies for the day.
Absolutely exhausted out of his mind, Taehyung is laying down on his bed debating whether the trip around the city will be worth it when he hears a loud banging on his door. He opens the door to see Jimin and Hoseok all ready for their plan and their enthusiastic smiles are what fuels Taehyung’s desire to just slide under the covers and sleep it off.
Jimin frowns when he sees Taehyung is still in the same outfit as before. “Why haven’t you changed yet? We’re supposed to leave in ten minutes!”
Taehyung groans as he flings himself onto the bed. “But Jiminieeee! I’m so tired after today. I don’t know what kind of drug you both are taking to stand on your two feet after almost seeing the gates of heaven, but I can’t move. I think I’m even catching a fever. You guys go without me.”
Hoseok looks at Jimin in despair and he shrugs. “Well then,” his best friend says, already turning towards the door much to Taehyung’s delight, “Tell Jeongguk we tried, but he wouldn’t come.”
At the mention of the younger’s name, Taehyung sits up straight in his bed. “Jeongguk’s coming? But I thought he was resti-” he looks behind them to see the familiar head of hair but stops when he sees Jimin’s wicked smile. Fuck. That was embarrassingly too easy.
“Looks like you’re all better now, Taehyungie,” Hoseok says, grinning, making the younger of the trio want to bury himself six feet under the ground.
So, because he apparently in no way can keep his excitement in his pants when it comes to the golden maknae, he’s now forced to walk through the city with a body that feels like it’s made of lead, along with two people who don’t look like they’re three seconds from dying, despite having spent their mornings in the same way as him. Speaking of the maknae, Taehyung has been texting him the whole time while being alongside the other two members. They keep exchanging selfies, Taehyung sending all those he took every time they saw a landmark or simply a photogenic spot and Jeongguk sending him multiple pictures of him in the hotel room, eating his room serviced lunch and, of course, a mandatory gym selfie of him wearing a loose tank top and sweaty hair that makes something twist in Taehyung’s stomach.
Jimin stares at him after he’s received that particular one. “Why has the colour from your face drained so quick- oh.” He sees the selfie Taehyung has been staring at for the past three minutes and laughs. “Our little Jeonggukie grew up, didn’t he?” he asks, laughing harder when Taehyung can only give a small nod while still gawking at the collarbones staring back at him in the picture. “Oh, Taehyungie,” he says, patting his head and Taehyung is too flustered to even ask what that patronizing head pat was even about.
Later that night, Taehyung slips into Jeongguk’s room after receiving a text from him and crawls under the covers when he sees him scrolling through his phone.
The younger turns to him and smiles and Taehyung realizes how close they are at that moment. The dim yellow light of the bedside lamp shines on Jeongguk’s face as he stares at the younger and Taehyung tries not to think about how fast his Jeongguk has grown. From the doe-eyed, confused-looking introverted teenager to the smart, kind, talented in every sense and, not to mention, absolutely stunning man that everyone, including Taehyung has grown to love.
His breath hitches as the smile slowly leaves the other’s face and they continue to stare at each other, the only sound between them being the iron man alarm clock that Jeongguk has been carrying everywhere he goes for god knows how long. The tension is evident, but neither of them make a move to break it. Since when did silences with the younger start feeling so heavy? Not uncomfortable or awkward, but filled with anticipation as to what’s to happen next? When did his feelings towards Jeongguk start to change, going from completely platonic to something so profound, so meaningful?
Taehyung cannot exactly pinpoint the moment he started falling for the younger, cannot say exactly when he realized it. He knows it wasn’t a fast process, but something slow and steady, marinated over the years filled with growing up together, love, happiness, sorrow and fear, everything that they had endured together while slowly climbing the steps of success. Jeongguk was one day his best friend with whom he could talk to about everything, until he just wasn’t. Taehyung understood that he couldn’t call him just his best friend anymore, not when his feelings ran so deep.
But he could never muster up the courage to tell him, afraid of the complications they would create, with them living in a country like Korea and being members of a group that becomes more famous each day. Even more than that, he fears what might happen if Jeongguk doesn’t feel the same way, knowing he’ll lose his best friend and he’s just not ready for that. Will never be ready for that.
So he stays quiet, suffers with it all alone, if only to keep the fond smile the younger has on his face, always directed at him.
“What did you call me for?” Taehyung asks, his last words ending in a yawn. He’s too exhausted to keep his eyes open and just wants to curl up into a ball and sleep, preferably in Jeongguk’s warm embrace.
“So you know how you love the song ‘Falling’ by Harry Styles? I’ve always heard you listening to it and sometimes humming along to it,” Jeongguk starts.
Taehyung smiles. “That’s because you covered it, Gukkie. I mean, of course Harry is amazing, but all the times I’ve heard it, it’s your cover that plays.”
“Oh,” the younger looks away, looking genuinely shy and Taehyung just wants to kiss his whole face. “Well, anyways. Since you like that song, no matter who sings it, and I do too, I bought tickets to his concert that’s taking place tomorrow. So will you come?”
Taehyung’s whole face lights up, despite the exhaustion he was feeling a second earlier. “You bought tickets for his show? Just for us?”
He nods. “Well, for all members. But Jin and Yoongi hyung don’t feel like coming and Namjoon hyung has some work to do. So it’s going to be you, me, Jimin and Hobi hyung. Is that okay?”
Taehyung ignores the part that deflates a little in him after hearing they won’t be the only people, but it’s not like their management would ever let them go somewhere alone. Instead, he squeals, wrapping Jeongguk in a tight hug that makes him laugh. “Of course that’s okay! Thank you, Gukkie, really.”
Jeongguk shakes his head as he turns around, his back hitting Taehyung’s chest as the other wraps around his small waist as if on reflex. “Don’t need to thank me, hyung. I’m glad you’re happy.” A pause. “Will you sleep here tonight?”
As if Taehyung has it in him to deny his baby anything. “Of course,” he says, lightly pecking Jeongguk’s nape, grinning when he feels him shiver a little. “Goodnight.”
♫
Taehyung loved concerts. Be it performing in their own or attending one of an artist he loves, he would always look forward to them. Something about the feeling of being in a happy, energetic crowd singing along to an artist they love in various harmonies that somehow melts into one, under the minimal lighting and ecstatic aura of everyone made him look forward to every single one he attended. And being alongside his friends turned family, outside of work, cameras nowhere to be seen after so long made him wish it was evening quicker.
The nineteenth of November started normally, with Taehyung getting up at the ass crack of dawn to practice for their concerts, since the majority of the members were going to be busy the whole evening. They practice all day, until their limbs refuse to move anymore and it gets difficult to do simple things like breathing.
Taehyung is sitting against the wall, eyes closed as he catches his breath. He’s desperately in need of water, but the thought of getting up and getting it makes his brain immediately slump.
He opens his eyes and sees Jeongguk already staring at him. He’s sitting directly in front of him, leaning against the opposite wall. Jeongguk doesn’t look away after being caught, and neither does he. They have a sort of competition going on, waiting for someone to crumble. Taehyung is not going to be that person, even though his cheeks are going to turn pink soon.
Jeongguk raises an eyebrow and Taehyung just shrugs, still not giving in. That makes Jeongguk’s lips tilt up in a smirk directed at him, and Taehyung suddenly feels hot all over. Jeongguk is wearing a tank top that’s too short, almost a crop top, his Greek god-like body on display, a thin layer of sweat coating it and he looks so irresistible that Taehyung feels heat in his lower stomach and fuck no.
It causes him to look away immediately. He’s not going to think about his best friend like that, not today, not ever. Taehyung may be head over heels for Jeongguk, but that doesn’t permit him to think about the younger like that, especially when the said younger thinks of him only as a friend. No matter how bad he wants to be under him at that moment.
Taehyung’s surrender makes Jeongguk’s smirk turn into a big smile, and he gets up from his place to walk towards where Taehyung was sitting. The older feels his heartbeat increasing, and he doesn’t know why. It’s just Jeongguk.
“C’mon hyung, we have to leave in an hour. Did you forget about tonight?” Jeongguk says, standing over Taehyung, who still refuses to budge. As if Taehyung could ever forget about the concert. It’s all that’s been running in his mind since he woke up. But he loves teasing Jeongguk so he just pulls a wide eyed expression.
“It was today?” he asks with a gasp, which makes Jeongguk roll his eyes at him. Taehyung sighs dramatically. “I’m sorry Jeonggukie, I don’t think I can make it today. I don’t think I can even move from here. You’ll have to go on without me!” he says, clutching his chest, as if on a battlefield with a wound.
Jeongguk shakes his head at his antics, but there’s a smile playing on his lips. He takes a step closer to the man on the floor. “Well then soldier, I think I’ll have to take extreme measures,” he says, taking another step.
Taehyung looks at him in confusion, not knowing what the other means by that. Before he can even process it, the younger takes the last step forward and suddenly he feels the ground leave him as he’s lifted up in the air.
The elder’s face burns as Jeongguk lifts him up like he weighs nothing, hoisting his body on his shoulder, his vision suddenly upside down. Taehyung squeals, hitting his back lightly with his fists, to no avail. “Jeongguk, what the fuck, put me down!” he whines, hearing Jimin and Seokjin’s laughs echoing through the huge room. Those traitors.
“Sorry hyungie. There’s no way I’m attending the concert without you,” he hears the other reply, also hearing the smile in it.
Taehyung’s face burns up even more if that was possible, but he hopes that everyone else who’s seeing him right now assumes it’s because of the blood circulating the opposite way or something. He lightly smacks Jeongguk’s ass, which makes him and the others laugh harder.
“Come on, then. Take me to my room, quickly. I’m starting to see spots,” he grumbles, accepting defeat already. And a tiny part of Taehyung enjoys this thoroughly, being picked up by Jeongguk so easily, strutting around in the hotel for everyone to see. It’s embarrassing, sure, but Taehyung feels the familiar burn in his stomach again as Jeongguk starts walking out of the makeshift dance studio and towards their rooms. Okay, maybe he enjoys it a little too much.
♫
Taehyung, Jeongguk, Jimin and Hoseok pile up in a black minivan quickly, not wanting to be late for the concert. Taehyung takes a seat next to Hoseok, while Jimin and Jeongguk take a seat in the back, giggling about something while their manager explains the basic rules to them that they must’ve heard at least a hundred thousand times. No fan meets, no pictures with fans, minimal drinking, not too much PDA etc. They wait for their translator to arrive and set off once she takes the passenger seat.
Taehyung turns to smile at Jeongguk, who’s whispering something to Jimin. He ignores the feeling in his belly, trying to focus on Jeongguk instead. “You excited, Gukkie?”
Jeongguk nods. “Very. Ever since I covered falling, I’ve wanted to see Harry perform it live and I’m finally going to!”
Hoseok smiles at his enthusiasm. “I’m happy if you’re happy. Thanks for inviting us!”
Jeongguk’s other two hyungs nod in agreement, and he smiles a shy smile. “Please. As if I would enjoy something without you all by my side.”
Hoseok coos at that, Jimin pinches his cheek and Taehyung just gives him the most endeared smile he can muster up. God, he’s just so fond of him.
They arrive at the venue quickly, the introductory act already started. It’s good for them as that means there’s less chances of them coming across other people. They walk towards their seats in a single file, Jeongguk right behind Taehyung, holding the sleeve of Taehyung’s puffy jacket. It’s an old habit of his, holding Taehyung’s hand or jacket whenever they were going somewhere, him being too shy and ready to hide behind Taehyung always. He isn’t like that anymore, more confident and mature than ever, but the particular habit seems to have stuck even at the age of twenty-four. Not that Taehyung minds.
The performance of the guest opening act is almost over by the time they reach their seats, and Taehyung feels a little sad since he actually liked what the artist was singing, from the very little that he heard. But he doesn’t have time to be disappointed because Jeongguk is right next to him, visibly jumpy from anticipation. He looks good, as always. He’s wearing an animal print hoodie with matching pants and his recently dyed hair is hidden under a cap, the hood completely covering his head. He isn’t wearing anything overly expensive or stylish, but he looks dashing nonetheless. Taehyung has opted for a simple black t-shirt tucked into faded light blue jeans, his hair unstyled and still a little wet from the shower he had taken.
Taehyung gives the other a smile, whose eyes crinkle as he smiles back at him. Taehyung really is happy to be here with him, surrounded by the noisy crowd, in the dim orange lights and the perfect weather. Their translator leaves them to get them the beers they ordered and he just cannot wait for their night to begin.
The crowd around them suddenly roars and that’s when Taehyung realises that Harry has appeared on stage, wearing a sparkly suit with a very low neckline, beaming as he waves at the crowd who are throwing flowers and gifts at him. He feels a warm feeling creep up in chest looking at the artist’s fond smile as he looks at his fans, knowing that he’ll also be able to experience this very soon. He has really missed ARMY and he can’t wait until he can interact with them too.
He looks at Jeongguk and finds him already looking back at him instead, both of them sharing a soft smile, as if already knowing what the other is thinking. It has always been like that for them, even before they debuted. They would constantly know what the other was thinking or trying to say from just a smile or the twitch of an eyebrow. They had always joked about being telepathically connected, destined to meet each other through the band. Taehyung won’t ever tell him, but he likes the destined part the most.
Harry starts performing, and all four of them are having too much fun. Maybe it’s something about the atmosphere, maybe it’s in Harry’s voice, maybe it’s the beer, but Taehyung just feels so free in that moment. Like there’s nothing in the world he can’t do, that everything will eventually fall into place, just as it’s meant to be. He thinks it’s also got something to do with the boy in animal print waving his arms next to him.
The artist performs song after song, all cheerful bops that sound good and easy to dance to. Somewhere in the middle of them Taehyung ditches his jacket, all the jumping around making his whole body hotter. He takes a sip from his beer and moves his hips to a slow, rock-indie tune, which gives the song a very sexy vibe despite its lyrics: Harry singing about a woman who’s with another man and how much he hates to see her with him. Taehyung slowly moves his hips along to the tune, sipping beer slowly, lost in the song until he feels a pair of eyes on him. He looks to his side for a second to see Jeongguk’s eyes intensely staring at him; no, his hips as they sway sideways to guitar riffs of the song. Taehyung doesn’t stop, not even their gazes meet, the elder suddenly feeling like his skin is on fire. He raises an eyebrow, and the fucker has the nerve to lick his lips before they form into a smirk, shrugging.
Taehyung looks away, not being able to stand the dark gaze in the younger’s eyes. He doesn’t know what that means, and he really doesn’t want to find out.
They all finally get to meet Lizzo, one of Harry’s close friends and a fan of theirs, especially of Taehyung and Jimin. During one of Harry’s breaks, they talk with her, taking pictures and even dancing to some songs until the artist of the night comes back.
Taehyung is having much more fun than he expected. He’s already feeling a little tired though, and decides to take a seat next to Jeongguk who’s been sitting for some time, talking and whispering to Jimin. As soon as he senses Taehyung sitting next to him, he gives him a small smile before resting his head on his arm. “Are you having fun, hyungie?” he asks Taehyung, who feels his legs almost cry in relief from standing for an hour.
Taehyung nods and smiles even though the other can’t see him since his eyes are closed. “Of course, Gukkie. I’m so happy you bought the tickets for all of us. Are you happy?”
“As long as I’m with hyung, I’m happy,” he murmurs, but Taehyung can hear it clearly, his heart speeding up by the second. He feels everything in his body getting filled up with happiness, ready to burst into an explosion of colour and confetti. He has always felt like that with the younger but hearing him say it back like that, voice soft as if meant only for him to hear, makes Taehyung feel loved, even though he knows it’s not the same way he loves him. Harry is on the stage speaking and interacting with his fans, but all Taehyung can hear are Jeongguk’s words, filling every part of his brain.
Suddenly the crowd roars, bringing him back to reality. His members are cheering and clapping around him and he blinks twice in confusion before nudging Jeongguk. “What’s happening?”
Jeongguk finally raises his head from his arm. “Noona said that Harry is helping a fan in coming to terms with their sexuality. It’s something he always does in concerts.”
Taehyung’s heart swells at that. He knows how difficult it is coming out to everyone you know and love, having first handedly experienced this back when he was a teenager, figuring out his preferences and who and what he likes. It had taken him a long time to realize who he liked, only managing to come out after Yoongi had beat him to it, coming out as a pansexual. All the members and his family were very supportive and proud of him for taking such a brave step, especially living in a country like South Korea, where sexuality and being a member of the community was still a hush-hush topic. He had helped Jeongguk too, once the younger had confessed of going through the same crisis that his hyungs had been going through before him. Taehyung had felt honoured that he was the first person Jeongguk had trusted with his decision and he did all he could to make the whole process easier for him.
Taehyung can see the fan crying, tears streaming down their face as they nod along to Harry’s encouraging words. “The freedom is yours,” he hears him say proudly, and it makes Taehyung's heart skip a beat. “The freedom is yours, do with it what you will.”
Taehyung takes a deep breath, something about those words making him shiver. Even though he has come out to his loved ones, he hasn’t really been free, has he? Hasn’t been free to talk about boys, hasn’t been free to date anyone of his choice, hasn’t been free to love anyone without restrictions, to love Jeongguk without restrictions. He hears Jeongguk clap loudly for the fan and is overcome with such a rush of affection that he rubs the top of his head gently, making the younger give him an adorable smile.
The night passes by quickly, Taehyung and Jeongguk losing themselves in the songs, the cheers and the music, attached at the hip for the rest of the night with their arms around each other, dancing to every single song that is being sung. They get tipsier as the concert comes to an end, getting touchier with every sip they take, sometime even sharing their beers when one of them runs out. It’s risky, the amount of PDA they’re showing especially in a crowd as big as this, but for some reason Taehyung can’t seem to care. Hoseok keeps taking videos of them having a blast, while Jimin sends endeared smiles towards them all night, as they jump together to Adore You, with Taehyung’s arm around Jeongguk, their heads almost bumping. Taehyung keeps singing the lyrics to Jeongguk with a smile on his face and Taehyung can’t help but smile at the pink spread across the younger’s cheeks.
You don’t have to say you love me,
You don’t have to say nothing,
You don’t have to say, you’re mine
Oh, Honey I’d walk through fire for you,
Just let me adore you.
Oh, if Jeongguk only knew how much Taehyung means those words. That he would be happy spending the rest of his life loving and adoring Jeongguk, expecting absolutely nothing in return.
They see some of their fans finding out they’re here as well, the shock on their faces almost comical as they realise who they are under their masks. All the members want to meet them, not being able to wait until their own concerts, but after years of being an idol they already know the answer, so they just settle to wave their hands and give them loving smiles.
The highlight of the night comes when Taehyung hears the familiar initial piano notes and the whole stadium quietens down, their breaths collectively held in anticipation as Harry begins to sing the first verse of Falling. Everyone takes out their phones and switches on their flashlights, the whole stadium twinkling and swaying along to the tune.
The song is very emotional, heightened by the actual pain underlined in Harry’s voice as he sings about losing his love, a barrier created between them that he can’t break. The first time he had heard Jeongguk cover he had felt his heart break slowly, crumbling into pieces as the younger kept singing verse after verse in a voice laced by pain and longing. The lyrics hit Taehyung too, tears filling in his eyes as he heard Jeongguk singing about being left alone, and having the fear of not being needed anymore, that particular part hitting too close to home. He remembers bursting into Jeongguk’s room as soon as he was done listening to it at least thrice, tears flowing freely down his cheeks as Jeongguk had looked at him worriedly and wrapped the older in a hug for the rest of the night, running a hand through his hair, convincing him he’s okay. Taehyung doesn’t feel any tears coming at that moment, just a wide grin spreading on his lips as sings the lyrics that are drilled in his brain.
Jeongguk casts a worried glance at Taehyung, which makes him blush. He must remember what happened that night too. Hoseok is recording them and he’s happy to see Jeongguk singing along, happiness glistening in his eyes as he sings towards the camera. To reassure him he’s okay, Taehyung once again puts his arms around his shoulder, where it’s been for the whole night. What hasn’t happened the whole night, and what genuinely shakes him, is the feeling of Jeongguk’s hand gripping his tightly, his fingers wrapping around the elder’s long ones, as he leans back on him, still singing as if this is something that regularly do, especially in front of a camera. Jeongguk doesn’t let go of him even when he switches hands to grab his beer glass and every sense in Taehyung’s body is heightened and in a daze at the same time as the song comes to an end, Jeongguk turning to him as soon as Hoseok stops recording. He doesn’t let go of his hand, just gives him a huge smile, his bunny teeth peeking and eyes crinkling as they shine brighter under the galaxy that the flashlights around them have created and god, Taehyung is just so, so in love with him.
The concert is over soon after that, much to Taehyung’s disappointment. They have to leave before the general public starts to rise from their seats, so they take a small exit through the backdoor and climb into their cars, Taehyung crawling in next to Jeongguk in the backseat of the van, immediately clinging to him before he can sit comfortably. Now that all the adrenaline has drained from his body, he feels absolutely exhausted, his eyes almost shutting, partly because of the alcohol and partly because the younger feels so warm next to him, chuckling slightly as he adjusts and pulls him closer.
Taehyung thinks he falls asleep on their way to their hotel, not remembering much except for the feeling of Jeongguk gently playing with his fingers, careful not to disturb his sleep. They reach their hotel soon, Hoseok wishing them a goodnight as he carries a sleeping Jimin on his back as Taehyung walks to his room with Jeongguk’s arm around his waist holding him sturdily. He wasn’t drunk, far from it, but it was like the concert had sucked every part of energy in him, leaving him unable to take two steps.
Jeongguk stops in front of Taehyung’s room, the older sleepily removing his keycard from his wallet. He turns to Jeongguk with a smile, his breath hitching when realising how close the younger was standing to him. “Thank you for today, Jeonggukie. I don’t remember having this much fun in a long time.”
Jeongguk takes another step closer to him, stopping Taehyung’s heart completely stopping when he tucks a few strands of Taehyung’s long fluffy hair behind his ear. “Anything to see you smile, hyung.”
Ironically, Taehyung’s smile fades at that, mouth open slightly. He’s not supposed to say things like this. He’s not supposed to say things that will make me fall deeper for him, not when there’s no chance of him feeling the same.
But Taehyung is so weak when it comes to him, and he can feel the walls he had built around his heart crumble as Jeongguk takes another step towards him, their noses almost touching. “Anything?” he repeats as he spares a one second glance at the younger’s pink lips.
“Anything,” Jeongguk breathes out, and Taehyung can smell the beer on his breath that they had drank all night, making him drunker, more daring. And he wants to risk it all, just lean in and close the gap between their lips already, to get rid of the permanent ache in his lips from not pressing them against the other’s. But he can’t, because he’s not selfish like that, can’t risk something as precious as the younger’s friendship for it.
Harry Styles’ voice echoes in Taehyung’s mind, his words from earlier repeating in his brain. The freedom is yours. The freedom is yours, do with it what you will.
They keep staring at each other, their breaths coming in shorter as they wait for something to happen, for either of them to move away or eliminate the gap. And then suddenly, Jeongguk is almost leaning in, his breath catching. Their lips are about to touch, and Taehyung almost feels the ghost of the younger’s lips-
“Jeongguk-ah? Taehyung-ah?” he hears Namjoon’s voice behind them, startling them completely. They fling away from each other as if burned, faces aflamed.
“Yes hy-hyung?” Jeongguk confirms, his voice breaking a bit.
“I thought I heard you both. It’s almost two, go to sleep. We have early practice tomorrow, and then the AMAs,” he chides gently, voice still groggy from sleep.
They both nod, heads down. Jeongguk leaves without even saying goodnight, and Taehyung is glad. He walks inside his room and undresses himself to his underwear, not even bothering to put on pajamas. He crawls under the covers, his brain working a mile a minute, already knowing he won’t be able to sleep tonight.
What the fuck had just happened?
♫
The first thing Taehyung registers as he wakes up is the dull throb in his head. His alarm is ringing next to him, the sound making him want to throw his phone away. He hasn’t slept for more than three hours, the events of last night playing in his head, making him overthink, taking his sleep away from away.
Last night. Taehyung still can’t process what happened in front of his door, the soft voices, almost like a whisper, the close proximity, their breaths almost mixing, the feeling of Jeongguk’s lips almost touching his.
He lets out a groan, wiping the corner of his mouth where he had drooled in his sleep. He stuffs his face in his pillow, sleep deprived and too tired to face the day, to face Jeongguk. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen the moment they’re in the same room, but he has an idea from the way the younger ran back to this room yesterday without even meeting his eyes. He just wants to spend the day locked in his room, ordering room service and raiding the snacks and candy in the mini fridge while crying over some cliché k-drama.
But he cannot, since he has an award show to attend, two performances to give and awards to receive. Not even five minutes into daydreaming about his plan he hears banging on the door, too loud for seven am in the morning. He stays in bed for two more seconds after which he gets up, coming face to face with a very angry Seokjin. Yikes.
“Taehyung. May I know why you’re still in bed when practice was supposed to start half an hour ago?” he scolds, eyeing Taehyung’s state. The younger knows he looks like a complete mess.
“I overslept,” he admits, voice deep and rough from sleep.
Seokjin shakes his head as he enters the room. “Hoseok told me that you and Jeongguk drank a lot yesterday. No wonder he came looking like shit to practice, while you overslept.”
Taehyung’s ears perk up hearing the younger’s name. “Jeongguk was late too?”
Seokjin nods, standing in front of Taehyung’s suitcase, already taking out clothes for him. “Yeah. Looked horrible too, like he hadn’t slept for five days.” He looks at Taehyung again. “Kind of how you look right now.”
Taehyung doesn’t know what to think of it. Did Jeongguk have trouble sleeping too last night? Or was it because of the beer they had consumed?
Seokjin lays the clothes he chose for him on the bed and gets up. “Go wash your face and put on some clothes, God.”
Taehyung grins as he stares at his half naked form. “Why? Are you getting too distracted hyung?” he asks sultry.
His hyung rolls his eyes and gives the back of the younger’s head a gentle slap, ears pink. “I expect you to be in the studio in five minutes,” he says before closing the door.
Taehyung sighs as he walks towards the bathroom, dreading the moment he has to face the younger.
♫
Practice goes just how Taehyung expected it to be. Full of avoidance, looking away and awkward tension. Taehyung’s eyes flew to Jeongguk as soon as he entered and noticed that Seokjin was right. They both were sporting identical bags under their eyes, exhaustion scrawled across their face and a stiffness in their body, even when they were dancing. He thinks everyone in the room noticed the signs, especially when neither of the two even looked at each other during their step in the butter choreo. Thankfully for them, no one said a word.
Now, as Taehyung sits in his chair in his suit while his makeup artist does his magic on him, he tries to arrange his thoughts. It was almost physically painful to be around Jeongguk, and he hated it. He hated it so much because this was exactly the thing he had wanted to avoid and now his fears were coming to life. He hadn’t talked to the younger since last night, and it was killing him.
Jeongguk walks into the room just as the makeup artist is just finishing up with Taehyung, putting hazel contacts in his eyes. Jeongguk’s eyes catch Taehyung’s in the vanity mirror, and Taehyung stops breathing.
Jeongguk looks absolutely stunning, his jet black hair parted styled to perfection and his piercings shining under the harsh light of the room. And of course they’re wearing matching suits, because apparently the universe hates them and made them choose the same suits. The only difference being Jeongguk wearing a black shirt underneath whereas Taehyung wears a white one.
Jeongguk’s lips part as he stares at Taehyung, letting out a breath so uneven Taehyung can spot it through the mirror. He blinks twice as his makeup session is over, adjusting his eyes to the contacts and breaking the staring contest between them. When he looks up again, Jeongguk is gone.
Taehyung’s hands are sweaty as they make their way to the venue. He fears the awkwardness between the two bandmates will show once they’re out in the open, the cameras ready to catch the smallest of mistakes they make.
“Taehyung-ah,” Hoseok says while sitting next to him. “Is everything okay between you and Jeongguk? Did something happen between you two?” Taehyung gulps, not knowing exactly how to answer. He didn’t want to worry his hyungs, but he knew that Hoseok would detect his bullshit right away. “We’re okay,” he says after two seconds, not sure how much he believes himself. “We’ll be okay, hyung.”
As much as Taehyung loves concerts, he has a dislike for award shows, especially American ones. He’s tired of the cameras, the stares, the unnecessary questions. He’s very tired of staying two feet away from Jeongguk when all he wants to do is embrace him, pull him closer and forget about last night. He and Jeongguk play it off well on the carpet, pretending that nothing is wrong, answering questions and standing next to each other for photos. But every time the camera is turned away and Jeongguk rushes away from him as if he has the plague, a part of Taehyung’s heart burns away.
They get to perform with Coldplay, something that they’ve always dreamed about. They get to see ARMY live for the first time in two years, and Taehyung almost tears up as his hands brush through the sea of hands raised just for them. They accept the award for Best Pop Duo/Group, and another for Best Pop Song for Butter and Taehyung is so overwhelmed and happy. If only he could share that happiness with the one he loves the most.
“Taehyungie, is everything okay between you and Jeongguk?” Jimin asks him when there’s an ad break, staring at him in concern. Taehyung nods, suppressing the urge to cry as he hears the worry laced in Jimin’s tone. “You two haven’t talked since this morning and it’s getting worrisome. Did you two fight last night?”
Taehyung wishes they had fought instead, because then they could just scream it out at each other, get even a little physical if it came to that. But this? The avoidance, the running away? He hates it so much he just wishes he could go beg and sob into Jeongguk’s arms how sorry he is, for not moving away, for loving him, for being selfish.
“We didn’t fight,” he says, since it’s the only truth he can muster up with a smile. Jimin stares at him for a second before nodding with a smile, relief splayed in his features.
The last award of the night arrived, and so did all of Taehyung’s nerves. They had been nominated for the Artist Of The Year, a feat that was in itself something that seemed so impossible to him when he had debuted. When the announcer called their names as the winner, Taehyung could swear his blood stopped rushing through his veins. He and Jimin shared a look, their lips parted in disbelief as they stood up, looking at their members sharing the same expressions and hugs, looking like words hadn’t sunk in yet. Taehyung sneaks a look at Jeongguk’s wide doe eyed expression, a shocked smile on his face. Namjoon nudges them to walk to the stage, all seven of them forming a file as they quickly strut towards their awaiting award.
The whole venue is full of screams and applause, but Taehyung is still in a daze as he holds the trophy, sending smiles to all of his members while Namjoon starts his speech. Namjoon says what he’s prepared, stuttering and taking deep breaths, but Taehyung can’t blame him.
He himself has a speech prepared but he doesn’t think he’ll get to say it as Jeongguk takes the mic next, giving his entire speech in English, even pausing in between to calm his heart. And Taehyung wants to deliver his speech his bad, but he momentarily forgets the words because all he can stare at is Jeongguk, the boy he’s watch grow from a shy introverted teenager to a man who’s confident enough to stand on a podium and speak in English at an American award show, yet be endearing enough to clutch his heart as he says the words through gasped breaths. Taehyung tries to gently shove him once, twice, until he stares helplessly at Seokjin who smiles at him fondly and carries him away by his waist mid speech, giving Taehyung only ten seconds to say whatever he wants to.
But he doesn’t mind, because as they’re quite literally being thrown off stage, he and Jeongguk share the happiest smiles they can muster up, and Taehyung knows that they will get through this too. After all, they’re artists of the year.
That night, after the awards and the celebratory Vlive, the members go to their respective rooms one by one, all happy and content and a little drunk from all the champagne they had consumed. Jimin leaves too after giving a kiss on Taehyung’s cheek, wishing him a goodnight. Taehyung turns to the last member present and well, it’s Jeongguk.
Ever since the little smile they shared on the stage, things weren’t okay between them, but they weren’t as awkward as before. Taehyung stares at him from on the other side of the couch, twirling an empty champagne glass in his hand. Taehyung thinks it’s best to leave and rest in for the night if the silence is going to prevail but stops when he hears Jeongguk’s voice. “It’s still so surreal, right?” he says, eyes still trained on the glass in hand.
“What is?” Taehyung asks slowly, cautiously, as if one wrong step will make Jeongguk go back to not speaking with him.
“All of this. Us being in the most successful group in the world, receiving artist of the year awards, getting to perform all over the world, it feels like I haven’t still been able to catch up with it yet.”
Taehyung’s face breaks into a fond smile. “Me too. Some I think we’ve reached the top and there’s nowhere to go anymore but then, suddenly we’ve achieved new heights.”
Jeongguk nods, unconsciously shifting closer to Taehyung. “But you know what that means right, hyung? We’re not crossing limits anymore, we’re creating new ones for others and ourselves.”
The older boy stares at him with feelings of adoration and awe mixed in, something Jeongguk had always made him feel. He never wants to get used to it. “You’ve grown up so well, Jeonggukie.”
Jeongguk looks away, ears getting red. “Hyung!” he whines, making Taehyung laugh.
“What I’m not lying! It feels like yesterday you treated us to Jjangmeon after your high school initiation ceremony. I’m so proud of you, Guk,” he says, ruffling his hair a little.
Jeongguk smiles at him, a smile full of love and gratitude and something else Taehyung can’t decipher. After that, the weird barrier that has persisted between them throughout the day breaks down, and they end up cuddling on the couch.
They talk about everything and nothing at the same time, reminiscing their roots and trainee days to the more recent events, like their UN speech and the date Taehyung had planned for them in New York, booking an entire restaurant on the day they’re supposed to be closed after hearing Jeongguk complain once about how they don’t get to eat out like normal people anymore. He had asked Jeongguk to accompany him to get dinner after their conference, telling him they’re only going to pick up their ordered food. When Jeongguk got to know he had booked the hotel one month in advance just for them, he had given Taehyung the tightest hug and a long kiss on his cheek. As gross as it sounds, Taehyung hadn’t washed his face for an entire day after. The huge pimple he got on his chin after that was so worth it.
They finally decide to go to sleep when the sun is peeking behind the clouds, the early birds already chirping. And when they wake up again in less than four hours to practice sporting the same eye bags like the day before, Taehyung is glad that this time, instead of avoiding his gaze, Jeongguk gives him a shy smile when their eyes meet.
♫
Taehyung slumps in his car in exhaustion as he closes the door, wanting nothing more than to take a relaxing shower for an hour at least. Jeongguk smiles at him as he closes his door as well, leaning to put his head on the elder’s shoulder. Despite how tired he is, Taehyung lifts his hand to run through Jeongguk strands gently, knowing it helps him relax. He lets out a contented sigh as he feels the slim fingers in his hair.
Their first PTD concert had just gotten over, and all the nervousness that Taehyung had felt while stepping on stage vanished as soon as he saw the purple ocean surrounding him, making him feel whole. Performing their songs in front of a live audience who loved them with the bottom of their heart made him feel like being on the top of the world. He couldn’t believe he had three more days of this.
“Did you have a great time tonight?” Taehyung asks him after a few minutes of comfortable silence.
Jeongguk nods. “So much fun, hyung. I had missed ARMY like I miss my family. Is it weird I miss them already?”
Taehyung chuckles. “They are our family. I miss them too, to be honest. I wanted to go live but…”
Jeongguk lifts his head. “But what?”
Taehyung looks away, cheeks heating up. “I'm too shy to do it alone. It gets boring after a while when you’re alone, you know?”
Jeongguk nods and puts his head back on his shoulder again. “Agreed. I don’t know what else to do in my single lives but sing. Do you want me to join you?”
Taehyung smiles even though the other can’t see it. “Will you come if I call you?”
“Always, hyung. I’ll be there whenever you need me.”