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"Cam's not gonna see it that way. She loves you." Tulip insists, voice hushed. A tentative hand reaches out to graze Syd's arm.
She pulls away, eyes squeezing shut. "Not like that. Not ever."
"Syd--" Tulip starts.
"Please, Tulip, drop it. I just wanna go back to bed." Syd pleads, twisting coppery locks of hair with a clenched fist. It comes out harsher than she intended, strained. Even Syd is alarmed by the audible tightness in her throat.
They stand there for a moment, holding their breath, waiting for the other to look away. Tulip opens, then closes her mouth, deflating. "Okay. I love you."
Syd forces out a staggered sigh, letting her arms fall at her sides. "Thank you. I love you, too." It takes everything Syd has to keep her composure, to not fall into Tulip's embrace and dissolve into her shoulder.
The girls return to bed wordlessly, fingertips interlocked as they tiptoe through the darkness and crawl back under the covers. Tulip squeezes Syd's hand sympathetically, shooting her once last glance before turning over to sleep. Even Cam is facing the wall now, leaving Syd alone, again.
She curls in on herself, a numb kind of coldness beginning to spread over her exposed skin, sinking into her bones. Her eyelids grow heavy, gentle blue tracing the curves of Cam's back, the softness of her shoulders. Something deep in her chest begins to burn with shame, crackling in her veins. It's all suddenly so real. Too real.
The stupid, selfish mistake she should have been able to stop herself from making, from ruining the most important relationship of her life. Feelings obvious to someone as oblivious as Tulip, that took a fucking kiss for Syd to even consider. How could she have let things spiral so far out of control? Breach Cam's trust in such an intimate way?
Thick, red lashes begin to blur with dark, spiraling curls that seem to flow over the sheets, with watery longing spilling, sliding, seeping into freckled cheekbones. Cam is somehow even more intoxicating through this glassy haze, this yearning that leaves Syd’s chest aching and eyes burning. Someone she could look at forever. Someone she can't help but want. She lets the lump in her throat weigh heavy on her chest, holding her breath until exhaustion takes over and pulls her into unconsciousness.