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Walk, Fly, Love
I couldn't yet see you, still obscured by the city
The towers of glass reflected your coming
Silhouetted on the sunrise
Did I blink as I watched? Did I close my eyes?
(Airships, VNV Nation)
Here you are, your heart still beating. Do you feel it clinging to existence? A single thud echoing through the vastness of space and time. How insignificant it seems in the framework of the endless expanse, but how essential it is for those who wait for you.
You are alive, now. Brought back from the brink yet again, so you might draw the vital breath of life once more. How many times have we been here, you and I, ever since you picked up that crystal in the decrepit streets of the Brume, and bound us together for all eternity?
We come to this crossroads again, this nexus of choices.
Looking back on our journey, I remember it all in vivid detail, every face we gazed upon, every voice we perceived crying out for our aid. Like glimpses of the midnight sky with its myriad stars, the lives we have touched spread out as far as the eye can see, to a distant horizon.
And all of them have a meaning so deep, so profound… it feels inconceivable, don’t you think?
Who feels them like we do, we who took their burdens upon our shoulders and allowed their joys, their troubles, their very lives into our heart, making them a part of us. Nothing else could have broken through the world of unending despair you faced at the edge of the universe, nothing but the overflowing love in us, this riptide capable of washing away even the deepest of sorrows. Healing the most grievous of wounds. Drying the river of tears wept by the Endsinger.
It was always the core of our power, the wish to protect what we love. Hydaelyn blessed us, and countless trials have come and gone since then. Midgardsormr put us to the test. Zenos beat us within an ilm of our life. Three times. When the Light threatened to splinter our soul and destroy us, Emet-Selch pushed us to our limits. We entered the crucible again and again, be it primal or Ascian, be it consuming shadow or primordial light or the song of oblivion.
We were broken and rebuilt. We rose to fight once more. To walk our path until the very end of it.
We lost so much, so many shining, precious, infinitely dear lights returning into the Aetherial Sea. So many tears cried within the lonely embrace of the night. Too rarely we shared our grief, a flaw we should seek to amend.
It is not a God’s blessing that made you prevail, enabling you to come this far. It is the flame in your heart that blazes eternal, nurtured by the strength they have given you – both those who walk beside you and those who are far away, desperately hoping that you’d return.
Because without them, you would be a Warrior without Light. The Champion of Nothing. They make your light, and finally, finally you have repaid them for all they have given you.
You have known the great tapestry of love in all its dazzling colours. Deep friendship. Warm family. Burning passion. Devotion without bounds. Unquestioning and pure. That is what makes your soul into an invincible flame, a star in its own right.
All of their voices still resonate within you, praying, singing, sighing. Some are loud and urgent, some soft and imploring. Can you hear them?
Ah, yes… I suppose this is farewell, for a time… possibly forever. After all, I am the side of you that comes forth in darkness and shade, in battle and conflict, to bring the abyss upon those who threaten our heart of hearts.
I am the burden of truth you bear. That every light has its shadow.
No longer. My silence shall not stand as a sign of abandonment, but a symbol of my wish to you. For one as we are, two sides of the same coin, I know best the tiny flickering hope you carry inside you at the end of this longest journey.
I feel how weary you are, how you long for peace. For rest and quiet, and… the touch of a beloved hand on yours.
Something to help heal the scars left on your soul, the ones not visible to the eye because they run much deeper than skin alone. Something you deem selfish and disloyal, shying from the thought of putting down the sword and letting your vigil over this star come to an end.
But you deserve to.
Ever will you be a wanderer, drawn to things new and far and peculiar. By retreating into the furthest reaches of our soul, I take from you the weight of responsibility. I take from you the Warrior’s burdens, so you might sprout wings to fly free, unencumbered, magnificent. To return home whenever you wish.
To, for once, live just as yourself. Nothing more. Nothing less. Worry not, for I shall be in the shadows should you need me.
You are not alone. You never were.
Even now, you are called.
Are you ready to rise once more, like the phoenix from the ashes?
“Oh Gods, please – open your eyes!”
“You can’t leave us, not like this, not now! Not after everything –“
Slowly, the twinkling stars within the blanket of blackness coalesced, gathering somewhere at the centre, their light overtaking the shadow. As the voices pulled her further away from oblivion, the signs of life became clearer.
Her heartbeat, a strangely uneven rhythm, was the first thing she felt inside her body. And with it, a thousand pains rushed back in all at once. The sudden, blinding agony almost pushed her back into unconsciousness. She could do little but gasp, her throat too raw to produce more than a toneless groan.
Hands were on her. Warm, desperate aether gushing from them to keep her alive, flowing with her blood and seeking out things that needed mending. The stunning pain receded a bit as the healing did its work, and although there were still dozens of things hurting, it seemed the spells had given her enough strength to open her eyes. Slowly, by small degrees, the world slid back into focus and the tiny dancing spots faded from her vision.
Only the sight she awakened to nearly broke her heart anew. Alisaie and Alphinaud were crouched over her, the persistent flow of magic from their hands rippling like gentle waves across her battered body.
The moment she stirred, Alisaie’s inconsolable sobs were interrupted by a gasp, and she buried her face in her arms, trembling like a lost creature in the cold. Akane had never seen her like this – unhinged, beside herself with emotion. Neither had she seen Alphinaud so pale he looked see-through, the tracks his tears had left glistening on his cheeks.
It took unimaginable effort, but she lifted her hands, one settling on Alphinaud’s arm, the other on the crown of his sister’s head. Muscles worked against the pain and exhaustion, managing to form a smile.
Fresh tears sprang into Alphinaud’s eyes. “Thank the heavens… For a moment we thought…”
He couldn’t go on, for once beyond words.
Akane cleared her throat and swallowed twice before she spoke, her voice hoarse and little more than a whisper.
“Is everyone… everyone alright?”
Neither of the twins seemed capable of an answer. They clung to her with such desperation, as if they feared she might disappear any second now.
It was G’raha’s voice, broken and shaky, that replied. His face came into view beyond the twins as he sank to his knees beside them.
“After what you’ve done… you’re the last person… to be asking that.” He drew a fractured breath, bowing his head.
Gods, were they all crying? Their distress pained her more than her beaten body, lodging itself like a spike in her chest.
“You… how can you keep your promise if you’re not here?”, G’raha went on, his ruby eyes shimmering with moisture.
It seemed her entire family had gathered around her, all of them standing in a circle to watch the scene of her awakening. Their expressions ranged from grim to stricken, but she could see the relief slowly chasing away the fear on their faces.
Estinien shook his head, his arms crossed and a rare smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Another fine show you’ve put on… my friend.”
“A fine show indeed!”, Y’shtola interjected almost angrily. “What were you thinking, fighting alone? Never do that again!” She paused, looking down at Akane with her clouded eyes full of worry, her voice gentling all of a sudden.
“My poor heart couldn’t bear it.”
Thancred was the next to unleash his rebuke on her, his words as always mingled with a bit of humour and fond sarcasm.
“Put yourself in our place. If you hadn’t returned, how do you think we would feel? And if that sounds harsh… It’s because we care.”
Urianger crouched beside her, his hand gentle on her shoulder. “We tended to thy wounds as best we could, but… how is the pain? Can you move?”
Akane was not sure she could. Everything hurt, every limb and muscle, even her very bones. But what she felt strongest was her heart, full to bursting with affection, unbearably heavy and light as a feather at the same time. She took a breath to centre herself, struggling to sit up. Alphinaud and Urianger braced her, their support a much-needed reassurance as she clenched her teeth against the pain.
“That is gladdening. Grievous as thine injuries were, however, I would counsel repose for a time.” Urianger’s angular features were tense, but his voice was kind.
“Gladdening?!”, Alisaie suddenly cut across him furiously. “There’s nothing gladdening about this!”
She was still bent over, effectively hiding her expression – but Akane could see the glitter of her tears as they fell.
“When Meteion appeared in here and told us that you were right behind her, we all got our hopes up. But you never came! And when you finally deign to appear, you’re within an ilm of your life!”
Finally, she lifted her head, her face tear-streaked, her chin quivering.
“Damn you! Damn you for making us worry!” Her voice trembled as uncontrollably as her slender shoulders did, and Akane couldn’t bear it any longer.
She wound her arm around Alisaie, pulling her into an aching hug that carried all her love. No words had yet been invented to convey what she felt, and no words were needed anyway. Alphinaud wrapped his arms around her neck, and she drew him close too, holding both of them.
Just holding them.
And the hurt it caused to her body was nothing compared to the warmth in her heart, the flame Esteem had spoken about, a fire that burned with the heat of an incandescent star. She felt her own eyes well with tears, and let them flow freely.
They were not born of sadness or joy, but an inseparable balance of the two. One for each of the friends who had passed away along this winding, bittersweet journey. One for every member of her family, with her to the very end. One for those ancient spirits who were now all of them returned to the star they had loved beyond measure.
And one for the tiny hope she nurtured at the end of this road. She saw his face before her mind’s eye, felt the secret strength of his devotion. Never wavering. Her other half, the keeper of her heart of hearts. Divided by distance, parted for what felt like a lifetime. But always there, unfailing and adamant. Waiting for her to return.
I’m on my way homeward, my love. And this time, I shall stay. For as long as you’ll have me.
She had almost made it out of the Baldesion Annex without being seen. Almost. Estinien just had this annoying penchant to notice every tiny movement in his surroundings. Even in the middle of the night, in near absolute darkness. Did the man ever sleep?
In any case, he had spotted her making her way – on still rather wobbly legs – through the corridors and out onto the deserted square. She’d caught him leaning against a support column at the top of the stairs, watching her with interest as she summoned her griffin Cloudracer.
And it seemed he knew exactly where she was going.
“I distinctly remember at least three people warning you not to leave your bed until your wounds have sufficiently healed. They will be worried. Especially the twins.”, he said, tilting his head inquisitively.
Akane gave a sigh, feeling a pang of guilt. She swallowed down the knot in her throat, meeting Estinien’s eyes across the plaza.
“I have to see him.”
He smiled faintly. This too, he’d already known. “Of course you have to. He’s probably been on tenterhooks since the moment we announced our plans to take the fight to Meteion. Go on, put him out of his misery.”
She shook her head, amusement bubbling up in response to his remark.
“I’ll be sure to tell him you are still your same rough, hard-shelled, heart-of-gold self.”
At this, Estinien looked briefly stunned into silence, before he bestowed her with a scowl to put all scowls to shame.
“Don’t you dare.”, he growled.
Unfazed, Akane laughed and proceeded to climb Cloudracer’s back with more caution than usual, wincing at the lingering pain of her injuries. She took a breath to gather her wits, throwing Estinien a wide grin.
“Try and stop me.”
Fury help him, but he was tired of waiting. It felt like he had waited years. Decades. Ages. Every single time Akane left to fight danger, to put her life on the line for the sake of the people, he had waited. Torn between his faith in her and the crippling fear of losing her. No matter that he’d been through this more often than any one person should. Often enough, some people might say, to get used to it.
But only a fool would think that this feeling was something anyone would get used to. On the contrary. Each time, the dangers looming ahead of her felt bigger and bigger, dwarfing the ones that came before. Elder dragon? Well, here comes a madman wielding the rage of a whole nation. Failing that, two ancient beings of untold power and a world at the brink. And then came the apocalypse, the song of oblivion. This last one had almost destroyed him.
Because before Akane had left to board the Ragnarok, she had visited Ishgard to see him. Prior to the Final Days, it hadn’t been unusual for her to find small pockets of time to return home, for a night or if they were very lucky two. But this pinnacle of a disaster had kept them apart even more than they already were. Still he had endured. Yet it was also why her coming to him on the eve of her departure had filled him with a horrible, nameless dread.
After an all-too-short, heated union, she had risen from the bed and put her clothes back on, sitting for a moment on the edge of the mattress, words failing her. A sadness too vast to comprehend had been in her eyes. He knew better than to ask her to stay, even though his selfish heart cried out to her with every last fibre.
Akane had taken off her dragon pendant, the partner to the ring he wore, both pieces made by her hands. She had placed it on his palm, closing his fingers around it, her throat working frantically in the search for the right words.
“Keep it with you.”, she’d said quietly, holding his gaze. “I never told you this, but the crystals are shards of aetheryte. This pendant contains memories, thoughts, pictures from all my travels. I preserved them in here for you. When you watch them, you will know… understand… feel that you always walked with me, even when we were worlds apart. Should I return, you can give it back to me, if you wish. Should I not…”
“Stop.”, he’d interrupted her, pulled her into his arms, held her so tightly it was painful, but she hugged him back with just as much fervour, her face tucked under his chin, a lone sob breaking through her composure.
“I feel like… like I’m going to disappear…”, she’d whispered, scared as he had never witnessed her.
“You will return. You will.” He’d paused for a long moment, gathering the truth from his heart and forging it into speech.
“And I will give back this pendant. You are going to wear it again, so you can fill it with more memories. I have to believe this. That there must come a time of peace for you. And I will be waiting here, to welcome you home.”
She’d looked up at him, unshed tears in her eyes.
“I don’t know if… if I have enough of that belief left in me.”
He hadn’t been fazed, instead he’d brushed his lips over her forehead gently. With this gesture of comfort, he’d tried to tell her that somehow, impossibly, everything would be alright.
“Worry not. I will believe for us both.”
And he had. He had believed and prayed and waited, turning to the invaluable memories within the talisman she’d left behind whenever hopelessness had threatened to drown his heart in despair. It had been two days since he’d seen the spaceship cut through the skies above Ishgard on its way back to Sharlayan.
Aymeric had felt an infinite relief at the sight of it, because he knew its return meant that the Scions had been victorious in averting the Final Days. Two days of pacing, barely managing to concentrate on his duties anymore, of constantly listening to the cacophonous chatter on his linkpearl, hoping to hear her voice come through it.
But there were too many others to discern anything with certainty – it seemed as though every person from every nation everywhere suddenly had access to a communication device, and they’d all decided to scream and whisper and chant their joy through the channels simultaneously.
All of them clamoured to thank the Warrior of Light and her Scions, yet if the saviours listened, they did not give answers through the linkshell network. Aymeric soon gave up, resuming his relentless pacing around his office by day and his bedroom by night.
On the third night, after having celebrated for two days straight, the people of Ishgard seemed to be calming down from the euphoria that had gripped them when the news of the averted crisis had reached the Holy See.
The streets were dark and silent once more, the nocturnal heavens above as clear as they rarely were. Proudly showing off every star embedded into the great celestial blanket. Hoping that the brisk air would help soothe his nerves, Aymeric had left the window in his bedroom open.
Midnight had come and gone, and he could still not sleep, his head too crowded with worries, his heart too full with longing. No matter how many circles he walked around the furniture, the nervous energy buzzing through his veins would not abate.
It was in this nearly-wrecked state that a rushing sound ripped him from his thoughts. Wings. Not great ones like a dragon’s, but softer. Feathery. There was a quiet thud outside, in the inner courtyard. Before he knew what he was doing, Aymeric lunged for the window, and he felt, he felt before he saw that it was her.
His heart turned over inside his chest at the sight of her, standing there in the tiny gardens with her griffin at her side, surrounded by ivy-covered columns. No armour. No weapon. No Warrior of Light.
Just a traveller in casual clothes, weary but smiling with the brilliance of the full moon. Her long hair was unbound and cascading over her shoulders, obsidian waves dipped in silver. Her eyes found him in the window, and then she was beaming with an impossible brightness, her joy striking him down like a blinding dawn.
The power of speech deserted him. His breath did, too. When he didn’t react, Akane’s brows rose, yet her stunning smile stayed.
“Well… I love it when you are speechless, but… are you coming down any time soon to open the door?”
The affectionate hilarity in her voice broke Aymeric’s stupor, and within an instant he was whirling around, taking the steps three at a time to reach her.
He threw open the door but hadn’t taken two steps before she was running, skipping, dancing towards him. Laughter broke unbidden from him as he caught her in his arms, and holding her felt like holding life itself, warm and wondrous and true.
Belatedly, he realized that his hands were shaking as they framed her face, that he was kissing everywhere his lips could reach – her hair, her cheeks, her eyelids – and that she was laughing too, laughing yet crying at the same time, but by the Fury she was more beautiful than ever.
His mouth found her smiling lips, stealing a tiny bit of her joy to keep, and how perfect the taste of their reunion was. He would never find the right words to describe it. But that moment would be etched into his memory for the rest of his life.
“My love… my heart. You are returned to me.”, he managed between fervent kisses, his usually calm voice raw with emotion.
Her hands were stroking gently through his hair, fluttering across his forehead, brushing the line of his jaw.
“I am. I am here.”
That night, he made love to her with an aching tenderness, keenly savouring every kiss, every touch, every shared intimacy as if he was discovering all of her anew. And perhaps, in a way, it was the first time in their long relationship when he did not fear an imminent separation. This knowledge, this certainty lent their union something unbearably sweet, something finally fallen into place. Something complete and unchangeable.
Between the soft, silken sheets, tangled around each other in an embrace the Twelve themselves couldn’t have broken, she whispered her love to him, telling the story of how he had stolen her heart bit by bit, how it would be his forever.
“I will always follow it. To you.”
This promise was something he had never dared to hope or ask for. But when she gave it, he felt like two pieces long sundered inside him were stitched together again – and he was overcome with a feeling so strong it took his breath away.
His caution crumbled then, replaced by sheer hunger and a need that never seemed to diminish, no matter how often he found fulfilment in her arms. He let his passion fly wild and free, and she flew with him. Soaring side by side to secret heights only lovers know.
When their hearts had calmed and their desire had been, at least for the moment, sated, a quiet stillness settled in between them. Still intertwined, they lay together within the restful silence, and for a small eternity all that could be heard were their deep breaths. Attuned. Speaking without words.
Eventually, Akane shifted in his arms, gazing up at him. There was a lightness about her, something he had seen before but not quite like this. Free of doubt or pain.
“I love you, Aymeric. Now and ever.” Simple. Artless. He smiled, brushing aside a strand of her dark, red hair.
“And I you.” Aymeric hesitated for a moment before he spoke again. When he did, his words were clear and resolute.
“Will you marry me?”
She had probably expected any question but this one, because her eyes went ridiculously wide, her brows retreating up into her hairline, mouth open and slack.
“W-what?”, she stuttered, a dozen different emotions flashing across her lovely face in quick succession. “I… but… You can’t – your title, your position –“
She babbled on, and although it was very endearing to see her so flustered, Aymeric smoothed his hand over her back to still her.
“You need not worry about that. I have made my intentions clear to the House a long time ago. There were no objections.”, he assured her.
Akane bit her lip, glancing at him through lowered lashes. Suddenly she looked young, shy.
“Did you have to negotiate them into agreeing?”
At this question, he laughed – a deep, whole-hearted sound.
“No, love. Do you truly think they would object to me taking the saviour of the star as my wife?”
Wife. Gods, the sound of that word coming from his lips. Akane stared at him in disbelief.
“But I’m Au Ra, and –“
“And if you were a swamp-creature dripping with malodorous mud, I would still marry you.”, he declared adamantly.
“Are you saying I smell bad?”, she sounded scandalized. Aymeric sighed, pulling her close, touching his forehead to hers.
“No, you silly woman. I am telling you that you are the one for me. And I am asking you, for Fury’s sake, to say yes.”, he whispered.
For an endless minute, Akane said nothing at all. He thought he might expire from the suspense, when –
“Alright. Yes. I will marry you. On one condition.”
“Hm?”
“You have to convince Estinien to be our witness at the wedding.”
And seeing Aymeric’s crestfallen expression then, followed by the brightness of his dazzling smile – for that alone she would have walked it all again. Every step of the way. To the very end.