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Blair knows she's going to be an awful mother.
It doesn't sink in at first, what with the flurry of finding out - her sudden bouts of nausea, Dan's insistence that they go to the hospital for fear that her bulimia is back ( I'm in a good place, Humphrey; don't be ridiculous. ), and the subsequent pronouncement of her GP ( Excuse me, doctor, it will be Baby Waldorf-Humphrey and not just Baby Humphrey! ). Even the thrill of announcing to their loved ones delays her terror.
It is actually after their brunch announcement that Blair suddenly feels uneasy. The joy of being in an unabashedly small (read: snobby) friend group is that it doesn't take much time to gather them together. Amidst Serena's enthusiastic hugs ( Oh, B! ), Nate's knowing grin ( I am the godfather, right, guys? ), and Chuck's flippant and only slightly bitter observation ( So you really are doing the nasty with Humphrey, Blair... ), a bubble of discomfort rises in her gut.
She is standing in their kitchen putting away the last of the dishes when she moans, "Dan, I'm going to be a terrible mom."
Dan immediately rushes to her, placing his arms around her waist. "Hey now, what brought this on?"
Blair keeps babbling on. "It's not like I've had the best of examples. I've made my peace with my mother, but she is an awful mom. I mean she still asks me now why I married the help!"
Dan winces. "That doesn't mean you're going to be bad at it, Blair."
"Easy for you to say, Humphrey," Blair mumbles as she presses her face to his chest. "Alison was kind of terrible, but Rufus was actually the best. I was so jealous of you and his corny jokes and his waffles and his... presence."
Dan hums. "You are many things, Blair Waldorf, but you are not Eleanor."
He laughs. "I definitely wouldn't have married you if you were."
Blair sniffs. She isn't completely appeased, but she thinks that is the end of that. She doesn't want to dwell on her emotions after all.
While the anxiety niggles at the back of her mind for the next few weeks, she tries to ignore it as she throws herself into parenting manuals, Lamaze classes, and nursery decorating.
One evening, however, Dan arrives home and tells her he has a surprise for her.
"This better not be a Cabbage Patch doll, Humphrey. You told me we'd shop for that together."
"No, no, no. Close your eyes."
Blair stills and follows his instructions.
Suddenly, she is encased in soft, warm, plump arms that she is sure are not Dan's.
"Miss Blair!"
"Dorota!" Blair shrieks. "What are you doing here?"
Much to Blair's consternation, a few years back, Vanya received an offer to be the head of security of a condominium in the Midwest. He had then promptly uprooted Dorota and their children to what Blair refers to as the boondocks. She visits, of course, but it's not the same.
Dorota glares at Blair. "Lonely Boy tell me you think you'll be bad mom!"
"Humphrey, you told on me!" Blair gives Dan a sidelong glance.
"You. will. not!" Dorota emphasizes sternly.
Her face softens.
"You will not. You had me."
And she sweeps Blair into the tightest of hugs, as only mothers do.
Tears form in Blair's eyes. While they are hugging, she spies Dan watching with tears of his own.
She mouths a thank you at him.
He smiles.
Later, when they're in bed, Blair pinches him.
"Ow, what was that for, Waldorf?"
"Don't think you'll get away with telling on me, Humphrey!"
Blair won't be an awful mother, but some things are just unavoidable. She'll always be an incorrigible wife.
After all, Dan Humphrey would never settle for less.