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“A book club?”
Okay, Josh had seriously misjudged Drake's reaction to this. The last time he'd heard Drake say something with that much disgust, it was “Mindy Crenshaw?” Maybe chemistry class wasn't the best time to tell him about it.
“Yes,” he said. “A book club. A space for intellectuals and friends to come together in the spirit of thoughtful discussion.”
“Uh-huh,” Drake said. ”Thoughtful discussion.”
“That's right. This week, we're reading Eat, Pray, Love. It's a wonderful tale of a woman discovering herself.” He smiled to himself, thinking of the great conversations they would have. Craig and Eric had already signed up for his book club, and the sign-up sheet had been hanging up all day, so he was sure someone else was bound to soon.
“You know what I'm going to be reading this week?” Drake put down the beaker he'd been stirring and fished around in his pocket. He pulled out a piece of paper and slammed it down on the table.
“Lucy Maldano's phone number. It's a wonderful tale of a girl going on a date with me.”
“You are so crass,” Josh sniffed. He picked up the beaker, cradling it away from Drake, who would probably break it.
“Whatever,” Drake said. “Hey, Josh, how much of this powder do we need?” He was holding up a test tube filled with delicate white grains.
“Seven milligrams,” Josh said. “You weigh it on this scale. See, you take the different weights and slide them forward—”
“Yeah, that's probably like this much, right?” Drake said, shaking some into another beaker full of liquid.
“Drake,” Josh said, snatching it away. “You can't mess around with these things! Eight milligrams and it would explode! Now we need more solution.”
“You’re the one who needs a solution,” Drake said. “A solution to your terminal dorkiness. I mean, I always knew you were—and don’t take this the wrong way—a total loser.”
“Thanks,” Josh said dryly, cutting him a sideways look and picking up a clean beaker.
“But this is maybe the dorkiest thing you’ve ever done,” Drake continued. Josh carefully poured some more solution into the clean beaker. He stooped down to look at the liquid on eye level. It had to be measured precisely from the bottom of the meniscus.
“I mean, what are you going to do in a book club?” Drake said. “You’re just going to sit around saying, hey, we’re a bunch of nerds who read all the time! That’s why we’re so pasty!”
“I am not pasty!” Josh said, straightening and turning to Drake in indignation. “I’ve told you, sunscreen is important! You’re going to get skin cancer!”
“But before I get skin cancer, I’ll look really great,” Drake said. “See how that works?”
“We’ll see how great you look when you’re dead from the ultraviolet power of the sun,” Josh said, waving his arms to demonstrate to Drake exactly how ominous ultraviolet rays were. His wrist caught the beaker and it spilled, the liquid spreading out over the table in Josh’s direction. He jumped backward, knocking over his stool with a loud clatter.
“Drake! Look what you made me do!”
“That was all you that time,” Drake said, his eyebrows raised. The liquid in the beaker was eating into the table. “Hey, good thing that didn’t get on your shorts.”
“Good thing,” Josh said through gritted teeth. He felt like pushing Drake off his stool. But Drake would just find some horrible way to get back at him later.
He realized that the entire class was staring at them. He drew himself up, pushing out his chest.
“I would just like to say,” he said, “that I am getting an A in this class.” He paused. It didn’t quite seem like enough. “And I have never been sunburnt in my life. Could someone pass me a paper towel, please?”
A pretty girl at the next table over ripped a paper towel off her roll and handed it to him. Standing back away from the table, he dropped it onto the spill. It was soaked in seconds, and the solution was burning holes through it.
“Hey,” Drake said to the girl, holding out his hand. “I’m Drake Parker.”
She giggled. “I know who you are,” she said.
“Cool. So I was thinking—”
“Drake,” Josh said in strangled voice. “A little help, here?”
“What? Oh, yeah, sorry,” Drake said. He scooted his stool a little further away from the table, which was quickly developing a crater. “Wouldn’t want to get in your way.”
“That’s so kind of you.”
“So I was thinking,” Drake continued, “that it might be time for a new lab partner.”
*
Cleaning up the solution had meant Josh staying an extra two hours after school. The only good thing about it, Josh thought as he scrubbed through extra-thick protective gloves, was that by the time he was done the sign-up sheet for the book club would surely be full of potential new friends eager to discuss great literature in a friendly context with smoothies and bagels every Thursday.
His heart felt light with anticipation as he walked down the hallway to the bulletin board. And there it was.
Weekly Book Discussion Group
hosted by Josh Nichols
1. Craig Ramirez
2. Eric Blonowitz
*
“Well, what did you expect?” Drake said when Josh trudged into their bedroom, holding the list limply in his hand. He was on the couch playing his new video game. Josh didn’t know what game it was, but it sounded violent.
“I don’t understand,” Josh said. “Who wouldn’t want to be in a book club?”
“Anyone with a brain,” Drake snorted.
“Drake.”
Drake actually looked up. Josh’s voice was low and full of menace. He spoke his next sentence slowly and deliberately, allowing each word to settle in Drake’s ears.
“You did not just call Oprah brainless.”
“Uh.” Drake’s eyes slid longingly over to his video game. “I didn’t mean Oprah. I meant… you know, like, cool people.”
“Cool people?”
“Not that Oprah’s not cool!” Drake said hurriedly. “She definitely is! Just, you know what I mean. People who… have lives.”
Josh leaped onto the couch with a yell. He grabbed the front of Drake’s shirt and twisted it toward him. Drake balled his hands into fists and pushed against Josh’s shoulders. Josh lost his grip, and Drake pushed him off. He rolled off the couch and hit the floor with a groan. Drake dove on top of him, trying to get his arm around Josh’s neck. Josh squirmed below him, pushing against his chest with one palm to try to lift Drake off.
“Oh look, it’s two boobs for the price of one.”
Josh let his head roll back and saw the upside-down image of Megan in the doorway. Drake’s chest was heaving against Josh’s hand, and his arm was squashed between Josh’s neck and the side of the couch.
“Megan, you can’t come in here!” Drake said.
“Then why is your door so easy to open?” Megan said. “Mom says you’re making too much noise. It’s disturbing Wendy.”
“Who’s Wendy?” Drake said. He still hadn’t climbed off Josh, and his knee was digging into Josh’s thigh, which was starting to get uncomfortable.
“Um, Drake,” Josh said.
“My drop bear,” Megan said, smirking. “I got her for a science project. She’s downstairs. And she doesn’t like loud noise.”
“What’s a drop bear?” Drake said.
“Drake.”
“If you’re too stupid to know, I’m not going to tell you,” Megan said, snorting. “I’d say you should read a book sometime, but I wouldn’t want it to get scared off by your big dumb brain.”
“You and Josh, what is it with you and books?” Drake said.
“Drake!” Josh yelled.
“What?”
“Get off me!” Josh heaved himself up into a sitting position, and Drake sprawled backwards on the floor.
“Ow,” he said, rubbing his shoulder where it had slammed into the carpeting.
“No, me ow,” Josh said, glaring at Drake and kneading his thigh. “I think you’ve bruised me.”
“Heh,” Drake said, cracking a smile. “You said ‘meow’.”
Megan was looking at them with disgust, like they were moldy bits of bread she had found on her sandwich. “Just stop making so much noise,” she said, and walked out.
“She is the worst,” Drake said. Josh nodded heartily. This was something they could always agree on.
Then he remembered why they were wrestling. “But you’re the second worst,” he said. “There is nothing wrong with book clubs!”
“Okay,” Drake said, holding up his hands. “Okay.” He scrambled to his feet, and Josh followed suit.
“I didn’t mean to insult Oprah,” Drake said. “All I’m saying is that starting a book club is a pretty dorky thing to do if you’re not rich and famous. I mean, Oprah has a magazine that she’s on the cover of every month. She can do whatever she wants.”
“So do I!” Josh said hotly.
“Josh, the calendar you made of yourself in all your favorite outfits doesn’t count.”
“It does too!” Josh gestured to the calendar, which was hanging above his bed. It was on the December page, which was Josh in a green striped suit and red Christmas tie giving two thumbs up to the camera.
“And anyway, that’s not the point,” he said. “It’s not that you insulted Oprah. It’s that you insulted me. I’m your brother.”
“Yeah, but my brother is a dork,” Drake said. He flopped back on the couch and picked up his video game controller, but Josh yanked it away.
“Oh no you don’t,” he said. “You are so inconsiderate. Did you ever stop to think that it’s not very nice to call your brother a dork?”
“Um, okay,” Drake said. “I thought about it. Can I play my game now?”
“This is something that’s really important to me,” Josh said. “I think you should be more supportive. I always support you.”
“Okay, that is not true,” Drake said.
“It is true! I’ve always supported your music,” Josh said. Drake made a grab for the controller, but Josh moved it quickly away and Drake landed back on the couch.
“Yeah, but how many times have I asked you to cover for me for mom and dad and then come home to a lecture?”
“It’s not my fault they can tell when I’m lying,” Josh said. “I at least try. You don’t even care that this book club is something I want to do.”
“Not really,” Drake said. “Josh, give it!” He made another grab for the controller, and Josh pulled it away again. Drake stood up, reached an arm out and took it.
“Aw, man,” Josh said, dropping his arm.
“I remembered my legs!” Drake said. He dropped back to the couch and resumed playing.
“Anyway, my point is,” Josh continued, “you’re not a very good brother.”
“And you’re the best brother ever, right?” Drake said, eyes glued to the screen.
“Whatever,” Josh grumbled, sinking into the couch next to Drake.
“No, hang on, let me get this straight. You’re saying that, since we’re brothers, no matter what I do, you’ll support it?”
Josh felt the vague tug of being pulled into a Drake Logic Vortex, but this was one thing he was totally confident about.
“Yes,” he said, sitting up straight. “Yes, I will gladly support you.”
“Okay,” Drake said. He leaned to the left as his video game character went around a curve.
“Okay? That’s it?”
“Yeah, good to know,” Drake said. “Hey, did I tell you I met this girl whose dad owns a lollipop factory? Free lollipops!”
*
Josh was the first one to wake up in the morning, as usual.
“Drake, it’s time to wake up,” he said, but without much hope. He dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.
As he was finishing up, Drake wandered into the kitchen. He was wearing what appeared to be the top half of a shirt that was slightly too big for him. It was cut off just below his nipples, showing a smooth expanse of taut stomach above the waistband of his jeans.
“Good morning,” he said, yawning. He reached for the box of cereal on the counter.
“What are you wearing?” Josh said.
“Oh, do you like it?” Drake said, looking down and pulling on the ends of the half-shirt as if it was new to him. “I think it’s gonna be my new look. I made it by cutting up your National Scrapbook Convention T-shirt.”
“You what?” Josh had been standing up, but now he sat heavily.
“It was something that was really important for me to do,” Drake said solemnly, pouring the cereal into a bowl. “I would think that, as my brother, you would accept and support me.”
Josh sputtered. “I didn’t mean—I mean, I shouldn’t—you—this—Drake—”
Drake gave him a meaningful look.
Josh’s face was turning red. He took a deep breath. “I support your desire to express yourself through fashion,” he said. His eye twitched. “Even though you’ve destroyed my shirt.”
“Hey, art isn’t safe, okay?” Drake said.
“I noticed.”
Drake poured milk into his cereal bowl and came around the other side of the table. It was truly a ridiculous shirt. The cut edges were fraying fast, and Josh’s eyes kept straying down to the planes of Drake’s stomach, and it was almost certainly not within the school dress code.
“Hey, thanks for being such a great brother,” Drake said.
Josh sulked.
*
When Josh ran into Drake in the hallway at lunch, he was wearing a normal shirt again.
“Did you get in trouble?” Josh said.
Drake hesitated. “Not… exactly,” he said.
“What does that mean?
“Well… watch.” Drake looked around them. They were alone in the hallway. Slowly, he raised his T-shirt, exposing his stomach.
“Oh my God hi!” The voice came from a young girl with fluffy hair, one of four or five that were suddenly near Drake, petting his arms and cooing.
“You’re Drake Parker, right?”
“Your hair is so cool!”
“Can I touch?” said one girl solemnly, her quivering fingers reaching towards Drake’s chest.
Drake gave Josh a searching look and lowered his shirt, and Josh realized he had been accidentally staring again. A collective “awwww” went up from the group, and they slowly wandered away.
“So you see my problem,” Drake said. Josh could just about hate him sometimes.
“Sorry you couldn’t manage to make my destroyed shirt work for you,” he said, and walked off to eat lunch with someone else.
*
“Drake!”
For the second day in a row, Josh stormed into their bedroom waving the sign-up list for his book club.
“What’s up?” Drake said. He was sitting on his bed working on something with his guitar. For a second Josh wondered if he’d missed the presence of a girl in the room—Drake pulled out his guitar to impress girls more often than any other reason—but no, he was just messing around.
Josh marched over and brandished the sheet. “What is this?”
Drake reached down and grabbed the paper. It said:
1. Craig Ramirez
2. Eric Blonowitz
3. Drake Parker
“Oh, yeah,” Drake said. “Yeah, I decided to join your book club.”
“But why?” Josh said. “You’ve done nothing but mock me since I started this!”
“I just thought it would be a great opportunity for, y’know, enrichment and stuff,” Drake said, looking back down at his guitar strings.
“Really,” Josh said.
“Yeah, really.” Drake strummed a chord.
“You know our first meeting is on Thursday,” Josh said, dubious.
Drake looked up at him like he was an idiot. “Um, yeah,” he said. “It says that. On the sheet.” He made a duh face and went back to his guitar.
“So you did read the sheet,” Josh said. “You were aware that you were signing up for my book club. That’s what you meant to do.”
“Sure,” Drake said. “Hey what do you think of this chord progression? I’m working on something new.”
Josh was about to tell him exactly what he thought of his chord progression (well actually, it was pretty good, but he was certainly about to tell him exactly how he felt about something), when they heard Megan’s voice.
“Wendy! We-e-endy!”
They looked at each other. Drake shrugged.
Megan burst into the room.
“Megan!” Drake said. “You can’t just come in here! At least knock.”
“You idiots are in here alone,” Megan said. “It’s not like you’d be naked or anything. Have you seen Wendy?”
“Who?” Drake said. Megan rolled her eyes.
“Wendy. My drop bear! I can’t find her.”
Josh shook his head. Drake said, “Yeah, sorry, we haven’t seen her, so if you could just… leave?” He made a dismissive hand gesture.
“I swear, it’s a miracle you ever learned to tie your shoelaces,” Megan said, walking over to where Josh was standing beside Drake’s bed. “She’s a drop bear. Do you understand what that means?”
Josh looked at Drake, who was looking back with that special frustrated Megan expression he used. When Josh had come into the family, Drake had the Megan expression already well-practiced. Sometimes Josh thought the reason Drake liked him was really just because he finally had someone to share it with over Megan’s head.
“What’s a drop bear?” Josh said, turning back to his sister.
“It’s a really rare and really dangerous animal,” Megan said. “They come from Australia, where they live in the trees.”
“So, koalas,” Drake said. Megan shot him a withering look.
“No,” she said. “Drop bears are predators. They wait in the trees, until someone walks by. Then… they drop.”
Josh could feel Drake looking at him again, but he was focused on Megan.
“What do you mean, drop?” he said.
“Are you too dumb to speak English?” Megan said. “They drop. They drop on your head, from the tree.”
There was an apprehensive pause. Then Drake said, “W-What do they do then?”
“What do you think?” Megan said, baring her hands to demonstrate sharp claws. “Wendy was perfectly friendly, because I kept her in a box where she had nowhere to drop from. But now that she’s escaped she could be anywhere. At any time. Just waiting for one of us to walk past.”
Josh heard Drake made a small, strangled noise in the back of his throat that probably would have been a whimper if they were in their room by themselves. He swallowed.
“”So what you’re telling us,” he said, “is that you have released a wild animal into our home?”
“It was for a science project!” Megan said. “Just let me know if you see her, okay? And…” She looked behind her, as if to make sure no one else could overhear. “Okay, you know I wouldn’t normally say this, but just… be careful.”
Josh looked at Drake. His eyes had gone wide.
“Thanks,” Josh said, his voice coming out embarrassingly squeaky. He cleared his throat. Megan walked out.
“Well, that was weird,” Drake said, his voice a touch too loud.
“Yeah,” Josh said. He tried for a chuckle of solidarity. “Pff! Megan, right?”
Drake laughed. “Megan!”
“I mean, how crazy is she?”
“Totally crazy!”
Drake’s laughter trailed off weakly.
“Um, Josh?” he said. “Maybe you should… come up here. To hear the chords better and all.”
“Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea,” he said. There wasn’t really anything above Drake’s bed for something to drop from. He climbed up onto the bed and sat next to Drake cross-legged for most of the afternoon, his knee reassuringly touching Drake’s thigh.
*
“In contrast to the beginning of the book,” Craig said, “where we see Elizabeth torn apart by the men in her life, in this section, as she learns to love Felipe, we see that love can be a constructive force as well as destructive. With her newfound inner peace, Elizabeth can choose to be with Felipe and still not lose any of herself.”
Josh clapped. “That was beautiful,” he said.
“This book really spoke to Craig,” Eric said. “He read it twice.” Craig ducked his head shyly.
Josh turned to the only member of the book club who had yet to speak. “Drake?” he said. “Do you have anything to say?”
“Uh, yeah,” Drake said. He looked at the copy of Eat, Pray, Love he’d brought as if it was the first time he’d bothered, which it almost definitely was. “Okay,” he said. “You know that Zero Gravity lyric? It’s like… I pray somehow it’s gonna be alright / And maybe we’ll get something to eat tonight?”
“Uh-huh,” Josh said. He tried to make his tone of voice as dangerous as possible, to infuse that “uh” and “huh” with the warning that if Drake ruined this for him, Josh would actually kill him, in the dead of night, and tell everyone Drake had just fallen off his stupid ridiculous loft bed and everyone would completely believe him because he was Josh Nichols and he was the good one.
“Well, the book kind of reminded me of that,” Drake said.
“And why’s that?”
“Well, mostly because of the… themes,” Drake said. “Of eating. And praying.”
Josh looked at Craig and Eric. Eric was staring at Drake, and Craig was looking at Josh like he couldn’t believe Josh was related to him. Step-brothers! Josh wanted to shout. We’re only step-brothers!
“Did you read anything besides the title?” Josh said.
“Hey, that’s not fair!” Drake said. “I also read the back.” Josh glared at him. “Well, skimmed,” he admitted.
After the book cub meeting ended, Josh grabbed Drake’s wrist and pulled him aside.
“You are an embarrassment,” he hissed. “What is wrong with you?”
Drake looked at him with large, faux-shocked eyes. “I can’t believe you would say that,” he said.
“Don’t pretend like it’s something that’s important to you that I need to support,” Josh said, “because if it was important to you, you would have read the book. It was great, by the way.”
“I was trying to support you,” Drake said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, your book club is still full of losers. But now it’s got Drake Parker in it too. So when people are like, ‘Hey, did you hear that loser Josh Nichols is starting a book club?’ other people will be like ‘yeah but Drake Parker’s in it, so there must be something else going on we don’t know about.’”
“Will that work?” Josh said doubtfully.
“Duh,” Drake said. “I’m doing you a favor here.”
Josh frowned. “Well, maybe,” he conceded. “But you could stay out of the discussion.”
“Deal,” Drake said. He clapped Josh on the back, his hand lingering for just a second too long.
Josh sniffed. “Why do I smell mustard?” he said.
“Oh…” Drake pulled down the front of his shirt to showed where he had squirted a line of mustard across his collarbone. It was now a smeary mess. Josh wrinkled his nose.
“That’s disgusting,” he said.
“Megan said drop bears can’t stand the smell of it.”
*
“Drake, you can't just cut in front of all my customers,” Josh said, although he knew it would never get past Drake's extremely sophisticated aural filtering system.
“Yeah, right,” Drake said, leaning against the candy counter. The moviegoers behind him looked angry, Josh noted. Except for a girl who was nudging her friend and pointing. Typical.
“And what's on your head, anyway? It's not raining.”
Drake was wearing an umbrella hat. It was rainbow-colored.
“Drop bears,” he said. “Anyway, I want a ticket to the five o'clock show.”
“I am not going to give you a free ticket,” Josh said, although he knew this was useless as well.
Drake put his hands up defensively. “Well, I wasn't going to ask for one,” he said. “Do you have no faith in me at all? I'll pay for it.”
“Uh-huh,” Josh said. “And why the sudden turnaround?”
Drake pulled a wad of bills from his back pocket. “I don't know,” he said. “Maybe I've just come into some money.” He fanned the bills out, looked around to see if anyone was watching, and winked at the friend-nudger. She giggled.
“Where'd you get that?” Josh said. He gave Drake a very solemn look. “Is it stolen?”
“Of course not!” Drake said.
“Okay, you know taking money from other people is stealing, right?”
“Yes,” Drake said.
“You know taking money from me is stealing, right? Just because we live together—”
“I didn't steal it!” Drake said. “I earned it. I got a job.”
“Doing what?” Josh looked behind him at the line of customers. They seemed to really want to buy movie tickets and concessions and stuff.
“The art department was looking for a nude figure model,” Drake said.
Josh's gaze snapped back to him. “You what?”
“I'm a model!” Drake said. The friend-nudger looked like she might start panting.
“Yeah, I'm not so focused on the model part,” Josh said. “It's the word before 'model' I'm concerned with.”
“Figure?”
“Nude!”
“Oh, yeah, that.” Drake laughed to himself. “Well, I am good-looking.”
“I mean, who's this drawing you? Students?”
“Art students,” Drake said. “It's not weird, Josh, okay? It's art.”
“Yeah, but this isn't like in a gallery or something,” Josh said. “This is school. People all over school are going to have drawings of your... things!”
Drake gave Josh a serious look, which was hard to do in a rainbow umbrella hat.
“This is a good thing for me,” he said. “I'm getting paid. I'm having fun. If you were going to support me in anything, this would definitely be something to support. It's practically wholesome.”
“People are paying you to look at your bits!” Josh said.
“Well, yeah,” Drake said. “For art.”
“It's ridiculous,” Josh said.
“Okay, so you don't support me,” Drake said. “There you go. I get a good job and try to pay for a movie ticket for once, and my brother doesn't support me.” He turned to the line of people waiting. “Does that sound like being a good brother to you?”
The customers stared at him blankly. The friend-nudger shook her head.
“Exactly.” He pointed a finger gun at her and winked again. She looked faint. Drake turned back to Josh.
“So basically you’re admitting I was right,” Drake said.
Josh gritted his teeth. “Fine,” he said. “I support you. I support your terrible decision to become a child porn star. Because that’s what brothers do. They support each other.”
“Right,” Drake said. “Now can I have my movie ticket, please?”
Josh rang him up. Drake disappeared into the movie theater. Josh confronted his line of angry customers and tried his best not to think about drawings of Drake’s bits.
*
For about a week, things were uneventful. Except for the fact that Megan’s drop bear still hadn’t been found. Drake insisted that he’d read somewhere that drop bears hated garlic, and even though Josh was sure that was vampires he still let Drake talk him into rubbing cloves of garlic behind his ears on a school day. They ended up sitting together at lunch, in the table in the dark corner where the weird sounds came from. Afterwards, Megan stopped coming into their room for two whole days.
“See? It was a good idea,” Drake said. “I’m shocked we didn’t think of it before.”
“Yeah, shocking,” Josh said, and went to take another shower.
It was Friday that Josh went up to their room to put his backpack away, and saw the gold star sticker on the door.
Drake had tried to establish this as code that he was in their room with a girl, and Josh should leave. Josh had protested that Drake could take his dates somewhere else, and it wasn’t fair to lock Josh out of his own room. Drake had countered that Josh could use the system for his dates too, at which point Josh rolled his eyes and dropped it.
Josh knocked on the door. “Drake, I’m coming in. I have to put my stuff away.”
“You’re not supposed to come in!” Drake said. “Didn’t you see the door?”
“There is a whole world full of places to take girls!” Josh said. “Our room is the one place I can put my stuff away!”
There were rustling noises from the other side of the door, and then Drake said, “Okay, fine.”
The door opened.
“Thank you,” Josh said, and stepped inside. He slung his backpack down on his bed, and began taking out his textbooks and arranging them in his special order based on what homework he planned to do first. When he was finished, he gestured to Drake, standing nearby, and the figure sitting on the edge of Drake’s bed.
“And now you can have a lovely time with—” He glanced at the bed. “Nick Schneider,” he said, turning to leave. He stopped. He turned back.
“Wait, Nick Schneider?”
“Oh,” Drake said. “Uh. Yeah. He asked me about my band, so I was showing him some of the stuff I’ve written.”
“Oh, is that what you were showing him?” Josh said.
“Yeah. You know that new song—“
“Drake, this doesn’t have anything to do with any nude bits-drawing, does it?”
Drake gave him the look that said Josh had said something that failed to make sense in Drake Language.
“What’s the big deal, Josh?”
“You had the—thing! On the door!” Josh made a gesture that was supposed to mean “gold star sticker indicating the presence of a romantic interest”. He wasn’t sure he’d quite nailed that one.
“Yeah. And what’s the big deal?” This time Josh heard the challenge in Drake’s voice, and his jaw dropped.
“Oh no, Drake,” he said. “No. You are not making this one of your things.”
“What things?” Drake said. “Is this like the same kind of thing as the thing on the door, or a different thing? Or something else? Is it, like, the kind of thing where a thing—“
“Okay, stop saying ‘thing’,” Josh snapped. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t,” Drake said. “All I know is, you came in here even though I asked you not to, and you’re acting all weird about this.”
Josh glanced at Nick, who looked kind of awkward and uncomfortable, and felt a sudden surge of guilt in the pit of his stomach. But then there was Drake, just trying to make a point about Josh’s stupid ideas of being a good brother and putting Nick in this situation for it, and he was angry at Drake but also hurt somehow and he wasn’t sure what any of it meant.
“It’s just not funny this time,” he said.
“I have no idea what you’re—“
“I’m serious,” Josh said quietly, and walked out.
*
Unfortunately, although Drake probably could have found any other place in the world to take a date, Josh couldn’t think of anywhere else to take himself.
He ended up sitting on the couch downstairs and watching TV, but he wasn’t really focusing on it. He decided that if Drake came down he would dive under the sofa so Drake would think he had left for good, and maybe take him seriously for once and listen to what he had to say and stop being such a jerk.
Yeah. Probably just hiding under the sofa would do it.
He flicked through the channels, absentmindedly holding one hand above his head in case there were any drop bears above him. Drake had set up a net across the ceiling in their room, but he hadn’t been able to convince their parents to set one up in the living room. And besides, Josh pointed out, the bear could just as easily drop from the net. They were just giving it handholds.
Josh tried really hard not to think about Drake and Nick upstairs. He wondered how far Drake would go to make this convincing. He mentally flinched at the thought, and then had no idea why—after all, he didn’t have a problem with it, no matter what Drake said. At least, not with the boy thing. The Drake stringing some poor guy on just to laugh at Josh thing, yes, but not the boy thing, so why was the idea of Drake up there with Nick Schneider so weird and unsettling to think about?
After a while, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Okay, hiding under the couch probably wouldn’t work. He went into the kitchen and crouched behind the counter.
Peering over the edge, he saw Drake and Nick walk towards the door, hand in hand. Josh crept around the counter, not letting them out of his sight.
“So I’ll see you later in the week, right?” Drake said.
“Yeah, of course,” Nick said.
Drake opened the door. “I’ll let you know when I finish the song then,” he said.
Nick nodded. Drake glanced behind them and Josh ducked down. He raised his head in time to see Nick lean forward and give Drake a quick kiss on the lips. Something weird happened in the pit of Josh’s stomach, a lurching combination of shock and anger and something else. An affronted noise escaped from his throat, and he ducked again.
When he looked up, Drake was looking around, frowning.
“So I’ll see you,” Nick said, turning to leave.
“Yeah. No, wait,” Drake said, and pulled Nick into a real kiss. Nick relaxed against Drake, his hands coming up to Drake’s neck. Josh felt like all the feeling was draining out of him. Drake’s mouth was pressed against Nick’s and his fingers were on Nick’s hips, and Josh was suddenly aware of his own hips, and his own mouth, and what it would feel like to have Drake’s body warm against him like that. When Drake pulled away, his lips were pink, and Josh could hear him breathe even from where he was crouching in the kitchen. He felt sick.
Nick left, and Drake retreated back to their room. Josh could go up there, storm in angrily and demand an explanation.
Instead, he went to the Premiere.
He had been hoping to run into Craig or Eric, but there was only Crazy Steve. Josh got a soda and sat at the table drinking it until he had to stop, because Crazy Steve staring at him over the countertop was too unsettling. He took the long way home.
It wasn’t that Drake was dating a boy. Josh didn’t care about things like that. It was just the image of Nick’s mouth on Drake’s, like he had some sort of right to it. Nick was just some pretty boy who owned nice pants, and Josh had stuck by Drake for ages, even when he was being a jerk or ignoring Josh or getting all the good luck. Stupid Nick getting Drake to pull him back and kiss him by the door wasn’t right.
He remembered Nick’s uncomfortable look, up on the bed when he came in, and balled his hands into fists. It wasn’t fair. Drake wasn’t supposed to bring other people into this. It was supposed to be just them. Like always.
*
When Josh came back, Drake was gone. Probably at Nick’s, Josh thought with a rush of fresh sulking stamina. He was just going to sit on his bed and look upset, and when Drake came in and saw him sulking he would feel really guilty and they could actually talk about it and Drake would see that this was not really an appropriate thing to use in his quest to destroy Josh’s brotherly support.
After a bit, he got tired of sulking and started his homework.
So the effect was pretty much ruined when Drake walked in, an hour or two later.
“Oh, hey,” he said.
Josh didn’t look up.
Drake sighed. “Okay, I know you’re mad,” he said. “Because of your lack of tolerance, and all.”
Josh snapped his book closed. “I am not intolerant! You’re the intolerant one.”
“Yeah? How does that work?”
“You’re taking advantage of that poor guy,” Josh said. “He thinks you actually like him! He doesn’t know you’re insane!”
“I do like him, though,” Drake said.
“Oh, yeah,” Josh said. “I’m so sure. Drake Parker is just so gay.” He waggled his fingers. “All that stuff with girls was just repression. Whatever, Drake. I know you like making my life terrible but you’re messing with someone else now, and it’s not really a joke.”
“No one ever said it was a joke!” Drake said. “You’re the only one who thinks it’s a joke!”
“It has to be,” Josh said through clenched teeth.
“Why does it have to be?” Drake said. “Why can’t I date Nick Schneider?”
“Because you don’t like boys!”
“But how do you know that?”
“Because I would know if you did!” Josh said.
“You’re just jealous,” Drake said, “because Mindy broke up with you.”
“Shut up, Drake,” Josh said, opening his textbook with as much anger as the action allowed.
“I’m just saying—“
“I’m studying.”
*
Josh studiously ignored Drake for the rest of the evening. As a result, he got his homework done early and went downstairs to help their mom with dinner. After dinner, he joined their parents in a fun and educational board game.
All in all, he thought as he brushed his teeth, a much more satisfactory evening than one spent with Drake Parker.
He lay down in his bed and went to sleep.
And then he woke up.
“Josh!”
Josh groaned. “What is it?”
“Are you awake?”
“Well, I am now.” Josh cracked an eye open. “What’s going on?”
“Are you still mad?”
“Yes,” Josh said icily. “Go to sleep.”
“No, wait!” Drake sounded slightly desperate. “Did you hear something?”
“Yeah, you waking me up.”
“No, I mean something more…” Drake hesitated. “Beary.”
Instantly, Josh’s eyes flew open.
“W-What are you saying?” he said.
“I don’t know,” Drake said, his voice full of horror. “I heard this, like… skritching.”
“Skritching?” Josh pulled the covers up to his chin.
“On the ceiling,” Drake said.
“Ceiling-skritching?” Josh said. “Oh, that is the worst kind of skritching!”
“I know!”
Josh swallowed. “What are we gonna do?”
“I don’t know, man,” Drake said. He let out a breath. “Could I maybe… uh.”
“What? What?”
“Just… maybe it won’t attack if there’s two of us? You know, together?”
Josh considered it. “Get down here,” he said. He heard the rustling noises of Drake climbing out of his bed, and then the sound of Drake’s feet hitting the floor. In an instant, he felt the covers being pulled back and a warm, lean body slid into the bed next to him. Drake’s feet were cold.
“Just to be clear, I’m still mad at you,” Josh said. “This is all pure survival instinct.”
“Right, me too,” Drake said. He pressed his face against Josh’s shoulder.
“And I still don’t believe that you like boys,” Josh said.
“I do,” Drake said.
“Okay, stop breathing down my neck,” Josh said, rolling over to face him. “Your breath is all heavy.”
“I’m about to be killed by a drop bear!” Drake said.
“Well, so am I!”
“So I think I’m allowed some heavy breathing!”
“Okay, whatever. I’m not going to argue this with you.” Josh sighed. “I can’t believe you’re drawing me into a stupid argument when we’re probably seconds from death by drop bear.”
“I think you secretly like it when I make you mad,” Drake said. Josh felt his bangs brushing against his cheek. “Otherwise you wouldn’t keep making me stupid promises.”
“That’s not it,” Josh said. “I just have acute selective Drake-related amnesia.”
He felt Drake’s breath again, this time near his face.
“What are you doing?” he said.
Drake’s lips fumbled against his. Josh startled, and then pressed against him, briefly wondering if this was what it felt like to be one of Drake’s girls. Or Nick Schneider. Drake’s kissing was wet and enthusiastic.
Just then, something with claws dropped on them from above.
*
“Megan!” Drake said, banging on the door. “Megan, wake up!”
The door opened and Megan turned on the light, squinting out at them and rubbing her eyes.
“What is it, you boobs?”
“This!” Drake said. He gestured wildly at Josh, who was holding the animal gingerly. “This is not a drop bear! It’s a cat.”
Megan gave him a look of disdain. “That’s right,” she said. “It’s a cat. So?”
“So it dropped on us!” Josh said. He gestured with the cat in his arms. “And it scratched us! Pretty bad!”
“That’s right!” Drake said, pointing to his face. “You see this scratch? This is like scratching the Mona Lisa, little girl.”
“And… why are you telling me this?”
“Because it’s not a drop bear!” Drake said. He leaned in closer. “In fact, I don’t think there ever was a drop bear. I think you dropped this cat on us.”
“I was asleep.”
“Like that’s ever stopped you!” Josh burst out.
“Excellent point!” Drake said. “Evil never sleeps!”
“If I just wanted to drop a cat on you, why would I make up a fake drop bear?” Megan said witheringly.
Drake paused. He looked at Josh, and lowered his voice. “Josh, why would she make up a fake drop bear?”
“Because we’ve been smearing mustard and garlic on ourselves!” Josh said, trying not to think about the way Drake was looking at him just then, and what had just happened, and what might still be happening. “We’re like delicious chickens ready for roasting!”
“Yeah, that!”
“Okay, that was pretty funny,” Megan said.
“Aha!” Drake pointed straight at her. “So you did it!”
“Maybe,” Megan admitted. “But come on, you guys were the ones who thought an Australian bear was going to drop on you from the sky.”
Drake hesitated. “We did think that,” he said to Josh.
“But you said it was from Australia! Who knows what could come out of Australia? Crazy things!” Josh brandished the cat, to demonstrate what kind of crazy things might likely come out of Australia.
“A very good point!” Drake said.
“How did she get both of you, anyway?” Megan said. “I set the trap door above Josh’s bed.”
Josh looked at Drake. Drake looked back.
“Just go back to sleep, Megan!” Drake said. “Just sleep, okay?”
“Yeah!” Josh said. “But you mark my words, Megan. Someday… some wonderful day, we’ll get you back for this.” He put the cat down with a flourish.
“Yeah, what he said,” Drake said.
Megan rolled her eyes and shut the door in their faces.
*
“We sure showed her,” Drake said, back in their room. He sat down on the edge of Josh’s bed, and Josh sat beside him.
“Yeah,” Josh said. “I think she’ll think twice next time she tries to mess with us!”
“Exactly,” Drake said. “Wait. Why?”
“Because, you know… we figured out what she was up to.” Josh paused. “After she dropped a cat on us.”
“Yeah.”
“Right.”
Josh looked over at Drake. It was still dark in their room, but Drake was lit by the soft glow of the astronomically accurate star stickers Josh had put above his bed.
“So, um,” he said.
“I’m not dating Nick Schneider,” Drake said.
Josh exhaled, feeling the knot in his chest give. “I knew it!”
“Yeah. But I’m not stringing him along or anything. He knows what’s going on.”
In retrospect, Josh thought, the idea that Nick might be in on it should really have been one of the possibilities he considered when he was busy raging against Drake Parker and all that he stood for.
“So you were actually just trying to irritate me.”
“Pretty much.”
“Great,” Josh said. He couldn’t quite read Drake’s face in the dark. “Did you have to do it that way?”
“What, with Nick?”
“Yes, the gold star and the guitar-playing and the—“ Josh swallowed. “The kissing and the, and everything.”
“Well,” Drake said. “You didn’t seem to get it otherwise. With the shirt. And the nude modeling.”
Josh frowned, reconsidering these events.
“I don’t secretly like it, by the way,” he said.
“Right.” Drake was looking right at him.
“I don’t.” Josh reached up to brush Drake’s bangs out of his face.
“I’m sure you don’t.”
Josh turned towards him and Drake leaned forward. Their foreheads collided in the dark.
“Ow,” Josh said, and Drake laughed, and then he leaned in again and they got it perfect.
Drake’s lips were warm. Josh breathed against his mouth, one hand twisted in his shirt. He felt almost lightheaded with how good this was, and how weird, and how right.
After a while, Drake said, “Am I still not a very good brother? Because I’ll have you know—“
“Shut up,” Josh said, kissing him again.