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9:15 p.m., September 2017 - DNA...영원히- Jeongguk
“Jeonggukkie! Look at this!”
Taehyung leaned over and shoved his phone into the younger boy’s face. He smiled at the gif of them dancing from the music video. “You’re so skinny, Gukkie.”
Jeongguk sighed. “I know, that’s what a lot of people are saying.”
“You need to eat more, dummy,” Taehyung replied, laying his head down on Jeongguk’s lap. “You’re too bony, your lap hurts my head.” Jeongguk just laughed.
The pair were sitting in Taehyung’s room with music softly playing and Yeontan running around the room. It was one of the warmer nights in September, so the two boys had the window open, letting the soft sounds of music and their giggles escape into the night. Their newest music video “DNA” had just dropped a couple of hours ago, so the two boys were going through Twitter to see all of their fans’ reactions.
The older boy’s silver hair fell all over Jeongguk’s lap, his brown eyes bright with the excitement of their new music era beginning. As cliche as it is, Jeongguk had had a huge crush on Taehyung ever since they had first met. Taehyung’s personality was extroverted, so he was clingy and loving towards the other members, especially Jimin. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t help but feel those small pings of jealousy that bothered him, even though he knew they were just best friends. Yet with Taehyung, he felt that it was different. He felt that maybe, just maybe, Taehyung felt the same way about him. It was to the point where Jeongguk began overthinking every interaction he had with his favorite hyung.
His breath hitched when Taehyung reached up to grab Jeongguk’s hair, a familiar habit that made his knees weak each time. He glanced down to see if the older boy was staring at him. He was, in fact, staring at him and smiled when they made eye contact. Taehyung gave him his bright, boxy smile that won Jeongguk’s heart from the very beginning.
“Taehyungie-hyung, you look really pretty,” Jeongguk said aloud.
Immediately he slapped his hand on his mouth, not knowing what to do. What did I just say??
Taehyung’s smile vanished. “What?”
“I-I…” Jeongguk panicked. Taehyung was staring at him, eyes wide, and he had no idea how to answer the looming question. There was a long pause. “What did I say?” Jeongguk said with a nervous laugh.
“I'm pretty sure you said I was pretty, Jeonggukkie,” Taehyung said softly. His face was bright red, sending Jeongguk into full panic mode. “Did I really?”
“Yeah, Gguk-ah,” Taehyung sighed. “You did.”
“Oh.”
They sat there in awkward silence, listening to Yeontan run around the room. Taehyung finally sat up, his face a mere 8 inches from Jeongguk’s. He swallowed hard as Taehyung began to speak.
“Jeongguk, did you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“Ugh!” Taehyung flopped back down on his bed. “Stop being so difficult.”
“Hyungie, what do you mean?”
Taehyung glared at the younger boy. “Jeongguk I have the biggest crush on you and finally, FINALLY you tell me that you think I’m pretty after years of me trying to show you that I like you but now you’re ignoring me and you pretend that you said nothing??” He let out a huge sigh and sat up to look at Jeongguk, eyes soft. “Do you like me or not, Jeonggukkie? Do I need to move on or do I have a chance…?”
Jeongguk looked his favorite hyung in the eyes. Suddenly the past four years were flashing through his mind, when he first moved into the dorms and met each other, their debut stage and first fansign, the first time they stayed up all night watching movies and Jeongguk’s heart racing as Taehyung fell asleep on his chest. All of his feelings came up at once and he blurted out “I’m in love with you.”
Taehyung was taken aback, to say the least. His mouth was left wide open as Jeongguk’s heart raced in his chest. “I-I’ve loved you for years, I’m sorry I was never brave enough to tell you,” He continued. “I hope you love me too, b-but if not, that’s fine, I understand-”
“I literally just said that I’ve liked you for years, Jeonggukkie,” Taehyung interrupted as he slapped the other lightly on the shoulder. His face was still bright red but he was smiling now. He continued to speak. “I just said ‘like’ in case you didn’t feel the same way. Of course I love you, Jeongguk.”
“Oh… okay.”
“Okay?”
Jeongguk shrugged, face bright red and hot. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t speak,” Taehyung whispered. Suddenly he was in Jeongguk’s space. He could feel his hot breath on his mouth as his heart, once again, began to race. That can’t be healthy.
“Can I?” Taehyung whispered. Jeongguk nodded, and that was all Taehyung needed to dive in and kiss him. Years of tension were released all at once as they melted together. He tasted like honey, and at that moment Jeongguk knew that he would never get tired of this blissful feeling of Taehyung’s lips.
3:30 a.m., September 2017 - America - Yoongi
Yoongi knew it was late and that he should be going to bed. He and the other six boys had a flight to America the next day. Bang PD, the big boss, had sat them down in a room a few nights before with a handful of BigHit staff and told them that they were performing at the AMA's in a week, an accomplishment no Korean group has ever had. When Yoongi heard those words leave his boss's mouth, he threw his hands in the air and grinned. They were breaking the barrier between Korean and English, Korea and America, and he was so proud of himself and his group. Yoongi was ecstatic.
Now, the night (well, morning) before they were supposed to leave, Yoongi stood in the shower for an hour, letting the water stream down his face as he stared at the wall. He had actually begun to consider what it meant for them to actually perform in a foreign country. The adrenaline had left his body and was now replaced with the overwhelming fear of everything that could go wrong. They could mess up, their fans wouldn't attend the show, the few interviews they had lined up would be nothing about their music, or they would be bombarded with hate and racial slurs, forcing them to stay inside until their performance out of fear. Anything irrational was flowing through his mind to the point where he couldn't bear it anymore and he started crying. Looking back he couldn't completely tell, since the water from the showerhead was running down his face, but his shoulders shook with what he could assume were sobs.
He finally climbed out of the shower, lazily brushed his teeth, and crawled into bed without a second thought. Seokjin was knocked out in the bed next to his own, soft snores escaping his mouth. Opening his phone, Yoongi saw a message from Hoseok asking if he was still awake from about 25 minutes ago. He quickly responded with a Yeah, what's up? and left for the kitchen once Hoseok texted back with the response that he was sitting in there. Yoongi's padded feet walked down the hall until he found Hoseok sitting at the kitchen table with his phone in one hand and a bottle of soju in the other.
Yoongi chuckled. "You good there?" he asked as he sat down across from him.
Hoseok smiled slightly. "Not sure, but hopefully I'm not too hungover for the flight tomorrow." He filled the small shot glass sitting in front of him and downed it quickly. "Can't remember how many shots that's been."
"Hand it over," Yoongi requested. Hoseok obliged and gave the bottle to his hyung, who placed it to his lips and took a long drink.
"I should be the one asking if you're okay," Hoseok commented as Yoongi set the bottle down. "Your eyes and nose are red! If I didn't know any better I'd be asking if you were crying in that hour-long shower."
Yoongi sighed. "I can't stop thinking about everything that could go wrong in America," he mumbled.
"What, the potential hate? It's nothing we haven't dealt with before," Hoseok snorted.
"Yeah, I guess," Yoongi replied. He took another swig of the soju. "I'm also worried about the stupidity we may encounter."
A laugh came from behind them. "That's a fair concern."
The two at the table turned around to see Namjoon walking out of the shadows. "I heard you guys talking so I came to join." He grabbed a seat next to Hoseok.
"Can't sleep either?" Yoongi questioned.
"Nope."
"Common theme here," Hoseok remarked.
Namjoon laughed. "It's new territory that we're entering tomorrow, so it's only fair that we can't sleep."
"Technically we've been to an American award show already, the Billboard Music Awards," Yoongi stated. He rubbed his eyes. "We didn't perform though, so I guess it is different."
"It will be just like a normal performance, just with an English audience!" Namjoon exclaimed quietly. "It will be so fun!"
"I don't know how you are so lively right now, it's almost 3:30 in the morning," Hoseok commented. "We should probably go to sleep so we're rested for tomorrow."
Namjoon and Yoongi made eye contact. "Another bottle of soju? Is that what I heard?" Yoongi said. Hoseok laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm pretty sure that's what I heard, right Namjoon?" Yoongi continued, standing up to go over to the fridge.
He nodded with a grin. "I definitely heard that."
Soon the three rappers were tipsy and becoming rather loud as the night went on. Around 4:30 a.m. footsteps came from down the hall.
"Shhhh," Yoongi whispered dramatically (and a little too loud) with his finger to his lips and eyes wide. "If it's Jin hyung we're screwed." The other two boys suppressed their giggles as they turned to greet the unknown person in the hallway.
"Who goeth there?" Namjoon half-whispered, half-shouted. Hoseok slapped his hand over the younger's mouth with a laugh.
"Hyungies?" A soft voice called from the darkness. Footsteps approached again and Jeongguk walked out of the shadows and into the soft light from above the table. He was dressed in a running outfit. "What are you guys doing up?"
"The real question is, why are YOU up?" Yoongi retorted. "It's too early."
Jeongguk's cheeks flushed. "I'm going on a run as a small workout before we leave."
"Crazy boy," Namjoon laughed. Hoseok giggled as well and finished off his last bottle of soju.
"How long have you been out here?" Jeongguk questioned.
Yoongi looked at his wrist as if there was a watch. "I would say about two hours for Hoseok, one hour for me, and 30 minutes for Namjoon." He proudly smiled at Jeongguk. "I'm pretty good at math for a tipsy 24 year old."
Jeongguk laughed. "I guess you are."
"Gguk, where are my shoes?" A voice called down from Jeongguk's room. "I can't find them."
"I have them with me already, dummy," Jeongguk called back, smiling.
The other three looked at each other in fear. "Who's that?"
Jeongguk turned back to them, his doe-like eyes wide at the comment. "It's, uh-"
"Taehyungie!" A cheerful voice called. Taehyung stepped out into the dim light and grabbed Jeongguk's shoulders. "He dragged me out of bed to exercise with him."
"Did not, you volunteered," Jeongguk mumbled in response. Taehyung ignored him and turned to Namjoon. "When are we leaving for America?"
"The drivers will be here around 12pm since the plane leaves at 3pm," he said, making quick calculations in his head. "So make sure you're ready by then."
Taehyung grinned. "That's plenty of time!" He grabbed Jeongguk's hand and pulled him towards the door. "Let's gooooooooo!"
"I'm coming," Jeongguk laughed. They shut the door and the three boys turned to look at each other. "I'm too tired for this," Hoseok said. "I'm gonna catch at least a little bit of sleep before we have to get ready."
"I'll follow you!" Namjoon called. He stood up and wobbled, which, in turn, made him hit the table and spill both his and Yoongi's bottles of remaining alcohol all over. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Namjoon cried in his tipsy state. "Let me help, oh my god I can't believe I did that, oh my god"
Yoongi laughed. "Namjoon, I've got it from here. Go get some rest."
Namjoon stood up and nodded his head, apologies still lingering in his eyes. "Don't stay up too late, hyung," he said quietly as he followed Hoseok down the hall.
Yoongi sighed as he went to grab some paper towels to clean up the mess. Even though he was not completely sober, he was thankful that there was now some alone time once again before he had to be surrounded by people constantly. The towels soaked up the soju quickly, yet Yoongi remained on his knees. Tears pooled in his eyes again as the fear came crashing back. What if they hate us? What if we get attacked? What if no one takes us seriously in interviews now that we're more popular and performing? These thoughts continued until the wet towels started falling apart. He sniffed and stood up, throwing the towels away in the process and walking back to his room. He climbed into bed, careful to not wake up his hyung, and cried himself to sleep. Nothing could take away his fear of their future.
2:37 a.m., November 2017 - Rumor Has It - Namjoon
Namjoon sat in his recording studio, RKive, and stared at the computer screen. No, it wasn’t new music he was finishing up or a vlog for the BANGTANTV YouTube channel. It was the Twitter desktop for their shared account. Namjoon watched as hashtag after hashtag flared up in the trending tab of the website. He had to admit, he was scared to click on the trends. He and the group had been through worse, fighting off plagiarism tags and death threats silently. But the idea of another controversy popping up out of nowhere in the middle of the night made him feel sick to his stomach.
Namjoon clicked on the trending phrase “BTS racist” and braced himself to see the worst. There, in fact, were videos of him saying that “v and jin were too dark to see” and Jimin wearing a Native American headdress, both things they had all apologized for years before. But there the videos and photos were again, rising to the spotlight as their fame increased.
He threw his glasses on the table and violently rubbed his eyes, hoping that he was just delusional from lack of sleep. Unfortunately, as Namjoon opened his eyes, the tweets were still there with even more interactions than the previous 10 seconds.
A knock on the door brought Namjoon to his senses. He opened the door to find Jimin, wearing nothing but his pajamas and socks with sandals. He looked up at Namjoon with a sad look in his eyes.
“What’s wrong, Jimin?” Namjoon asked. He already knew, though. He could tell Jimin had been looking through the hashtag for a good while. Tears still shone in his eyes as he walked past Namjoon without saying a word. Jimin flopped down onto the couch in the studio and let out a sigh.
“Jimin?” Namjoon questioned again, this time shutting the door. He walked over to where Jimin was laying and knelt down to eye level. “Did you go on Twitter?”
Jimin nodded, not making eye contact with the older boy. “I promise I apologized, Namjoonie-hyung. I swear I did.” Tears began to flow from his soft brown eyes as he turned to finally make eye contact. “Why do they keep bringing it up if they know I’ve apologized?”
“I’m not sure, Jiminie,” Namjoon sighed. He stood up and motioned for Jimin to do the same. “I honestly don’t know why people keep bringing up things we apologized for and haven’t made the same mistake since.” Namjoon enveloped Jimin into a hug, bringing him close to help him stop crying. “But what I do know is that ARMYs know who we are and that we apologized for everything. They’re here to defend us.”
That seemed to cheer Jimin up slightly. “You’re right, hyung,” Jimin said, giving Namjoon a shaky smile. “ARMYs are the best.”
“They really are.”
-
Later that night, after Jimin had left RKive and Namjoon was dozing in his chair, his phone vibrated, making him jump. He looked at the notification and saw that Jimin had posted on the fancafe for their native fans to see.
Hi ARMYs. I miss you.
Even when I’m on tour I miss you.
Having a break between tours is hard because I feel lonely without ARMYs.
You all make me very happy and cheer me on.
I love you all.
- Jiminie <3
Namjoon smiled and shut his phone off. Logging out of Twitter, he packed up the few things he had in his studio and left for the dorm where the other six were sleeping peacefully.
11:47 p.m., November 2017 - How Dare You, I Miss You - Taehyung
It was the one year anniversary of his grandmother passing away. One year since the person he loved the most and who raised him to be the person he is today had left. Taehyung had been in bed all day, reliving the moments that had happened when he first got the news. He couldn’t stop crying. He remembered the day his mom had called him earlier and told him that his grandmother had passed away earlier, around 4 a.m.
-
“Hi Mama, what’s up?” It was 11 a.m. and Taehyung was on the way to their fansign, sitting in the car with Jimin and their driver.
His mother ignored the question and sighed. “Baby, are you sitting down?”
Taehyung frowned. “I am, I’m in the car with Jimin on the way to a fansign. What’s wrong? You’re scaring me, mama.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry… your grandmother…”
His stomach dropped and tears quickly formed in his eyes. Jimin looked over at Taehyung and immediately knew what the phone call was about. “No, mama, no. Please don’t say what you’re going to, please. Don’t say it, don’t make it real.”
His mother started crying on the other side of the phone call. “I need you to know, angel. She passed away earlier this morning, I’m sorry.”
Taehyung immediately broke down in loud sobs. He gripped the phone so hard his knuckles turned white. Jimin unbuckled his seatbelt and slid over to envelope Taehyung in his arms, already knowing what was said over the phone line. They had been waiting for the phone call; Taehyung had said a few months back that his grandmother was not doing well healthwise, but even though he was expecting the call it hurt just as much.
“Mama, why?” he cried into his phone. “Out of everyone, why her? Mama it’s not fair…”
“I don’t know, baby, I’m so sorry I can’t hug you right now. You said Jimin’s with you?”
He nodded even though his mother couldn’t see him. Taehyung instead handed the phone over to Jimin and buried his head into Jimin’s chest, crying even harder.
“Hi, mama, it’s Jimin,” the older boy said gently into the phone. “I’m holding him right now.”
“Thank you, Jimin-ah,” Taehyung's mother said. She took a deep breath to calm herself. “Please don’t leave him alone.”
“I won’t… we have a fansign in a little bit but I won’t leave his side, I promise.”
She sighed. “Tell him I love him, okay? Call me later, Jimin-ah, so I know he’s okay.”
“I will.”
Once Jimin hung up the phone, he turned to place a soft kiss on Taehyung’s head. Taehyung was still crying, his voice rough now but shoulders still shaking hard. Jimin held him close for the rest of the ride to the venue where they would be meeting ARMYs.
“Taehyungie, we’re here at the venue,” Jimin said softly as the car came to a stop. Taehyung lifted his head to reveal his bright red nose and swollen eyes. “Let’s start by getting out of the car, okay?” He nodded and Jimin cradled his face while wiping his tear stained cheeks with his thumbs. He reached over to open the door but not letting his touch leave Taehyung’’s body.
They climbed out of the car together and met with the other five boys. Taehyung buried his face into Jimin’s chest again as he led him to the door.
“Taehyungie! What’s wrong?” Hoseok said once he laid his eyes on him. Jimin put his fingers to his lips when Taehyung grabbed harder onto his arms.
“Did…?” Jeongguk whispered. He made eye contact with Jimin, who nodded. “Oh…”
Namjoon sighed and looked at the other boys, who now all had sad looks in their eyes. He turned to Taehyung and Jimin. “Tae, I can talk to the managers and see if they can let you-” Jimin made firm eye contact with Namjoon, who then coughed and said “-let you and Jimin go home.”
Taehyung stood up straight and wiped his eyes. “It’s okay, I can go see our fans.”
“I mean this in the nicest way possible Taehyung, but I don’t think it’s smart-”
“I said I’m fine, hyung,” Taehyung said firmly. Namjoon nodded and opened the door for everyone, who all walked in silently.
Taehyung was, in fact, not fine. He broke down about 30 minutes into the event when an ARMY asked him if he was okay. Jimin led him off stage and they rode home together, crying his heart out the entire way back to the dorms.
-
He remembered that he could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces as he cried on the phone with his mom. He was thousands of miles away from his family, on tour with the rest of BTS. He had never experienced pain like this before and all he wanted was to be wrapped up in his mother’s arms and cry while she ran her fingers through his hair. But of course, life isn’t fair and he wasn’t able to see his favorite person again or be with his family while he mourned.
Taehyung sighed and rolled over in his bed. A year later and the pain still hadn’t gone away. He felt numb; he had never been able to process how his grandmother’s death really affected him, especially since he was always on tour with other events preoccupying him. It wasn’t until his mother texted him this morning “I love you” and “I know it’s hard baby, I’m sorry” messages when he accepted it. Even though it took him a year, that’s when it finally hit him that he had lost his person.
Tears formed in his eyes once again as he whispered “Grandma… if you can hear me, I miss you.”
A slight knock on the door brought him away from his thoughts briefly. “Hello?” he questioned, voice raspy from all of the crying he had done.
“It’s me,” Jimin said softly. “Can I come in?”
“Of course, Jiminie,” Taehyung said, sniffling and wiping his nose with his sleeve. “What brings you here?”
“Well, I know it’s the one year anniversary of your Grandmother passing away, so I brought you some snacks and a movie to watch together to help you get your mind off of things! There’s chocolate, some different juices, chips, a whole bunch of stuff I was able to find at the convenience store!”
Taehyung sat up and grinned at his best friend, tears once again forming in his eyes. “Thank you so much, Jiminie, you have no idea how much this means to me.”
“Anything for my soulmate,” he responded, grinning as well. He crawled into bed and wrapped his arm around Taehyung, who immediately melted into his side. The movie started, and soon Taehyung was asleep, content with Jimin’s heartbeat lulling him to finally rest peacefully.
-
30 minutes later, a soft knock came from the door. "Come in," Jimin called softly. Taehyung was still fast asleep on his chest.
The door opened to reveal Jeongguk with a blanket in hand and eyes full of worry. "I'm sorry, I wish I could have come sooner but the trainer wouldn't let me go early and then I had to go shower and grab the blanket and I just couldn't get here fast enough."
Jimin smiled, laughing softly. "It's okay Gguk, he fell asleep anyways."
Jeongguk walked over to the bed. He set down the blanket and began clearing the trash and leftover food away from the two other boys. "How is he doing? Besides sleeping."
"He was crying when I first came over," Jimin sighed. He ran his fingers through Taehyung's hair. "I knew it was the anniversary of his Grandma passing away when his mom texted me this morning to make sure to check on him."
Jeongguk nodded. "I assumed that was the case because he didn't text me good morning or talk to me too much today." He sat down on the other side of Taehyung, bringing the blanket up to cover the three of them. He then grabbed Taehyung's hand, earning a deep sigh and a shift in direction from the sleeping boy. Jeongguk looked up to see Jimin staring softly at him. "What?"
"You really do care about him, don't you?" Jimin whispered.
"Everyone does," Jeongguk shrugged. “He’s part of our team, so of course I care, just like everyone else.”
"But you care an extra amount."
Jeongguk looks at Taehyung. He admired the way his soft, currently silver hair fell across his forehead, his long lashes that brought shadows to his cheeks, the mole on his nose. Everything about the older boy was ethereal in Jeongguk's eyes. He smiled softly. "Yeah, I guess I do."
He laid down to be eye level with Taehyung, even though the older boy's eyes were shut tight. "I love you," he whispered, barely loud enough to hear himself. Kissing Taehyung's nose, Jeongguk pulled the older closer and closed his own eyes as well.
He didn't notice Jimin smile fondly at the two of them, get out of bed, and turn both the movie and lights off before leaving the room to let the younger two boys fall asleep together.
11:50 p.m., December 2017 - Not So Happy New Year - Namjoon
All seven boys were crowded around the TV in their living room with dorky hats and champagne in their hands. It was the first New Year’s Eve they had off since they can remember. Most other New Year’s celebrations were held on stage where the whole world could see them. Naturally, a day off would make the group extremely happy. The apartment would have loud music, alcohol, and more food than there should be.
Except it was the exact opposite. Yes there was alcohol, and yes it was supposed to be a party, but they couldn’t bring themselves to celebrate. There was nothing TO celebrate.
The past two months had been hell for them, to say the least. After the conversation Namjoon and Jimin had shared in November, they had hoped that there would be nothing else to come their way. But just a week later there were death threats circling both Twitter and Instagram and more racial things were coming to the surface, most of which were just rumors and people trying to start things with their ARMYs.
The thing that broke Namjoon’s heart the most was seeing people make fun of Taehyung’s grandmother and her death. He thought Taehyung hadn’t seen when the tweets first started showing up, and he was certain that he hadn’t for a good two weeks.
One night though, on his way to his room, Namjoon heard cries coming from Taehyung’s room and he just knew. He knew what those sobs were in reaction to. He tip-toed over to Taehyung’s door and was about to open it when Jeongguk opened the door for him.
“Jeongguk?”
Jeongguk’s eyes widened as he saw Namjoon standing in front of the door. “Namjoonie hyung.”
“Is he okay?” Namjoon asked warily.
Jeongguk shook his head in response. “No, he’s been crying for a couple of hours now. I’m just grabbing him some more water and tissues.”
Namjoon nodded, not knowing what to say. “He called me and when I picked up all I heard was him crying,” Jeongguk continued, scratching the back of his neck. “I have no idea why he’s so upset. I thought it was something to do with Jimin but…”
“It’s Twitter. People are saying nasty things about him and his grandma,” Namjoon said.
Jeongguk's eyes darkened, fists clenching in response to what his hyung told him. He opened his mouth to say something when a soft voice sounded from the dark room.
“Jeonggukkie? Who’s there?”
Jeongguk spun around. “It’s Namjoonie hyung,” he called softly into the room.
“Oh.” There was some shuffling around and a visibly exhausted Taehyung peaked out from behind the door, a blanket draped over his shoulders. “Hi, hyungie.”
“Taehyung,” Namjoon said, his heart breaking in the process. “How are you doing?”
“Not good,” he replied, rubbing his eyes. Jeongguk grabbed his free hand and held it softly. “Gukkie has been helping me, though.”
Jeongguk blushed and pulled Taehyung into a side hug. Taehyung laid his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder and closed his eyes.
“You should get some sleep, Tae,” Namjoon said.
“I know.”
Namjoon turned to Jeongguk, who still had Taehyung’s head on his shoulder. “You should get him to bed, it’s late. I’ll go grab some water for you, okay?”
Jeongguk nodded. “Alright, Taehyungie-hyungie hyung, let’s go to sleep.” He grabbed Taehyung’s legs, lifted him up bridal style and carried him back to his dark room. The gesture earned a small, nasally giggle from Taehyung, making Namjoon smile slightly.
That was at the beginning of December. Now, three weeks later, the mood still hadn’t shifted from sad. The seven of them were seated on the three couches in their living room. Jimin and Taehyung were cuddled on one couch, talking softly about God knows what. On the second couch were Jeongguk and Hoseok, Jeongguk’s head resting on the latter’s lap, most likely exhausted from the day of practice the two had together. Seokjin and Namjoon sat on the last couch staring at the white wall in front of them, not saying a single word to each other but sitting close enough to know they needed the physical touch from each other. Yoongi was seated against the coffee table, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed at the television’s useless ads.
Suddenly Yoongi stood up. “You know, FUCK this year.” He grabbed his hat and threw it on the ground. All six of the boys’ eyes were trained on Yoongi. “This has to be one of the worst fucking years we’ve ever had!”
“Hyung, we did so many good things though!” Jeongguk said softly. “I mean, we went to the AMAs! And won Top Social Artist at the BBMAs!”
“Yeah, but what did we get in return? More shitty accusations to ruin our career!” Yoongi gripped his glass so hard Namjoon was worried it was going to shatter. “We can lose everything if the right post goes viral!”
“Yoongi, we haven’t DONE anything problematic enough to lose our career,” Seokjin said firmly.
Yoongi looked over with sad eyes. “But we have.”
“What on earth could that be?”
Yoongi looked down, tears beginning to fall through his soft lashes. “...We debuted.”
They knew it sounded cheesy, but the room was so silent they all could hear the neighbors downstairs singing their child to sleep. Everyone held their breath, not even knowing what to think. Yoongi’s fists shook as he tried to control all of the emotions coming over his small frame.
Taehyung was the first to react. “H-hyung, don’t say that.” He stood up and reached out for Yoongi, who flinched and turned to him. “Why can’t I say that? It’s true, Taehyung! We wouldn’t have gone through this emotional hell that was the last two months!”
Even though he was taller, Taehyung took a step back from Yoongi. “Yoongi hyung, please don’t say that.”
“Again, why?? If we hadn’t all become shitty idols NONE of this would have happened.”
“We wouldn’t have met each other!” Hoseok said, standing up.
“But you would have gone to a better company where you would be a professional dancer!”
Hoseok opened his mouth to respond, but Yoongi kept going. “And Jeongguk, you would have gone to a bigger company with more money to support your career! Jimin, you could have been a ballet dancer or whatever the fuck you wanted to be, a police officer or some shit.”
“Yoongi hyung,” Namjoon started but was immediately cut off.
“You-” Yoongi stuck his finger out at his leader, eyes full of anger. “You wouldn’t have the burden of responding to all of the fucking hate we get on a daily basis. You could be the goddamn owner of a company. You have the brainpower!”
Namjoon shut his mouth, not knowing what to say next. “Seokjin hyung, you could have taken over your father’s company and been a quiet, rich man,” Yoongi continued. “But instead, you endured the hell of our pre-debut years. You could have been able to eat food regularly and not suddenly become a dad of six kids who didn’t know what the fuck was going on!”
“Yoongi, I wouldn’t trade those years for anything in the world and you KNOW that,” Seokjin said. He stood up and walked over to the younger, whose strong facade was falling quickly. “Those years made us who we are today. We DESERVE what we have because of everything we went through.”
Yoongi’s eyes began to fill with tears again as Seokjin spoke. “We have worked harder for our fame more than any other idol group. We have broken countless records and I know we will continue to break even more. This shit sucks and seems impossible to get through, but we will. We always do and always will be here for each other.” Yoongi’s shoulders sank and tears began to envelop his small body. Seokjin reached out his arms and pulled the smaller into his arms. Soft cries of pain filled the room as both hyungs started crying.
Namjoon looked around the room to see their maknae also starting to cry. “Jeongguk-ah?”
Jeongguk put his hands to his eyes. “I’m sorry, hyungie.”
“Why on earth should you be sorry?” Namjoon asked, standing up and walking over to Jeongguk. The younger looked up with tears in his big eyes. “I hate seeing you guys hurting so much.”
Namjoon gave him a sad smile. “We all hurt sometimes. It’s okay to cry.”
Jeongguk nodded and began crying harder. Taehyung, who had fallen onto the couch next to him, grabbed his hand. “Gukkie,” Taehyung whispered. “Gukkie, don’t cry.” That only made the younger cry break down, eventually crumbling into the older’s shoulder.
Namjoon just watched his team members break down from everything that had happened the past year. Tears formed in his own eyes as he realized that he wasn’t strong enough to keep them calm. He wasn’t strong enough to save them from so much hurt. Without even making a sound, the leader left his team in the living room and walked to his studio, crying his heart out the rest of the night.