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The thing is-
The thing is Adrien doesn’t actually mean to lie. Not at first anyway, but they have to keep their secret identities secret don’t they?
And his family, well, their tragedy is out there for the world to see and the world did see it.
A few too many slips and maybe Adrien’s backstory’s might seep through the cracks in Chat Noir’s explanations.
He doesn’t know what Ladybug’s life is like outside the mask.
She goes to school. She likes a guy who doesn’t like her back. She doesn’t really talk about her family because she wants to protect them but he’s never got a hint they’re anything but loving and he’s sure they’re wonderful because she’s Ladybug and whoever produced her must be amazing too.
So.
He goes to school. He likes a girl who doesn’t like him back. He doesn’t really talk about his family because he wants to protect them but-
It’s complicated and maybe he doesn’t want Ladybug to know that. Maybe he wants to have one friend who looks at him without the baggage of seeing Adrien Agreste, the poor little rich boy with the missing mother and distant demanding father.
Maybe he’s glad for his friends’ sympathy and maybe he even wants to vent sometimes but it’s difficult when everyone he knows has already decided they know what’s going on and want to rescue him from it.
-and he’s Chat Noir so whoever produced him must be like whoever you’d imagine Chat Noir’s parents’ to be.
It’s not a lie.
It’s a just an omission.
And after all Chat Noir might be very different to Adrien Agreste but perhaps their parents have a few things in common.
They get that unruly blonde hair from their mother.
Emilie Agreste never left the house with hers anything other than perfect. Once he’d caught her complaining about the need for it and about the paparazzi to his father. They’d shut up when they’d noticed him there.
She’d been the one to style Adrien’s hair until he was old enough to do it for everyday things. He has stylists for photoshoots and adverts.
The love of puns comes from their father.
Adrien and Gabriel Agreste had shared that once. He’d never seen his father much. Not like his mother. He’d always been busy. But they’d used to smile at each other’s wordplay over family dinners. Then his mother was gone and nothing made his father smile anymore.
Perhaps both of them get their sense of drama and romance comes from both their parents.
Adrien has never ever in his life wondered about if his father loved his mother. The gestures he’d make; her place in every advertising campaign, the stature, the staged paparazzi photos showed that.
And then.
There’s how every bit of warmth in him was sucked out after they lost her.
That doesn’t mean they didn’t used to fight sometimes in shrieking shouting matches that shook the houses foundations while he was banished to his room.
They’d each apologise to him later. His mother with hugs and reassurances. His father with presents his mother had told him to buy.
And they’d apologise to each other too in great shows of affection he’d used to watch with hearts in his eyes.
So. No. He doesn’t start off lying.
It just happens.
Ladybug laughs. “Wow, can you believe they’re remaking those films? Who’s even the audience for that now?”
“My mom used to like them,” he says unthinkingly, “we’d rewatch them together sometimes.”
His lady freezes for a second and her face twitches and for a moment it almost reminds him of Marinette, and really he does not understand what he keeps doing to offend people but he figures the longer he’s in school and with Ladybug and the temporary heroes he’ll work it out.
“Um, that’s, I’m, uh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bash your mom’s taste in films or anything. Just that they’re kind of old so people our age won’t know them? And people who did probably wouldn’t like the changes they’d make? Or care about the new actors?”
He shrugs. “It’s fine. I mean they were kind of old for her, and I mainly liked them because we watched them together. So.”
Her hand on his startles him and it takes everything bit of acting he’s learnt from his mother and on set as a model to stay steady at her touching him unannounced like that.
“Kitty?” Ladybug says, and her eyes seem bigger than ever, “are you, did something happen to your mom?”
“Uh,” he’s thrown off a little by her unexpected question. No one asks Adrien Agreste what happened to his mom. Apart from a few reporters with cruel inferences but he’s learnt to ignore them.
His father and Nathalie are pretty good at dealing with those sort of people at least.
“Only you were kind of using the past tense,” she says in a hurry, “and you don’t have to tell me anything- it’s fine! And I know we’ve have our secret identities to deal with so maybe you shouldn’t tell me anything but I doubt it’s anything that would identify you-
Emilie Agreste’s disappearance is emblazoned on newspapers over the city.
Her husband shuts off the news every time their son catches him watching it.
Photographers camp outside their house for days.
-but if I can be a friendly ear then I’d like to be,” she finishes. “Or if there’s anything I could do, then”
“I don’t think there’s anything you can do,” he says.
That isn’t quite true.
In a book Adrien stole from his father once there’s a page about the power granted by combining the two major Miraculous.
But Adrien had neither the time nor learning to read that page when he steals that book so he isn’t aware of the first lie he tells Ladybug.
He is the second because-
“She’s,” missing, but he can’t say that. Even he knows that’s not usual. Certainly not for the mothers of boys’ who look like Chat Noir. And besides with it being so long he knows the truth, “dead.”
“Oh my god,” Ladybug twists to face him front on and her other hand goes to his shoulder, “Chat Noir I’m so sorry.”
He hates that he’s made her look like that and he rushes to reassure her.
“No, no it’s fine. It,” they’re supposed to protect their secret identities, and that means lying sometimes the same way he’d had to as Aspik, “happened a long time ago.”
Sometimes his mother’s disappearance seems so recent Adrien almost forgets she’s gone. He wakes up and expects her to come bounding into his room with whatever new fun idea she’s had for his homeschooling.
Sometimes his mother’s disappearance seems so long ago it seems like it was a dream that it wasn’t always Nathalie making sure he was up for school.
“Oh,” Ladybug gasps, “That’s good. I mean it’s not good. Sorry I’m,”
He fell in love with Ladybug for her capability and determination but there’s something charming in her grasping at straws too.
Still, Chat Noir’s job is to support her so, “it’s ok. I get what you mean and-“
There’s a knock at his door.
“Come in,” he calls, not yells, because his mother’s told him well behaved young men don’t yell and Adrien wants to be exactly what she wants him to be.
Especially with how little he’s seen of her recently, with how Nathalie’s taken over some of the lessons she used to teach him, and how exhausted she always seems when he does see her he just doesn’t have it in him to disappoint her.
He thinks maybe she’s trying to get back into acting again now he’s a bit older and that’s why she’s so secretive about everything and tired the way his father is in the last push before fashion week.
“Adrien,” Nathalie says, and despite being perfectly put together her voice doesn’t sound anything like it usually does at all, and it makes him worry something’s gone wrong with the company, “You need to come downstairs.”
“What?”
“Your father wants to talk to you.”
Adrien tries to desperately to think if he’s done anything wrong but nothing comes to mind so hopefully this is a good thing.
Maybe his father wants his help planning something for his mother. His father’s good at organising things, and he’d buy Adrien and his mother anything they wanted but his ability to pick things out for either of them himself is kind of not great considering he’s built an empire convincing people they want to buy the things he’s selling.
“We knew it was coming.”
The bottom of his stomach falls out. “What do you mean disappeared?”
“She left the house yesterday,” his father says, and his glasses are off and he’s pinching at the bridge of his nose so Adrien can’t see his eyes, “which I told her was ill-advised with how she’s not been feeling well but she ignored me and now she’s yet to return.”
“But,” Adrien stammers, “but how can she just have disappeared? Are you sure she wasn’t just going to a friend’s and forget to tell you?”
It wouldn’t be the first time and he grasps at the possibly his mother got taken by a whim to visit her sister or something, “or, have you called the police? People follow us all the time when we leave the house surely someone saw something? She can’t have just disappeared.”
“She has,” his father snaps back, and stands up looming over Adrien with his full height, “and think before you speak for once in your life. Of course I’ve called the police. God Adrien, I’m not an idiot.”
“She was ill for a while so I had time to say goodbye.”
Just before Adrien leaves the room his father calls him back. “I’m sorry son.”
It seems safer to stay silent than risk aggravating his father again so Adrien does.
His father’s hand closes on his shoulder, “She’ll be found soon I’m sure. We just have to wait for her.”
But the days, and then the weeks, and then the months pass, still without any sign of Emilie Agreste.
Adrien goes to school for the first time. He makes friends. Hawk Moth appears. He becomes Chat Noir. And still there’s no sign of his mother.
All he has are photos and a stature, and he asks them why? And where are you? And what happened? Over and over again.
They don’t answer because they’re just still images of her.
He just wishes he had a chance to say goodbye.
“And hey, I still have my dad!”
Adrien sits down for dinner. His father doesn’t appear.
He waits.
And he waits.
And he waits.
Then Nathalie comes in with his dinner on a tray.
Only his dinner.
Confusion swamps him. “Is father working late?”
It wouldn’t be the first time. But he’d always had his mother then.
She doesn’t quite hesitate but she inhales before responding. “Your father’s very busy Adrien.”
Apparently his father’s busy a lot because this becomes his new normal.
Adrien doesn’t think his father is actually far more busy than he was before his mother disappeared. Or at least he doesn’t think he is because he doesn’t want to be.
And Adrien doesn’t begrudge him his grief, and he’s not surprised that his father feels adrift without his mother to orbit, but Adrien’s adrift too and he thinks it might be nice if they could mourn together instead of it feeling like both his parents disappeared that day.
The only upside is that his father’s absence from his life makes it much easier to hide being Chat Noir. Sometimes he wonders how Ladybug manages her disappearances. If her parents are busy too.
Somehow he doesn’t think they’re busy the way his father is.
And from there the lies just keep coming.
“It’s a present,” Ladybug smiles, “You seemed a little down so…”
Chat Noir takes a red and black spotted macaron from the box she’s holding.
“I bought them from the Dupain-Cheng bakery,” she admits, “but I did decorate them myself. My dad showed me.”
“Oh, I know that place, my,” he stills, because she doesn’t know he goes to school with Marinette, and it’s bad enough Chat Noir has got Marinette’s dad akumatised without him admitting his alter-ego knows her, “dad and I go there all the time.”
Adrien pauses at the car door. “Are you sure we couldn’t drop Marinette home?”
The Gorilla looks down at him in sympathy and for a moment Adrien thinks he might give in but then the man checks his watch and shakes his head.
“You do?” Ladybug sqeaks. “That’s so weird. I wonder if we’re ever passed each other going in and out.”
“Hey, it’s not that weird. I guess we probably can’t live that far from each other with how long it takes us to get to akuma attacks, and that place is really great,” he says, but actually she has a point-it is really odd to imagine walking past Ladybug not knowing it is Ladybug. “I bet I’d recognise my lady anywhere though.”
“Sure you would,” she smirks, “you don’t even know what I look like. Anyway we all know that if either of us is going to recognise the other it’s going to be me.”
He grins, and pointedly doesn’t look at the billboard for Adrien, The Perfume behind him. “Sure you would. Seriously though it’s cool that your father did that with you.”
She laughs, “I think he thinks all my artistic skills leave me when it comes to food.”
“Oh mine too!” He agrees.
“What artistic skills are those?” She jokes and fake looks him over, “I think I can see you being a dancer but it’s hard to imagine you sitting down drawing or painting.”
“Alright alright maybe my drawing skills aren’t that great,” he admits, because neither Chat Noir nor Adrien inherited that skill from his father, “but I’m a pretty good musician you know.”
“OK. I can see that.” She says. “What do you play? Guitar? You kind of seem like a guitar type.”
“Should I be flattered?” He asks, “I know you like Jagged Stone.”
“I know lots of guys who play the guitar,” she says, “it takes more than that to impress me. Is that your instrument then?”
“That’s for my lady to find out when she recognises me,” he winks. “but I’ll have you know I’m very good. Everyone says so.”
Adrien plays and he plays and he plays but his father’s impression doesn’t change a fraction.
Sometimes he wonders if he’d even listening. He’d almost prefer criticism to this because criticism would mean there was something he could change to please him better.
His father stands up without warning, “Apologies. I’ve a call coming in from the States.”
He doesn’t even have the tablet or his phone in his hands, and Nathalie’s head had only nodded in agreement after he’d said it so she clearly hadn’t notified him of it.
She lingers after he left the room. “I’m sorry Adrien. I should have remembered and reminded him before we came in to hear you.”
“It’s fine Nathalie,” he sighs. He knows even she can’t get his father to act other than he is apart from rare one-off occasions.
It gains him the slightest hint of a weak smile back and before she leaves the room she says, “You’re improving you know. I could hear it.”
Ladybug seems down after their next fight despite it being a fairly easy victory. Chat Noir hadn’t even needed to use his powers.
It drags his mood down too and he realises how much he relies on Ladybug’s steady confidence. “You ok buginette?”
“Just personal stuff” she sighs.
“I get it,” he knows better than to push, “but, come on, let’s go get some ice cream. My treat.”
“Seriously?”
“Hey, ice cream with my friends always makes me feel better.”
“OK.” She says, “but not André Glacier. I can’t stand all the assumptions he makes.”
“You remind me of one of my friends,” he smiles.
Chat Noir sits alone in a bar drinking milk.
He pours out his sorrows to his childhood friend’s butler and the man has no idea who’s behind the mask because he can’t admit to anything of that side of his life without endangering the family he still has.
“You know Chat,” Ladybug says while he tries to not embarrass himself watching her lick her ice cream, “this was a good idea. I don’t say it enough but I do really value you as a friend you know? Sometimes I wish we could know each other behind the masks.”
“Me too.”
“I’m sure a guy like you has loads of friends to hang out with though,” she continues, “and we do ok as we are don’t we?”
“Oh sure,” and perhaps this one is less of a lie because he’s clearly joking, “I’m so busy going between different friend’s houses I barely have time for school work.”
“Chat Noir!
Adrien paces in front of the Atelier door. It’s simple. He’s just to go in there and ask. It’s not ridiculous at all. It’s going to be fine.
“What on earth are you doing?” His father’s voice startles him.
Adrien swallows, “I wanted to ask you something?”
“Well are you or not?”
“It’s Nino’s birthday this weekend and a few of the guys from school were going to go to the cinema on Saturday night. So I was wondering if I could go?”
“That’s impossible.” His father said, “it’s not safe for you to be out at night and you have a photoshoot in the morning.”
Alya is stunningly unhelpful on the subject, and he tries Marinette but honestly he’s kind of not sure what she was trying to say so he figures Ladybug’s his last hope.
“You’re a girl,” he starts, and then wants to hit himself in the face because that sounds stupid.
Ladybug raises an eyebrow, “yes?”
“What sort of things do women like?”
That eyebrow raises even higher. “That’s a kind of broad question.”
“I kind of missed someone’s birthday,”
Adrien turns away from Nathalie’s room after his father tells him to leave her alone to rest. There had been worry beneath his anger though and that makes him even more worried than Nathalie’s dizzy spell had anyway.
Slipping down on his chair his eyes catch on the set of earrings with clumsily made clay charms he’d prepared for his mother’s birthday. He’d enjoyed that pottery class she signed him up for and he’d thought making a present for her was the perfect way to show that.
Only she’d disappeared first before he could give them to her.
There’s no reason Nathalie should disappear, and he doesn’t know when her birthday is but, “Hey Plagg. It’d be nice to make her a get well present right?”
Ladybug interrupts, “your girlfriend’s?”
“What?” Chat Noir almost chokes, because there’s pretending his life is different and then there’s that and, “no, she’s like, she’s my father’s,” only most people don’t have assistants, and Ladybug’s just given him an obvious alternative, “girlfriend.”
Ladybug nods kind of satisfied. “You might be in slightly less trouble then.”
“Technically I think this is my father’s fault for never mentioning it. He’s terrible with dates-
What sort of head Gabriel Agreste has for dates his son has no idea.
He misses things but Adrien doesn’t think it’s not because he doesn’t remember them much as Adrien might wish it was as undeliberate as that.
Besides he has an electronic calendar and Nathalie to help him if he slips up.
,,-but I’d like to make it up to her so she doesn’t think it’s because I dislike her or anything?”
“I’m sure she doesn’t think you dislike her,” Ladybug says, “you wear your heart on your sleeve and I can tell you care about her.”
“Yeah,” Chat Noir smiles, while Adrien’s heart breaks a little, “she’s really nice and she’s been really good for my father. I’m happy he’s finally moving on after my mother’s death you know?”
His father almost springs back from him in his hurry to shatter the equality and understanding Adrien thought they were sharing.
“How could you possibly think such a thing?! Nobody could ever replace your mother.” He gets to his feet forcing that distance between them. “As long as she is still in our hearts she lives on.”
“Typical Hawk Moth right?” He yells to Ladybug, “ruining Valentine’s Day for everyone again?”
“Yeah,” she shouts back in the middle of battle back to him.
But after she doesn’t run off. “I’ve fed my kwami, would you like to hang out for a bit together?”
His mouth goes dry and he’s totally incapable to channel that usual Chat Noir charm, “yes. I mean yeah that would be cool yeah.”
Ladybug sighs, “I just. Urgh. I don’t want anyone to be upset or to be in a situation where he can take advantage but I almost felt reassured that we had an attack today.”
“Reassured?”
“It’s dumb I know.”
He could punch the guy Ladybug likes in the face for being an utter idiot. “The boy you like did something?”
“Not him,” Ladybug shakes her head, “he’s great. He’s always going to be great, and it’s probably a good reason I can’t say I like him because I can’t date anyone can I? Not with all the secrets I have to hide. I can’t have a boyfriend if I keep having to explain why I’m disappearing can I?”
He’d like to lie but the spectre of everything with Kagami and his failed attempt to get over Ladybug hangs over him. “No, I guess neither of us can really.”
Ladybug sighs, “at least we have each other.”
“Yeah,” he agrees, “we have each other. You know,”
“No,” she stops him.
“No?”
“Dating each other wouldn’t even be better. We’re still only have half a life together wouldn’t we?
He can’t even bring himself to flirt. “yeah, I guess.”
“And it’s hard you know?” Ladybug says, “like my parents I look at them and everything they’re got together and I want that, but I don’t know how I can get that.”
“Yeah I know,” and he does but he wants to make her smile because this melancholy mood isn’t right on Ladybug, “guess we’ll just to speed up defeating Hawk Moth right? And then if your, apparently completely blind guy, is stupid enough to turn you down maybe you could give this cat a chance?”
“Yeah,” Ladybug says, “we just have to beat Hawk Moth. Like we’ve been trying all the time.”
“Yeah, I know. But we’ll get there right.”
“We will. And,” Ladybug looks away from him, “maybe I might give you a chance then?”
A little light ignites inside him. “Seriously?”
She holds up a hand in her defence “I only said a chance.”
He even make the smile emblazoned on his face suave but he tries anyway. “I’ll have you know I can be very convincing.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it. Hey, are you dad and his girlfriend doing anything much for Valentines?”
“What?”
“I mean my parents are busy all day but then my dad has this big surprise I’ve helped with planned for the evening but that’s not that different to every year. It’s new for yours right? I’d like to hear that someone in this city is having a romantic relationship that’s going well.”
“I think most of Paris is having a good time today or we’d be fighting more akumas,” he tries to point out but that only seems to dent Ladybug’s rising mood and he hurries to salvage the situation, “actually though I think he’s going to propose.”
“Seriously?” Ladybug lights up, “that’s so romantic!”
“Yeah,” he hopes his awkwardness reads as embarrassment, “I mean I know he’s going to at some point because he told me so I think it’s probably going to be today? He’s not great at keeping secrets.”
“I can see that.”
“Hey! I’m plenty good at keeping secrets,” like the truth of his life. “Including this one which is hard because I'm really excited for her to become an official part of our family.”
If it wasn’t for the slight rise and fall of Nathalie’s chest Adrien would be terrified she was gone. He’s worried anyway.
The room is silent but for the undulating sound of beep of the heart monitor at the other end of the wires sprawling out from her bed and his own heart thuds in his ears.
They’ve been shielding him from the truth of the situation and that makes Adrien worry. She’d sounded ok through the tablet but now he wonders if that was even Nathalie at all. If she even wakes up.
In the quiet of her bedroom it’s easy to hear her door opening but for once Adrien doesn’t jump for cover.
He’s quite ready to have this conversation with his father. He’s not the one who’s been hiding.
“You’re not supposed to be here.” His father says.
“I’m not disturbing her.” Adrien points out.
His father is silent and Adrien turns around. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Nathalie’s private medical details aren’t mine to share with you.”
Aren’t they?
Her very location in their house rather than a hospital or hospice seems to suggest otherwise.
“Father,” Adrien swallows, “can’t you tell me if she’s going to be ok?”
His father bends down to put his hand on Adrien’s shoulder, “She’s going to be fine Adrien. I won’t let it be otherwise.”
It’s a good effort on his father’s part and it’s not like Adrien has much experience reading him these days but for once he is certain that his father’s lying. His words sound more like a plea to convince himself than honest confidence.
And so it continues.
Ladybug will drop some non-identifying tidbits about her life and family and he’ll respond with bits of his. And they’re not all lies.
Ladybug’s nose scrunches up as they watch the formally estranged parent and child who had just been their latest akuma and their target and says, “sometimes it feels like everyone in the city’s family is a bit screwed up.”
“Yeah,” Chat Noir agrees, “I can’t pretend mine isn’t.”
“Oh kitty no, that’s different!” Ladybug splutters, “I meant like, how things are awkward with my grandparents. Not like what happened with your mom.”
He grins, “actually I was thinking about how things are awkward with my cousin. But we’re starting to get through it I think.”
So they might be exaggerations sometimes.
“Are you seriously blaming me for not managing to sneak out of the country to go to your dad’s funeral?” Adrien asks Felix, “you know I’d have wanted to come. My father just,”
Felix cuts him off, and his eyes are cold and dead, “I’d heard you were rather good at sneaking out actually.”
“I come bearing food,” Chat Noir smiles.
“You don’t always have to pay,” Ladybug says but she takes the proffered pizza anyway. “I have money too.”
“I’ve the money to burn?”
She learns back to better look him over then seems to come to a decision. “Generous allowance?”
For some reason the idea of her thinking him workshy bothers him. “I get paid for helping out in the family business.”
She smiles around her pizza slice. “So do I!”
It might surprise his friends but Adrien does actually get paid a decent amount for his modelling. Nathalie says it’s benchmarked against market rates.
Not that he sees the money. That all goes in some bank account in his name he can’t access until he’s older.
But it’s not like his family don’t buy him anything he wants. They’ve never even queried all the cheese he buys for Plagg.
“I enjoy it,” he tells her, then with a wink he adds, “not that I can tell you what it is.”
Between school, and the akuma last night, Adrien doesn’t think it’s surprising that he can barely keep his eyes open in the shoot.
He lets them adjust him let a mannequin.
Stand like this.
Smile like that.
Look here.
Be this.
Be that.
It had been fun once. He’s sure of that. It must have been back when he did it with his mother and thrilled at the fact he was being treated like a proper grown up.
And then it all tumbles down.
“Mom?,” he doesn’t recognise the voice saying it as it effects around this cavernous room but it must be him, because he felt the word force it up though his throat at the sight of her encased in glass behind Shadow Moth.
The villain falters, for a second, “Adrien?”
And in that second another realisation crushes him, “Father?”
“But,” Ladybug looks around in confusion, “but, but that’s not possible. You said,”
“I lied,” the apology slips out of his mouth like the tears are slipping down his face, “we had our secret identities to protect so I lied about my family and-“
Ladybug’s eyes widen in realisation. “You gave yourself the family you wanted,”
Shadow Moth, his father, lowers his cane slightly, “you can still have that Adrien. Don’t you see? This is all for your mother? We can get her back. We can put our family back together again.”
Adrien laughs, and it’s a cruel and awful sounding thing even to him, “After this?”
Ladybug's brows meet, and she turns to put himself between him and the villain, between him and his parents, “That’s not the family he wanted you utter failure of a father. He wanted you to be there for him, he wanted you to care. He wanted you to move on and be happy. He never wanted this."