Work Text:
1.
You wake up gasping for air. It's still dark out. There's rain pattering away outside your window and for a moment you're disoriented and aren't sure where you are for a moment. This doesn't look like your room, this isn't your... oh, wait. This is your room. And your bed. You're on the floor, next to the bed, for some reason? But it's definitely your bed.
You've been in your new (old?) house with your mom and siblings for a little over a week now. It's been a lot to get used to but you really like it. Roxy is loud but she doesn't actually yell. Mom leaves weird messages on the fridge sometimes with the magnets and Rose responds to them and you're not sure if it's a joke or what? But Mom also actually talks to you pretty regularly and the fridge is full of food instead of swords so. There's that.
Things are better. Things are supposed to be good.
But they aren't entirely. Not yet.
You try to tell yourself to be quiet, to calm down, to just go back to sleep. Your body doesn't seem to want to listen though. Your eyes well up with tears and you completely fail at choking back a sob, at your attempt to dampen the noise.
"It's fine," you mumble to yourself as you continue to cry against your will. "It's fine."
There's a knock on your door and you nearly jump out of your skin. Was it really a knock? Are you just hearing things? Is it...
"Dave? It's Roxy. Can I come in?"
Oh. Just Roxy. Why is Roxy here at... 2:00 in the morning?
"I'm fine," you say louder so she can hear you. "Sorry if I woke you up."
She opens the door and slowly enters your room. "I was already awake. Was in the bathroom." She gestures to her left. Right. The bathroom is right next to your room. "Heard a crash."
You don't know what to say so you just nod and wipe at your face.
Roxy walks over to you. You're still crying, as much as you'd like not to be. She hesitates, just for a moment, and then kneels down and wraps you in a hug.
You tense up at first and she starts to pull back but you grab her shirt to stop her. Then you feel silly for doing that and drop your hands to the floor on either side of you. She seems to get the point, though, and hugs you even tighter.
You sniffle and the sounds of you attempting to calm down mingle with the rain outside. Neither of you says anything for quite some time.
When you think you've finally gotten this whole crying thing under control, Roxy speaks up. "Wanna go play some video games?"
You don't want to keep her up. Don't want to impose. But. Well. She's offering. And you do love video games.
You nod against her shoulder. When she pulls back, there's a smile on her face. "Sweet, let's go."
2.
You're 14 and as 14-year-olds so often do, you're doing stupid reckless shit with your girlfriend.
(No, nothing like that. Keeping it PG here, yo.)
You're standing in the grass in Terezi's front yard. Terezi is currently standing on the top of her sister's car, no doubt leaving footprints all over the place. Latula will be absolutely pissed when she sees. Latula's skateboard is positioned on the driveway next to the car. Terezi got the brilliant idea to try and jump off the car onto the board and she hasn't shut up about it for hours. You're just here to supervise because even though your skating is sick as hell, if you fell on your face while attempting this ridiculous stunt Terezi would never let you live it down.
You're also here to record it because if she lands that and actually manages to skate off without falling over, you're totally posting that everywhere.
The first time she jumps off the top of the car, she lands on her feet but totally misses the skateboard. "Almost, Rez."
"Almost doesn't count. I'm gonna get it! Gimme a step back up."
You were going to clasp your hands together and boost her up that way like you did the first time, but Terezi apparently has other ideas. She jumps onto your back and starts trying to climb up onto your shoulders and you nearly fall over but luckily, you regain your balance and the two of you don't end up facedown on the pavement.
"What the fuck, I'm not even by the car."
"Give me a ride over, then."
"You're fucking heavy." You adjust for a second and make sure she's secure on your shoulders before you start to make the short walk from the grass back over to the car.
"Naw, you just need to work out more."
"I do no— oh fuck."
You accidentally step onto the edge of the skateboard and it comes flying up, comically (for someone who was not you, probably) ramming into your shin. You try to regain your balance but Terezi is on your shoulders and you totally hadn't seen the skateboard was right there (you knew it was right there!) and it all happens too fast for you to avoid falling over.
You fall back. Terezi tries to jump off your shoulders before she falls too.
You land hard on your ass but catch yourself with your forearms and don't end up flat on your back. You're not sure how, but Terezi lands on her hands and knees.
"That was so uncool." Terezi groans and goes to stand up. "If you wanted to try skating with me on your shoulders we definitely should have prepared for that better! Actually, that's a great idea. Get up."
You roll your eyes and stand up.
The first thing you notice is the stinging pain in your arms.
The second thing you notice is the rivulets of blood running down Terezi's legs. Her knees and shins are both skinned something awful and they're. Bleeding a lot.
You're just going to. Sit back down on the driveway. Yup. Even better idea than riding a skateboard with Terezi on your shoulders.
"Latula! Get your ass out here!"
"What are you yelling abo— oh shit. You two are worse at skateboarding than I thought."
"We're actually the best. Shut up and go get bandaids or something."
Terezi is trying to get your attention but you're looking up at the sky. Taking deep breaths. Avoiding looking at her or at your own arms or really anywhere other than the very interesting cloud you've suddenly found.
"You good? You hit your head or something?"
"Nope. You're uh. You're bleeding." You swallow down a bought of nausea.
"Yeah and Latula is taking her sweet ass time getting something for it." She hollers her sister's name again. "Ignore that. We gotta come up with a way cooler story about how we got all these scrapes and bruises."
"Mmm."
"Best idea you've ever had."
Latula comes out and you hear Terezi tell her to fuck off and help you, not her.
"You two got a long way to go before you can start doing stunts." You feel a cool cloth on your right arm, then your left. Latula puts something that stings like a bitch on your scrapes but you barely react. You don't look down at your arms until she's done wrapping gauze around both of them.
"...You sure you don't want help?" she asks Terezi when she's done with you. "You're just smearing everything around."
"Maybe that's what I'm trying to do."
"Doubtful."
You wait until Latula gives an, "All clear," before you dare to look anywhere other than your own overly gauzed arms.
Terezi's shins are covered in way more gauze than necessary. Her knees have a modge podge of red bandaids covering them.
Terezi offers a hand and you let her help you up.
You are so fucking embarrassed. You think she's going to tease you, call you a weeny, tell you off for being useless while she and Latula did all the work of getting you both cleaned up...
"Okay so," she starts. "The matching mummy look is great I'm sure. Can't see it obviously (lol) but honestly way better than whatever couple's outfits the other kids are doing."
"Do other kids do couples outfits?"
"Hell if I know. Anyway, we're going with the skateboarding shoulder ride. But you didn't just randomly fall! You were suddenly tripped in the sidewalk by a..." she paused. "Crocodile!"
"Everyone will totally believe that," Latula says with a laugh.
"I don't think crocodiles live in New York," you tell her.
She just grins that wide grin of hers that makes it look like her teeth are taking up half her face. "That's what they want you to think. Someone sent them here to keep our sweet skills from the world!"
You laugh and listen as she comes up with increasingly more ridiculous reasons for why you're both scraped up from you tripping on a fucking skateboard.
3.
You're very much regretting taking the drugs Terezi had given you. You'd taken them willingly, of course. She'd never purposefully give you something harmful (you think) and Roxy had also taken some and apparently had taken it before and nothing went wrong and...
And you can't breathe?
Your heart had started racing right around the same time Terezi made a comment about how she was, "Totally feeling that, oh shit." You should probably ask if this whole heart pounding, chest tightening, hands shaking thing is what you're supposed to be feeling because you're pretty sure it's not. You open your mouth to say something but all that comes out is a gasp as you try to take a breath, try to calm down.
You've been painting with Nepeta and Terezi. You try to focus on that since talking seems to not be a thing that's happening right now. You're shaking a bit too much, almost like you're shivering but not, and when you try to lift your paintbrush back up from where it's sitting in a pool of green paint it doesn't end up making it to the paper like you'd intended.
Paint splashes all over your shirt and that's when you notice somebody is saying your name.
"Dave?"
You look for your paintbrush. It can't have gone that far... Oh. It's sitting on top of a drawing Nepeta had been doing. You've ruined it.
"Sorry about your picture," you manage to get out. It comes out quiet, small, not at all like the way you usually speak. "I'll, um..." You're not sure where you were going with that. You blink a few times, try to take a deep breath but only manage a few quick, shallow ones.
You startle when someone grabs your hands and pull away.
It's just Nepeta. Still just Nepeta.
"I'm sorry," you say again.
"It's okay! I can make another painting of Akwete Purrmusk for you later."
You shake your head. You're not sure if you're saying no or if you're just trying to shake the fog and panic from your brain. You don't think you're successful either way. Why are you panicking? You have no idea. You're with Nepeta and Terezi. You've just been painting. Nothing bad is happening.
An arm (Terezi's) drapes over your shoulders. When Nepeta takes one of your hands this time you don't pull away. You hear Terezi's voice but you can't quite make out what she's saying at first.
"Huh?" You look at her. As well as you can with her face literally right next to yours, anyway. She's a little flushed but she looks alright otherwise. Definitely doesn't look like she feels as bad as you do.
"I asked if you needed anything. Water, crayons, souls of your enemies?"
Did you? You're not sure honestly. Your face feels like it's on fire. Nepeta is rubbing your hand and you try to time your breath with the strokes. Back and forth. In and out.
Eventually, you calm down enough to actually pay attention to what Terezi and Nepeta are trying to say to you. Your eyes itch so you rub at them with your free hand and that's when you notice that your face is wet with tears. You don't have any idea when you started crying. Or why?
"Dirk and Roxy are outside," Terezi says. She sounds as if that is important information you need to know right away for some reason.
"Outside's fin-tastic." You didn't even realize Meenah was here. In her own house. Yeah no, that checks out actually. "That'll cool him down a little."
"Outside it is then!" Terezi helps you to your feet and starts dragging you over to the back door. Walking helps a little, forces you to focus on something other than the mad beating of your heart or the disjointed thoughts floating around in your head. She opens the door for you and nudges you out. "They're in the grass," she says. "Me and Nep'll be inside when you're ready to come back!"
With that, she's gone. Heading back to the living room, probably. You head over to where Roxy and Dirk are in the grass. You take a deep breath of the cold night air and you don't entirely feel better but it's a start.
4.
It's stupid. It's really, really stupid.
You hadn't been feeling that great today. Or yesterday, for that matter. A little too scattered, a little on edge, maybe a little sick? Maybe just tired or stressed from school. Whatever it was, whatever combination of mental and/or physical exhaustion you were feeling, you still thought the situation you were currently in was so, so stupid.
Against your better judgment, you'd gone with Roxy and Dirk to yet another house party. It's a decent-sized house, filled with far more than a decent-sized amount of people. You don't know the host or half the people here but there are some familiar faces.
You don't see any right at this moment. You're sitting at the bottom of the staircase, trying to get your stupid, panicked breathing under control. You've slipped down the stairs plenty of times (like, actually slipped, from your own clumsiness). It's not the end of the world. It's just a set of carpeted stairs inside a townhouse. No concrete. No metal railing. You'd landed on your ass and sure, it stung a little, but nothing was broken.
Whatever fucking thing is going on with your brain right now doesn't seem to want to pay attention to all the actualities of your current situation, though. It's wanting to just go ahead and relive some shit that you are totally over. That you thought you were, anyway. You've had panic attacks before but as you sit at the bottom of the stairs, shaking and trying to get yourself under control, you can't help but feel fucking stupid over what triggered this one.
"Do you require any assistance?"
You look up and you're met with an awkward smile from Equius.
"Uh," is all you can manage.
"Hold on a moment." He pushes through a small crowd of people, easily getting them to step aside. They give you an odd look before going back to their conversation.
You resign yourself to sitting here for a little while longer while you get yourself under control.
But then oh look, Equius is back.
He sits down next to you and hands you a glass of something. Beer? You don't need that. You take it with slightly shaky hands anyway and realize that oh, it is very clearly apple juice. Huh.
You're slumped off to one side of the stairs and while it's probably a pain in the ass for anyone trying to get up and down the stairs, you're not blocking them entirely.
Equius, on the other hand, is doing just that. He doesn't seem to care. Just sits there next to you and drinks... a glass of milk? Alright then.
"Are you going to just sit there and block the stairs or are you assholes going to move?" someone says. You don't recognize him.
Before you can attempt to move or mumble a sorry or anything else, Equius speaks. "We'll sit here as long as we please. Pardon the intrusion, but you'll have to wait."
The guy looks like he's going to argue but honestly, Equius can make some really scary faces and he seems to be making one right now because the guy just huffs and walks off in the other direction.
"Uh, thanks," you say. "I'll stop being a moron in a minute hopefully."
"You are not a moron." Equius leans back against the stairs. "We're just sitting here. Casually. Chilling."
You snort. "Yeah, alright dude. We're chilling."
5.
You're laying down on... Karkat's bed, staring at the ceiling. You feel a little faint, a little out of breath, a little clammy. Your chest is a little tight, the way it always is after you've had an anxiety attack. You're a little disoriented. Had you fallen asleep?
You sit up and Karkat is nowhere to be seen. You totally came in here with him...? And then... oh yeah. Great. You haven't had a reaction to blood like that in a hell of a long time. Figures you'd panic over a nosebleed.
"Karkat?"
There's some rustling coming from the bathroom. "Hold on!" He sounds a little distressed.
Far more than somebody who had a simple nosebleed should sound but. Well. You're going to assume he's not actually that upset about the nosebleed itself.
"I’m sorry," you say when he finally comes out of the bathroom. He's wearing a new shirt, his face is clean. Not a single fleck of blood in sight, not even the little bits that had dripped on the floor before he noticed it was bleeding.
"What do you mean you're sorry?" He goes over to his sink and pours a glass of water.
"I mean I'm sorry? For losing my shit over a nosebleed?" He hands you the water before sitting down on the bed next to you. He starts poking at your head and you swat his hand away. "I'm fine. Are you okay? You're the one who started bleeding everywhere all of the sudden."
"Allergies. Fucking pollen kicks my ass every spring."
"Ah." Intelligent. Smooth. Great. "That happen a lot then? The nosebleeds."
"Just sometimes."
He looks like he wants to say more but he just purses his lips. You don't like the way he's looking at you.
"I'm not gonna pass out every time you get a nosebleed, don't worry. Just wasn't expecting it."
"Does anyone expect nosebleeds?"
"Yeah dude. I'm just gonna walk around every day for the rest of our lives now expecting it could happen at any moment and then when it happens, it's all good. Totally prepared. Totally not gonna think you're suddenly dying or anything."
"You really think you're going to put up with my crabby ass for the rest of your life? Let's see if you even can stand me for more than a year."
You happily pick up on a change of topic. "Nope dude, can't get out of it that easily. Saved my life, remember? You're stuck with me now."
+
Sometimes you wake up from a nightmare and simply go back to sleep.
You and Terezi certainly did more dumb shit when you were teenagers that resulted in injury but you didn't freak out about all of them.
Terezi doesn't offer you anything at the next party you all end up at, but you end up building another blanket fort anyway.
You slide down the stairs on your ass the first time Dirk brings Equius over for dinner and no "chilling" at the bottom is necessary.
The next time Karkat gets a nosebleed, you are totally fucking ready with a pack of tissues. Look at you being all responsible.
(But even when things do get to be a bit too much, you always know somewhere at the back of your mind that you've got people around you to make it a little better.)