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Judy stared at the monitor, anxiously watching the seemingly endless diagnostics. Her foot was tapping a ceaseless rhythm, body flooding with adrenaline that was coming out of nowhere. Agitated, she checked her phone and went through her messages to see what V was up to, but the solo has been quiet all day and barely said a word the day before. It didn’t help that she hasn’t come around since their last date. But this anxiousness, it came from something else as well. It was the image of Evelyn in the bloody bathtub, resurfacing in her mind for no goddamn reason.
She itched to get the hell out of there; from this haunted apartment, from this neon death trap of a city that would tear the petals off every blooming flower. That sick, sweet smell of a corpse never truly left the place, neither did the smell of blood. She knew it was all in her head, that no matter how many times she scrubbed the tub clean and changed the bed sheets, the feeling of uneasiness would not go away.
V’s presence helped a great deal, except coaxing her to drop by was sometimes as hard as trying to lure in a shy animal. Besides, she wouldn’t guilt her into coming. She understood that she was busy, but she could at least move in for real. So far, she has only brought some clothes and her favorite mug, which was utterly boring and ordinary, but it was a part of the set Mama Welles bought her when she got her own place. Judy kept it outside of the cupboard just to have it in sight as a reminder that she was not alone anymore.
When she heard the door slide open, she leapt off her seat and had to stop herself from rushing up to V. Her feet skidded to a halt as she emerged from her work room. She tried to downplay the eagerness by casually leaning against the wall and crossing her arms. “Yo.”
V froze up and watched her quizzically. “Yo.”
She looked healthy, save for the minor cuts and bruises on her face. Judy wanted nothing more than to throw herself at her, yet tackling your girlfriend when you’re horny is one thing – doing that when you’re falling apart is another.
“Brought you some snacks,” the merc winked and lifted the shopping bag up onto the counter. Some of its contents spilled out, revealing packs of Pop-Turds and other questionable comfort food Judy couldn’t say no to. The gesture made her throat tighten and she did not trust herself to speak for a moment.
“How was your day?” V had that damnable, warm look in her eyes that was driving her crazy. It was so inviting, so gentle.
What was she supposed to say? That she has been watching their BD on repeat since she got home? That she helplessly wanted to lose herself in all of those feelings V felt when they went diving, desperate to be as close to her as possible even in her absence?
“Boring without you,” Judy willed her voice into a flirty lilt. V gave her a small smile as she advanced, embracing her the moment she got close. Burying her face in V’s neck, Judy inhaled her scent and closed her eyes.
“Well, my day was just nova,” V said, rubbing Judy’s back. “Let’s see here. Got beaten up by a clown,” Judy snorted. “Bought a moldy sandwich, nearly threw up. Saved Pepe’s marriage by snooping around, and I finally dealt with that rogue Delamain that kept terrorizing the neighborhood. Also, I caught a kid slapping the shittiest sticker on my Porsche. Know what was on it?”
“Some corpo propaganda, maybe?” Judy murmured. “A dick?”
“Okay, first off, where would a kid get a dick sticker? Secondly, no, it was a dancing cartoon mushroom – the one from that awful commercial about healthier synth-food.”
“So, a very close imitation of a dick, then.”
V pulled away, mouth twisted into a grimace of pure disgust. “Can you not?” Her gaze soon turned into a pleading one. “Tell me you know how to get rid of it.”
The techie smiled against her wishes, shaking her head in amusement. “Nope, sorry. Never had my van vandalized like that. God, sometimes you’re so innocent, makes me wanna-” she pinched her uninjured cheek.
V immediately stepped back. “I’m anything but innocent.” She checked her phone and Judy’s stomach dropped. “Gotta delta, sorry.” To her credit she did not look happy about it.
Judy shrugged. “Yeah, ‘s cool. Thanks for dropping by.”
The merc stepped up to her and raised her chin, forcing her to look her in the eye. There was no place to hide now, neither did she want to. She touched V’s wrist and brought the hand up to her lips, kissing her knuckles. The tears started falling on their own, ruining her mascara. “Stay.”
V took a shaky breath, caressing Judy’s cheeks and wiping the inky tears off. “If I don’t go now…” Judy pulled away. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Jude. If it wasn’t urgent I wouldn’t…”
Judy went back into her work room and collapsed into her chair. V followed her inside after she donned her coat on, kneeling in front of her. At this point, Judy was full on crying and her hands were shaking so bad she could not stop them.
V gently took her wrists and squeezed. “Breathe. Come on, just try.” Her voice dropped into that deliciously soft timbre. She did the breathing exercises with her, infinitely patient, staying far enough to give her space but close enough to touch. “Talk to me.”
“It’s Evie.” Judy’s voice broke. “Shit, V, I can’t stop seeing her like that. I keep thinking I could’ve saved her.”
“She was suffering, Judy. You couldn’t have helped her.”
“I’m scared it will happen to you too,” she sobbed, hating herself for being this vulnerable. She took a deep breath, squeezing V’s hands a little harder. “I can’t go through that shit again, I can’t—“
“Don’t.” V kissed her forehead and the worst of the shaking finally stopped. “Don’t think about it, Jude. Focus on what we can do now.” She nuzzled into her and felt Judy melt against her, grabbing at her coat to bring her even closer. “I’m not gonna feed you empty promises, but I can tell you this: I’ll fight my way through this entire city just to give us more time,” she said, the softness of her voice turning into a fiery growl. “And then we’ll delta the fuck out of here.” Pulling away only to get a better look at her, V started wiping the tears off with the sleeve of her black coat.
“What are you doing, you gonk? You’re ruining your snazzy threads.”
“Can’t tell the difference. Besides, I don’t give a fuck.” She smirked and Judy leaned in to rest their foreheads together.
“Still shaky,” V said, grabbing a hold of her hands. “Wanna try something, if you’re game.” Judy hummed her approval. “Close your eyes. Imagine a place that spells out comfort for you.”
“Laguna Bend, I guess.”
“No.” V tucked her hair behind her ear. “Too dark. And you were not exactly comfortable there, just nostalgic. No, I want you to imagine yourself in a sun-lit desert spreading far and wide, with no city in sight. You’re older now, wiser.”
“Are my tits sagging?”
“No, they are as lovely as ever. But you’re older now. All of this - the city, Laguna Bend – it’s so far away, you can barely remember it at all. That darkness no longer looms over you, it can’t touch you.”
Judy reluctantly pulled away to look into V’s eyes. “And where are you in this scenario?”
Hesitating, V put her hand over Judy’s heart. “Right here.”
More tears spilled. V was there again, wiping them off, kissing her cheeks, her forehead, her lips. Judy felt intoxicated by her presence, leaning into every touch, returning every kiss. Her presence was so maddeningly soothing she could not handle the thought of her pulling away, not even for a brief moment. She was like a sturdy pillar for her to lean on, always steady, despite the many cracks slowly breaking it down.
“Careful, or I might not let you go,” she said, half-joking.
“I wish you wouldn’t,” came a little whisper spoken by her chin, in a voice so sad it made Judy forget her own fear. This wasn’t about her leaving to do her gig.
Judy caught her in a bruising kiss, leaning forward and tugging their bodies as close as possible. Before she knew it, they were on the floor with her on top of the merc as they kissed the desperation off each other’s lips. Judy knew she was stalling, that V had to leave, but she did not care. All she could think about was how much she hated what this city was doing to its people and how much she hated that ticking time bomb in V’s head.
And V, that idiot, did not even try to push her off, or remind her of what needed to be done. She did not push further either, she just kissed her back like she could not get enough.
Eventually, Judy raised herself up and looked down, cupping her lover’s cheek. Something in her just refused to even say a simple “see you later.”
V cleared her throat. “Not that I don’t like the view, but…”
“I know.”
“We can stay on the holo as long as you like.”
Somehow, that made Judy feel like she was not saying goodbye, so she agreed. V called her the moment she stepped out the door into the rain and Judy listened to her driving away, not needing to talk, only wanting for her company to chase away the remaining darkness.