Chapter Text
Dear Kaz,
I’m aware you’re not much of a letter writer, but here I am forcing this upon you. Will you deign to respond? Perhaps not. But, alas, I will write anyways if only to pester you in written word in place of sitting beside you. Before you mentally ask “what business?” I shall tell you.
I took down my first ship today, Kaz. I took it down and it felt… good. I freed six girls stolen from Noyvi Zem, and they were younger than I was. They had skin the color of Jesper’s and it broke my heart and also made it soar at the thought they would not be indentured the way I was; they would not have to learn vanish into the recesses of their minds.
Did you know I think I was more of a phantom before you ever gave me the name of “wraith”? Perhaps I’m emboldened by my sudden love of rum (True pirate by all standards now), but I don’t think I ever felt more seen than when I became a shadow beside you in Ketterdam. Surely, you are rolling your eyes. Surely you must know I would have told you this in person, but I was… well I was afraid. Yes, The Wraith was afraid.
Thank you for seeing me in the dark, Kaz. Thank you for my ship. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my freedom. A hundred times over, thank you. Perhaps I’ve thanked you in my head nearly as many times as I’ve thanked the Saints. Don’t let it go to your head.
My parents are safe, home in Ravka, back with the caravans and in the comfort of family. I did not venture with them all the way back to the caravans, I. Never mind. They do send their regards though, somehow they find you endearing. Perhaps it is a family trait to find you endearing, Kaz Brekker. How happy you must be to know that all the Ghafa’s seem to like you. Don’t laugh. Not even mentally.
What business, Kaz? Why do you stay rent free in my mind from an ocean away? Surely you could pass over some kruge if you are to live in my mind. You’re rich enough, I’m sure.
I’ve drank too much and I should most definitely not send this. I guess it will be a surprise if I receive word back from you, if I remember tomorrow whether I dropped this off at post here in port. We shall see.
The crows prefer the crumbs of loaves of bread from the bakery two streets down from the Slat. I paid for three loaves before I left. Don’t you dare let my murder go hungry, they like me too much. I’m teaching them manners, but they will be snarky with you, Dirtyhands.
I’ll be back soon, three months perhaps. Depending on if I send this, I might have to run for a while first until you forget about this letter.
Yours,
Captain Inej Ghafa, Wraith, Spider, Terrible judgement.
Inej,
Surprise. You did send that letter. Don’t run. Come home.
K. Brekker
PS- Enclosed is fifty kruge for my imaginary rent. Spend it on rum, and for the love of all things holy, keep drinking, and keep writing.
Inej stood at the rail of her ship, watching as the Ketterdam skyline came into view. A nervousness had settled over her since she received Kaz’s letter a month ago. She was busy during the days, and had taken down two more ships and got all the stolen people home to whichever port they requested. A sense of fulfilling happiness settled over her, every time she thought of them, getting home to their families. The wind picked up and curled salty air into the loose waves of her hair, she’d left it unbound. Surely only because the braid was tight and bothering her, not for any other reason. Definitely not in case Kaz Brekker himself showed up on the docks today, he wouldn’t care about her hair being down anyways, she told herself.
Inej jumped down the gangway, a ball of energy that had just been set free, she nearly flew to Jesper and Wylan at the end of the docks, catching them both in bone crushing hugs. She had sent word to them that she would be returning either today or tomorrow, and she was surprised they gaged her arrival so well.
“How did you know when to be here?” Inej asked with a bright smile on her face.
“Kaz has runners on the docks now, he sent word when your ship was on the horizon a few hours ago,” Wylan answered with a flush to his cheeks that told Inej just how happy he was, she also noticed Jesper’s arm slung around his shoulders as he beamed at Wylan.
“Wait, Kaz already knows I’m here?” Inej said hesitantly, trying and failing to hide the smile etching its way further into her cheeks, and the flush threatening to spread as far as her collar bone. She remembered the letter, and she had been so nervous ever since she got his reply. Would he mock her? Would he tell her he felt the same? His response had made it seem like he felt the same, but written word did not make Kaz easy to decipher.
“Kaz knows you’re here,” came a familiar rasp of stone from behind Inej as Jesper and Wylan smiled conspiratorially toward somewhere behind Inej’s shoulder. Inej turned slowly. There he was, maybe twenty paces away, leaning against the railing, bare handed. Cane in one hand alongside him. A small smile threatening to break across his face. Inej didn’t know what to do as every single part of her body urged her to run and jump into his arms and give him the same bone crushing hug she had given her friends moments ago; she had been gone six months. What if things had changed? What would he do if she gave in and did just that? She knew that would be a bad idea for a million reasons. They had held hands, but she didn’t know how he would react to something like a hug, even with clothes between them. Would that be too much?
She didn’t even notice she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, still clad in boots. She was vaguely aware she was grinning. She was aware how unlike herself it was to show exactly what her heart wanted. Perhaps she hadn’t even quite realized how excited she would be to see everyone. How excited she would be to see him. She also hadn’t realized how badly her heart had hoped he would greet her here, on the docks. Inej knew she had thought he never would, but here he was. So full of surprises, Kaz Brekker.
Kaz must have noticed what she wanted, what was warring inside her, because he straightened himself; and for a moment she thought he might just return to steel, to Dirtyhands. But instead, he gently leaned his cane against the railing, and made the smallest gesture with his ungloved hand to beckon her forward. Inej didn’t need another moment to decide, her feet took off and before she could even register how fast she ran, she wrapped her arms around his middle, head only coming up to his chest with him standing straight, and she could not believe that she felt his arms wrap gently around her shoulders. She knew she clung tight, and couldn’t care less that she heard Jesper actually gasp from behind her. She only felt Kaz’s breath hitch lightly before he pulled her even closer. If this was all Kaz could do, with clothes between them, Inej suddenly realized that would be enough. Kaz fucking Brekker was hugging her in the afternoon light on the docks, armor discarded somewhere far away. Her heart was light as a feather and she inhaled deeply. Kaz smelled of Bourbon, blown out candles and something like cinnamon.
Kaz smelled like home.
KAZ
This couldn’t be real. Kaz’s mind refused to believe it, even as Inej gripped to him like an anchor and the water was not rising around him. He knew it was because his jacket buffered her from being too close to his skin, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do much more than hold her hand for a few minutes before he’d drown. But this, this moment was worth everything. Her hair was down and she looked more beautiful than his memory could even conjure. He hadn’t known what he was doing as he’d beckoned her forward to him. His body reacted before his mind had caught up, but it must have been because of that beaming smile she had on her face and the way she had practically bounced on her feet, trying to resist the urge to run towards him. Towards him. He didn’t understand. It was too much. It was everything. He felt her inhale and he was doing the same, she smelled of the sea, and sunshine. He swore his heart was seconds away from breaking through his ribcage, she had come back. Inej had come back and he didn’t want to let her go again. Now that he knew he could hug her like this, with barriers between them, he never wanted to let go.
“I missed you,” Inej mumbled into his chest. He felt his stomach do a pleasant flip that only ever occurred when he was in the presence of his wraith. He wanted to say “I missed you too” but he was Kaz Brekker after all.
“Your crows missed you,” Kaz whispered as he let his chin rest on top of her head. Surprised that he still felt no water rising, her hair proving to be enough of a barrier, at least for this moment. He made a point to ignore Jesper and Wylan smiling at him with raised eyebrows from behind Inej. He felt Inej giggle against him, she actually giggled. It was a delightful noise that he’d surely sell his soul to hear more of.
Kaz pulled back now, knowing he should not do this for very long in the open, even in Dregs territory. If he had been able to avoid Inej’s magnetism, he’d probably not of come at all to make sure no one saw her as a weakness to be used against him, but he couldn’t do that. Not this time. This was too important. He tried to tell himself that it was more for her, but after holding her as he just had, he knew him being here was as much for him as it was for her. Besides, he’d made sure there was a deal going down between the dregs and the razorgulls on the other side of the barrel, with Anika in charge. It was at least a decent enough distraction that no one on the docks had paid him any mind on the way over here, too many gangs would be focused on the deal being made that was barely a deal at all and had been made to seem like something much bigger than it was by Kaz himself.
“Hey! ‘Nej! You’re coming back with us yeah?” Jesper shouted to where Kaz and Inej stood.
Kaz didn’t want to let her go, but he put a foot of space between them as Inej still smiled. He wanted to hug her again. It was the strangest feeling, Kaz had avoided all physical contact for so long, even with clothing as a barrier. The only contact he’d had with another person for as long as he could remember was out of necessity or in fights, except for the few times he’d scarcely touched Inej. The day in the hotel bathroom, and the nightmare that was. Despite how it turned out, he found he still cherished the memory of being close to her for those few stolen moments. He was truly a thief that day, he had somehow pickpocketed his demons and went home with pockets stuffed full of a glimpse of her skin under his lips.
He also remembered the feeling of her hand in his, the day he’d given her the ship and reunited her with her parents. That day felt like a wall torn down because he had beaten the waves of revulsion within from his neck to his ankles. He felt for the first time he might be able to do it. To conquer this weakness. Even if it would only be with her, maybe he could hold her without armor someday. But today, that was a new discovery. That he could already hold her with his jacket on and her being careful not to brush his skin. Kaz realized now that he’d never known the value of a simple hug and he got it now. Oh how he wanted.
“Oh yeah, I just have to get some stuff from my cabin, I just wanted to come down here and see you all,” Inej said with a flustered smile, effectively breaking Kaz from his swirling thoughts. Inej moved back up the quay and with all the grace bestowed upon her, launched herself right up and over the side of the ship.
“I’m hesitant to ask, but uh, you could come back to our place for dinner?” Wylan spoke as he and Jesper neared closer to Kaz. Kaz knew Wylan was hesitant to invite him in fear of yet another rejection. He knew he’d been an ass most of the time Jesper and Wylan had invited him over the past months as Inej was gone. If Kaz was honest with himself, it was because he didn’t know how to just…be. To just go to spend time with friends. It unnerved him. He’d trust Jesper with his life over and over again, and Wylan had grown on him since the first days of the Ice Court but he still didn’t quite know how to be a friend. Kaz didn’t know how to have friends either, but somehow he’d made them and he didn’t even know how that happened. How Jesper or Wylan, even Nina had decided that he was their friend. He felt like a child who had to be dragged somewhere while throwing a tantrum, only to find that his parents had not tricked him and he was in fact given sweets once he began exhibiting good behavior.
“Yeah I think I will,” Kaz muttered, not trusting himself to say more. He found himself already looking back towards Inej’s ship, looking for her familiar figure and black hair.
“Great, so maybe seven bells then?” Wylan looked flustered. Jesper was muffling a laugh, surely at Kaz’s expense. When it came to Inej, he figured he was a little predictable. He’d be where she was whenever he could, and clearly Wylan and Jesper had picked up on that.
“Seven bells,” Kaz confirmed with a sharp nod, trying to decide what to do with himself. Should he leave and go deal with business and just return to the Van Eck mansion at seven bells without saying goodbye to Inej now? Or should he wait and tell her he would see her later? Since when did he do goodbyes? Even if they were ‘see you laters’? Kaz shook his head and simply nodded at Jesper and Wylan and began his ascent back up the docks toward the Slat.
I’ll see her later. His stomach began its gymnast routine again. He found himself suppressing a smile all the way back into the barrel.