Archive of Our Own

It was late night Thursday, and Seo Changbin had his hand hovering over his phone, a contact illuminated on the screen. He’d reached his breaking point; he knew, if he texted him and he came over, that there was no going back.

He let out a shaky breath.

-⇣-

Four months earlier:

In his defense, Changbin had not been expecting company when he opened his apartment door.

The knock came when he was brushing his teeth, getting ready to turn in for the night. He was in his rattiest t-shirt, the one where the collar was separating from the rest of the shirt in at least three different places, and there was one giant hole on the side where he’d gotten it caught trying to hop over a chain link fence about five years ago. And no one was even going to mention his boxers. Certainly not Changbin. Except—

“Are those Minion boxers?” Hyunjin’s tone was pure judgment.

Fuck, he always forgot to check the peephole first. “What are you doing here?” Changbin shot back, garbled, leaving the door ajar and crossing his apartment to spit the toothpaste into the sink of his tiny kitchenette. He turned on the tap, rinsing his mouth and then wetting his face. He slung his head back, reaching blindly for the kitchen towel he usually kept threaded through the fridge door. Instead, it came from the opposite side, pressed to his hand. He rubbed his face and neck dry and then rinsed off his toothbrush, slapping it on the countertop. He turned to face Hyunjin and raised his eyebrows. “Well?”

“I thought Chan said there was a get together here tonight?” It was then that Changbin noticed the large leather duffle bag slung over Hyunjin’s shoulder, the boarding tag still stuck to it.

“Everyone was busy, so it got rescheduled. Pretty sure they all thought you were still going to be in London. Did you come here from the airport?” Changbin opened his fridge and dug out a couple Fat Tires from the back and handed one over. If he wasn’t going to be getting the requisite seven hours he was aiming for that night, then he was at least going to have a beer or two.

“Took an Uber over, thought I could catch a ride back to my loft from someone here.” Hyunjin, predictably, sniffed at the beer and set it aside. “I suppose I’m going to have to rethink that plan.”

Changbin shrugged. “You can stay here for the night, if you want.”

“I wouldn’t want to put you out,” Hyunjin murmured, faux demurely, his stupid blonde hair falling all over his shoulders, making him look so hhhhhh—shut the fuck up, Changbin, you’re fucking friends with Felix and Minho, it’s not like you’re not around drop-dead gorgeous every day.

“Here,” Changbin pulled a bottled water from the fridge and handed it to Hyunjin instead. He then lifted the bag strap from Hyunjin’s shoulder and deposited it next to his not-secondhand-but-definitely-bought-at-Big-Lots microfiber couch. “Grab a seat, stay awhile, blah, blah, more meaningless platitudes. You can at least hang out for a bit and tell me what life’s like in Super Amazing Model Land.”

“Not really all that super, nor all that amazing, honestly,” Hyunjin sat primly on the edge of the couch, water bottle clutched in both hands, knees together, looking put-together despite having just gotten off an eleven-hour flight. His linen button-down hardly had any wrinkles, Jesus. Changbin drained the first beer and took Hyunjin’s discarded one with him to the couch, listening. “The shows are fun, of course, and I always love doing photoshoots, but I’m not going to lie and say it’s a party every night.”

“Just every other night, then?”

Hyunjin smiled at the joke. It was a small one, probably given out of courtesy, but Changbin was going to take it as a win anyway. Not that he was trying to win anything here, but, you know.

“Maybe every third night,” Hyunjin indulged. “So how have you been? How’s the…” he cocked his head. “Library, right?”

“Bookstore, actually, and it’s still standing. No one’s thought to commit arson for the insurance money yet. Did you know we actually have to take out extra insurance because all the books are such a fire hazard?”

Hyunjin narrowed his eyes, taking a drink of his water. “Is that true?”

Changbin laughed. “How the hell would I know, I’m just an assistant manager. But,” he shrugged, “probably. I bet Seungmin would know, being my boss and all.”

Hyunjin nodded his head, and for a few moments it was silent, and it was awkward. Changbin peeled the label off his beer, fishing for something, anything else to talk about but, well, he and Hyunjin weren’t usually left alone together. Come to think of it, Changbin was fairly sure this was the first time they had ever been around each other without someone else to act as a social buffer. Huh. Weird.

“You wanna watch something on Netflix?” he offered after a minute and when the label he’d peeled had been sufficiently shredded.

“Sure!” Was Changbin imagining things, or was that relief in Hyunjin’s tone? Not that he could blame him.

“Okay!” Happy to be settled into a plan that didn’t involve painful chitchat, Changbin reached for the remote and clicked on his smart tv that wasn’t exactly smart any longer, being five years old. “I just started the new season of Haikyuu, have you seen it yet?”

Hyunjin shook his head. “I’ve never seen the show. I don’t—I usually watch foreign films. Or dramas. Have you watched It’s Okay to Not Be Okay yet?”

Changbin frowned. He only watched dramas when his sister or Jisung roped him into them. “Um, no, but I can queue it up if you like.”

“Only if you want to.”

Changbin groaned internally. This was so painful, why was it so goddamn painful? Were they really that incompatible, was that why they never hung out together? He’d never paid attention before, had always put Hyunjin in the ‘friend’ category whenever he thought about him, in that fuzzy, generic way he sometimes called his coworkers his friends, but maybe they were less that and more… peripheral add-ons to each other’s friend groups. Hyunjin had always been the stratospherically attractive guy who had the bad habit of being overly flirty but in a way you knew was just him being friendly and woe be to you if you got the wrong idea. Changbin did have one very vivid memory of Hyunjin putting down a guy who did just that, in a very literal sense.  Hyunjin was scary when he was pissed off. And had a mean right hook.

Changbin thought all this while queueing up the requested drama, leaning back on the couch and getting comfortable. Hyunjin still looked painfully stiff on the other end, but he seemed engrossed in the show, and after a while… so was Changbin.

“So, okay, this is actually decent,” Changbin commented after the first episode. “I don’t usually watch dramas unless I’m forced to, but I think I might actually finish this one,” he said, getting up to get a third beer and another water for Hyunjin.

“It’s really good. I’ve already finished it, but I picked up so many things I missed out on during the first watch. I’m glad you like it. Thanks,” Hyunjin smiled up at Changbin as he accepted the water.

“Are you sure you’re going to be comfortable out on this couch tonight?”

“Why, are you offering your bed?”

Changbin had to wonder if the little edge of interest he thought he saw was really there or not. Hyunjin was certainly attractive, in that far, far out of his league way, so Changbin figured fuck it. Might as well shoot his shot. If Hyunjin turned him down, it’s not like it altered much between them, the little they were forced to hang out together by their friends. “I am, but not without me in it.”

Hyunjin’s mouth hung open. “You want to go to bed… with me?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I wouldn’t be opposed. You had a long day, right? I could lay you down, do all the work. Make it nice and relaxing for you. Show you some hospitality.”

Hyunjin sat back, looking taken aback by the offer. Then, he put his bottle of water to his lips, let his tongue run around the rim while he looked Changbin over. Changbin had never felt more exposed in his life, suddenly remembering that he hadn’t combed his hair all day, and that he hadn’t shaved in a while. Not to mention the Minion boxers. There was no possible way Hyunjin would take him seriously. He almost thought to laugh it off, wave it away as the joke it obviously had to be.

“Okay.”

Changbin’s eyes widened, doubt evident in his tone. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin stood up. They were very close now. Changbin had never realized just how much taller than him Hyunjin was. Or maybe he'd just blocked that information out of his brain because stuff like that reminded him just how attracted to Hyunjin Changbin was. How having to crane his neck a little made a twinge of desire run hot like fingers down his spine. He watched Hyunjin lick his lips like he’d paid good money to do so. “Go ahead. Show me some hospitality.”

--

Changbin directed Hyunjin to his bedroom while he went and took a brief shower. He had promised Hyunjin a good time, and he didn’t think he’d be able to deliver smelling like day-old sweat and musk. Besides, it gave him the perfect opportunity to open himself up further in the shower. Changbin had gotten himself off earlier that evening with his favorite dildo, so he was fairly loose, but further prep never hurt.

He entered his bedroom not bothering with modesty, his towel draped over his head as he dried his hair.

“Holy shit!” Hyunjin exclaimed from Changbin’s bed, where he had been reclining against the pillows, still fully dressed. Couldn’t even bother to take off his absurd Gucci boots. “Your body is insane. Where have you been hiding that?”

Changbin looked down at himself. “What? I work out,” he said defensively.

“Clearly. How come you don’t advertise these goods?” Hyunjin reached out to trace along Changbin’s thickly defined pecs as he kneeled on the bed after tossing his towel in a random corner for later him to deal with and rummaging through his side table.

Changbin tossed the two condoms and lube next to Hyunjin and then moved to straddle him. “I advertise it when it counts, that just happens to never be when you’re around. I’m not usually trying to get you in bed.”

Hyunjin hummed, tweaking one nipple, attention clearly on Changbin’s chest. “How come?”

“How come—?” Changbin spluttered. “I honestly never thought about it before.” I honestly never thought I had a chance. “Have you?”

A second of hesitation, Hyunjin's eyes not quite meeting Changbin's. Changbin cocked his head; interesting. Then: “No, but that was before I knew about this,” Hyunjin purred, moving his hand down and wrapping it boldly around Changbin’s fully erect cock. “This looks like fun.”

Changbin sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, still for a moment as he just enjoyed the fondling. Hyunjin's long fingers were able to palm all of him, fingertips brushing his balls. “Oh, it is. But you don’t get to find out about that tonight; maybe another time. I promised I would do all the work, and I never go back on my promises, so,” with two fingers, Changbin pushed Hyunjin back against the pillows, “let me show you that hospitality.”

He began by unbuttoning Hyunjin’s white linen shirt, kissing down the inches of skin as they were exposed. Hyunjin smelled nice, a little stale from the plane, but the soap or aftershave or whatever he used had a clean, citrus smell that Changbin rather liked. When he got to the belt buckle, Hyunjin’s hands were already there, whipping it through his pant loops like there was a bomb attached to it. Changbin pulled it from his grasp and tossed it over the side of the bed, then held up a finger, tsking. “Didn’t I say I was doing all the work?”

“You’re going too slow,” Hyunjin grumbled, but he lay back, hands above his head, combing through his own hair and wasn’t that a sight, all that long blonde hair fanned out on Changbin’s pillow.

Changbin pressed the heel of his hand against the obvious lump in Hyunjin’s pants, and that grumble turned into a groan that made Changbin smirk. “Will you shut the fuck up and just enjoy this? I’m trying to be a good host here!” He mock pouted, crossing his arms.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but didn’t retort, instead doing as he was told and staying still, letting Changbin take total control.

And control he did. Changbin made quick work of Hyunjin’s pants, opening them just enough to pull his (long, Jesus) cock out. He wasted no time in ripping open the first condom packet and slipping it over the tip, rolling it down with a precision that spoke of just how many times he’d done this very thing. And then he lapped at the head. Mmm, cherry.

“Can I?” Hyunjin asked, as his hand tentatively resting on Changbin’s head.

“Oh shit, yeah, I love that. You can pull a little, too. But only a little.” Changbin bobbed once, twice, working his way down Hyunjin’s cock. It took him four tries to finally wrap his lips around the root; he could feel the head nudging the back of his throat and relaxed it. If there was one thing Changbin prided himself on, it was his lack of gag reflex. He’d worked hard to tamp that shit down.

He watched Hyunjin's face to gauge his reactions, looking up at him through his lashes the way guys before had told him looked sexy. But Hyunjin was winning this round, gaze half-lidded, mouth open, those signature plush lips shiny with spit, tongue barely peeking out.

Hyunjin’s fingers were hesitant in his hair, until Changbin really started working, and then he was grabbing a handful of Changbin’s bangs, pushing and pulling in tandem with the pace Changbin had set. It wasn’t as hard as he liked; in fact, it wasn’t very hard at all, but it was good, and Changbin enjoyed it well enough. Hyunjin propped himself on one elbow, ostensibly to watch Changbin at work, and that made Changbin preen. He worked best with an audience. And Hyunjin was such a pretty audience, clothes half off, a line of flushed, unblemished skin revealed from throat to groin. The way he bit down on his ridiculously plush bottom lip as he tracked Changbin’s mouth on his cock. Yeah, that was alright.

And Changbin pulled no punches, hollowing his cheeks as he went torturously slowly up and down the shaft of Hyunjin’s dick, alternating occasionally with one hand twisting at the base as he tongued the head.

“Shit, your mouth,” Hyunjin, who had been mostly silent, groaned lowly, and that was Changbin’s cue to back off a bit. He pulled almost all of the way off, let the head rest heavy on his tongue for a moment, and made a point to make eye contact. “Oh my God,” Hyunjin let his head fall back.

Cackling, Changbin pulled off before shucking Hyunjin’s pants and underwear further down his legs. “Oh, fuck, I forgot about your stupid boots. Can you get them off my bed, you rude ass? Who puts their shoes on someone else’s bed?”

“They’re Gucci,” Hyunjin protested, reaching for the laces.

“Dirt don’t know that,” Changbin countered, pouring some lube into the palm of one hand and reaching behind himself. The first finger was easy; the second one made him hiss. He took his own cock in hand, stroking it in lazy counterpoint to his fingers in his ass.

For a moment, Hyunjin looked struck dumb. “You’re going to let me fuck you?”

Changbin shrugged. “Only if you want to. If not, that’s cool, too, I can get off in other ways. No pressure. But if you’re down, then I’d love to sit on that dick of yours. To quote some ridiculous boy I was sucking off earlier, looks like fun.”

Hyunjin’s laugh seemed to fill the room. God, he was loud. “You’re such an asshole.”

“An asshole you’re going to love being inside,” Changbin said with a grin, waggling his eyebrows. Hyunjin half-groaned, half-laughed, covering his face. But his dumb boots were now off Changbin’s bed finally. They were tossed haphazardly in his floor, but still. Improvement.

He helped Hyunjin pull off his overly complicated pants but made him keep the shirt on. (“But this is Balenciaga!” “Do you want your cock in my ass or not?”) The second Hyunjin laid back, Changbin traded out the cherry condom for the next one. With a little bit more lube, Changbin was able to squat over Hyunjin and guide his dick inside him with relative ease. Hands on Hyunjin’s chest, pinkies splayed over the placket of Hyunjin’s bespoke shirt, he could feel the hard points of Hyunjin’s nipples underneath. Changbin bit down on his own bottom lip in concentration and lifted up, until he felt the head of Hyunjin’s dick was just about to pop out, and then slid back down, bottoming out. The response from Hyunjin was immediate.

“Fuck, I—” Hyunjin cut himself off, lips clamping shut and Changbin had to wonder what he was going to say. Lifting back up, Changbin relied heavily on his thigh muscles to work Hyunjin’s cock in and out of his ass, grateful to his past self for never missing leg day. Hyunjin, for his part, was definitely not passive, his hands on each of Changbin’s knees, sliding inward. A question in his eyes as one hovered over Changbin’s own bobbing dick, which he answered with a tight nod. Hyunjin sheathed Changbin’s cock in the fist of one large hand, making Changbin leak out a moan or two, nothing excessive.

“Jesus, you’re loud,” Hyunjin complained on a sigh, irritation making his eyes narrow, but his mouth was open in a thoroughly debauched O so Changbin wasn’t all that worried.

“What?” he panted. “If it feels good, I like to let my partners know.”

“God,” Hyunjin chuckled, “you’re so.” He did it again, cutting himself off, physically biting his lips to keep whatever he was about to say in. God, that was so frustrating for Changbin; if he weren’t thoroughly enjoying the good dick he was riding just then, he would have stopped and demanded to know what Hyunjin was having such a hard time articulating.

But the catch and drag of Hyunjin's cock as he rocked up and down distracted Changbin enough that he forgot about Hyunjin's reticence. Instead, he tipped his head back, closing his eyes and just feeling what Hyunjin's dick buried that deep was doing to him. If he angled his hips just a little more—there.  “Oh, fuck. Are you close?”

“A little. Why, are you?”

Changbin let out a mmmff, untucking his bottom lip from his mouth. “Yeah, hold on.” Changbin slowed to a stop, leaning forward so he could shift to his knees. The angle took the pressure off his prostate, which meant he wasn't about to blow any second anymore. This was about Hyunjin, after all. Changbin shifted in the cradle of Hyunjin’s hips experimentally. “Is this good?”

“Shit, Changbin, all of it’s good. Your ass is amazing,” Hyunjin replied, making Changbin preen. He grabbed Hyunjin's hands and put them on his ass as he started rocking on his knees, trying out the new angle, partly for support but mostly because he wanted input on the pace. The image of Hyunjin laid out underneath him, guiding him with fingernails digging into the flesh of his asscheeks, yeah. That was one he'd remember for a long time coming, pun definitely intended. Changbin spread open Hyunjin's shirt until it was pooled on either side of his ribcage and palmed his chest, nipples between the vee of his fingers. He was surprised to find the left one pierced. Tugging on it made Hyunjin groan, so Changbin made sure to do it often. “You wanna come while in my ass or on my face? Dealer's choice,” he asked.

“Damn, you'd really—?” Hyunjin moaned, eyes popping open. “Uh, face, I guess.”

“You got it, princess. Just tell me when you're close.”

“U-um, actually…”

Changbin grinned, rocking just a few beats longer on top of Hyunjin simply because it felt so good. Good God, this boy could go deep. Changbin was going to be feeling it for a few days, he could already tell. “Okay,” he said, slowing to a stop. For a moment, they just looked at each other, the air between them charged. Then Changbin slapped Hyunjin’s flat stomach and climbed off. He did not wince as Hyunjin slipped free, he didn't. Fucking horse cock. “Get on your knees.”

He had Hyunjin straddle his chest while he laid on his back, jacking off over him while Changbin jerked his own cock between thumb and forefinger. He timed his strokes to Hyunjin's until he couldn't, Hyunjin's hand a blur over him. He looked powerful overtop Changbin like this, hair hanging down in his face, his undone shirt the only article of clothing left on his body, his skin so flushed and pink-brown.  Hyunjin bent over Changbin and came across his face, the first spurt hitting across the bridge of Changbin’s nose. The ensuing moan was something Changbin was likely to never forget.

Changbin didn't come at the same time, but it was close. A handful of beats later, he was spilling onto his own stomach, the image of Hyunjin over him, panting, his jizz cooling across Changbin’s lips and nose—yeah.

The ensuing awkwardness afterwards, however…

Hyunjin scrambled off of Changbin pretty quickly after the comedown, which, Changbin reasoned, was a good thing, because come wasn’t fun when it started to dry. It got cold and tacky fast, not to mention itchy. Changbin got up and went into his bathroom, wetting a rag and wiping his face and stomach and the lube spread all on his ass, paying careful attention to the little hairs below his navel, because dried come there just equaled ouch. Throwing that rag into his bathroom laundry, he wet a new one and went back into his bedroom.

Where he found Hyunjin, spread-eagle and asleep.

Changbin smirked down at him, wiped him down anyway (they really did use too much lube), tossed a blanket over Hyunjin and went and slept on the couch.

--

He woke the next morning to a slight crick in his neck from sleeping with his head awkwardly wedged on his couch pillows and someone poking his cheek. “What?” he said waspishly, swatting at whoever was trying to rouse him. Fucking asshole friends. Probably Jisung wanting them to get breakfast together.

“Your alarm keeps going off in the bedroom, idiot.”

Changbin’s eyes popped open.  That wasn’t a voice he’d been expecting. He sat up and looked blankly at Hyunjin, dressed in a wrinkled linen shirt buttoned halfway and expensive aquamarine underwear like some twink in a porn, barefoot. So that shirt could get wrinkled, his unhelpful brain supplied first before finally kickstarting into wakefulness. “Oh. Hey, Hyunjin. Morning,” he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Good morning. Could you please turn that infernal thing off? I tried to but I think I just made it angry.”

“It’s attached to my phone, hold on,” Changbin mumbled, reaching blindly toward his scratched-up coffee table. He turned the Bluetooth alarm off and then lay back on the couch, yawning and stretching, feeling a definite pain in his lower back. That’s what he got for spending less than $200 on a couch.

Shifting in front of Changbin, Hyunjin looked every bit of the awkward morning after, and that’s when last night came rushing back to Changbin. Huh. They’d really done that. He tried to keep the flush he could feel crawling up his chest to a minimum. The jury was out on whether he was successful or not.

“I’ve got an hour before I have to be at work. Hungry? Or would you rather I just take you home?”

Hyunjin cocked his head. “You’d do that?”

Changbin shrugged. “Like I said, I’ve got an hour. If we get dressed now, we could hit the café downstairs and then I can drop you back at yours. That way you won’t be stuck here waiting for an Uber and unable to lock my place up for me.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin nodded, biting the corner of his lip. “I’d appreciate that.”

--

Breakfast acquired (poached eggs and an Americano for Hyunjin, half coffee and half hot chocolate in his ancient yet reliable Yeti for Changbin), they clambered into Changbin’s slightly less ancient (and reliable) Volvo, neither of them bothering with the seat belt. Changbin turned up his Spotify to drown out the sound of the seat belt chime.

“You remember where I live?” Hyunjin asked, blowing on his coffee.

Changbin thinks. He’d only been at Hyunjin’s place a couple of times; once for the housewarming party a couple years ago, and again for a random birthday party. Felix’s, he thinks. “Left on 11^th and Jefferson?”

Hyunjin nodded, settling back and looking pleased.

The drive was mostly quiet, probably because they’d both only gotten a handful of hours of sleep each. It couldn’t possibly be because they were barely friends who’d just slept together. Changbin wondered just what had caused him to be so bold last night. He couldn’t blame it on alcohol; three beers was hardly anything, he had a higher tolerance than that.

-⇣-

It was late night Thursday, and Changbin knew he was back in town. His flight got in that afternoon; he knew because the last text he got said so, with a gonna crash for a bit, text me later❤ and he’d sat there wondering what that stupid emoji meant and did it mean what he thought it meant? What he wanted it to mean?

-⇣-

They didn’t hook up again for another two months. To be fair, they didn’t see each other that entire time, either. Hyunjin was in and out of the city like he was trying to win a contest for frequent flyer miles.  Changbin stopped one day in front of a magazine stand when he saw Hyunjin’s face staring back at him. (And yes, he bought the issue, if only because the look on Hyunjin’s face in one of the editorial shots reminded him strongly of—well, nevermind what it reminded him of, but it did reside in his bedside drawer as if it were some tawdry skin mag.)

Seungmin and Jeongin, who had been dating ever since Jeongin had dumped Changbin three years ago, had finally set a date for their wedding. That, apparently, was enough cause for rejoicing, or at the very least a party with everyone they’ve ever known and a lot of booze.

Changbin was on his third drink, this one lighter than the previous two because it was still kind of early and he wanted to get shitfaced, yes, but he wanted to get shitfaced on his terms. The goal: not to become intimately acquainted with any toilet that night.

For a last-minute party, the place was pretty lit, the thump of the bass coming up through the floorboards and taking over the beating of Changbin’s heart.

Click. Bang. Tarantino.

He found himself in a group with Chan, Minho and Jisung, swaying vaguely to the beat, Jisung’s back pressed to his front, his drink held above his head when Jisung decided to try his hand at twerking. O-kay. The volume in the room increased exponentially when the door to the apartment opened in Changbin’s periphery, and he swiveled to see who had arrived so fashionably late.

Of course it was Hyunjin.

“Hwang!” Jisung left Changbin’s crotch to wrap a full-bodied hug around Hyunjin, hanging off him like a limpet. Hyunjin looked good, dressed in all black with a silver chain around his neck, hair pulled back in a half ponytail; very Witcher, and now Changbin knew what he was going to watch when he got home later that night. Hyunjin looked like if Changbin had to ask how much he cost, he couldn’t afford him.

A chorus of greetings went up around him, hugs and back pats and all kinds of chatter, people asking about Hyunjin’s latest shoot. He was completely surrounded within seconds. Changbin slunk off to the kitchen. Maybe he needed something a little stronger after all.

Towards the end of the party when most of the partygoers had trickled out, leaving just the core eight, a game of truth or dare was somehow brought up. Everyone (read: Jisung and Minho, the most vocal of the group) thought it was a great idea, despite the fact that most of them were in their mid- to late-twenties and had been friends going on forever. There were hardly any secrets left between them. Changbin found himself squeezed between Jisung and Felix on the couch, feeling sweaty and a little tipsy still, doing his best to ignore Hyunjin, who was seated two people away on his right. And by ignore he totally meant taking in every single word that fell out of his mouth, because nothing spelled out detached ambivalence like staring as Hyunjin described his first sexual encounter or favorite pudding flavor. Despite his misgivings, Changbin had to admit (grudgingly) that it was a lot of fun—as long as it wasn’t his turn.

“Truth or dare, Binnie?” Felix asked, blinking his wide, deceivingly innocent eyes over at him, but Changbin knew better. No one could come up with more wicked or embarrassing dares than Felix.

“Truth.”

Felix pouted. “Okay… if you had to pick anyone in this room to sleep with, who would it be?”

“Wait.” Jisung scrunched his face up, thinking. “Haven’t we all hooked up with Changbin at least once?”

“I haven’t,” Seungmin was quick to hold his hand up, smirking over at Jeongin.

“What?” Jeongin retorted, shoulders riding up.

“I haven’t,” burped Felix, setting his beer down on the coffee table.

“But you two did make out once at Chan and Minho’s, if I recall correctly,” Seungmin commented.

“Changbin’s the only one we’ve invited into our bed together,” Minho decided to reveal, Chan next to him, nodding.

Jisung pouted, crossing his arms. “Well, now I’m jealous. Why him and not me?”

Minho shrugged. “We wanted to try something new out and he was available. You were with what’s-her-face at the time.”

“You told me it was because you both trusted me!” Changbin squawked, indignant.

“Sure, plus you were always free. Everyone knows Seo Changbin doesn’t do relationships.” A quick, apologetic glance over at Jeongin. “At least, not anymore.”

“I-what-t-that has nothing to do with—” he spluttered. Jeongin’s brow furrowed.

“Anyway,” Hyunjin said loudly, leaning forward. “Changbin, it’s your turn to pick someone.”

It wasn’t until later that night that Changbin realized he’d never managed to answer the question.

--

Changbin had only been back from the party for about twenty minutes—long enough to have stripped down to his boxers—when there was a knock at his door. He squinted at the clock on his microwave, but he hadn’t reset it since the last power outage, 12:00 blinking over and over at him exhaustedly. Padding in sockfeet over to his door, he peered through the peephole—he wasn’t going to make that same mistake again. His mouth dropped open.

Wrenching open the door, Changbin cocked his head at the person on the other side. “Didn’t we just leave the same party?”

Hyunjin stepped inside when Changbin widened the gap, bodies brushing, Hyunjin’s hand trailing down Changbin’s bare side. “I wanna fuck.” Looks like Changbin wasn't the only one feeling himself tonight.

“Who says I do?” As if Changbin was going to refuse. He closed the door and followed Hyunjin into his living room.

“What was it Minho said? You’re always available.” Hyunjin thumbed Changbin’s lower lip down. “So I’m taking advantage.” With one hand, he pushed Changbin down onto his couch and straddled him, ass firmly in the cradle of Changbin’s lap.

Changbin had a lapful of Hyunjin and he wasn’t sure what he had done right lately to earn the required karma, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was, however, going to kiss it. And by it he meant Hyunjin. Which made Hyunjin the horse? Oh, he really should not be trying to come up with analogies when he’d had so much to drink.

Hyunjin sat back, wiping his mouth. “That was our first kiss.”

“Hmm?” Changbin hummed, too preoccupied with trying to chase Hyunjin’s mouth and get back to what they were doing, because that shit was great.

“We didn’t kiss last time. So this was our first kiss.”

“Cool. Can we have our second now?” Changbin asked, leaning forward. Hyunjin giggled and indulged him, and the slow makeout session they found themselves in was gradually starting to heat up. Changbin found his hands tangled in the back of Hyunjin’s shirt, and Hyunjin was writhing oh-so-slowly on Changbin’s lap, which was wonderful, 5 stars, would recommend.

“Now can I sample this?” Hyunjin asked, grinding the heel of one hand onto Changbin’s obvious erection, sucking Changbin’s lower lip into his mouth and tugging on it with his teeth.

“Fuck, if that’s what you want, Princess, your wish is my command.” Changbin palmed Hyunjin’s tiny ass with both hands and hefted him up with relative ease, making him squeal, Hyunjin’s legs immediately wrapping around Changbin’s middle. Changbin just managed to carry Hyunjin all the way to his bed, but only barely, which spoke much more about Changbin’s recent lacking gym habits than it did about Hyunjin’s slight frame. Changbin dumped Hyunjin onto the bed, diving immediately to his knees before him and undoing his belt.

“Fu-uck,” Hyunjin moaned as Changbin worked his pants open and immediately tongued at his trapped dick through the fabric of his loud-ass neon pink boxer briefs.

“I’m gonna fuck you, but first I wanna taste you. You clean?”

“Um,” Hyunjin blinked up at the ceiling. “I got tested after we hooked up. I haven’t been with anyone else since.”

Fuck, why was that so hot? The fact that no one else had gotten to touch Hyunjin since the last time Changbin had laid hands on him—FUCK. Changbin couldn’t deny that he was even more turned on than he had been a moment ago.

Also: “Same. I mean, I’ve been with people, but not since I got tested, which was three weeks ago. Also, PreP.”

“So what I’m hearing is you could raw me tonight.”

Changbin knew his smirk was mimicking Hyunjin’s. “If you want.”

“Oh, I do.”

--

There were only a few things in all twenty-five-and-change years of Changbin’s life so far that he truly regretted. Not fucking Hyunjin doggy style the first time they hooked up was definitely one of them. Dear God, Changbin was absolutely certain that there was no sight on the planet sexier than Hyunjin on all fours, his long blonde hair spilling everywhere, the slope of his back both strong and graceful, simply waiting for Changbin to sink his cock in as deep as he could go. Changbin had already loosened Hyunjin up using four fingers and his favorite lube, and now—what was he waiting for? But he couldn’t stop looking, sat back on his haunches and feeling blessed for the first in a really long time.

“Are you gonna fuck me? Or am I just an art installation now?” Hyunjin growled, voice gone positively feral, and. Yeah. Okay. That was all the motivation Changbin needed.

“Both,” he quipped, but then his hands were on Hyunjin’s hips and he was thrusting forward. Damn it—okay, he missed the first time, he was too overeager, the head of his dick glancing off Hyunjin’s asscheek and going wide. No big deal, but Hyunjin burst out laughing and Changbin could feel a blush heating through his whole body. “Shut up, asshole,” he grunted.

“Are you sure you know what an asshole is? Considering—” Changbin thrust forward again, this time lining his cock up correctly, the tip breaching Hyunjin and cutting him off, making him gasp.

“Changbin,” he cried out, his head hanging down. Okay, so there was one downside to this position, Changbin realized. He couldn’t see Hyunjin’s face, couldn’t gage his reactions.

“Are you okay?”

“AM I—I’m fucking great, Changbin, can you move, God,” Hyunjin whined.

“Brat,” Changbin replied, smacking Hyunjin’s left cheek, making him jolt; and that made him moan, long and low. Fucking hell he was so sexy. “You feel so good around me, Princess.”

“I’d feel better if you’d fucking move,” he grit out.

“Hmmm, make me,” Changbin teased in a drawn-out purr, holding his hips still.

Hyunjin’s response to that was to drop his chest low and fucking grind against Changbin, working his ass on his goddamn cock and Changbin was sure he was losing his mind. He grabbed Hyunjin’s hip with one hand and pressed the other down between Hyunjin’s shoulder blades, mounting him and fucking in a direct juxtaposition from what Hyunjin had been doing to him, his strokes long and hard.  Punishing. Who, he wasn’t entirely sure. But it was exquisite either way.

They fucked like alley cats, uninhibited and loud, Hyunjin pushing back for all he was worth, Changbin gripping his hips probably just this side of too hard, a decision Hyunjin was likely to curse him out for the next day, or whenever the bruises surfaced. But right there? Right then? Changbin knew neither of them fucking cared. They were just chasing that orgasm, together. Masturbation times ten, times a hundred maybe.

And when it came, it smacked Changbin so hard he felt it in his spine, in his fingertips and toes, in the pain in his bottom lip as his teeth sunk down. He held Hyunjin down and let go inside him, a decision he hoped was the right one, but he couldn’t be fussed to care just then. All he knew was the rush of adrenaline, the high, and then the comedown. Changbin was barely cognizant of Hyunjin’s own orgasm—minutes later but with Changbin still deep inside him—before he was withdrawing, rolling over and passing out.

The next morning he woke alone, but with a crinkled receipt of some kind on the pillow his head wasn’t quite on. “Don’t be a stranger,” the note read. The little heart underneath was a nice touch, Changbin thought.

--

It was about midday Friday when Changbin checked his phone on his lunch break and saw a couple missed texts from Hyunjin.

Hwang : my flight got delayed and now I'm bored, play among us with meeeee

Hwang: oh right ur prolly at work boo

The time stamps on the texts were only from twenty minutes ago, so Changbin figured he'd still catch Hyunjin on his layover if he texted right then.

Changbin: just went on lunch if you’re still bored

The reply was almost immediate.

Hwang: yes!!!

Changbin was almost late getting back, his sandwich only half eaten. Twice his coworkers commented on his good mood the rest of the afternoon.

--

Hyunjin learned Changbin’s seemingly never-changing schedule pretty quickly and would often text him during his lunch break. Changbin was caught on more than one occasion grinning over his phone in the back room by the rest of the staff, including Seungmin, who was the general manager and the whole reason Changbin had a job there in the first place.

“Who are you giggling to all the time?” he asked one day while they were going over inventory sheets in their postage stamp of a shared office. “Finally someone new on the horizon?”

Changbin gave Seungmin a narrow-eyed glare. “It’s just Hyunjin.”

Seungmin didn’t even try to hide the surprise on his face. “Hyunjin? Hwang Hyunjin?”

“Yes?” Changbin bristled, defensive. “Do we know any other Hyunjins?”

“Actually, yeah, but I'd be surprised if you were texting her on the regular, too.”

Changbin rolled his eyes but turned his attention back to the report. He rifled through until he got to the bakery inventory, scanning through it. “Hey, do you know if Dahlia plans to bring back those dark chocolate raspberry scones she used to make?”

Seungmin glanced up from where he was planning out next month’s schedule. “I have no idea when those are going back in rotation, you'd have to ask her. Why?”

Changbin shrugged, carefully feigning nonchalance. “No reason. Hyunjin mentioned he used to like them a lot, that's all. Guess if they’re not coming back, he'll just have to suck it up.”

“Yeah.” Seungmin narrowed his gaze at Changbin. “Guess so.”

--

Changbin pulled open the door with one hand, balancing the heavy box wedged beneath his arm with the other. He ascended the narrow staircase, frowning in confusion at the music he was hearing bleeding through the closed door at the top. It was Billie Eilish, not a usual choice for a kids dance class. Peeking through the glass, he only saw one individual, and it was not who he had been expecting.

Pushing open the door, Changbin entered the dance studio as quietly as he could manage while also holding a box heavy with books. Which was to say, not quiet at all.

Hyunjin whipped his head around at the noise, his blonde hair pulled up into a top knot, loose tendrils sticking to his sweaty face and neck. Changbin tried and failed not to notice how attractive it was. He offered a sheepish smile as he put the box down in the corner of the room and Hyunjin moved to turn down the music.

“Hi,” said Hyunjin, smiling, chest heaving but only a little.

“Hi,” parroted Changbin, then, “Sorry for barging in like this. I thought Minho taught class this hour.”

“He and Jisung are having a little weekend getaway, so I'm taking over for a few days. Class just ended ten minutes ago,” Hyunjin said, checking his Apple watch.

“Oh. Funny how Minho didn't mention that part when I talked to him this morning,” Changbin replied, amused.

“You've been friends with him this long and you still haven't figured out Minho never tells anyone anything?” Hyunjin shook his head, tsking as he went for his water bottle on the counter. Changbin enjoyed the show, watching the way Hyunjin’s throat worked as he drank.

“So what are you doing here? And what's in the box?” he asked, wiping his mouth with the back of one hand.

“Oh, uh.” Changbin scratched at the back of his head, feeling weirdly bashful. “About once a couple months, our bookstore’s inventory gets a little stuffed. Instead of sending stuff to clearance, we donate the ones that have been sitting on our shelves longest. Minho's graciously lent the use of his dance studio as a midway point between the store and the local schools that end up taking in the books. It's a win all around.”

Hyunjin smiled, small and sweet. “That’s really sweet of you, Changbin.”

“Literally not even my idea, but thanks.” Changbin reached over and tucked a strand of Hyunjin’s hair behind his ear. “What were you working on?”

Hyunjin’s brow furrowed. “Oh, that? Nothing, just an old routine from forever ago. I don’t get to dance much anymore.”

“It was really good, what I saw.” Changbin cocked his head. “You went to school for dance, right?”

Hyunjin nodded, subdued. “Yeah. I was top of my class. I even booked a tour as a backup dancer for Ariana. And then the modeling thing took off. It didn’t make sense to stick with dance when the modeling gigs were getting more and more lucrative. At least that's how my agent laid it out for me. And, I mean, he's not wrong.”

Changbin wasn’t dense all the time. “You miss it. The dancing.”

“Of course I do, but this is the path that’s been laid out for me. Modeling’s been really good to me.” Hyunjin’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but Changbin was just socially aware enough to recognize an elephant that wanted to remain hidden when he saw it in the corner of a room.

“Are the speakers blue tooth enabled?” he asked, pulling out his phone.

“Yes, why?” Hyunjin looked suspicious. Good.

Changbin opened his Spotify. “You might have been top of your class in Super Awesome Dance Academy or wherever—”

“SUNY Purchase?”

“Wherever. But there’s no way you can out-dance 2018’s Junior Girl Group Dance-Off Third Runner-Up.”

“Changbin, what—?”

Dance the Night Away by Twice began to play over the speakers. Changbin immediately cocked his hip, one knee bent. The resulting body rolls produced the exact effect he’d been going for; Hyunjin broke out into loud laughter. By the time Changbin hit the floor with his hand dramatically draped across his forehead, Hyunjin was howling. But by the time the four-count couples dance appeared? Hyunjin was dancing right along, matching Changbin beat-for-beat.

They ended up dancing to Peek-A-Boo and As If It’s Your Last as well before collapsing in a panting, giggling heap on the waxed, wooden studio floor.

“Holy shit, the third runner-up’s got moves,” Hyunjin commended, passing over his water bottle.

“Told ya. You weren’t too bad yourself, Mr. Super Awesome Dance School for Pretty Boys Valedictorian or whatever.”

“Again, it’s SUNY Purchase Conservatory of Dance, and—did you just call me pretty boy?”

Changbin froze, thinking back. Had he not been appreciative of Hyunjin’s looks in the past? Surely the dude knew he was gorgeous, he was only a freaking runway model. “I… yeah?”

“Well, you know what that means, right?” Hyunjin swiped Changbin’s phone from him. Immediately, Taemin’s Pretty Boy blared in all its brassy glory. “Encore!”

“Oh my God,” Changbin flopped back onto the floor, boneless. “I can’t, I don’t have it in me! I’m too tired!”

“Come on, Binnie! Up!” Hyunjin picked up one of Changbin’s legs and started dragging him across the floor.

“Fine, fine!” Changbin grumbled. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”

“Pretty and cute, all in the same day? What did I do to deserve this?” Hyunjin batted his lashes at Changbin, who could feel the tips of his ears starting to burn.

“That’s it,” Changbin stopped his Spotify. “Come on.”

“Oh?” Hyunjin looked over at him quizzically, biting his lip. “I didn’t, like, offend you or anything—”

“Good God, no, Princess, calm down.”

They both froze at the same time, staring at each other, Hyunjin’s eyes widening almost comically. Fuck, he hadn’t meant to do that.

“Uh, anyway,” Changbin said, sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck. Hyunjin graciously said nothing. “I’m just thirsty. Do you know what’s below Minho’s dance studio?”

Hyunjin’s smile was sly. “An ice cream shop?”

Changbin pushed himself away, grabbing Hyunjin’s hand in his outward trajectory. “You got it in one, you smart boy. Come on, I’ve burned up way too many calories. I need to replenish before I waste away to nothing.”

“Changbin, I absolutely envy your lack of body image issues,” Hyunjin retorted, letting Changbin pull him up from the floor.

“Oh, I have them. I’m human, of course I have them. But there’s no point in broadcasting them, is there? What would that gain me?” He pulled open the door. “Now, come on, I need something that’s at least five hundred calories to reward myself for fucking killing that Red Velvet choreo.”

“You make the best Joy, Changbin.”

They ended up splitting a large chocolate malt, taking it back to the studio and sitting with their backs to the mirrors. It was comfortable between them, easy, something Changbin had never realized was missing. Which was what Changbin was going to blame it on when he decided to get a little too deep in his thoughts.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Hyunjin asked, straw stuck between his lips.

Changbin shook his head, brain still a little fogged. “Just… thinking. It’s strange to think that we’ve had the same friends for so long, and yet this is, like, the third time we’ve hung out, just the two of us?”

Hyunjin paused, then inclined his head. “We’ve hung out before, but it was a long time ago. Do you remember Colorado?”

“I—” Changbin laughed. “Oh my God, that was junior year of college! Wait, that was you?”

“I was on my sophomore spring break,” Hyunjin said, nodding. “That’s how I met all of you. Well, you and Felix, Jeongin and Seungmin.”

Changbin snapped his fingers. “You were the twink I got snowed in with that afternoon, weren’t you? How come I never remembered that??”

“Twink, huh?”

Changbin coughed. “Well, you know your face.”

“I do,” Hyunjin laughed. “And it could be that you don’t remember me because I remember you being fixated on someone else at the time,” he said, bumping his shoulder gently against Changbin’s.

“Jeongin,” Changbin said, voice gone quiet.

“Whatever happened between you two, anyway?”

Changbin scratched at his eyebrow, trying to figure out a way to condense down such a defining part of his life.  “Well, Jeongin was in love with Seungmin, but this was when Seungmin was still convinced he was a het. Everyone and their mother and their pet gerbil knew I had the biggest crush on Jeongin, I mean, obviously, since even you picked up on it and you weren’t even part of the group yet. So Jeongin got more or less peer pressured into dating me, and I was too loveblind to realize that. Seungmin finally figured his shit out and the rest,” he shrugged.

It was quiet for a while between them, Hyunjin twirling the half-finished malt on the waxed dance floor. “Do you still have feelings for him?”

Changbin snorted. “God, no. That was three years ago. I’m over it.” Mostly, he added in his head. He wasn’t still stuck on Jeongin, thank God, everyone could see he and Seungmin were the Right Fit, but if he could go by the pitying looks everyone in their friend group kept giving him, he was obviously still coping with a couple things unhealthily. But that was for later him to figure out, probably with the help of therapy. “So! Is that how long you've wanted to suck my dick?”

“What?” Hyunjin looked properly scandalized, which was exactly what Changbin had been hoping for.

Changbin laughed. “I'm kidding! You should have seen your face.” That earned him a punch to his shoulder, which only made him cackle more.

Hyunjin’s phone pinged, interrupting their little bubble, and suddenly Changbin didn’t want things to end. “Want to go back to mine?” he asked.

Hyunjin tilted his head, sweaty hair falling to his shoulders, and bit his bottom lip consideringly. “Okay,” he said after a moment. “Sure, why not?”

--

Changbin watched Hyunjin sit up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He moved onto his side so he could watch and appreciate the wide expanse of Hyunjin’s shoulders, and how they vee’d so quickly into a tiny, tiny waist. He was all breathtaking angles, hardly any softness to him, until he moved. Then he was full of grace, a dancer in the truest sense. Hyunjin had control over himself at an enviable level, especially for Changbin, who seemingly tripped and fell over thin air on a regular basis.

“Hey,” Changbin began, as Hyunjin pulled his shirt over his head, and paused. He didn’t really have anything to say, he just wanted Hyunjin’s attention back on him.

When he got it, Hyunjin looking at him over his shoulder, Changbin propped himself up on one elbow. “How are you at Mario Kart?”

“Terrible. I won’t play Rainbow Road on principle.”

“Principle that you fall off three seconds in?”

Hyunjin smiled. “Something like that. Why?”

Changbin lay back on his pillows, looking up at the ceiling, weighing whether what he was about to suggest next was a good idea or not. “Want to order some takeout and see who sucks more?”

“Oh, it’s definitely me, in all senses.” Changbin blushed at Hyunjin's coy tone. “But… okay. Only if I can be Peach, though.”

Turns out, Hyunjin was actually better than Changbin at Mario Kart, but not by much. They both agreed to not even attempt Rainbow Road.

“You’re so fucking… gah!” Changbin jerked the controller.

“You play video games like my grandfather,” Hyunjin teased. “He also thinks he can make Mario jump higher by throwing the controller around.”

“Are you calling me old? Aren’t we the same age?”

“I dunno. When’s your birthday?”

Changbin stared. “August. You came to my birthday party, remember?”

Hyunjin laughed and pointed at himself. “March. You’re ancient!”

“By seven months!” Changbin protested, trying to concentrate on the screen, but running into a blue turtle shell instead. Fucking Toad.

“That means you’ll die seven months earlier than me.”

“That’s not how it works, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin wasn’t listening because he was too busy crowing as he soundly beat Changbin, Peach coming in third to Bowser’s seventh. Changbin threw down the controller and got up to get a beer. If he was going to keep getting trounced, he wasn’t going to be sober for it. “Want anything?”

“Can you get me one of those White Claws you pretend you don’t have in the back of your fridge?” Hyunjin asked, smiling sweetly at the dark look Changbin shot his way.

Changbin sighed, feeling oddly caught out. He’d picked them up the last time he went grocery shopping because he felt guilty every time he popped a beer around Hyunjin and his, ‘water’s fine.’ “What flavor? I bought the variety pack.”

“Raspberry if you have it.”

He did.

-⇣-

It was late night Thursday, and Seo Changbin was pacing in his apartment, running his hands through his hair. He looked around at all the things inhabiting his space that weren’t his and wondered how it could have taken him so long to realize. Seo Changbin, who never let any of his hookups in, and now a good one-third of the things surrounding him belonged to someone else.

A hoodie thrown over a chair. A pair of earrings on his nightstand, next to a book of prose Changbin would never dream of reading. Half his Netflix queue was sappy kdramas; Changbin used to make fun of those and now he can tell you the plot points of Crash Landing On You in intimate detail. The white wine in the back of the fridge, next to his IPAs.

Changbin looked at all that and his hand still hovered over the contact highlighted on his phone, anxiety rushing through him.

-⇣-

The first time Hyunjin texted Changbin to come over, it was past eleven on a Tuesday and Changbin had to open the store the next day. However, because he was such a foregone conclusion, forty-five minutes later Changbin was pressing the intercom outside Hyunjin’s swanky eleventh-floor loft, trying to pretend like he belonged in such a ridiculously upscale neighborhood. He tried not to think about the old punk band patches heat-transferred onto his military style jacket that he’d had since he was fifteen, or the fact that his Vans had Sharpie marked all over them. He hadn’t really put much thought into his appearance when Hyunjin had sent him a snap of what he wasn’t wearing that night. Still, Changbin was grateful when the buzzer sounded and the door to the building finally unlatched.

Hyunjin greeted Changbin with a tongue down his throat when he opened the door to his loft, his hands gripping the lapels of Changbin’s jacket and dragging him inside. The kiss was scorching, Changbin wrapping his arms around Hyunjin’s naked torso and sliding immediately down to palm his bare ass. Like they were of one mind, Hyunjin instantly hopped up into Changbin’s embrace, long, long legs wrapping around Changbin’s middle. He was getting better at Hyunjin’s constant need to be carried, turning and pressing Hyunjin against the now-closed door, the kiss never abating even once. God, he’d missed this.

“Hi,” Hyunjin said shortly before launching back into the kiss, whimpering into Changbin’s mouth as Changbin rubbed his clothed crotch against Hyunjin’s naked one, feeling the solid steel line of his erect cock against the crook of his thigh.

“Hey yourself,” Changbin answered breathlessly. “Missed me?”

“Missed your cock,” Hyunjin clarified with a smirk, punctuating it with a lick to the tip of Changbin’s nose. “I hope it’s missed me.”

“Oh, it has, Princess. It’s missed you so much.”

Hyunjin sucked Changbin’s lower lip into his mouth, latching onto it with his teeth before letting go. “Good.”

--

Afterward, starfished on Hyunjin’s expensive, incredibly comfy bed whilst Hyunjin was in the shower, Changbin stared up at the fiber optic waterfall curtain hanging on the opposite wall, watching it change colors, no real thoughts in his head other than the feeling of satiation settling deep in his bones. He could have happily slept for a week.

The sound of the water cutting off registered somewhere in Changbin’s deep subconscious, but he was too relaxed too move. Hyunjin had ‘repaid the hospitality’ and ridden him so slowly, showing off just what his dancer’s hips could do, that Changbin genuinely thought he was going to lose his mind. If he were ranking their hook ups, which he wasn’t, this one would have definitely been in the top three. Or four. There was another time Hyunjin had sucked him off in the bathroom of this stupidly swanky hotel he’d had a photoshoot at that probably outranked this one, but just barely, and that was only because the bathroom hadn’t had a lock.

A towel flung at Changbin’s head was sufficient enough to bring Changbin out of his reminiscence. “Hey!” he pulled the towel off his head and flung it back in Hyunjin’s direction wildly, missing him by a large amount. “I didn’t walk five blocks to be treated this way.”

“Five blocks?” Hyunjin hiked an eyebrow at Changbin, sitting on the edge of the bed and drying his long hair with an, apparently, second towel, his expensive-looking, probably silk, probably legitimately Chinese and not some stateside knockoff robe falling off one shoulder. “Why did you park so far away?”

Changbin sputtered. “You think I wanted to? It was all I could find that doesn’t require a dowry and the promise of my firstborn. Parking downtown sucks.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and got up, walking over to his goddamn vanity (because of course), writing something down on a duck-shaped sticky note before sticking it to Changbin’s forehead. “Here.”

“Ow.” Changbin peeled the note off and looked at it. “4419. What does this mean?”

“That’s the code to the building’s parking garage. Entrance is on 10^th street. I have a free spot since I don’t, you know, have a car. Now, I’m feeling ramen. Come keep me company while I make us some.”

Changbin flopped back on Hyunjin’s bed. “Your kitchen is literally ten feet that way,” he gestured vaguely. “I think I need to spend more quality time with your mattress. We haven’t really gotten a chance to get to know each other yet.”

Hyunjin chuckled, bending to pull a pot out from a bottom cabinet before filling it with water. Changbin admired the view but then went back to his previous activity of trying to become one with Hyunjin’s insanely comfortable bed. He didn’t know what all the pillows were for, but he enjoyed them, nonetheless.

Changbin must have dozed 0ff, because the next thing he knew, the entire loft smelled amazing. He managed to somehow part from his new lover, Hyunjin’s bed, and made his way to where Hyunjin was humming along to whatever low-fi hip hop playlist he had open on his Spotify while he stirred at the pot where the good smells were originating. Sidling up to Hyunjin’s back, Changbin had planned on peeking over his shoulder at the contents of the pot, but found he was a little too short for that. Instead, he decided to glue himself to Hyunjin’s back, his arms snaking around his middle. That damn shoulder was still exposed, drawing Changbin’s attention and, with a smirk he couldn’t help, he bit lightly at the smooth skin.

Hyunjin jumped, making the cutest little squeal, and Changbin laughed. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” He moved Hyunjin’s damp hair out of the way and pressed kisses all along the nape of his neck, feeling victorious when Hyunjin let out a breathy little moan and let his head hang, shivering.

“The ramen,” he protested thinly, but Changbin had already undone the sash of Hyunjin’s robe, loving the way it slid like water from his broad shoulders to pool on the floor at their feet. Changbin mapped a winding path of kisses, licks, and bites along Hyunjin's scapulae, the wings of his prominent shoulder blades, and down his spine.

“You can keep cooking,” Changbin said, “but I’m going to be eating down here,” and he knelt on the floor behind Hyunjin, laying kisses on the dimples of his lower back, just above his ass, before parting Hyunjin’s cheeks with his hands. He heard the intake of breath above him, and then Hyunjin was widening his stance, backing up and bending forward just a little, his ass on perfect offer. Changbin spread his cheeks until he found what he was looking for, that perfect, pink, clean little whorl, a little puffy from earlier. He pressed his thumb against it, then his tongue, wasting no time. Hyunjin jerked a little and moaned, high and breathy. “You’re so perfect for me, Princess,” Changbin murmured, watching the pucker swallow his thumb to the first knuckle. He pressed little kisses all along the swell of his ass, biting at the soft skin, not enough to leave anything lasting, but Hyunjin's skin pinked up right away, showing every little thing Changbin did to it. It was fascinating to watch.

Then he went in for the kill.

Flattening his tongue, Changbin removed his thumb just to lap at the tiny, gaping pucker and listened to Hyunjin fall apart above him. He tongued at Hyunjin’s hole slowly while his hands held his ass open, kneading the flesh. Hyunjin pushed his hips back, moaning continuously; Changbin guessed he found a new favorite thing to do to him now. He knelt back on his haunches and held Hyunjin up more or less with his hands propped on his ass, his face buried between Hyunjin’s cheeks, tongue buried as deep as he could manage.

“Changbin,” Hyunjin cried out, gripping the edge of the stove with white-knuckled fingers. “Goddamn.”

Changbin pulled back, sucking on two fingers, and letting them replace his tongue, grinning as he crooked them and almost immediately found Hyunjin’s prostate. He was learning his body so well. “Jisung says that when I do this to him, too.”

“Can you not talk about fucking Jisung when you’re two fingers deep inside me, pl-ease,” Hyunjin muttered, his voice catching as Changbin pressed the pads of his fingers against that sweet little spot again and again.

Changbin grinned, wolfish. “Sure thing, Princess. Anything for you.”

Hyunjin’s reply was lost to his orgasm as he spurted untouched against the oven door. The ramen was a congealed mess by the time they remembered it.

--

Somehow, through a series of texts and a rash of whiny group chat prodding, Chan had managed to coax the whole gang to spend the day together an hour away along the coast. It wasn’t often both Changbin and Seungmin could both be pulled away from the bookstore, not to mention having Hyunjin in town for once, but through some sort of weird magic, they all made it work.

Changbin was sat back on his towel, letting the sun beat pleasantly down on his skin. The heat hadn’t gotten overbearing yet, which he knew would happen soon enough. For now, though, he just enjoyed the warmth.

He felt sand tickling his ankles and looked up, blinking at the silhouette that had appeared before him.

“You know, I kind of admire you,” Hyunjin said, hip cocked, bits of blonde hair that had escaped his ponytail blowing in the gentle sea breeze. He looked like a statue, if statues often wore board shorts and thongs.

Changbin put a hand over his heart, affecting a touched look, brows furrowed.

“No, really. The fact that you walk around out in public in those shorts—”

“Unprovoked!”

“Paired with the bucket hat that make you all chin,” Hyunjin said with a grin. “The confidence that takes.” He flopped down between Changbin’s legs, the top of his ponytail digging into Changbin’s sternum. He sighed and held a hand up to shield his eyes. “I really wish I hadn't forgotten my sunglasses now.”

“Want mine?”

Hyunjin peeked up at Changbin. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Changbin pulled them off and gingerly put them on Hyunjin's face, adjusting the nose. “Since I have my all-chin hat on, I'm good.”

Hyunjin smiled up at Changbin before laying back down against his chest, head tilted up at the sky. “Thanks.”

Jisung, flopping down beside them, let out a long, loud burp. “You two are acting suspiciously domestic. Since when have you guys been getting along?”

“Since wh—Sung, we’re friends.” Changbin gaped.

Hyunjin said nothing, which was super helpful, thank you Hyunjin.

Jisung's eyebrows raised, beer bottle at his lips. “To be honest, that's not the way I would have described you two a couple months ago.”

Chan, sitting on his own towel positioned in front of them, scrunched his forehead, thinking. “Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen you two voluntarily in the same room together, outside of, like, a get together. But Seungmin told me the other day that you two are constantly texting. Now you’re lying in each other’s laps?”

“Hey, hey! Is all this really necessary? So we're friends now, what of it? People change?”

“Not you, usually, Bin,” said Chan.

“Wait.” Jisung paused, pointing his beer between Changbin and Hyunjin. “Are you two fucking?”

“What?” Hyunjin's face drained of all color.

“No, seriously, is there something going on between you two?” Jisung's gaze was narrowed in on Hyunjin, who was looking caught.  Chan turned fully toward them in interest.

Changbin could feel Hyunjin tense against him.

He snorted, drawing attention away from Hyunjin. “He wishes. I’m way too far out of his league. I mean, look at me,” Changbin ran a hand down his own flank in an exaggerated fashion, mouth pursed in a moue of I'm better than you. Hyunjin scoffed and got up, walking away toward where Seungmin and Jeongin were building a sandcastle. Jisung and Chan both laughed and Changbin considered it a job well done.

He and Hyunjin didn't get a chance to speak the rest of the day. Changbin only realized it when he got back home and had to move a shirt of Hyunjin's off the coffee table so he could find the remote to the television.

--

It was a few weeks later, and Changbin and Hyunjin were crowded in Changbin’s ridiculously small shower stall. They were constantly kneeing and elbowing each other, skin slick as they fought to get under the spray, but honestly? It was really nice. Hyunjin had positioned Changbin in front of him and was washing his hair, his long fingers heaven against Changbin’s scalp, making him sigh. There was nothing inherently sexual about it, it just felt good. He tried to remember the last time he’d done something so domestic and came up blank. Had he really never showered with another person before? Changbin frowned as he turned and picked up the body wash so he could scrub Hyunjin’s back.

It did feel intimate, despite the fact there was no goal for them showering together, beyond getting clean. It felt good sliding his hands along the planes of Hyunjin’s back, guiding the washcloth, for no other reason than just to touch. He lingered along the tops of his shoulders only because Hyunjin sighed and slumped, seeming to really enjoy when Changbin did that. Changbin washed the suds off of Hyunjin’s skin with the handheld sprayer, and Hyunjin smiled at him over his shoulder and Changbin’s heart—

Changbin’s heart went thump, thump, hard in his chest and he closed his eyes, drawing a deep, suddenly shaky breath.

Oh fuck.

-⇣-

It was late night Thursday and Seo Changbin’s heart pounded dully in his chest, in his throat, as realizations had come to surface and maybe, just maybe he’d figured out that he wanted Hwang Hyunjin for keeps. That he was done trying to squash down his feelings. That he’d gone and fucking done it again.

-⇣-

For a few days, Changbin struggled with his feelings. Hyunjin was gone again, this time for a quick weekend in LA to walk two shows for fashion week, and then he'd be back in town again until the next job. Changbin missed him; he always did, but now that he was aware of how much Hyunjin was beginning to mean to him, the longing was that much more intensified, no longer abstract. He filled his days when he wasn't at work (and even sometimes when he was) texting Hyunjin and sending him snaps, and not always of his junk. Hyunjin paid him back in kind, and Changbin was starting to think that maybe. Just maybe. It wouldn’t be too bad if Hyunjin wanted to make something official out of their cobbled-together little friend/fuckship.

He couldn’t believe he was having these thoughts, but they didn’t fill him with dread so much anymore. Changbin was facing each day with, dare he say it? Hope. A fragile, weak, baby-legged hope… but hope, nonetheless.

It scared him that it didn’t even scare him.

--

Things Changbin hadn’t ever expected when he and Hyunjin first started hooking up:

1. Hyunjin’s head on his chest
2. An hour after sex
3. With no obvious intention of leaving
4. And honestly? Changbin didn’t want him to.

He had to look at things from a practical standpoint. First, Hyunjin looked entirely too comfortable for Changbin to even think about dislodging him. They had achieved something Changbin had never managed with any previous overnight guests, long- or short-term: the perfect position. The way Hyunjin curled his long frame around Changbin’s stockier one was nice, to say the least. Second, it just made sense for Hyunjin to stay over at his place, considering Changbin’s apartment was right off the stop he needed for his meeting with his agent in the morning, and Hyunjin’s loft was an extra twenty-minute commute. It would have been stupid for Hyunjin to leave, especially considering how long it usually took him to get ready in the mornings. And he already had so many of his things over there already. And Changbin had just bought that stupidly overpriced coffee Hyunjin swore by the other day that he definitely wasn’t going to drink, so somebody needed to drink it, that shit was crazy expensive. And, honestly, they both knew that if Hyunjin gave him that look with those eyes—the one that made Changbin’s heart beat double time—Changbin was not only going to end up driving Hyunjin to his meeting, he was also going to treat him to breakfast at the café downstairs, something that more and more was becoming a morning ritual when Hyunjin stayed over.

It just all made sense. It was practical.

And it had nothing to do with the soft feeling Hyunjin’s name evoked whenever Changbin thought of it.

“We should smash,” Changbin said to the ceiling.

“I think we just did,” Hyunjin giggled into Changbin’s neck.

Changbin rolled his eyes. “I meant the video game. We should go play some Smash Bros.” He picked his head up, looked down at Hyunjin, who had this content little smile on his face that Changbin would have gone to war to keep there. “Do you wanna?”

Hyunjin hummed. “Maybe later. Right now I just wanna vibe,” he said, adjusting his head on Changbin's shoulder. Changbin could roll with that. His text notifier on his phone, however, had different plans.

Both Changbin and Hyunjin lifted their heads at the chime. Changbin fumbled for his phone on his bedside table, ultimately knocking it to the floor. Cursing under his breath, he dove for it, reaching blindly and blinking at the screen. “Oh, Felix is on his way over,” he said blandly, before yawning. “He probably—”

Changbin didn’t get to finish his sentence. Hyunjin leapt out of bed like it was on fire, grabbing for his clothes and beginning to hastily put them on.

“Hyunjin?” Changbin asked, confusion mixed with a low-level feeling of dread starting to set in.

“It’s just—I was supposed to hang out with Felix tonight, and I, um,” Hyunjin laughed, a high, nervous sound.

“He’s just coming over to grab a thing,” Changbin said, gentling his voice, why for he still wasn’t entirely sure, but it seemed like any little thing could chase Hyunjin off.

“How much time until he’s here?” Hyunjin was running his hands through his hair obsessively.

A knock they could hear all the way back in Changbin’s bedroom was answer enough.

Changbin pulled on a pair of shorts. “I’ll tell him I was asleep. I already look the part anyway. You just chill here, okay?” he said, hands on either side of Hyunjin in whatever lame attempt at calming him down, Changbin just wanted him to not internally combust while hiding out in his bedroom. “I’ll give him the speakers he came over for and he’ll be on his way, okay?”

There was another ping on his phone.

“Give me a minute!” he shouted, then looked back to Hyunjin. “Are you gonna be okay in here?”

Hyunjin nodded, saying nothing, but he seemed to be calming down at least somewhat. It was all about the little victories. Changbin let go of him and gathered a box from his closet, closing the door softly but firmly behind himself.

Unlocking his front door, Changbin affected a faux-affronted glare, narrowing his eyes at Felix. “I already gave at the office,” he joked.

“As if I have anything to offer,” Felix quipped right back as he sauntered past Changbin into the apartment. He stopped dead, staring at the pair of drinks pebbled with condensation leftover on his coffee table, then over at Changbin, narrowed eyes tracking slowly up and down. The scan made Changbin oddly self-conscious. “Am I interrupting something?”

Changbin couldn’t help it; he glanced back at his closed bedroom door, just out of sight in his short, darkened hallway. “Um, no? I often chase a beer with hard cider.” Changbin winced; there was no way in hell Felix was going to believe a word that was spewing out of his mouth.

Felix gave Changbin a look but held his hands up. “Okay, I'm not prying. I just came by to grab those speakers you borrowed a while back. You said you were done with them? I need them for this thing I’m doing down at the pier at the end of this month.”

“Here you go,” Changbin smiled as he held the box out for Felix to take, but even he knew it didn't reach his eyes, small and bitter.

Felix grabbed them from him, but stood for a moment, hesitant. “You and Hyunjin have grown close lately.”

Changbin didn't know if Felix was looking for confirmation or not, but he shrugged. “We’re friends.”

“Has he… told you about seeing anyone?”

“No?”

“Really? Because I asked him the other day and he just looked all coy and said, ‘maybe.’” I thought, you know, since you two had been talking a lot lately, he might have said something to you.”

The bottom dropped out of Changbin's stomach. “Oh. No, he hasn't. I don't think we're that close, though. He would probably tell you first.”

Felix was silent for a long moment, his gaze serious and leveled at Changbin. “Okay,” he said finally. “Thought I'd ask.”

Changbin walked Felix out, closing and locking the door behind him. He waited until he heard Felix's footsteps fade down the hallway, then called out, “It’s okay, he's gone. You can come out now.”

Hyunjin appeared after a moment, looking small, still wringing his hands. “Sorry,” he said quietly. “It's just, Felix had asked me to do something with him earlier, but I said I had some stuff to take care of…”

Some stuff.

Suddenly, like ice cold water against his face, Changbin remembered: “Are you two fucking?” and the tension in Hyunjin’s shoulders.

Oh.

Changbin held up his hands. “You don't have to explain yourself to me. I get it.”

“He'd just be so hurt if he knew that I blew him off.”

Changbin afforded himself one deep breath to process the dumb hurt he was feeling inside, just one. Then he shoved it down, like he always did. He was a pro at this shit by now. He picked up the drinks, bringing them to the kitchen to dump them out. “Your secret’s safe with me, Hyunjin. He’ll never know you were here. If he asks, I’ll just tell him it was someone I picked up at a club or something.” It was, after all, practically a character trait of his by now, he thought grimly.

He drove Hyunjin home not long after. He probably imagined the silence being hot and thick in the car. He was too distracted trying to remember the last time he’d been somebody’s dirty little secret.

-⇣-

Hyunjin❤: Russia is so pretty!
Hyunjin❤: I bought you a lil thing, I know we said no souvenirs but I couldn’t resist
Hyunjin❤: it’s called a matryoshka, it’s small but has layers
Hyunjin❤: like u
Hyunjin❤: see you in a few hours <3333

--

And so it was late night Thursday and Hyunjin was expecting to hear from him. But Seo Changbin was confused, and yes, scared. So he sat there, thumb hovering over his contacts, frozen, unable to do anything. The screen went black and he slumped, feeling like an idiot. There was no possible way on Earth someone like Hyunjin would even entertain being with someone like Changbin.

Hyunjin, who was so painfully beautiful sometimes Changbin couldn’t even look at him directly. Hyunjin, whose laugh made Changbin feel ten feet tall. Hyunjin, who was kind and sweet and sensitive, who wasn’t afraid to cry, even it if it was at dumb tv dramas (or, on one memorable occasion, a commercial for dog food).

Changbin, who’d been passed around his friend group like a party tray. Changbin, who was damaged goods. Changbin, who Hyunjin didn’t even want to tell their friends that they were hooking up. Changbin, not the ‘maybe’ Hyunjin revealed to Felix. Changbin, the dirty little secret.

He should have just cut it off before his feelings got too deep. He should have ended it sooner. Perhaps he should have never hooked up with Hyunjin to begin with.

But then he wouldn’t have experienced how sweet Hyunjin was. How thoughtful. How he laughed at all of Changbin’s jokes, even the unfunny ones. He wouldn’t have gotten to see what Hyunjin looked like first thing after waking up, his hair a messy halo about his head, face slack and sweet from sleep. He wouldn’t know what the shape of Hyunjin pressed against his side during scary movie nights felt like. The way his eyes turned to crescents when he smiled a certain way, or the diminutive way he waved goodbye at Changbin whenever they parted. He wouldn’t know how Hyunjin sounded close to coming, or that he liked being held close. Changbin wouldn’t know that Hyunjin was obsessive about brushing his teeth, and constantly checked for bad breath. He wouldn't have known what it felt like to have Hyunjin tip his face up as he swooped in for a kiss. He would never have known any of these things, and the absence of all that? That’s the thought that scares Changbin the most.

Changbin sighed and put his phone down on his coffee table. He got up and headed toward his kitchen to get a glass of water, but before he could take two steps, his screen lit up with a text. Changbin bent down and picked up his phone.

Hyunjin❤: Miss you. Come over?

--

Changbin parked in #0325, Hyunjin’s spot in the car park, and turned off his engine. For a moment, he just sat there, staring at his steering wheel, mind churning. There was no way he could keep it just sex now, not when he wanted it to mean so much more. And the idea that there may be someone else?  No, he had to stick to his guns and tell Hyunjin they couldn’t do this anymore.

He went inside.

The elevator dinged when he reached Hyunjin’s floor; he was the only one on there this time of night. The doors slid open and Changbin felt like they were peeling away his defenses, leaving him open for everyone to see. Every step was like a death sentence, loud and heavy in the corridor. He hadn’t meant for it to get this far. He hadn’t meant to fall in love again, and now his damaged heart was beating raw and bruised inside his chest. Ready and waiting to be ripped out once more. Oof, he was in his feelings.

Part of him wanted so badly to just say something, to prostrate himself and his emotions before Hyunjin and let him sort it out for Changbin. But he couldn’t tell Hyunjin how he felt. That went against hook-up protocol. Besides, like Minho had said, Changbin was always there, the perpetually single friend who could be counted on for a quick fuck (or five). Seo Changbin was not relationship material, everyone knew that. It’s why he was always a safe bet. Seo Changbin was simply convenient.

The door to Hyunjin’s loft opened before he got there. Hyunjin peeked his head out, blonde hair swinging, giving Changbin that smile that turned his eyes into half-moons and Changbin’s stomach into jelly. “I heard the elevator. Hurry up, I’ve got a surprise!”

Changbin followed him inside, his boots making low thudding sounds on the ash wood flooring. Hyunjin had flitted over to the kitchen, long, flowy gold-toned housecoat trailing behind him, animating him more than usual so he seemed as if he were floating everywhere he went. His bare feet were silent on the floor as he stopped in front of a small pot. Changbin could smell the chocolate before he even saw it, coming to stand next to Hyunjin.

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something,” he began, fidgeting with the edge of the counter.

“In a little bit, I want to show you my surprise. I hope you like fondue!” Hyunjin lifted the lid with a flourish and dipped in a tiny ladle. He beamed over at Changbin.

“Who did you make all this chocolate for? Are you having a dinner party later?” Changbin joked, keeping his eyes on the array of cookies and fruit Hyunjin had meticulously laid out.

“It’s for us, you jerk,” Hyunjin teased, bumping his hip against Changbin almost like it were scripted. Changbin swallowed.

“You treat all your hook-ups this nicely?” He couldn’t help himself. The us was really just too much.

Hyunjin paused, his eyebrows drawn in. But Changbin didn’t give him a chance to respond; he was a coward, after all. Instead, he picked up a skewer and speared a strawberry, dipping it in the fondue. He twirled the excess chocolate off and held it up for Hyunjin, who bent to take it delicately between his teeth. Changbin smiled at the chocolate smeared on Hyunjin’s lip; he reached out without thought and wiped it off with his thumb. Hyunjin’s gaze, when it hit him, was heavy. Changbin moved to lick his own thumb, but Hyunjin didn’t let him, instead pulling Changbin’s thumb into his own mouth, lips wrapping around; Changbin could feel his tongue swirling around and it made his knees weak and his mouth dry. He was starting to forget why he'd come.

“Princess, I really—"

Hyunjin let go with a tiny pop, taking the skewer from Changbin and stabbing at a pear quarter. He mimicked Changbin and raised the skewer to Changbin’s lips, the chocolate dripping off in little rivulets. Changbin sighed and wrapped his lips around the pear; he could feel the chocolate dripping down his chin. As he ate, Hyunjin slinked forward, pressing their bodies together. He tilted Changbin’s head up and dipped down and licked the chocolate off Changbin’s chin, his lips, and then they were kissing. Sloppy, chocolate-tinged, more tongue than anything, it easily ramped up the desire that was always simmering beneath the surface whenever Changbin was in the same room as Hyunjin.

He jerked his head away after that moment, however. “Hyunjin, please, we need to talk,” he blurted out quickly, afraid the words wouldn’t come out any other way.

Hyunjin pouted cutely, at first, but then seemed to catch on that Changbin was serious. “Okay,” he said. Just like that, okay.

Changbin wiped at his chin and tried to remember the speech he had drawn up and rehearsed in his head on the way over. “Hyunnie, I—”

Hyunjin smiled. “That’s new.”

“I—what?” Changbin asked, his thoughts derailed.

“You’ve never called me Hyunnie before. I think I like it. Not as much as when you call me Princess, though,” he replied, voice gone low, simmering, looking over at Changbin through his lashes and oh. “So… what did you want to talk about?”

Changbin had never professed to being a strong man. In fact, right then, Changbin felt like the weakest person on Earth.

And so he looked over at Hyunjin, robe barely closed over all that dewy skin, long hair spilling around his broad shoulders, knowing that underneath lay all that hidden strength, and in his hands was Changbin’s freshly-awakened and also broken heart, and Changbin was so weak. So instead he said:

“Nothing, nevermind. It's not important.”

Pressing Hyunjin against the counter, Changbin was quick to undue the sash at his waist. Hyunjin was naked underneath. He traced warm, flawless flesh with harsh, insistent fingertips and thought, Just once more.

If he could just keep it rough. If he could just keep it fast. Then maybe he wouldn’t fall in love any further.

But Hyunjin, as always, thwarted his plans. The kiss Changbin tried to begin harsh turned soft, his plush lips sipping at Changbin's, his hold tender. He brushed fingers through the hair at the nape of Changbin's neck, making him shiver, and Changbin had no choice but to follow. His own grip lessened, becoming gentle, but his hands never stopped roaming. He trailed kisses down Hyunjin’s chin, his neck, pressing his lips, then his tongue, against the pulse point of his throat. Hyunjin's skin tasted clean and good, and Changbin was pretty sure it was his favorite flavor. Whoever got to have Hwang Hyunjin fall in love with them was going to be the luckiest person in the universe, of that Changbin was sure.

“Changbin?”

Hyunjin palmed the side of Changbin’s face, his hand warm. His thumb brushed under Changbin’s eye, his gaze searching and intense and at first Changbin couldn’t meet it. But then he did and Hyunjin smiled at him, so small and sweet and perfect, that Changbin could do nothing else but smile back. “I’m okay,” he said, answering the unspoken question.

They made it to the bed. Changbin didn’t really remember how, he was too busy drowning in Hyunjin’s eyes to pay attention to anything else. Hyunjin lowered him back and took his time peeling every layer of clothing from Changbin, pressing kisses to each inch of skin as it was exposed. Soon they were both bare, Hyunjin’s robe long gone; the only thing blanketing them was Hyunjin’s hair as he hovered over Changbin, thumb on his bottom lip. Changbin didn’t mean to, but he kissed Hyunjin like he was never going to see him again, and… maybe he wouldn’t.

Hyunjin caught on, maybe, or there was something heavy playing inside his head, too, because he kissed Changbin like he were something to be savored, touched him like he thought he shouldn’t be allowed to. This was not their usual hookup. This was not their usual anything. Hyunjin pushed Changbin back and Changbin held him as if he were made of ice and Changbin was a roaring fire, embers snapping in the night. Hyunjin melted around him, and they ended up breathless together, Changbin’s hands on skin he was trying his best to memorize the shape and feel of. He couldn’t decide what he was going to miss most and each time he thought he’d found it—Hyunjin’s face, his eyes, his collarbones, his hips, his knees—something else caught his attention and Changbin had to rework his top ten list all over again.

When Hyunjin finally sheathed himself inside of Changbin, it was with his face pressed to Changbin’s throat. Changbin held him as tight as he could and stared up at the ceiling and tried to pretend that the wetness that trickled down into his sideburns, onto the top of Hyunjin’s head was just sweat, but he was too far past pretending at this point. Hyunjin fucked Changbin so tenderly, so at odds with how they usually were together. They were as close as they’d ever been, and yet Changbin felt miles away. Inside his head, he was already gone.

They came at the same time because of course they did; they’d genuinely never been in sync the entire time this little friends with benefits thing had been going on, but tonight was different in every sense. Hyunjin clung to Changbin and Changbin would have been lying if he said he hadn’t clung right back. He wished more than anything that it didn’t feel as final as it did.

When it was over, when he and Hyunjin were no longer connected, Changbin let himself lay there, staring up at the cascading lights above Hyunjin’s ridiculously fluffy bed. He knew he had to say goodbye. And that he wouldn’t be back. And then Hyunjin could find someone he wouldn’t be embarrassed to parade in front of their friends. If he hadn’t already.

Changbin briefly wondered what, if anything, was to come of their pseudo-friendship after all this. Were they friends now? Or did they go back to being distant more-than-acquaintances? A nod and a hello and a how’s the library? I meant bookstore. And nothing else. Changbin didn’t know if he could backpedal his feelings that far.

Hyunjin curled up next to him, head on his shoulder, and Changbin could not stop himself from gathering him close. Hyunjin hummed and smashed his face into his chest and Changbin couldn’t stop the kiss he dropped on Hyunjin’s temple, either, though he regretted it immediately. Hyunjin was looking for warmth and instead Changbin was forcing his feelings on him. This was why it had to end.

It was Jeongin all over again.

“Binnie, I can hear you thinking,” Hyunjin said, voice quiet but it was enough to break Changbin out of his thoughts. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

Changbin took a deep breath and dislodged Hyunjin as gently as he could as he sat up.

Hyunjin sat up, too. Watched him. “Bin?”

“I gotta go,” Changbin finally said, then stopped. He had meant to give an excuse, but he didn’t have one, and he wasn’t going to sit there and lie to Hyunjin. That would help no one. He took a deep breath. He closed his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but. He couldn’t. Nothing came out.

“Changbin?”

Hyunjin touched Changbin’s hands, gripped in the covers, and pulled one toward himself. Folded it between both of his. Changbin opened his eyes and looked down at it and he fractured. “You know,” stop, swallow, start again. “You could have anyone you wanted.”

Hyunjin's forehead wrinkled. “Okay?”

“If you wanted a relationship,” Changbin watched Hyunjin lean forward, but he was determined to press on, even though he could feel his throat getting thick, “with someone, then we need to stop this.”

The confusion was expected, but the fear was something Changbin hadn’t anticipated. “What?”

“I think we should stop hooking up.”

“Changbin.”

Changbin looked away, out the window spanning most of Hyunjin's wall and at the city skyline, lit up and glittering. “I love,” he paused, swallowed again, “what we’re doing, but I would be really sad if I found out you were holding back from someone else just because you didn't want to hurt my feelings. I’m a big boy. I can take it.” He looked back at Hyunjin and attempted a smile, but even he knew it was small and weak. “Besides, it’s just sex.” His voice cracked, just a little, and he closed his eyes, praying Hyunjin didn’t hear that.

“Just sex, sure.” Hyunjin’s voice was flinty, making Changbin open his eyes again. Hyunjin looked… hurt. His wide eyes were dark and drowning and trained unblinkingly on Changbin, and Changbin’s heart splintered a little more. “What makes you think there’s someone else?” he asked, sounding on the edge of exasperation.

Changbin licked his lips. He couldn’t rat out Felix, not when he had no idea. “Nothing, I just,” he shrugged, feeling lame, starting to feel agitated because that was a much simpler emotion than the fathomless sorrow and heartbreak he was nursing. “You seemed like you wanted to keep what we were doing a secret, so I just assumed—”

“You assumed,” Hyunjin echoed flatly.

“You don’t want anyone to know that we’re fucking, what else am I supposed to think?” Changbin retorted waspishly, hackles raised. He got up from the bed and started reaching for his clothes. No way was he going to do this naked. “There’s got to be someone else, it’s either that or I’m such a cave troll that the thought of anyone knowing you’re fucking me makes you physically sick—”

“Changbin!”

Changbin fell silent at the vitriol in Hyunjin’s voice. He turned away, breathing heavily. He could hear he wasn’t the only one.

“God, you really piss me off, you know that?” Hyunjin said after a moment of stretched-out, paper thin silence. “I can’t believe I—” Hyunjin let out a frustrated growl, cutting himself off.

For a while, there was nothing.

Then: “There is someone.”

Changbin’s splintered heart shattered.

“I invited you over tonight so I could tell you about him.” Hyunjin’s voice was so nonchalant, as if he had no idea how cruel he was being. Changbin bent and picked up his pants, shoved one leg in. Blinked a lot. “He's great and I really like him. He treats me well—I mean, usually—and he’s really sweet, and thoughtful. Why, just last week he brought me my favorite scones, even though I told him I was restricting carbs. You know the ones; I think they sell them at your bakery. Dark chocolate and raspberry?”

Changbin froze. He’d brought over a pastry box full of scones the day before Hyunjin left. He had fed them to him in that very same bed.

“We've known each other for a really long time, but like not really? Until recently, and then I got to know him and what a great person he is. Even when he’s being a total pissbaby.”

Whiplash. Changbin had whiplash from the emotions coursing through him right then. He felt both as if he could run a marathon and like he’d already done just that.

Hyunjin’s fingers circled Changbin’s wrist so delicately, so hesitantly, pulling him back to the bed and into his arms. Changbin went willingly.

“He's really not very funny but he thinks he is, and he's kind of short,” he continued, petting back Changbin’s hair. Changbin could feel his mouth quirk, hope filling his chest where before there had only anger and despair. Hyunjin pushed Changbin back against the pillows, straddling him, and leaned forward. “I love his eyes,” Hyunjin punctuated the statement with a kiss to each of Changbin’s eyelids, so gentle. “I love his cheeks,” a kiss each, “his nose,” kiss, “his chin,” kiss, “and I especially love his mouth.” Hyunjin’s mouth hovered over Changbin’s, their eyes locked, Hyunjin's gaze soft. “Even when it's saying idiotic things. Changbin, the only relationship I want to be in is with you, you stupid, stupid, stupid—”

“Okay, I think I get it,” Changbin responded loudly, an exasperated laugh catching in his throat.

“—stupid, stupid man.

“And to think that that same man might have thought I felt differently,” Hyunjin's expression turned serious. “I felt like I was so obvious. Like a little kid with a crush on their favorite cartoon character. I was going to write you a fan letter and everything. I've liked you for so long.”

Changbin was confused. “How long?”

Hyunjin shook his head, his expression bemused. “Since Telluride. You caught my attention on day one. “

“That l—why didn't you say anything?”

“To whom? The guy obviously in love with his friend? Or the one who seemed to make it a point not to be in the same room as me, who wrote off my advances so readily—”

“You flirt with everybody!”

“How about the guy who I'm fairly sure just saw me as the pretty boy model and had already concluded that I wasn't worth their time.”

“Hyunjin, believe me, I honestly didn't know. Yeah, I did assume you were out of my league. I still do,” he laughed, but it died when he saw Hyunjin wasn't laughing along with him.

Changbin didn’t know how to feel. The tiny, shriveled part of himself wanted to hope—wanted to hope so goddamn bad, but the other part of him, the one that liked to whisper dark things, told him it was too good to be true. He had to be mistaken. “But—the other day—”

“Let me guess. Felix?” Changbin nodded. “I should have told him that night. And I did, tell him that is.”

Changbin’s mouth parted in surprise. “You did?”

“I did. I told him everything.”

He'd just talked to Felix yesterday about how his show had gone. “That asshole never said shit to me!”

Hyunjin laughed in tiny, before drawing in a deep breath through his nose. He tucked Changbin’s face between both of his long-fingered hands and for a moment they just looked at each other. “That night really messed you up more than you let on, huh?”

Changbin placed his hands over top Hyunjin’s against his face. “Hyunnie, I like you so much,” he dared, so quiet he barely put breath to the words. But he could tell Hyunjin heard him, and so it was enough. “But as you know I’m a fucking coward. When I realized how I felt, I just wanted to run the other way. I’m fucked up, Hyunnie.”

Hyunjin’s smile was slow to bloom but worth it, and when he bent down for a kiss, Changbin met him halfway.

“Changbinnie,” Hyunjin pressed the words to Changbin’s mouth, “You’re not the only one who’s fucked up. And, in case it wasn’t painfully obvious by now,” he brushed the tips of their noses together, “I really like you, too, Seo Changbin.”

Changbin felt like his chest had become a cage full of butterflies. He stared up and Hyunjin was all he could see, his eyes wide and dark, his generous mouth kiss-bitten and red. He was beautiful. He was perfect. “Yeah?” he said, for once in his damn life letting hope fill him from head to toe. It felt like a stomachache; it felt like jumping off of a cliff. But it also felt so, so good.

Hyunjin’s eyes did that squinty thing again, the thing it did only when he was genuinely happy. “Yeah.”

The following kiss was their best one yet. Until the next one.