Chapter Text
Daryl chewed on the tips of his nails and watched the youngest Greene tend to the little ass kicker, Judith. It'd been only three days since the family had gotten back together and through all of the turmoil everything had gone back to some semblance of normality. Daryl watched her carefully, he made sure to keep his head low and his eyes covered. He knew everyone had seen the way he'd run to her when they'd all stormed the hospital. But since then, he's kept his distance. He'd spent so long with her just being gone. That he'd forgotten what it was like to have her back.
He'd had plenty of chances to talk to her in alone. But he made sure that never happened. Always had something else to do, somewhere else to be. Right now, he sat close by watching her change Judith's diaper and instead of saying hello he just chewed his nails until they bled.
Beth was humming, he couldn't figure out the song. Probably some damn hymn from church, but he listened. Out of the corner of his eye watched her sooth Judith and in its own way soothed him. He stopped chewing his nails and relaxed. He surveyed the camp and saw everyone was moving around. Not paying any attention to the two of them. He thought about maybe saying he missed her humming;But that sounded stupid and he shook the though out of his head.
Beth lifted the baby into her arms and rocked her on her hip. Her hums grew louder until it turned into singing and Daryl felt the bottom of his stomach lift into his throat. He remembered when he asked her to keep singing at the funeral home. It was one of the last good times they'd had together. He was lost in everything they'd been through and had no idea how to talk about it.
Daryl kept himself busy now with his knife, he threw it down into the trunk of a tree and got lost in the tump, thump, thump each time the blade stuck in.
Beth's voice was just ringing in his head. It was like a drum beating against his skull until he finally said, "I missed your singing."
Beth almost didn't register that Daryl had spoken, but she had been waiting for some word from his for days. She didn't want to pressure him so she'd given him his space. But she'd remembered the way he'd hugged her when they were finally together at the hospital; how tightly he'd held on to her and lifted her feet off the ground. His touch haunted her every single day.
"What was that?" She pretended she hadn't heard him say he missed her singing. She stopped rocking Judith and just watched him. He was throwing this knife against the tree, refusing to even look at her. She smiled just a little knowing how uncomfortable he was now talking to her.
"I said, I missed your singing" he tilted his head just a little, letting the setting sun paint his face. He didn't let the look linger, he went back to throwing the knife. Thump, thump, thump, Beth thought it sounded like her heart beating.
"I thought you said my singing annoyed you" she remembered saying the same thing to him at the funeral home. And in true Daryl fashion his first reaction was to scoff, make a noise that was somewhere between a small laugh and breath escaping. "You know that ain't true" not taking his eyes away from the knife, throwing the blade a little too hard into the trunk of the tree.
Beth didn't respond, instead she just picked up singing again, but this time it was a little louder.
Daryl chewed on this lip, listening to the girl sing a song he was way too familiar with. The lyrics had stuck in his head from the night he'd ask her to keep singing at the funeral home. He only knew the few lines that Beth had sang then, but those lines had lingered with him. He would replay them in his mind when he missed her something awful for all those weeks.
"And we'll buy a beer to shot gun. We'll lay in the lawn, and we'll be good" the melody had haunted Daryl. He'd replayed the memory over and over in his head and now it was finally in his face and it felt like seeing a ghost. Daryl threw the knife into the trunk before storming off.
"Daryl! Where are you going ?!" Beth set Judith down and hollered for Tyreese to watch her for a moment.
Daryl was halfway through the tree line when she finally caught up to him. "Daryl! Wait! Where are you going!" She was closing in on him, but he refused to turn around.
Daryl wiped his face before screaming behind him, "Don't follow me girl" his voice was strained from tears. Beth stopped dead in her tracks, "Daryl, stop. Please"
He knew if he stopped and took one look at beth right now he would cry. It took a lot for him to admit that, thinking about crying only made me more pissed off.
Before leaving camp, he'd grabbed his crossbow. He was thankful for that because all he wanted to do right now was kill something. He paced back and forth before finally shooting a squirrel down. The body dropped. Beth didn't say a word. Just stood there silently. "Go back to camp" Daryl shot another arrow and another squirrel dropped. "Beth, get the hell outta here." He shot down another squirrel.
"I'm not gonna leave you", Beth's voice but quiet but unwavering.
Daryl stopped mid aim. He let the bow go limp in his arms and looked up towards the tree line. He was reliving a nightmare.
The silence between them lingered for a longtime. He was fighting back all of these feelings that were boiling up inside of him.
He shuffled his feet and took a deep breath before taking his crossbow and breaking it over and over into a nearby tree. He screamed until the crossbow broke into pieces and he threw whatever was left out into the nothingness of the forest.
"Daryl! Stop it! Stop" her arm was grabbing onto him.
Feeling her touch made him jerk his arm away. Taking a few steps back before looking up at her, "You were gone. You were just gone, Beth."
There was a pause before he cried out, "You were gone. It would have been easier if you'd been dead. But you were gone because I wasn't there to protect you."
Beth just stood there and listened to the man that up until this point had been a rock. This man who was always so stoic, who she had accused of not feeling anything or giving a crap at all. But right now he was feeling it all. She reached out for him again but he pushed her hands away. "It wasn't your fault Daryl" she was close. He could feel the proximity of her skin and it made him shiver. He moved away trying to catch his breath. "Daryl, I was kidnapped. They would have killed you" he didn't want to hear it he just kept shaking his head. "I should have tried harder"he fell to his knees and started to pick up the prices of his crossbow.
"Daryl, listen to me" she moved over and knelt down next to him. "You know what kept me going when I was stuck in there ?" He didn't say a word he just fingered the pieces of broken metal and swallowed hard. "You did. You taught me how to be strong. I'll never forget that"
She wrapped her arms around Daryl's shoulders just as she did that day at the moonshine shack. Throwing them back into the memory of the first time she'd held him when he'd broken down. She held onto him tight. "I'm here. I'm not dead. You found me and you brought me back."
Daryl's breath was hitched.
"We gotta put it behind us, Daryl. We can't hold on to the bad anymore. You hear me?" Beth's face was so close as she whispered the words into his ear. "You hear me?"
Daryl's body lunged forward slipping out of Beth's grasp. He punched the ground before turning back to her, finally looking into her eyes, "You think we can move on, we can get past this?" Beth couldn't decide if he meant what had happened between them or the world going to hell but decided that by saying yes it would keep the hope alive. "I think we can, we just gotta believe in somethin''
Daryl rubbed his hands over his face before pushing the hair behind his ears. "I'm not very good at all this, shit" He rubbed the sides of his face before standing up from the ground.
Mirroring his motion Beth quickly stood waiting for Daryl to continue. She knew he wasn't good at saying the things he felt but she hoped that maybe he was wanting to say something else. "I, uh, don't know what this is. I aint ever talked about my feelings. You know, Merle never really let me keep the good ones around. Always gave me shit for it." He cleared his throat, "I got this book, well I found this book when me and Carol were in Atlanta looking for you." Daryl's feet shifted in the dirt. Beth kept quiet and waited for him to finish. This was the most she'd heard Daryl speak since the Moonshine shack and she could tell he'd been working hard to spit it all out.
"It's helping me with stuff, you know, shit that happened when I was a kid. I, uh, thinking it's good for me. I've been wantin' to show it to you. I don't know why"
Beth took a deep breath before exhaling the fog, the sun had set and the air was getting crisp. "What kind of book is it?" a shiver moved down her spin waiting for Daryl's response.