Work Text:
The first time, Jake's pretty drunk. When he's drunk, it's easier to admit to himself that what he wants right now isn't soft feminine curves, but spiky black hair and glasses. So he doesn't tell Amir to leave when his co-worker follows him home, and instead shuts the door behind him and backs him up against it, dragging his head up to kiss him.
And Amir responds. Even drunk, Jake would have stopped otherwise. But Amir makes a surprised noise and wraps his hand around the back of Jake's head, and bites Jake's lower lip, and Jake is done thinking with his head. They stumble to the bedroom, shedding clothes along the way, and Jake gets Amir beneath him like it's the most natural thing in the world. He rests his weight on the other man, laying a line of ferocious kisses across his mouth, his chin, his neck and chest, pinning Amir's body against the bed with his own.
The room is silent as their cocks slide against one another, silent except for the hitch in Jake's breath at the friction. Amir doesn't touch him, hands splayed out at his sides. He doesn't move a muscle. Jake can tell he's aroused; a drop of his precum is cool on Jake's stomach, his shaft slowly hardening against Jake's own, but that stillness is so strange for Amir. Jake suddenly feels distinctly alone in the act.
He raises his gaze. Amir's head is tilted back, his mouth slightly open. But his eyes stare blankly from behind his glasses, focusing on nothing, as if Amir's mind has abandoned the body splayed out beneath Jake.
Jake feels like he's been doused in ice water. "Amir?" He's never gone from tipsy to sober so fast in his life. "You okay?"
Amir is silent for a long moment. Then his eyes refocus and he looks at Jake, down at himself, back to Jake. "Oh hey. You done already, cause if so, you're like ... so great at this." He huffs that little chuckle that he uses like punctuation sometimes, holding out the laughter in the desperate hope that someone else will laugh along.
Jake doesn't. Confused, he takes his weight off Amir and sits up on the edge of the bed. He suddenly regrets being naked. Amirs baffling weirdness is much easier to take when fully clothed. "What are you talking about?"
Amir thrusts his left index finger rhythmically through the circled thumb and index finger of his right hand, adding an eyebrow waggle to the vulgar gesture and then shrugging. "Right? So ... are you done, or ..."
Jake's fists ball up, then release, and he struggles to find appropriate words for the confused ball of rage filling up his stomach. "I guess so," he says. "Next time you don't want to do something, just tell me, man."
Amir looks up at him, bemusement in the smile that lingers around his mouth. "I didn't say it was bad, it just hurts a lot."
"It's not bad," Jake clarifies, disbelieving. "It just hurts a lot. What did you think I was doing to you, man?"
Amir stares at him like it's Jake who's the complete idiot. He makes the rude hand gesture again, grinning stupidly. "Sex." He draws out the word. "Duh. If you wanted to fuck my face you shouldn't have made me lay down."
Jake can only stare. He's not sure he's up to dealing with what is happening right now. Amir hasn't even sat up. He just lies there, spread out and open, half-hard, a wanton image that clashes horribly with Jake's feelings of confusion and concern. Jake tries to focus on Amir's face and not the contours of his neck, his chest, his hips or leaking cock, but its difficult. "I didn't want that," he says lamely.
"Oh," Amir says with a shrug. "So you wanted to fuck my ass, that's fine, you already kissed me so I'll just lay back and think of England, right? Or, oh! Did you forget lube? You don't have to use it."
"Jesus," Jake says. "No, why wouldn't I .. look, I don't want to fuck you." Actually he does, but not like that.
Amir's smile remains, fixed and immobile, but he looks away from Jake, and his tone is shrill with worry. "No it's fine," he insists. "It's fine, I, uh, I really like it." That little chuckle gives the lie to his words. Then, more quietly, "I really want you to." He flicks his gaze back to Jake for the most fleeting of moments, and Jake catches his eye. They both look away. Hope and fear drain the colour from Amir's face and shine in his eyes and Jake covers his face, struggling to find something to say.
"Why?" he asks finally. "Why would you want that, Amir? Why do you want me to hurt you?"
Finally, Amir pulls his legs up, sitting up against the headboard of the bed with his knees drawn up near his chest. He looks over them with a casual shrug and smile, like this is no big deal one way or another, but his eyes are uncertain. "I want you to feel good." He mutters it, like it's an offhand remark, like it's no big deal. "That's just how it goes."
Jake runs a palm across his face. "Okay," he says slowly, untangling the knot of pressure in his chest, thread by thread. Amir is a crazy ass and he doesn't understand three quarters of the things he says. He listens and repeats, like a demented parrot, and Jake has to remember that. Now more than ever. "Do you want me to kiss you?" he asks slowly. "I already know you want me to feel good. Don't worry about that. Do you like it when I kiss you?"
Amir nods his head without hesitation.
"Do you like it because it feels good to you?" Jake clarifies.
Amir nods his head again, a smile flashing across his face. Something eases in Jake's chest. He leans forward slowly, letting Amir see his every move, and gently brushes his lips against Amir's. Amir's hand comes up to clutch at the back of his head, and it's Amir who deepens the kiss, opening his mouth and sighing a long, voiceless sigh against Jake's lips. His body relaxes back against the headboard and he pulls Jake towards him, nipping his bottom lip. Jake smiles, and pulls back slowly.
The look of disappointment in Amir's eyes is real, and there's none of that terrible vacancy now. "Good," Jake says. His body feels light and free now. He understands this, he thinks. It's not good, what Amir's been through. But he can take the first step towards fixing that. Towards showing Amir what sex is supposed to be.
"Lie down," he instructs, and gently tugs Amir's shoulder. Amir slides down to lie on his back, and Jake makes sure to hold his gaze as he leans down for another long kiss. "Has anyone sucked you off before?"
Amir shrugs. His eyes dart away. Finally he just shakes his head.
Jake splays his hand across Amir's abdomen. "I want to suck you off," he says. "Do you want that?"
Amir hesitates. "What about--"
"I feel good," Jake says. He looks down at Amir sprawled beneath him and his cock twitches. "I feel really good. I'm asking about you."
"I want it," Amir says after a moment, seeming uncertain.
"Okay," Jake says. He taps Amir's chest. "But if you don't like it, tell me to stop. I want to know." He stares into Amir's eyes, waiting for the nod of acknowledgement.
He settles slowly, and if he has to crick his neck slightly to suck Amir's cock and still see his face, it's a small price to pay. His lips close over Amir's shaft for the second time and this time Amir's eyes stay focused, and one hand reflexively comes up to tangle in Jake's hair. Jake smiles as best he can, letting his saliva wet Amir's shaft as he sucks gently and long.
For the first time that night, as Jake flattens his tongue along the underside of Amir's shaft and licks the sensative length, Amir makes a sound. It's soft, a catch of breath, let out after a long moment on a tiny broken moan, and Jake wants to hear it again and again and again. He flicks his tongue over the sensative ridge of skin beneath the head, and Amir bucks his hips and pulls Jake's hair hard.
This is what Jake wants. This is what he wanted all along. Amir's hand in his hair, Amir's cock in his mouth, Amir's eyes half-closed and glazed with pleasure. Amir's focus on him, not on some phantom of the future. He goes slowly, teasingly, his lips and tongue sliding rhythmically across Amir's shaft, and learns Amir's signals as he goes. The way Amir's hand tightens in Jake's hair when his tongue slides across the perfect spot. The way his hips arch when Jake's suction threatens to push him over the edge. Jake pulls back every time, exchanging suction for exploration of Amir's cock with his lips and tongue until Amir's arousal calms again. His hands slide across Amir's body, studying the planes of his skin and locating the points that make him shiver.
And he slowly builds Amir up like this, thrilling every time he hears a new gasp or moan, until Amir pulls back his hand. "Jake," he gasps. "Stop. I can't ..."
Jake looks up, pulling back immediately. "Amir?"
"I need to cum. It hurts." Amir is flushed with pleasure, sweat glistening on his forehead, his eyes closed tight. His body quivers, hips bucking and arching even while Jake isn't touching him. Jake smiles.
"Okay," he says.
The end comes quickly. Amir has been teased and held back for so long that Jake only needs to take him in again and begin that fast, sucking rhythm, head bobbing, and hold steady for a moment or two. Amir doesn't even realise how close he is until he's cumming, and he starts to cry out Jake's name only to end on a strangled gasp, fists tight in Jake's hair, holding his head down. Jake sucks hard, letting Amir's cum slide down the back of his throat and riding the orgasm through with him. He only moves when Amir pushes him away, gasping desperately for air. Jake sits up and looks down on him, sweat-sheened and chest heaving, empty hands now splayed out at his sides, palm-up. He looks wrung out and Jake would never have thought he liked Amir this way, but he really, really does.
He rests a hand on Amir's bare shoulder and leans down for another kiss, gentle and lingering. "Did you like that?"
Amir nods. Then he begins to laugh, throwing his head back and shaking with it. jake watches him, not sure whether to be concerned or amused, until Amir sits up and flings himself at Jake, yanking him into a bone-crushing embrace. They both fall back onto the bed, and this time Amir is on top. His kiss is wild and needy, invasive, forcing Jake's head into the mattress as their tongues tangle and teeth nip. He only pulls back to roll onto his side, bringing Jake with him, to curl up against Jake's abdomen and tuck his spiky-haired head under Jake's chin.
There's silence for a while. Jake lies quiet and listens to Amir's breathing, ignoring his own mental arousal. The feel of Amir quiet in his arms is blissful. Finally, just as he thinks Amir has fallen asleep, the dark head turns and he meets Amir's eyes. His glasses are askew. "Hey Jake," he says.
"What's up?"
"It was bad," he says quietly. "The other times."
"Yeah," Jake says. Protective anger makes the words hard to speak aloud. "I know, man."
"Stay?" Amir asks.
"This is my apartment," Jake says.
"Oh, yeah." Amir laughs, takes a deep breath, and begins to pull away.
"Hey Amir," Jake says, and Amir pauses. "Stay?"
Amir's smile lights up his whole face. Jake isn't done appreciating it when Amir falls asleep, still curled up against his body, and Jake can only shake his head and settle down himself.