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Rook couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt such genuine happiness. Staring down at those two little blue lines, she’d felt it bubble up inside of her until it burst from her lips in a near delirious giggle.
Pregnant. She was pregnant.
The funny thing was, Rook never really considered the possibility of being a mother. She’d never had younger siblings or cousins, never spent time daydreaming about what it would be hold her children in her arms, her loving husband by her side. Babies were cute ‘n all, but not in any way that made her desperate for one of her own. It wasn’t that she didn’t want kids it’s just that, well, she kind of thought she’d be too busy to settle down. Kids would come later, if they came at all.
But seeing the tangible proof in front of her, knowing that inside of her, her kid was growing… she couldn’t stop the wide grin that lit up her face, or the tears that spilled down her cheeks.
Pregnant.
For one blissful, beautiful moment, Rook forgot everything outside the walls of the cottage she’d temporarily stashed herself away in. She forgot about the resistance and the Project and the blood, death and destruction being wrought on both sides. Instead, Rook thought of John.
She had to believe that he’d be happy, over the moon and giddy with joy. He loved her, surely he’d love their child too. John wanted a family of his own, a big one. He hadn’t exactly said as much, there were usually other things on his mind when they were together, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. That Ranch had far too many rooms for just him and his brothers.
His brothers. Rook found it hard to believe that even they would be disappointed. Joseph had spoken of her place at his family’s side, and while he might not be thrilled at the nature of the uh… conception, he’d be pleased. Jacob, well it was easy to look at Jacob and see nothing but the bloodthirsty soldier he’d become, but Rook knew him better than that. She’d seen him through John’s eyes, the hint of softness behind the steel - Jacob cared for nothing but his family. If John was happy, if he wanted this child (their child) then Jacob would stand by his side.
She allowed herself to imagine, just for a second, how it might feel to just let it happen, to walk by John’s side into the Seed family, let them care for her as Joseph promised they would from the get go. She could almost picture it - cuddling up on the couch with John at the ranch while her little girl (or boy she supposed) ran literal circles around her uncles.
And like that, reality came crashing down around her. It was nothing but a fantasy. This was a war zone, she was still public enemy number one. Even if she could forget about that, turn her back on the resistance and everything she’d been fighting for (not to mention abandoning Joey and Staci and yeah, maybe Burke too) and walk across that line, it wasn’t like the Seeds were going to suddenly stop. No, the war would rage on until there was no one left to fight. She’d sit at her home, safe, comfortable, protected and loved while the people she cared about tried to tear each other to pieces.
Neither side would concede and there was no guarantee that even if she or her child would be safe so long as the fighting continued.
It was nothing more than a fantasy.
It wasn’t what she wanted, but Rook knew what had to be done. Yet somehow, even the sobering thought wasn’t enough to entirely wipe away her soft little smile. She was pregnant!
John hadn’t been surprised when she radioed in and asked to meet at the usual spot. She didn’t having to be standing in front of him to know he was wearing that same smug little smirk of his, she could practically hear it in his voice. He thought he was going to get lucky, Rook snorted at the idea. Though, in all fairness she couldn’t exactly blame him. Months ago, when this had all began, that’s where they used to meet. It was simple back then - a few minutes of barbed insults and flirting then off with the clothes and onto the bed (or the wall, or the couch, or the kitchen counter…). It hasn’t exactly been hate sex, but Rook had kidded herself into believing that it was just stress relief. A mutually beneficial arrangement that no one else under any circumstances could know about.
Then one night, exhausted not just from the sex, though John did thoroughly enjoy tiring her out, she’d fallen asleep. She’d assumed that by the time she woke up he’d have been long gone, but when she’d opened her eyes to the golden glow of the morning sun, John’s face, so peaceful and content, had been the first thing she’d seen. He’d stayed with her, swept her up into his arms and kept her there all night long. That was the day that Rook realised there was no going back with John.
Falling in love with John Seed had been a lot easier than it should have been.
More often than not, Rook ended up back at the Ranch with him. While his brothers and sister might not know, John’s Chosen were well accustomed to the sight of the Deputy in the kitchen in the morning or sprawled out on the couch by the fireplace in the evenings, and on occasion using the windows to make a less than graceful hasty exit. The fact that she asked to meet him back at the cabin and not at the Ranch, of course he thought she was up to something less than innocent.
Well he’d certainly be in for a surprise, wouldn’t he?
Rook, as always, arrived before him. Her hands trembled as she paced back and forth in the cosy little living room, mumbling out sentences as she tried to construct some kind of defence that could hold up against his doubts. In hindsight she should have held off, taken a few days to gather her thoughts and make a plan, but Rook had never been the best at sitting back and planning things through. She was much more the jump first, look later kind of girl.
She couldn’t help the way her hands flitted nervously at her side when she heard the sound of his truck approaching. Rook breathed deeply, licked her lips and straightened her shoulders as he approached. Her traitorous heart skipped a beat as the door swung open - and there he was.
In her head, she’d decided that she’d let him come to her, maybe take him to sit down on one of the well worn couches, or maybe even at the old wooden table that used to serve as a dinner table. But one look at him and that damned smile of his, and Rook couldn’t stop herself from leaping at him and throwing her arms around him.
John grunted a little at the force of her body colliding with his, but he chuckled, not wasting moment in returning the embrace, keeping his Deputy wrapped close as he walked them inside and shut the door behind him.
“Darling?” he asked, when she didn’t let go. Rook just buried her face into the warmth his chest, at least until she felt John’s tattooed fingers on her chin, coaxing her face up to meet his gaze. His eyes searched her face, his brow furrowing as each second passed without a response. The fingers on her jaw crept to her cheek, stroking the soft skin gently, “Rook, what’s wr-”
“I’m pregnant,” she suddenly announced, a wide, beaming grin gracing her face.
John’s jaw fell slack and his pretty blue eyes widened. “Y-you.. you’re what?”
She nodded with a delighted laugh, leaning into the hand that was frozen on her cheek. “Pregnant, John. And before you ask, I'm almost positive that you're the father,” she joked.
It was John’s turn not to say anything. His gaze darted to her flat stomach as if he almost expected to see some kind of proof there (he was a few months too early on that front). When he glanced back up he still had that starstruck look on his face, in truth he looked like he was about a heartbeat away from fainting but Rook didn’t let her smile dim. The thought that he might not be as happy as she was, that he might not want this child, their child, never crossed her mind. Really, he should hardly be surprised, it wasn’t like he was exactly careful when they were together.
“You’re gonna be a dad,” she whispered as finally, comprehension seemed to sink in and some semblance of understanding flickered in his eyes. She opened her mouth to say something else, but before she could even draw in a breath John’s lips were suddenly on hers, kissing her fiercely. His arm clutched tighter at her waist and then Rook was lifted from her feet as he spun them around the room.
She shrieked - half from surprise, half from dizzying amusement, but John just grinned into the kiss, growling lowly and nipping at her lips when she tried to pull away to speak.
When he eventually set her down, breaking away from her with a giddy laugh of his own, his face was alight with the same joy she’d felt when she’d found out, the same joy she still felt. “Pregnant?” he asked again, biting his bottom lip as he tried in vain to contain his smile.
Rook’s heart fluttered at the sight of it. “Yep. I took three tests just to be sure.”
He kissed her again, softer this time, gentle and loving, his hands creeping up along the curve of her neck, holding her against him. “I love you. I love you so fucking much,” he murmured, pressing his forehead against hers and letting his eyes fall shut for a brief moment. “We’re gonna be so happy…”
And just like before, Rook remembered why she’d asked him to come here instead of telling him at the Ranch. “John?”
He didn’t look at her, barely registered her words as he brushed his nose against hers, still grinning like a lovesick fool. “Hmm?”
She reached for his cheek, cupping it and drawing his attention back to her. “John, baby, look at me,” she said, her voice stronger this time.
Lazily John opened his eyes, fixing her with indulgent smirk, “Yes, my dear?”
She swallowed, stepping out of his grasp and instead offering him her hand. Wordlessly, and with a slight crinkle between his brow, John took it and allowed Rook to lead him over to the couch and pull him down to a seat beside her.
He kept a hold of her hand, clutching it like a lifeline as she licked her lips and took a deep, steadying breath. His smile began to waver, his eyes darting from her face to her stomach and back again, but he waited for her to break the silence, though she knew it was an effort.
Finally, Rook spoke
“You know I love you, more than I ever thought possible.” She paused, and after a beat John slowly nodded in confirmation. She shot him a brief, appreciative smile, squeezing his hand in her lap. “I want the best for us, for our child, you understand that, don’t you?”
Again, John gave a wary nod, “Of course I do.”
Rook took in another deep, trembling breath, plastering what she hoped was a reassuring smile across her face. Judging from the brief flash on panic that ran through his eyes, it wasn’t exactly working, but what choice did she have but to push on?
“John, I don’t think that here - Hope County, I mean - is the best place for us to start our family. There is a war going on outside at our doorstep, and it doesn’t matter what side we’re on or who’s right or wrong, it’s not safe for us here, especially not with a baby coming.” She scooted closer towards him, her eyes wide and pleading. “And it’s not that I want to pull you away from your brothers, or the Project or anything like that, I just want what’s best for us as a family. I want our kids to be able to run down to the park without having to worry about someone aiming a gun at them or being taken as a hostage to bargain for.” As a myriad of emotions flitted across his face too fast for her to name, she brought his hand to her lips and pressed a soft, insistent kiss against the back of his palm. “I’m not asking you to leave forever, I want Jacob and Joseph to be a part of our kids’ lives, but just until things calm down. Please, John, we can’t raise our kids here.”
The silence was deafening, so much so that Rook couldn’t even bring herself to breathe as she watch various emotions battle through his eyes. It was all she could do to wait for John to say something, to break the sudden tension in the air. For a brief moment she wondered whether he might lash out at her, or worse, panic and shut her out, and just as she was beginning to resign herself to either fate he surprised her with a rueful chuckle.
“Oh my dear, don’t cry,” he murmured, reaching across to brush away the stray tear that Rook hadn’t realised had fallen. “You want the best for our children, for our family. I’m not mad, how could I be?”
She breathed a small sigh of relief as the tension in her stomach eased. She didn’t fight when John’s arms wrapped around her and pulled her against him, and she smiled when she felt his lips kiss her temple. “So you’ll come with me? We can leave?”
“Do you trust me, my love?”
Rook didn’t have to think, “Yes,” she replied.
She couldn’t see the smile on his face but she heard his contented sigh. “Good. When you go home tonight, pack what you need and meet me back here in the morning. I’ll take care of everything, darling. I promise.”
Rook lost track of time as they lay there on the couch, John holding her, his fingers trailing intricate patterns across her skin as he spoke in hushed, joyful tones about the life growing inside of her; their baby, their growing family. If Rook had any doubts that John was as excited as she was, he put them to rest, giddily throwing out baby names and wondering aloud what colour they would paint the nursery.
Eventually duty called and he had to leave her, but not before he left her with a long, lingering kiss and a promise to meet him again in the morning.
Packing was easy, Rook didn’t exactly have a huge amount of possessions to begin with, and even less that she intended to take with her. It was clothes mostly, a few old family photos and the stuffed bear she’d had since she was a baby herself. It fit into one suitcase, and that was fine. She had what she needed, everything else could be sorted later, once they were safely out of Hope County and somewhere far away.
She barely slept a wink and she was almost grateful when the sun began to rise. With one last check to make sure nothing had been missed, Rook loaded her suitcase into the shitty car she’d liberated a few weeks ago and began the drive. There was a niggling fear in her gut that worried that John would change his mind and have second thoughts, but when she pulled up to the cabin he was waiting out of the front for her, smiling warmly. There was no trace of nervousness or indecision on his face as he opened the car door for her.
“Good morning, my dear. How are my babies today?” he asked with a wry chuckle as he swept her up into a loving embrace, kissing her deeply before she even had a chance to reply.
“She’s barely bigger than a bean, John, she’s fine,” Rook laughed when he eventually released her.
His eyebrow quirked at her choice of words. “She?”
She blushed with a self conscious shrug. “A mother’s intuition I guess, or maybe I’m just taking a stab in the dark, I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter either way, boy or girl they’re gonna be perfect, I just know it.”
He rewarded her with another winning smile as he went to retrieve her belongings, “Of course they will be, they’re ours. They’re going to grow up so loved. They’ll be safe, darling, protected from any harm, I swear it. I won’t let anything happen to them,” His eyes flashed to hers with an odd glint, and an all too familiar sense of unease began to settle in her stomach. “Or you.”
It was at that point that Rook realised that she couldn’t see any of John’s things lying around. She frowned slightly, one hand coming up to wrap around her stomach as she tried in vain to see where John had stashed his things.
He was watching her with a smug little smile that bordered on a smirk, “Something the matter, dearest?”
She took a small step back away from him, but he caught her wrist in a tight grip before she could take another. “John, baby, what are you doing? Let me go.”
His manic grin didn’t waver, “Keeping you safe, like I promised I would. Don’t fret, my dear, I know the bunker isn’t ideal, or what you wanted, but you’ll see in time, I know you will. There is nowhere safer for you or our baby.”
Rook didn’t have time to struggle as John pulled out the small vial. She could only watch helplessly and he flipped the cap open and blew the sweet smelling green powder in her face. It was more potent in powdered form, the moment she breathed in she felt the haziness creep into her head and began to sway on her feet. In an instant he was at her side, cradling her against him as he soothed her.
She felt his lips at her neck, then her cheek, then at her mouth as he kissed her with such loving tenderness. He was immune to the bliss, but Rook was powerless to fight the blackness that beckoned. “It’s okay, don’t fight it, darling. I’m doing this for us, we’ll be so happy here together as a family.”