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"So, since you do watch Glee, does this mean you're a girl?"
Tommy scowls, slamming the door behind him. "Shut the fuck up."
Kicking off his shoes, he drops down on the couch, his head falling back on the cushions. He puts his phone on speaker and closes his eyes. Adam's laughing hysterically over the line. Fuckin' asshole.
"You know I read your Tumblr." He sounds breathless from laughing. "If you're going to post blatant lies, I think I have the right to tease you about it."
"I don't watch Glee. You watch Glee."
Tommy can imagine Adam rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, but you watch it with me. Which means you do watch Glee. I don't see what the big deal is. It's a great show."
"You'd think so."
"Don't be an ass, Tommy. Very unattractive."
There's silence for a few moments, Tommy wondering if it'd be possible to strangle Adam through the phone, but then Adam asks, "Did you buy your ticket for the tour yet?"
Tommy mumbles something, hating that he blushes. Adam'd see right through a lie.
Adam bursts into more laughter. "You better be taking me, asshole."
Tommy hangs up on him.
"So what row'd you get?" Adam asks him two days later. "I don't want nosebleeds."
"Are you still hung up on that? Get your boyfriend to get you tickets. He'd probably even get you a backstage pass."
"He offered- hey! Is that Sweet Caroline I hear?"
Tommy scrambles for the remote, hitting mute as soon as he can. "No," he says quickly, trying not to sound guilty. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You're such a fucking liar, Tommy Joe."
Adam sounds way too amused.
"I'm not lying. You're not hearing anything."
It's true.
"Yeah, not right now maybe," Adam says and Tommy wants to smack him for being so aggravating. "But you were. You got a hard-on for Mark Salling? I thought you liked your men androgynous. Isn't that what Tumblr said?"
Tommy hasn't been able to watch Glee for three days and his nerves are frayed, meaning he has a lot less patience to put up with Adam's special brand of teasing. "I don't have a fucking hard-on for Mark Salling or anyone else on Glee!" he practically yells. "You're the one fucking America's beloved Darren Criss."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tommy," Adam says. "You don't have to yell. You're so angry. That's not good for your blood pressure, you know. You should do more yoga. Peace and love, dude."
Tommy doesn't know how it's possible, but Adam's gotten more fucking snarky since he started dating Darren.
"Fuck. You," Tommy bites out, hanging up.
It's becoming a pattern.
"So, do you like your boys as young as your girls?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Tommy says. It's too early in the morning for this shit. "I'm trying to eat. Can you call back later?"
"Taco Bell again?" Adam guesses, correctly the bastard. "For breakfast? Gross. And no. This is important."
"I doubt that."
"You're snippy in the morning," Adam comments. "But you like younger guys, right? Who have nice lips, eyes, and noses?"
"Stop fucking reading my Tumblr."
Adam ignores him. "I think you should date Chris Colfer," he says like it's the greatest idea he's ever had.
Tommy doesn't even know how to respond to that. "Are you high? Drunk? Eat too much glitter? Because, really. This is ridiculous."
"But Tommy!" Adam protests. "It's perfect! He's adorable and sweet, and really pretty, just like you."
Tommy thinks about it for all of a second. "No."
And Tommy hangs up.
"Look, Tommy, I was talking to Darren-"
Tommy can guess where this is going and he doesn't want to hear it. "What? You actually talk? And here I thought all you did was fuck him."
"Stop trying to bait me; it's not going to work. Now shut up and be quiet."
Tommy scowls, grumbling, but doesn't say anything else. Adam won't quit pestering him until he says what he wants to say.
"Good," Adam praises, and the condescending tone makes Tommy rethink his plan and start singing Whataya Want From Me loudly and horrendously off-key.
"Now, I was talking to Darren and he told me Chris totally has a crush on you."
Tommy bites his lip. No matter what Adam thinks, Tommy doesn't want to date Chris Colfer. It's not like the thought didn't cross his mind when he started watching Glee, or that since Adam mentioned it, he keeps thinking about it. He doesn't even know him. Tommy just thinks he's really pretty, and adorable, and a great actor and singer.
...Okay.
Maybe Tommy does have a crush. A teeny-tiny one. Maybe.
But he's not going to tell Adam!
"And he's such a sweet kisser. A little shy at first, but so enthusiastic."
That bombshell leaves Tommy dumbfounded. And pissed. "What the fucking fuck, Adam?! You made out with him?"
"Someone sounds jealous," Adam sing-songs.
"M'not jealous," Tommy denies even though he totally is. "I just thought Darren might be, since he's your boyfriend and all. Did you tell him about your little side action?"
Adam lowers his voice conspiratorially. "He watched. Got so fucking hot seeing Chris on my lap, panting and flushed, he wasn't satisfied 'til I fucked him three times. I was useless the next day, but fuck. One of the best nights of my life."
Tommy stifles a groan, pressing a hand to his quickly hardening cock. He's jealous as all fuck, but thinking about Adam making out with Chris, Chris all tiny and pretty in Adam's lap, with Darren watching is so hot, Tommy can barely stand it.
"You hard, Tommy?" Adam whispers into the phone, voice low and seductive.
It only pisses Tommy off even more. "No thanks to you, asshole!" Tommy hisses, and he hangs up. He's got a problem to deal with.
"Chris really does like you, you know."
It's three days later, and Tommy's still burning with jealously over the fact that not only does Adam have Darren gagging for his cock, but Chris too.
Not fucking fair.
He almost hangs up.
"Does he? Seems like he wants to have a threesome with you and Darren."
"He doesn't," Adam says, and he sounds serious enough that Tommy sits up straighter to listen. "He likes my music, and thinks I'm hot. So he wanted to make out with me."
Tommy's hand tightens around his phone.
"But after, you were all he talked about," Adam says. "He wanted to know was if you were dating anyone and told me he reads your Twitter and that he really wants to meet you. Apparently, bleach-blond hair, tats, and make-up get him hot. Who knew? So. Maybe you should ask him out or something."
Tommy's silent. He'll never hear the end of it from Adam, but Tommy really does want to meet Chris Colfer. Maybe when he does, he won't have to watch the same few episodes of Glee over and over. And he'll finally be able to listen to Metallica again. As much as Glee is a guilty pleasure, a lot of the music isn't really his type.
Finally, when he thinks he's tortured Adam with silence long enough, he says, "Give me his fucking phone number." He has to work to keep his voice from betraying him.
Adam's loud and exaggerated gasp makes Tommy rolls his eyes.
"Now we can double date!" Adam says excitedly. "It'll be fun!"
"Hell no."
"Aw, c'mon, Tommy! We could go to Disney Land! Since Chris can't drink and all. Cradle robber."
"Oh, fuck you," Tommy says, but his words lack heat. "You're just jealous because Chris is prettier than Darren."
"Please," Adam scoffs. "We both know Darren is rugged and handsome and gorgeous."
Tommy snorts. "Yeah, sure, Adam. You believe that if you want. Whatever lets you sleep at night."
"He is," Adam asserts. "Stop maligning my boyfriend."
"Over-dramatic much?"
"Never."
"Bye, Adam," he says, and he hangs up.
When he gets a text from Adam ten seconds later, Tommy doesn't even try to stop from grinning.