Chapter Text
A long time ago he was all alone. Alone in a vast wide forest filled with life but, so very empty at the same time. He was young but truly, he didn’t see any point to living as long as their kind do.
What point was there just waiting endlessly, the same repetition of sunrise and sunset, summer and winter, creation and ruin… Everything was the same no matter how many centuries passed.
A long time ago he met someone just like him. The same yet different in every way. They were both young and naïve and hadn’t seen the world but perhaps living like this was better than living all alone.
At least this way, they could share different stories, different opinions, different views of the never-changing world around them.
A long time ago he had a friend. The most infuriatingly annoying friend you could imagine, who was always playing stupid pranks on him and teasing him about every little thing. They were still young. And while his friend was intent on shaving years off his life with his aggravating antics, forever didn’t seem so bad anymore, and the forest didn’t seem nearly as empty as it used to seem.
.
“What’s that?”
“Is Chuuya blind now too? It’s my hoshi no tama, obviously.”
“Ha?! I can see that. I’m asking why your holding it out like that and smiling like an idiot!”
“Ehh but Chuuya’s always calling me an idiot. I should start taking it as a compliment.”
“Why you—!!”
“I’m giving it to you. My hoshi no tama.”
“Okay, now you’ve actually lost your mind. Do you even know what—"
“It’s my soul, my life force. If it’s destroyed, if it’s tainted, if it’s separated from me for too long, I die. Cease to exist.”
“If you know that then why—”
“Because I want Chuuya to hold on to it. Because I know it’ll be safe with you.”
“…”
“You know, a long time ago, I didn’t think there was any point to keeping that thing safe. It’s not like there was any meaning to living anyways. So I’d purposefully leave it behind in dangerous places and hope that I’d either get far enough away for long enough to disappear or that something would come along and destroy it and me in the process. But somehow, it’d always end up coming back to me, no matter how hard I tried.”
“I know all that already… what does it have to do with this?”
“Well, I’ve decided I want to live. And so letting you hold onto it is the safest place I can think of.”
“... You know what this means right?”
“That my life is in your hands. Should Chuuya decide he’s had enough of me one day, you can do whatever you see fit. ‘Cause there’s no point in living if you don’t want me around.”
“You’re an idiot, you know that?”
“Actually, I very much think I’m a genius.”
“You’re an idiot. … Here.”
“Hm? ...Chuuya.”
“It’s nice to see a surprised look on your face for once. A real one. ...Yours for mine.”
“...”
“What? Don’t you have anything to say? I just—”
“Chuuya’s hoshi no tama is just like him. Tiny— UWAAA!! Don’t stomp on my tail!”
.
A long time ago he had a friend. And as a promise of staying together for the rest of their existence, they exchanged hoshi no tamas. Their life in the other’s hands, what a beautiful eternity that would be.
If only it were that simple.
Six decades... or was it six centuries? Time didn’t seem to flow the same after that and for a pair of kitsunes, even six millennial seemed all the same. Six… somethings after they traded their souls to each other, Dazai disappeared from Chuuya’s side. And with him, Chuuya’s hoshi no tama.
Given that Chuuya didn’t disappeared, given that Dazai’s hoshi no tama didn’t crumble to dust, he had to be nearby. Alive. Just… not around. Not with him.
He searched everywhere. Every inch of the forest he set foot on. Every secret cove Dazai had mentioned trying to die in. The forest filled with life had once again become such a vast, empty place.
He thought about destroying the pearl, crushing it in his hands or incinerating it with his lightning. He almost did. Sparks danced from his fingertips as he drew upon his powers, mustering all the hate he could summon.
Hate for showing him there was more to life in the forest than aimlessly idling the time away.
Hate for making him believe all those sweet words.
Hate for disappearing so suddenly without a word.
Hate for still leaving his life in his hands.
Lightning exploded into the air, sending dirt and rocks flying in a cascade of anger. He threw the pearl against the nearest tree, hoping that it’d hurt Dazai at least a little bit, make him feel the pain he was feeling even though he knew that’s not how it worked.
But even so, it helped to know it might.
A laugh bubbled out of throat. A hoarse, wretched laugh that morphed into faint sobs.
He couldn’t do it after all. No matter how much he flamed the sparks of hate, he couldn’t destroy it.
Maybe, if he tried, he could bring himself to leave it in a slug den, letting them slime all over the embodiment of Dazai’s soul.
Dazai always did hate slugs.
Time dragged on. days that felt like years. Years that felt like centuries. Everything seemed to pass so dreadfully slow and so dreadfully dull and empty in the forest.
Until one day, she appeared.
“My, my, what a scruffy, miserable looking creature. Looking as if waiting and willing for death to come. Now, now, don’t look at me like that. I’m not a hunter nor an exorcist. But if you really have nothing to do and no place to belong… how would you like to come with me?”
A long time ago he would’ve never thought to leave the forest. But now, he has no reason to stay. If leaving was enough to end them both then so be it. Even if not, his ‘friend’ no longer has any say in what he does. Their promise of forever ended the day he woke up alone under the camellia tree they decided to call home.
“Sure.”