Work Text:
Valkyrie had learnt an important lesson over the last year or so, something she came to realise was probably one everyone learnt as they were growing up. One, however, that most people didn’t learn in quite the same way as she had. She had learnt that no one was infallible. She had learnt that people weren’t always who you thought they were. She had learnt that people could not be trusted.
How am I supposed to trust you? Trust anyone?
Her mind threw out this question whenever she thought about any of the people she was around. The past few months had been unrelenting. She had barely had a chance to come to terms with herself as the future destroyer of the world, barely had a chance to come to terms with losing her best friend to a remnant when the world of the sorcerers had insisted on throwing her more and more pain and confusion. No one was who they had been anymore, perhaps they hadn’t gone through the dramatic change Tanith had, but they had changed in Valkyrie’s eyes.
Tanith had been so much older than her, but it had felt to Valkyrie that she was just a few years older. Tanith had never been the one to speak down to her or patronise her, she had felt like an older sister and a best friend all rolled into one. The type would could teach you to fight but, if they had ever had the chance, also have a sleep over with. Losing Tanith had broken her heart. She had learnt during this job to keep her feelings to herself, but that never stopped herself from feeling them. It was different for her than for Ghastly, of course, but it was still a deep pain. Valkyrie almost thought that it would’ve been better for Tanith to had died then her and Ghastly and Skulduggery and everyone else could grief her death rather than clinging to a useless hope none of them really believed in.
When Tanith had turned up at her house, Valkyrie could’ve cried but she was too good an actor for that. She looked at the face and body of her best friend and her head screamed I don’t know you, I can’t trust you please just leave.
When it came to China Sorrows, Valkyrie knew she should not have been surprised, Skulduggery had told her all along not to trust China, that she was someone who could be trusted. China herself had always been somewhat closed off, someone who wanted books not friends. But time had changed that. Valkyrie did trust her, she knew China hadn’t always been on their side but what mattered was that she was now. She trusted her to help them, trusted her to be with them, not to hurt them. She, on some level at least, saw China more as a friend than an acquaintance. And then she had found out the truth. She wasn’t sure she had the right to be so angry or upset about it. It wasn’t her family China had caused the deaths off after all. But she felt the pain for Skulduggery who was her friend, who had trusted China like she had, who had assumed all things done in the war were impersonal.
When Valkyrie thought of China now, she felt a loss rather than an anger. The belief that someone could hold something like that inside them while playing the friend with the person they had hurt. She wanted to say something cold and cruel to China to let her know, he was right, you are only out for yourself, I was a fool for trusting you.
She wanted to believe that the betrayal from Skulduggery himself was the worst one. It was one that cut her to her core, one that hurt in ways she couldn’t even begin to explain. There was no one to talk to about it, of course. She cared too much about him to spill this secret. She loved him, like another weird and wonderful uncle, like another Gordon, and she would never betray Gordon. Hell, she’d never even betray Fergus and she didn’t like him much. She knew he was trying to make up for it, she knew he was carrying that burden within him and always would be.
But every so often when she looked at him, she wanted to scream I trusted you. You were supposed to be the good guy. You were supposed to be the one we could all rely on. How could you do this to me. But she knew it wasn’t about her. It was so much bigger than her.
Her own betrayal had been the worse. Learning about Darquesse had been one thing, knowing that in one possible future she was going to destroy her parents, her family, and try to destroy the world. That was... There was no way to come to terms with that. Except to try and make a different future happen instead. But, having pushed that down and worked on ignoring it until absolutely necessary, Valkyrie was left with the betrayal that had come from herself. Not her possible future, not someone controlling her but her being exactly who she was. The person she had thought she was, was kind and caring, a good friend, a good girlfriend, a good person. And now she wasn’t so sure. She knew she was a bad girlfriend, she wasn’t sure she had friends to be a good friend to and she wasn’t sure that being on the good side made you a good person. She was selfish, she knew that, that was something she had to work on. She prioritised herself over others without even considering what she was doing. She needed to reevaluate who she was.
How could she trust herself when she didn’t even know who she was?