Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Time to get up!”

“Wait.” Dirk rubbed his eyes. His head felt weird. His eyes refused to open and despite his efforts he felt all semblances of consciousness slipping away by the second.

“...did you seriously just wake up, say one word, then fall asleep again?”

“No.” What was he talking about? Something important. He needed to say -

“Uh, whatever you've got planned, can we put that on hold?”

Jake was silent. Dirk was thankful. In retrospect, he probably should have waited until he'd woken up a bit more before attempting this. But he'd said he would do it today and it was today and he was doing it. He'd written the code and now he was going through the motions and he wasn't stopping now.

“Um, sure, I guess. Why?”

“Nothin' much. Just kinda wanted to do something. Talk to you. About something.” Ok, he was talking, that was good. He forced his eyes to stay open and looked at Jake. The enormity of today was beginning to dawn on him, muffled by sleep and determination. He shivered slightly, but thankfully something about this combination of sleepiness and real action calmed him even as his mind whirred into activity.

“...oh, ok. Sure.”

“Good, cool, good.” Dirk pushed off the bed, staggering to his bag. “Just gonna get ready then we'll go.”

“Go? Go where?”

Dirk wagged his finger. “It's a secret.”

He walked to the stairs, but Jake stayed behind this time. Dirk shrugged mentally, making his way to the bathroom.

He undressed slowly, alternately losing himself to thought and becoming strangely aware of his surroundings and this place that he would be leaving tomorrow. The emotions from last night felt so strange and far away now, and if it weren't for the heavy stiffness of his limbs that betrayed how little he'd truly slept last night he'd suspect he'd dreamed it all. Now...? The feeling was there, but channelled in its proper directions. Now, he wanted nothing more than to put his clothes back on and walk out that door and go through with it all as soon as possible. But he breathed, controlling his movements and slowing himself down. It felt as though he were bit by bit drawing some exceptionally heavy but incredibly fragile object to the ground, but it also felt necessary. He needed to be calm. He could actually do this.

He'd dreamed last night, he realised. Something soft and comfortable. Travelling – on a train at first, and then on camels up a mountain in the middle of the night? Weird. But then Jake had sat down on some couch that had suddenly appeared, complaining of a sore leg, and Dirk had sat next to him. And Jake had glanced at him and rolled his eyes and gestured over, and Dirk had leaned against him, and Jake had held out his hand, and he had taken it. Strange – he didn't normally dream about people he knew. But it had been... nice. He didn't get many opportunities to sit with people like that – certainly his bro wasn't exactly the touchiest person in the world. He'd thought maybe Jake would be, but maybe not. Or maybe he was trying to respect what he thought were Dirk's boundaries?

He found himself leaning over the sink again, just as he had the second day. His skin was prickling and he warned himself not to think too hard about the future, that he'd just screw himself over if he counted on anything, but he realised that it wasn't necessary. He couldn't imagine it now, not either way. He frowned, concentrating – surely he could envision it somehow. But the particulars eluded him, and either option just seemed too strange and unreal. It was like replaying a movie in front of his eyes – he'd thought about it too many times for it too seem like a genuine option anymore. What would happen? Fuck knew. He just – he just needed to go through with it, and then he'd know.

He turned on the shower, holding his hand under the spray. Pieces of his script flew to his attention – he'd always been good at remembering things like that. He stepped underneath the water, rubbing his face. Immediately he felt much more awake, the feeling centering him. This... this wasn't difficult. It actually wasn't. All he had to do was make sure he said what he'd decided to say. There were only two possible results and in a few hours he'd know which one had won. That was all.

He actually believed it. His stomach throbbed, his legs, his heart pulsing through his body. But he felt calm.

He scrubbed himself near raw, the repetitive movements focusing his thoughts. He repeated the lines to himself steadily – it wasn't necessary now, but it felt good to do it anyway.

It really wasn't difficult. In writing up the script he'd already done most of the work. It had taken quite a while, too, mostly due to his total unwillingness to make a decision about what Jake would do necessitating multiple branches of possible action. Now, he thought he had a pretty good idea of how it would end up. He just needed to see which branch Jake was going to follow.

He didn't feel bad. His head was fine. He was breathing fine. It was surprisingly easy to act normal. But then every now and then he'd knock his foot on the doorway of the shower and the pain would be surprisingly sharp or he'd find it unusually difficult to pick up something. His stomach felt like it was vibrating, irritating his insides.

But he could still do it.

When he left the bathroom, Jake was frowning, hand to the side of the stupid computer helmet he was wearing on his head. He drummed his fingers, looking frustrated.

“Coming?”

Jake jumped, looking around for Dirk like a deer in the headlights. “Uh, yeah.” He paused, lips pursing as he finished whatever he was doing. With a sigh, he removed the headset, avoiding Dirk's gaze.

They walked in silence through the house. The room with the dead animal bottle, the room with the musical instruments. He still had to compose the soundtrack for Jake's movie. He was thinking of something booming and dramatic, as much so as physically possible – every single second of screen would be accompanied by (in)appropriate music, the action sequences almost hysterically overwraught. It would be a lot of work, but it was the only possible way to do it, as far as Dirk saw it.

Despite himself, he almost felt tempted to smile. It would truly be amazing when it was done. He could only imagine how Roxy and Jane would react. He wondered what his bro would think – certainly it was foolish to think there was some way he wouldn't find out. He didn't really collaborate with other people very often. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Who knew? Years ago, he and Roxy had managed to combine their intellects together to make something incredible (well, incredible for the time, anyway). God only knew what they could manage now.

And...maybe, specifically, there was something nice about the idea that he and Jake could make something together. Shit, was that stupid? Maybe he was grasping at straws, so desperate to retain their friendship that he was willing to look this far into things. He shook his head.

They went outside; the ground was damp, but for the time being, at least, it didn't seem like it would rain again too soon. They travelled downwards gradually, and then along same path they'd taken the second day, when they were shooting the movie. Already the place was starting to look a little familiar – he could recognise this tree and that trench. In time, maybe he'd know it as well as his own home.

Dirk scanned the area, wondering whether or not to disturb the silence.

“No monsters around?”

“No, it's unlikely. Should be careful, though.” Jake's expression was surprisingly blank.

Dirk nodded, taking out his swords.

Time felt strange. Twice he contradicted himself mentally – it felt like things were happening slow, and then fast, and then slow again – before he gave up the idea of trying to measure it. At the end of it all, this time wasn't important. Why would he remember the minutes before he confessed as opposed to the confession itself? As quickly as things happened they disappeared, drifting away into the air. But it was necessary for the minutes to burn down, gradually reaching closer and closer to the explosive point in question. So he walked, and he thought sometimes, and didn't think other times. It didn't really matter.

They climbed the hill side by side and then descended into the valley, before traversing another.

All the while Dirk could feel Jake's eyes on him. He refused to look back.

Finally, they arrived. There was nothing particularly special about this place, but by the process of elimination Dirk had decided it was the best. They had to go somewhere. Ideally, it would be a place they had already been before, with associated memories. (Plus, Dirk wasn't exactly able to just scour the island on his own whenever he wanted.) Somewhere they could look over the island and see where they'd been, and just plain somewhere that looked nice. Something suitably dramatic. But this wasn't just for Jake – he had to have a logical reason to choose a particular place and this all worked as well as anything else.

And maybe he didn't mind being a little dramatic. He felt he deserved it.

The wind was a bit stronger up here than he'd like, though. It was doing annoying things to his hair.

He took a deep breath and turned around. Jake was watching him, eyes wide.

For a few seconds, nothing happened. His heart raced. He breathed in and out, chest tight. He shivered, the slight sweat he had worked up drying cold against his skin, and then hot again. Everything was flip-flopping, and when he tried to speak he stuttered between moving forward and staying where he was. His earlier confidence was breaking away from him, falling, and for a few terrifying moments he seriously wondered whether he really couldn't do this after all.

He just...

“Um-” Jake started.

“I love you.”

The wind blew softly.

Dirk straightened, breathed out. Jake watched him, but seemed to recognise that he was still talking. The anxiety was still here, but as he made one last run-through of his script, it crystallised into a new, stronger determination than before. Dirk stared Jake squarely in the eyes.

He was doing this.

“I have for a long time now. Approximately three years, though it is of course impossible to make a more definite estimation. Why haven't I ever said anything, you might ask? Partially out of pessimism, partially out of fear. A lot of reasons, really. But in the end, you deserve to know the truth. So here it is.”

Dirk swallowed, but barrelled on. “I am aware I should have said something to you on Monday. I apologise for that. I'm...not really very good at this, either.”

He looked away, over the scenery. The places where they had stopped to film. The temple Jake had ziplined to; if he concentrated, he could almost see the line. The long line of beach – somewhere along there they'd spent the other day.

“I know this is a lot to take in all at once. I'm not expecting you to say anything immediately. In fact, if you wanted me to leave now, I'll do that. I guess I just want one thing, if I can ask that.”

Jake's eyes were so wide. So green. Beautiful.

“I want to stay friends,” he said quietly. He bit his lip; swallowed again. His speech almost over, his drive was slipping away, leaving nothing more than some scared fifteen-year-old with no fucking idea how to handle any of this. “If we can.”

Jake watched him, waiting. Slowly, he nodded.

Dirk nodded in return, then turned to the view again, suddenly unable to even look at him. Now it was his turn to wait.

“...um. Haha.” Jake shuffled his foot against the ground, the dirt scratching against his boot. “I, uh. I actually kind of know.”

That. That was ok. He'd known that, after all. It'd be ridiculous to think any other answer was possible. That was fine. That was an answer. Ok. So he hadn't been crazy. Stupid, maybe, for being quite so insistent otherwise, but not crazy. Stupid was better than crazy, right?

His hands were shaking again. Still turned away, he nodded.

“Ok,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jake said, in a rush of breath. “Uh. This, haha. This actually isn't going how I intended it at all!”

Dirk nodded again. This was ok. He could do this. He just had to stand there and nod.

“Uh, I can explain, though!” Jake said hastily. “Um...I guess I should start from the beginning?”

Dirk nodded.

“Haha,” Jake said. “Um, yeah, like I said, I did...actually know about it. Sorry for all that stuff I said, by the way! That was pretty dumb. But yeah, I have known for a...while. Not three years, maybe, haha. Wow. But I did, um, start to wonder a bit around when we were fourteen? A bit before Jane turned fourteen? And for about a year now I've been sure.”

Dirk wanted to turn and look at him. He resisted. His feelings were going weird, and time was going even weirder. Not just vague – lengthened; strained. Just get on with it already. Just tell me. Haven't I waited long enough? But he'd had his turn and now Jake had his. This was necessary.

“And I guess...” Jake's voice broke a bit, coming out a little weird. “I... well. I didn't really know what to do about all that! I admit that at first, I felt bad, um, for you... But.”

Jake kept scratching his feet on the ground. Dirk hated it – there was too much going on already, did he have to add something else distracting him?

“But... I guess... that was a little hasty? And I wondered whether maybe I had rather jumped to a conclusion there! Because how could I know, really? I'd just sort of...decided. Which was stupid.”

Back yesterday when he'd first begun thinking about all this, Dirk had sworn to himself that as soon as they started talking, his emotions would be off. He'd think about what Jake said only as much as was necessary to advance the conversation. Until he had a definite answer, he would not expect things to go either way.

And yet. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't restrain the tiny, barely-discernable flutter of hope.

“But...that's sort of a really big thing, you know! You can't just decide it either way so easily. And I thought about it a lot, and, well. I still wasn't really all that sure! I mean, I thought I... could. And I'd even enjoy it, really. But. It still didn't really feel like the same thing.”

Dirk wasn't sure how it was possible to be feeling disappointment and hope at the same time. They were warring in his chest, shaking his rib cage.

“I guess what I really wanted most of all was...well, a chance to...test it. Find out. And I guess that's what this whole thing was about, if that makes sense!”

Dirk was quiet. Jake was quiet.

He had no idea what the fuck to say to that.

It was quite possibly the stupidest thing he had ever heard in his entire life.

Finally, he found words. “...yeah, because that's the only goddamn way to find out if you're into men.”

“Well, obviously not!” Jake said scornfully, and Dirk could practically hear Jane's words from yesterday about how she wasn't as naïve as he thought she was. Dirk glanced in Jake's direction; he was fiddling with his glasses. “But there's more to it than just that. And it's not like that necessarily means something! Girls can like other girls even if they're straight.”

“Wait, what the fuck? No they can't, that's the entire definition of 'straight'.”

“Oh. Really?” Jake said, and for a second he just sounded so inappropriately disappointed that Dirk had no idea whether or not he wanted to laugh or punch him. Probably the latter. Roxy's question from yesterday suddenly echoed, and Dirk was forced to admit that he might have to answer in the affirmative right now. His eye was twitching.

Instead, he settled for shaking his head. “...so that's what this was all about.”

“There was more as well!” Jake hurried to say, fists clenched. “It was – you don't realise what you were expecting of me! You're always doing that, just trying to hang around in the shadows like a fucking superhero or bodyguard or something, solving all my problems for me and then just vanishing! But what about when I want to do things for myself? What if I want to do something? I was just – just supposed to sit back and wait while you three whispered amongst yourselves and decided what to do with me like I was some kid in need of punishment and the adults were talking? All the while having to keep up this act like I'm just some oblivious little shit who has no idea what everyone's going on about? No. Fuck that,” he said, with vehemence that almost made Dirk jump. “Fuck that. I wanted to do something. I wanted to change something, make something finally happen already! And I wanted to do something for you, too, to show you I can think for myself, to – help you!”

“Help me?” Dirk repeated incredulously.

“Yes! Help you! Because there are two possibilities, right? Two possibilities. If it works out then fine and dandy, everyone is happy! If not, well, I can call the whole thing off without you having to open yourself up and you can go off comforted that you never made a fool out of yourself, and we can go back to being friends, and – and we both know. Because that's sure as fuck better than not knowing at all.”

“And you never stopped to think about what I might be feeling through all this?” All the emotion that had been so amorphous before was rapidly metamorphosing into a hard anger and he didn't really give a shit. “That I might actually be really fucking confused and – that I might be pissed off about all this?”

“I-” Jake stumbled over his words. “Maybe not – entirely. Ok. I can admit that. But at least I did something. And it's not like I was the only one lying here!”

Dirk closed up, looking at Jake with narrowed eyes. “I guess not.”

“No, don't-” Jake raked a hand through his hair. “This is really, really not going the way I wanted, I was supposed to be the one to say something first, I was going to do it today, but then you-” He shook his head. “This is stupid. Can't we just both admit we're kind of idiots and let it go?”

“So that makes everything better?”

“It can if we want it to! And if not...at least maybe everything cancels out?”

Dirk looked at him. Seriously, now, looked at Jake. He was so... So fucking...

Just tell me.

Please.

Dirk swallowed. He turned around, sitting down on a nearby boulder. The wind was suddenly cold again and he shook a little.

He heard Jake take one step forward. Just one.

“So what did you decide?”

The wind blew again, a little bit more strongly.

“Fuck.” Jake made an odd laughing choking sound and Dirk wanted to scream at him. Why are you doing this? Just tell me. Tell me. Tell me. “Sorry, I – I'm screwing this up so badly.”

Tell me.

Tell me.

Jake took a couple more steps forward.

Fucking tell me already. Tell me.

He sat beside Dirk.

Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me-

Jake touched his arm; his shoulder. Dirk resisted, but then slumped. He turned to look Jake in the eyes.

Jake smiled.

“Yeah,” he breathed, and kissed him.

Dirk shuddered. He slumped forward, holding onto Jake's hand to steady himself. Jake kissed at his lips and Dirk closed his eyes tightly.

“Fuck you,” he mumbled, barely getting the words out. “Fuck you for having to be so fucking overdramatic.”

“You were the one who took us up a fuck-damned mountain,” Jake said with a truly absurd degree of indignation and Dirk's shoulders shook with repressed laughter.

“That's not even – fuck you.”

“I think I like it when you get all incoherent. Feel like I should get some kind of trophy or something.”

“You'd have a long way to go to reach a collection as big as your grandma's.”

“What did I say about being not very nice?” Jake nuzzled at him, pressing their lips together again and Dirk felt his whole body respond, arms curling around him. There was something in him, something big and choking and his toes were twisting in his shoes, heaviness in his throat, behind his eyes.

Jake moved, pressing his cheek to Dirk's and Dirk hugged him, holding on tighter than he ever had to anything before in his life.

“Fuck you.”

His breaths were ten seconds long, absurdly long, big shuddery things. He thought of music, of the beats. But there was Jake and he was actually there, rubbing his thumb on Dirk's back and -

“I actually really sort of fucking love you.”

“Yeah. I know.” Jake tilted his head a little, bumping it against Dirk's. “I love you, too.”

“Fuck. Just – stop that. For a bit.”

Jake was silent. Dirk held onto him.

Just...fuck. Fuck. For some time, he couldn't do anything else but sit there with Jake. It was just... too much. Too much. Too much happiness and relief and caring and lots of other things he couldn't possibly pick out, like colors all spilling and pouring together, veins and lines of this and that, mixing and blurring. He'd never felt so much all at once ever before, and it was – it had to be good, right? But right now he felt like panicking, because surely this was too much, right? People weren't supposed to feel this much all at once, not just because someone agreed to go out with them or whatever, this was over the top. No, it wasn't colors – it was music, instruments adding and adding in an ever-louder Bolero until it was just noise and there was no way to distinguish them.

But music was always noise. And as he breathed, it became quieter, and the instruments stopped, and there was a tune again, always in the back of his mind. An unfamiliar one – something weird and experimental and jerky and void of any kind of recognizable beat, but still music. Good music.

Jake was warm. He was so warm, and that made it worse, made him feel even more twisty and hot. But he didn't want to let go. He was reminded of his dream, and in that moment he never wanted to let go, not ever.

Finally, he leaned back, eyes downcast.

“Ok.”

“I really am sorry.”

“Good.”

Jake paused, then reached a hand upwards. “Um, could I...”

Dirk stared at him. “Oh, right.” He reached for his shades, but as he took them off he paused.

“...if we're being honest, here...”

Jake frowned. “Uh, sure?”

Dirk looked him in the eye, holding up the glasses. “I don't really care if people see my eyes. I just wear these because they look cool. And 'cause my bro gave them to me.”

Jake stared at him. Then he snorted, and then he was outright laughing, gasping for air.

“...uh, what?” Dirk asked, bewildered.

“Just... fuck. We really are both idiots, aren't we?” Jake said between breaths, and Dirk's mouth twitched, which turned into a chuckle, and then he was pushing Jake away, hand covering his face.

“Complete idiots. Total idiots. The two biggest fucking idiots to ever live.”

“Oh dear,” Jake said with feeling, and Dirk's shoulders were shaking again.

Then Jake was kissing his cheek, and Dirk kissed his lips firmly. He had no fucking idea what he was doing. But for the first time, it actually wasn't screwing up. It almost seemed to be working.

“We should have sex,” Jake said.

Dirk blinked. “Yes.”

But Jake broke away, raising an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Dirk stared at him. The fuck? How on earth could Jake not get this even now?

And then he followed his gaze. Dirt and rocks and grasses. Everywhere, dirt and rocks and grasses.

Right. The mountain thing.

“...you really didn't think this through, did you?”

“Shut the fuck up. I was thinking for you, you fuckhead.”

“Ok I have to admit, I probably would have done the same thing! But I didn't and you did so I think it is reasonable to blame you.”

Dirk's eye twitched. He realized with alarm that his good mood was already trickling away and turned inwards, trying to figure out how to get back to what he was feeling just seconds before.

“Oh geez.” Jake sighed, resting his own head on Dirk's shoulder. Dirk jumped. “You're doing it again.”

“Doing what again?”

“That look. All displeased and such.”

Dirk frowned. “It's nothing.”

Suddenly Jake's head came up again and he frowned, looking Dirk straight in the eye. Dirk glanced away uneasily.

“Look, you – are you seriously getting all upset just because you did something silly? And I didn't?”

“What? No, of course not.”

Jake glared at him and Dirk glanced away again.

The seconds dragged on. Finally, Jake said, in a surprisingly quiet voice, “Is it really that hard to accept that sometimes, I'm the right one? That sometimes, I might actually be better at you at something?”

“No,” Dirk said with force, looking Jake head-on. But the other boy didn't look angry. He just looked... fuck, Dirk was the worst friend ever. “No. That's not true.”

“But sometimes you – and all this week, you keep being all like-”

“That was just me being an idiot. Just – don't – look.” Dirk ran a hand through his hair. What was going on? The confession was supposed to fix everything, right? “I'm not – I'm an idiot, sometimes. Especially this week. And with you. I guess.”

Jake frowned, but he didn't seem hurt anymore. His expression was unreadable, but he was listening carefully.

“Then why?” he asked.

Dirk opened his mouth and then closed it again. He pursed his lips, looking away, feeling his cheeks heat up a little. Why did he keep doing that? Fuck. He'd sort of noticed himself doing it, but – it was all just to protect Jake, right? To take care of him. But maybe there was a reason behind that he'd never thought about, and now that he was thinking about it, it wasn't looking good.

There were a lot of reasons. He really did worry about Jake and wanted to look after him just like he looked after Jane and Roxy. But it was more than that. Maybe, he was so freaked out from feeling lost all this time that he just really wanted one area where he felt like he was on top of everything. Maybe, on some level, he genuinely didn't think he and Jake could be together as a couple and so he kept trying to push their relationship in another direction as well, almost like a back-up? And maybe...

His cheeks grew redder. He'd been pretty depressed last night, hadn't he? It felt more surreal than ever by now. But... the more he thought about it, the more he couldn't deny the possibility that what he'd thought back then might just be what he'd been feeling all along and that he’d just been too proud to admit it. In fact, it was looking increasingly like that was the case.

But it was stupid. He didn't think that little of himself, did he? He was just trying to keep it all into perspective. One had to know one's own faults, after all.

Jake was still watching him. Jesus, the guy really did have eyes like a puppy. Even after Dirk had acted like such an asshole to him all week, he still wanted to be with him.

Dirk glanced downwards, then to the left, then down again.

“Well...there were...a few reasons.”

“Like?” Jake sounded expectant, but when Dirk looked his way he seemed almost...understanding?

Dirk sighed, scratching at his wrist. Before he could talk himself out of it, he said in one breath, “I guess partially it was just that I didn't really get why you would want to go out with me at all and I wanted to prove it or something? I don't know. It was stupid. I'm sorry.”

Jake blinked, and then again. And then his mouth twitched, and then even more, until he was almost shaking from silent mirth.

“What?” Dirk said, immediately defensive.

“It's just -” Jake grinned, placing a hand at each of Dirk's cheeks. “That's – that's really cute.”

Dirk's facial expression moved in a strange and unexplainable way. Jake outright laughed, and Dirk wondered whether he had accidentally transported them both seven days back in time. God he hoped not.

“Sorry, but – it is!” Dirk glared, and Jake only smiled wider. “It's cute! I just – I just sort of want to hug you. And maybe pinch your cheeks.”

“I thought we decided I was weird.”

“You are weird. You are both weird and cute. They go together.”

“Since when?”

Jake shook his head, ignoring him. “Just...” All of a sudden, he pulled Dirk's head forward and kissed his forehead. Dirk stared, and Jake again placed himself directly in front of Dirk's vision. “Why do you think we're friends?”

“...what the fuck kind of a question is that?”

Jake shook his head. “Seriously! Why are all of us friends? Is it – because Jane is an amazing chef and is probably going to be the best president Crockercorp has ever seen, or because Roxy knows basically all the things and can play a game for like five minutes and still kick everyone's arses, even totally sloshed? Is it because you have what I actually suspect is a photographic memory and also are so amazing at fighting that I can't even touch a robot you programmed to novice mode?” Jake shrugged. “Well...maybe! Obviously that's part of it, I think. But at the end of the day, don't you think it's the other stuff that is more important? The way Jane cannot pull off a prank to save her life, no matter how hard she tries. The way Roxy is pretty much constantly off her head drunk and honestly, I'm pretty sure she just makes all those typos up half the time! The way I...well, ok, you win, I admit it: some of the movies I like are terrible. The way we're all...well, weird. We are, all four of us, at the end, just really, really weird and that's sort of the thing I like best, I think? And just between you and me?” Jake smiled even wider, touching his nose to Dirk's. “I think you and I are the weirdest of us all.”

Dirk breathed in. Jake chuckled quietly; once.

“And...I like that. I really like seeing when you get all happy and trying to not show it but then you do. I like it when I get to show you something you've never seen before – like this island? You always just looked so amazed, I could tell! I like it when we can work together on something, and even if it's totally pointless and ridiculous – doesn't that almost make it better? I'd much rather have the Dirk I can make sandcastles with and shoot silly movie scenes with and – and even play really, really terrible videogames with than the Dirk who just kinda fights things and then goes away.”

Jake paused, then coughed. “Well ok that ended up longer than I expected, but. You can talk now!”

“...did you memorize that?”

“Of course not! Wait -” Jake suddenly smiled with a kind of insane glee that left Dirk instantly worried. “You totally memorized what you said to me just before, didn't you? I bet you – like, planned it out and everything?”

Dirk raised an eyebrow. “Maybe.”

Jake laughed, leaning forward to kiss him, briefly. “You are so ridiculous sometimes. It's awesome.”

Dirk shook his head. But…he couldn’t deny it – even aside from all the angst and stupidity and worrying, he’d had more fun this week than he’d ever had before. He didn’t ever want to stop doing that. Wasn’t that the whole reason he wanted to stay friends with Jake?

Fuck. He was an idiot.

“Just. I can't believe that, after everything, you are actually more self-aware than I am.”

“Can you really not?”

Dirk looked at him. “I guess I can.”

Jake smiled, silent for a few seconds. And then, with great purpose, he said simply, “I believe in you.”

Dirk stared, then nodded. “I...” he said. “I believe in you, too.”

Jake smiled so much Dirk honestly thought he was going to burst or something. Then, with a rather abstract kind of objective wonder, he realised he was doing the same thing.

“Ahhhh, are you really sure we can't just do it up here? It's not that dirty-”

“No.”

Jake sighed, but didn't appear to have expected otherwise. “Well, I guess we should really go, then!

Dirk nodded, standing up. “After you,” he said, gesturing theatrically.

Jake grinned wider, taking his hand. “I don't think so.”

*

“Of course! There are always more!”

“For every movie you make me watch I get to spend two hours cultivating your appreciation of irony.”

“Is that really what you'd do with me for two hours?” Jake waggled his eyebrows up and down.

“Well obviously I'm not gonna do you, that would just encourage you. You wanna have sex, get rid of the movies.”

Jake frowned carefully.

“Oh shit don't tell me you are actually thinking this over.”

“This goes beyond just you or me, Dirk. This is about the film industry as a whole and its mark on mankind.”

“You actually believe this, don't you.”

Jake tugged him forward and ascended the final step into his room. For a moment he paused.

“Oh yeah!” He turned around and kissed Dirk.

“...you forgot what we were doing.”

“I didn't forget! I just lost track of where we were going.”

“You forgot.”

“I didn't forget!” Jake insisted. “And anyway, you distracted me with your...talking.”

“Would you rather talk about movies or have sex?”

“Sex, obviously!” Jake pouted. “Jesus, you are so bloody sensitive-” Dirk mashed their lips together, pushing Jake towards the bed. Jake let out a delighted little sound, allowing Dirk to direct them towards it.

Jake pulled away to hop onto the bed, lying down and settling himself in. “I like it when you do that.”

“Really.” Dirk climbed on as well, crawling over him.

“Tch – didn't we go over this? I didn't mean it like that!” Jake reached up to toy with Dirk's hair; Dirk flinched at first but then reluctantly let him. It felt more than silly to object to that now, given what they were about to do. Not that this would give Jake permission to screw with his hair whenever he felt like it, though.

“What I meant was that I like it when you do what you want to do. Because then I know you want to, yeah?”

“...if you were still under any doubt that I wanted to do this-”

“I know,” Jake said, waving his hand. “But I mean like – in general. You aren't exactly the most open guy, dude. It's always 'bluh bluh what can I do to help out everyone else without letting anyone know that I might actually care about something'! And I know you just said that, but – I like it when I know you like little things, too.”

Dirk stared at him. “Was that supposed to make sense?”

Jake grabbed his wrist, angling his hand so he could twine their fingers together. “Now you.”

“Now me what?”

“I just said something I like, so now you have to say something you like, too!”

“You're really devoted to this idea, aren't you?”

“Because it's true.” Jake looked up at him, expression warm but uncharacteristically serious. “And I'm not just trying to be nice here, either. If I can't do things that make you happy then you'll just get all hurt and snarky and then wander off on your own all sulky and not get over it for days and just expect me to somehow make you feel better. And I'm not particularly keen on doing that!”

“I don't do that.”

Jake gave him a withering look.

Dirk shuffled uncomfortably, still leaned over Jake. “So I just say something I like?” Jake nodded excitably. “Does it have to relate to your thing?”

“No, but it can if you want it to!”

Dirk sighed. Whatever, saying something he liked – it was simple. Ideas began flowing through his mind instantly. But everything was either irrelevant (I like music), too sappy (I like it when we're up close and I can see your eyelashes), too snarky (I like having sex with my boyfriend), or just sort of gave him the feeling that he was missing the point (I like seeing you smile).

Dirk shifted again, wracking his mind. This couldn't be too difficult, right? He wasn't that bad that he couldn't tell his boyfriend one thing that he liked, was he?

He focused on Jake again. He was waiting patiently, still smiling that same goofy grin up at him, one hand on his stomach, the other holding Dirk's hand, thumb rubbing at the back. The movement set tingles up Dirk's arm; come to think of it, hadn't Jake been doing that a lot this week?

That was good enough. “I like it when you rub my hand with your thumb like that. Or whatever.” Even as he said it it sounded totally lame, but Jake grinned up at him more brightly than ever, pulling him down and kissing him.

“Wonderful.”

“Great. Now I'm managed to impress you with my ability to recognise things that please me...”

Jake kissed him again, humming slightly. “Maybe I should make you do that every time we have sex?” he wondered aloud.

“Jesus christ.” Dirk kissed him for real, slipping his tongue into his mouth and twining it with his. Jake chuckled, playing with the hair at the back of Dirk's neck as he responded. Dirk grunted; it actually did feel rather nice. No wonder Jake enjoyed it when he did that.

As they continued, Dirk again expected his brain to soon shut off, leaving him with nothing but the wonderful experience of Jake beneath him. But as he settled himself onto Jake, tracing the skin of his side under his shirt, that never happened. If anything, his mind whirled ever more readily into action, absolutely bursting with facts – that Jake smelled nice, yes, and that Jake's skin was so warm, but also that they were here together, that Dirk no longer had any reason to not stay here longer, that Jake was actually kind of sort of his boyfriend now. He kept replaying scenes from before, lines in his head, like when Jake had said 'yeah' and kissed him just before. Or he'd remember something silly Jake had said days ago, or how nice he'd looked wet and lying next to him on the beach, or that smile he'd had the first time they set eyes on one another in person. There was no reason to push any of this away anymore, no reason to think of these things as only shameful reminders of how little he understood Jake, or as painful examples of exactly what he wouldn't be able to do anymore with Jake very soon. He could think, and he could feel, and it was fucking brilliant.

“You think too much,” Jake murmured, fingers trailing dangerously low on Dirk's back.

“Nope,” he said quietly, shifting to kiss at Jake's neck. “Just enough.”

“Mmph, yes, hah.”

Dirk chuckled, biting down softly into Jake's neck. He squirmed, letting out more very pleasant little noises. Dirk's stomach fluttered; but while before the feeling had been pretty terrible, now Dirk knew that he could not think of anything better than making Jake do that again.

Jake disagreed, apparently, as he took Dirk's ass his his hand, pushing it towards him. Both groaned as their clothed dicks came together; both were well on their way to being fully erect.

Dirk bit down on Jake's neck again and Jake let out a quiet keening that went straight to Dirk's cock. He squirmed, putting their crotches together again, and hissed.

Jake's hand left Dirk's ass and Dirk frowned. But then he was pushing it between them and Dirk raised himself to let him, letting his own hand trail up and down Jake's side and making his shirt ride up. Jake fumbled with the front of Dirk's jeans; after a few seconds of this, Dirk sat up more, reaching down to open it himself.

“Look, doing it at this angle is actually kind of hard!” Jake whined.

Dirk rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I guarantee that was 100% what I was thinking about just then.”

That done, he looked down at Jake; he was spread out on the mattress, eyes wide and skin flushed, pants bulging significantly.

“Well?” Jake said, and Dirk realised he'd been staring.

“Sorry. You look good.” He reached for Jake's fly, unable to repress a smile when Jake reached up to kiss his jaw. Carefully he worked at the buttons and the zip, finally freeing his dick; when he touched it, Jake hissed loudly.

“Ah, oh fuck yes, yes, fuck, that's very good, yes.”

“I think I like it when you get all incoherent like this,” Dirk murmured, kissing at the edge of Jake's mouth as he squeezed; Jake didn't didn't even attempt to respond intelligibly. Instead, he fumbled at Dirk's crotch again, taking out his dick as well. Dirk grunted, breath coming fast and eyes fluttering shut.

There wasn't much left to it at this point – he slid his hand up down down Jake's cock, spreading the precum for added slickness, trying to co-ordinate a rhythm as he pumped him. The angle was unusual but it wasn't too difficult to account for it, and there was a definite pleasure involved in testing which of the things he enjoyed appealed to Jake as well.

But as they became faster, even this became too difficult to think about and he let himself go easily, tongue tracing Jake's jaw as he pumped his hand.

Jake's hand began to stutter and go off synch so Dirk pressed onwards, squeezing his dick and running his thumb over the head, nibbling by his ear. Very quickly, Jake was coming, crying out loudly and unintelligibly.

Jake sighed, relaxing into the mattress, hand loosening around Dirk. Dirk continued to milk him slowly, letting him ride the aftershocks, until Jake shifted uncomfortably.

“Good?”

“Yes.” Jake chuckled. “Insecure.”

“The- fine, I take it back.”

Jake started laughing and Dirk was about to complain but then Jake's hand tightened and was moving again and fuck yes, okay, that was good.

He nestled his head in the crook of Jake's neck, muffling his mouth against his shoulder as Jake moved over his dick, teasing the head and then moving behind to fondle his balls. Jesus he was good at this. Or did Dirk just have no idea what counted as good? Either way it felt fucking fantastic.

“You look so fucking hot right now,” Jake murmured and Dirk bit back a groan. “So fucking hot, and all for me.”

“Unf-” Dirk grunted, then moaned aloud, low and shaky, as he came, come splattering over Jake's hand and stomach. He breathed in and out deeply, toes curling and uncurling, resting happily over Jake.

After a while, he became aware of Jake's hand lightly stroking his hair. He shifted so he wasn't resting all of his weight on Jake, and Jake kissed his forehead, wrapping his other arm around him.

“So touchy. Insecure.”

“Wrong. Very, very secure right here.”

Hesitantly, Dirk shook off his hand (jesus this was gross and he was definitely going to be having a shower later but whatever) and wrapped his arm around him as well. This earned him another forehead kiss.

“Should have known you'd be the cuddly type.”

“Actually, I kind of always assumed you'd be, as well. Glad to see I'm right.”

“You seem to know a lot of things about me.”

“Yep,” Jake said casually, and Dirk poked him hard in the side. Jake squawked. “So rude!”

“Didn't expect that, huh?”

“Maybe I did. Maybe I wanted you to do that. Maybe you are even as we speak falling precisely into my master plan.”

“Holy god you're incoherent. Am I really that good?”

“Maybe.”

Dirk snorted, shaking his head. “Such a fucking sap.”

“Says the guy holding onto me like a bloody barnacle.”

Dirk refused to dignify that with an answer, instead contenting himself with lying there. He was reminded of their time at the beach a few days ago when he'd laid against the sand, just thinking. They would have to do that again.

“Hey, Dirk?”

“Yeah?”

“You're not going tomorrow, are you?”

“I think I could stand to stay for another week or so.”

Jake actually giggled and it was so silly and stupid and cute that Dirk almost wished he was in a position to facepalm.

“We should have sex again,” Jake said suddenly. “Right now.”

“Yeah. Actually, just a moment,” Dirk said, remembering something. With more difficulty than he'd expected he hauled himself up, turning around so he could reach the computer by his bed.

“What? Why? What are you doing?”

“I'll just be a second.” Logging on, he accessed pesterchum and opened a conversation.

“Whatever you're doing can't be more important than this.”

“Hold your goddamn horses English. Horny bastard.”

“I'd rather you didn't mention horses with your cock out like that.”

“Wow, I just got Jake English to mention the words 'horse' and 'cock' in the same sentence while half-naked. Fuck it, if that got recorded I don't even need you anymore.”

“Are you done yet?” Jake whined, already kissing at the back of Dirk's neck.

“Done,” Dirk said, and turned around to kiss him properly.

*

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 10:10

timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] file "ijusthadsex.mp3"
TG: OMFG FINLLY

The End