Chapter Text
The first person to notice something was wrong was Chan. It wasn’t really a particular scenario or observation. It was a feeling. As one of the eldest members he would often check on the younger ones and as the leader he would make sure everything was alright.
It was during the time 3RACHA were in his studio, writing lyrics for the beat he had just made. Changbin was furiously writing something on his notebook, he seemed frustrated but it wasn’t that bad, while Chan was searching for the right term for the lyrics he was writing on his computer that was when he felt something. Chan carefully glanced to his side where Jisung was curled up, notebook on his lap, silently writing something on it. It looked like nothing was wrong at first glance but the leader knew Jisung since the boy began his training in JYP.
Underneath the calm exterior the younger was showing, Chan knew he was a bit shaky. If you look a little closer you’d see his eyes were a bit shiny, at the brink of crying. Now that was something they should talk about. He was about to fully turn his chair to Jisung when the younger suddenly looked up and stared right at Chan’s eyes. He shook his head in a very fast and small way and the leader understood what the maknae of 3RACHA wanted to say.
‘Not right now hyung. I’ll tell you when it’s just the two of us.’
Chan had let it go for a while. Perhaps he should not have done that. He would definitely regret it.
The next person to notice was Minho. Their manager was telling them their scheduled The 9th shooting in January where the staff would visit their dorm. Minho was not really paying attention (fully) and was playing with Jisung’s hair. The younger was sitting on the floor while Minho sat on the couch. His head was leaning on his thigh and it looked as though Jisung was about to sleep.
But something felt off.
Sure the two of them would do this often, on or off camera, sometimes it was even vice versa since the two idols do get tired and they would seek comfort to each other or other members. But that night it felt really different to Minho. Jisung was probably dozing off now and the older decided to make sure Jisung would not get a stiff neck so he gently moved Jisung’s neck a little closer to his leg when suddenly the younger slapped his hand. It was not a loud slap or a soft one but it was heard by Felix who sat beside Minho. The Australian glanced at them with a surprised look on his face, giving another questioning look to Minho only. The older could only shrug because he did not know why Jisung would do that.
“I’m sorry hyung,” the younger mumbled and slowly moved away from Minho who promised wordlessly to ask what was wrong with the main rapper.
The older man saw him walk away and entering their bathroom. Maybe he should have followed the younger to the bathroom.
Jeongin did not really notice anything at all but he could feel it. He watched Jisung eat the snack he was holding when suddenly Seungmin hugged him really tight. The maknae never fully understood the situation but he immediately went beside the two Virgo boys hugging them tightly.
“What do you guys want?” Jisung chuckled, his smile never reached his eyes fully.
“Just wanted to hug you, Ji,” Seungmin replied giving him one of his best smiles.
“I just felt like hugging my best hyungs,” Jeongin said with a grin on his face.
Jisung laughed at this. It was not spoken but both maknaes knew Jisung was thanking them for that.
Changbin had noticed when he and Chan were on their way to the dorms. The three producers had just finished their job late at night and they were waiting for Jisung to finish packing and cleaning all of the papers he had thrown away. The smaller watched as Chan doze of a little on his chair, hugging the sweater he was going to wear once they leave the building. He glanced to where Jisung was situated picking up crumbled papers from his notebook.
Changbin watched the face of the younger intently. He thought it was just his tired eyes playing with him but when he stepped a little closer (and as quietly as he could) he could see it clearly. The youngest of the three was silently crying. Technically he wasn’t crying but there were unshed tears ready to fall from his eyes. Changbin did not hesitate to approach him.
“Jisungie, is everything alright?” Changbin whispered. “Do you need help or…?”
“H-Hyung,” the younger mumbled, dropping all of the pieces of paper he had already collected. “Could you wake Chan hyung up?”
Before Changbin could turn to where Chan was napping, a hand was placed on his shoulder. He nearly jumped and punched whoever it was but he saw the curly blond hair from the corner of his eyes so he lowered his right fist.
“Sungie, baby are you, okay?” Chan asked gently, a hint of sleepiness in his slightly husky voice. He approached the crouched figure of the younger cautiously.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Changbin said slowly, from a distance.
“A-at first I just wanted Channie hyung to know,” Jisung stuttered.
Changbin was about to leave the room hearing those words-
“B-but I think it’s better for Binnie hyung to hear this t-too,” Jisung continued, prompting Changbin to remain squatted near the now hugging Chan and Jisung. He scooched his way to the other two members.
“I-I don’t know what’s happening to me hyung,” Jisung began, Chan stroked his arm encouraging him to continue. “I feel fine physically b-but...I kinda considered it b-but I don’t want to believe myself a-and hyung, I don’t want to g-go back then…” he was staring at Chan’s other hand now, “b-back when it was worse.”
It was silent for a moment before the leader spoke with a soft hushed tone, “Do you think you need your pills again?”
Changbin gulped at this statement. He knew Jisung had depression and he used to be so dependent on his pills to the point that he and Chan had to stop him sometimes. He hoped he would not go to that extent.
“Maybe hyung.”
Chan nodded slowly. “I think it’s best to go to your psychologist first Sungie.”
Jisung looked down at this and Chan was gently stroking his arm as a sign of reassurance. Changbin patted his shoulder softly as he slowly nodded to his two older brothers.
Hyunjin and Seungmin both had suspicions on what was going on with their roommate. They had noticed the way Jisung (well technically 3RACHA as a whole) had been coming home later than usual and the youngest 3RACHA member had been sleeping longer than his normal routine too. Not only that, but they had also observed that Jisung was slowly drifting away from them. The rapper would continuously deny affection from any of the members and it really made the both of them worried.
Hyunjin was about to leave for school as it was nearing their final exams and he wanted to go to his school extra early to study and maybe practice a little when he heard noises coming from their kitchen. It was currently 5:30 in the morning and normally it was just him who was wide awake. He would sometimes catch Chan awake but the older was about to sleep whenever he did catch him. Hyunjin checked the clock and he thought he still had a bit of time so he decided to check what was the noise in their kitchen.
Walking slowly to the kitchen to peek, a small gasp escaped his lips. He did not know what to do. There sitting on the kitchen floor was Felix helping Jisung stand up. And was that...blood?
Jisung was curled to Felix making his back face Hyunjin so the eldest of the three could not see the extent of what exactly happened.
“Hyunjinnie, could you help me a bit?” Felix asked, looking at him with wide pleading eyes. “Sungie it’s okay. It’s just Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin could hear the soft pleas of Jisung that he did not want another member to see his... “mess” but Felix really looked like he needed some help, so he went to their side anyway. Hyunjin barely noticed the broken cup near Felix but when he did, he saw some blood dripping at its side. There were only 3 pieces of the broken cup and he decided to put those away first before he would help the nearly September twins.
Grabbing the three pieces swiftly he spared a glance on his side where Jisung and Felix were and he saw the reason why there was blood on the cup. Jisung’s left hand had a huge cut on his palm and Felix was trying to stop it from bleeding more.
“Should I wake up one of the hyungs?” Hyunjin whispered.
Jisung looked at him with fearful eyes. “No, no, no, no-”
“Yes please, but throw those away first,” Felix replied before paying attention to Jisung again. “Sungie, I need someone to help me here. Hyunjin needs to go to school and Seungmin would be up in a bit along with Jeongin and I don’t think you want Jeongin to see you, right?”
Hyunjin heard a soft “Okay” from Jisung as he threw the pieces of what used to be a cup and immediately ran to Changbin's room. Before Hyunjin could enter or knock someone opened the door. A sleepy Changbin greeted Hyunjin.
“What’s the matter?” Changbin yawned.
Hyunjin was about to reply when Jisung let out a small scream. Changbin suddenly looked wide awake and glanced back at Hyunjin.
“Jinnie, I think you should go to school now. Don’t worry I’ll update to you what’s happening,” the older said calmly. Hyunjin was about to protest but he held a hand up. “I know you’re worried but you still need to go to school.”
Hyunjin sighed again and began his way out of their dorm. Changbin made sure the younger left before glancing back at his room. Felix was not on his bed and definitely not on the floor so the younger must be awake. Jeongin and Minho seemed to still be fast asleep but in a few minutes Jeongin needed to wake up so he gently shut the door and went to the kitchen. Chan probably just fell asleep so Changbin tried to wake himself up more before going to the kitchen.
“Lix, it hurts so much,” Jisung was crying when Changbin arrived.
“What happened here?” CHangbin asked.
“He broke a cup while he was trying to drink water. He cut his left palm due to that incident,” Felix explained.
“It w-wasn’t just b-because I wanted to drink w-water,” Jisung stuttered. He looked down at his other hand clenched into a fist. Felix gave him a confused look while still checking if the bleeding had stopped. Changbin immediately understood the situation then.
“I’m waking Chan up.”
“Wait hyung no-!”
But the older rapper was already out of the kitchen then. He quickly made his way to Chan's room knocking furiously before opening the door. He shook Chan’s sleeping figure violently (not caring that he was actually shirtless) which made their leader wake up. He blinked a little before giving Changbin a perplexed look. “It’s about Jisung.”
Immediately Chan stood up from his bed, grabbing a shirt on the corner of his bed he dashed out of his room, making a sharp turn to the kitchen where Felix was finally able to stop the wound from bleeding.
“Sungie, what happened?” the leader immediately asked.
“P-pills, w-water, broke c-cup,” Jisung mumbled.
“He wanted to drink water but he accidentally broke the cup. The cup fell when I asked what he was doing so up in the wee hours of the morning,” Felix elaborated.
Chan and Changbin glanced at each other. Felix never knew about Jisung’s depression which probably startled Jisung when he was about to drink his meds.
“I think the bleeding has stopped,” Chan muttered as he approached the Virgo boys. “Felix you can let go of him now.”
Felix hesitated for a bit but he let go of Jisung who stumbled towards Chan's warmth. The youngest of the four yawned afterwards which prompted the two oldest to let him sleep. Felix did not want to stating he was not tired but his sleepy eyes gave him away which made Changbin help him go back to his room. That left Chan and Jisung alone in the kitchen.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Chan asked quietly.
“I just want to drink it,” Jisung replied, finally opening his clenched fist revealing a small pill.
“Would you feel better then?”
There was a few seconds of silence.
“Maybe.”
“Do you want to sleep afterwards?”
“With cuddles please.”
Chan let out a small chuckle before guiding the younger to their rack of glasses and mugs to make sure he doesn’t break anything else.
“I’ll let you drink first before I disinfect that wound of yours and then we will sleep with cuddles,” the older said sternly but with a hint of softness.
Jisung did not protest and complied with whatever the older wanted.
Jisung did get his cuddles from Chan as both of them slept on the older’s bed and it helped him forget about the way he had been feeling for the past few days. For once he felt at peace in his sleep, not plagued by nightmares or awaken by those nasty voices inside his head. What he did not expect the moment he woke up was Chan gone but someone was still cuddling with him.
He glanced up to see whoever it was and to his surprise it was Minho. The dancer snuggled closer to Jisung to which the younger relaxed at but then he remembered what he had done to the older a few days ago. He squeezed his eyes shut and mustered a small, “Hyung I’m so sorry.” out.
He felt a hand gently stroke his hair but did not dare look up. It helped him relaxed again (he did not even notice he was tensed) and slowly sleepiness was once again about to consume him. Before he fell asleep he heard what Minho replied to his apology.
“Jisungie, it’s fine. I don’t hate you, I understand.”
Jisung once again woke up to someone hugging him in front...as well as someone from behind him. He slowly opened his eyes to check if it was Chan or Minho but to his surprise it was Hyunjin, snoring softly. He glanced to his back and saw Felix, snuggling closer to him. From the corner of his right eye he could see Changbin hugging Felix from behind. Seungmin hugged Hyunjin’s back. He then realized he was not lying on Chan's bed anymore and his head was definitely not lying on a pillow. He glanced up to see Chan sleeping in a sitting position, leaning on his left shoulder was Jeongin while on the right was Minho. Chan’s hand was placed on top of his head which was probably patting it a while ago. He then noticed that he was sleeping on Minho’s lap.
Chan’s hand started to stroke his hair again which startled the younger making him squeak. This created a domino effect of the others stirring from their sleep. Chan chuckled at this making Jeongin sit up and pouted at the leader.
“Jisung!! I want more cuddles!!” Hyunjin exclaimed snuggling closer to Jisung.
“U-um okay,” Jisung mumbled, taken aback from the affection.
“Let’s just continue our cuddle session!” Changbin replied, his head up from the pillows they had placed on their living room’s floor. The grin of the older told him they have been doing this for a while.
“W-Why?”
“Because you need it Sungie, and we’ll gladly give it to you if it’s the support you need right now,” Minho said, playing with the side of his hair Chan was not stroking.
This made his eyes teary. He was ready to cry honestly.
“I love you guys so much.”