Chapter Text
They never talked about that night. The night ended with chatting and drinking with the group, and then going their separate ways. They never talked about it in the following weeks either. Tyler saw Josh fooling around with different people, sometimes men, sometimes women, so being straight was not the obstacle between them. Something else was. He didn't know what it was, but Josh never attempted to spend alone time with Tyler after that night. They were always with the group. Josh looked like he was avoiding it, even.
Tyler thought it was because Josh didn't like the kiss. The memories of the night contorted as time went by. He was remembering it as a disappointing look on Josh's face after their kiss. Josh simply hadn't felt the same spark Tyler did. It hurt, Tyler was not going to lie, but he could wait. Hell, he didn't have any other options. He was not a person who found people interesting that frequently, and for some reason, he couldn't stop thinking about Josh. So he waited and observed him. Josh never shared any personal information in the following weeks either. He started to spend more time with his friend group, growing closer with each of them, but there was a limit to his closeness. Tyler could tell because he was the only one looking.
Josh would do his hair the same way always, nearly perfectly shaped curls; he never saw him unkempt. Even after pulling all-nighters before midterms, he would always look a specific way. Tyler found it very intriguing. He would give vague explanations when he had other preoccupations, never giving details about those instances either. He was guarded rather than mysterious, but he wasn't subtle about it; as Tyler thought, no one was aware of it because no one was looking at him the way Tyler was.
One night, at Nick's house, they met up to hang out. It was an ordinary gathering. Someone brought weed, and they were smoking and listening to some music. Someone brought up Catan, and they acted like they were playing it, but no one was focusing on it after a while. They were all high, just rambling nonsense to each other.
"I think I'm missing an arm," said Nick, looking baffled at them. "Bro, I don't feel my arm at all, okay?"
Mark just laughed and approached Nick's arm, a joint between his lips, massaging it lightly. "It's just numb, you dumbfuck. You must have leaned on it or something." Nick just went "oh," like he really couldn't have thought of that explanation before.
They were laughing lightly, dozing off; everyone was leaning against something and saying things as they came to mind. "I hate farfalle," said Chris at some point. Tyler turned to him lazily and said, "What?" smiling. Chris added, "I hate it, bro. It tastes bad. Don't ask me why, but farfalle pasta tastes bad." Tyler turned his head back, looking at the ceiling and giggling to himself. "No, no, I hear you. I couldn't agree more. I just wasn't expecting that."
After a few moments, the topics of conversation got heavier, shifting to their faith and to love.
"Dude, there is no soulmate," Josh said unprompted to Mark, who had been talking about when he would finally find his soulmate. Josh added, laughing lightly, "Do you really think people find their soulmates in their hometown in a world with eight billion people?" He kept laughing.
Tyler broke his silence and said, "I disagree." He was still looking at the ceiling where he lay, but he could feel Josh's gaze on him now, so he added, "I don't know if I believe in fate, but sometimes you see someone or something, and they fit into your life so easily that you don't even realize you've been missing them all along."
Josh was looking at him in surprise, as if wanting him to go on, so Tyler continued to elaborate on his thoughts. "Sometimes you see what that missing piece is, who they are, and you just want them. Sometimes you ask God, sometimes destiny, but you have to ask something to bring them to you." He was still dazed, looking at the ceiling blankly.
Josh laughed a little; it was cynical. "That's hopelessly romantic of you, Tyler." He shook his head like he couldn't believe what he had heard. "Humans are much more complex. They don't just suddenly fit together like puzzle pieces. You can only roughly estimate the shape of your own puzzle piece, and based on that, you recognize it when you see a similar one."
Now Josh had Tyler's full attention. Tyler swiftly turned his face toward him and said, "Humans are too complex. If you try to fit something as shape-shifting as the human soul into a puzzle mold and force it to follow those rules, you will get broken. You will just end up chasing a shape you think is the matching piece. In reality, when you want something, the willingness to do anything to make it happen is what shapes the human soul. The souls of two people try to dance in harmony with each other, like intertwining strands of DNA." He laughed softly, making spiral motions in the air with his hand. "No two dance partners are perfectly in sync at first. But with enough practice, you can see whether you will harmonize or not, and after a while, you start to move as a single body."
Fueled by his high, Tyler's relaxed, confident, and a bit too honest stance captured the attention of the entire room, and everyone turned to look at him. "Fuck, that was deep, bro," said Mark, his eyes half-lidded in an impressed daze. That speech from Tyler would be out of character if anyone around them were not high as a kite and paying actual attention to his words. "Wait," Nick said, like he had discovered something, but he got distracted quickly afterward when someone asked for the pack of chips.
The conversation stood there, between Josh and Tyler, like an object.