Chapter Text
There was a scream down the hall. Olivia and Peter both jerked awake at the same moment. She was more aware than he was. The panic that had filled her at the noise died down quickly. Still, she untangled herself from Peter and from the sheets.
"I'll go," she said. There was another loud sound.
"No, I've got it. You haven't been feeling well. You need sleep." He half sat up. She could only see his outline in their dark bedroom.
"Mommy! Mommy!" came Etta's voice.
"No, I'll go. She's wants me anyway."
Peter flopped down onto his pillow. He couldn't really argue with that.
Olivia slipped from the room and flipped on the hall light. She blinked in the sudden brightness, but didn't wait to get adjusted. The door to Etta's room was already open a crack. She pushed it wide.
Etta was thrashing under her covers. She cried out again. Olivia was at her side. She gathered her daughter in her arms.
"Henrietta, wake up. I'm here. Etta, come on," said Olivia.
Etta continued to struggled for a moment more and tried to break free. At last, she became aware for where she was. She hugged tightly to Olivia and started to cry. Olivia held on.
Etta was four now, almost five. Her nightmares had begun a few weeks after Walter had disappeared. Peter and Olivia didn't talk about what else could've happened on that day. Not anymore. They had agonized over it for months. It seemed like they had finally found space in their life to accept what they'd been through when the nightmares had started.
Etta was a special kid. As heartbreaking as it was to watch her daughter struggle, Olivia wasn't surprised that something of the terrifying years Etta might have spent growing up along echoed backward.
When the dreams had first started, it had been almost every night. Etta would wake screaming in her bed or her parents. It didn't matter. It would take a few minutes to convince Etta she was safe and then even longer to help her go back to sleep. During the day, Etta remained her happy self, but at night she was often timid and afraid of everything.
That was almost a year ago, Peter had taught Etta the same mantra Walter had taught him. Please don't dream tonight. Please don't dream tonight. Please don't dream tonight. It had helped. But Etta was still a kid and sometimes she forgot or felt asleep too quickly. She would wake and the only person she wanted was Olivia. Like tonight. Olivia would leave her bed and settle into Etta's to coax her back to sleep.
"Want to tell me about it, baby girl?" said Olivia when Etta's sobs slowed.
"No," said Etta in a muffled voice. She started to cry again.
Olivia rocked her gently. She kissed Etta's cheeks, again and again, wiping a way the tears. Even now, even in the middle of night, Olivia marveled at how big her daughter was as she held her. Wasn't it just a few days ago she held Etta in one arm and rocked her to sleep? Now, she was this little independent person.
"Come on. You know it helps."
"The bald man was chasing me and I was alone."
The bald man. Even now, the Observers were a source of pain. The other version of Etta had grown up in their shadow, breathed their air, and had her thoughts invaded by them. They were gone—or rather they would never be—and still they haunted her.
Olivia pushed Etta's hair away from her forehead. She kissed the spot. "I'm sorry you were alone. You're not alone anymore. I'm here and I will always do my best to keep you safe."
Etta just signed with a shaking breath.
"Come on, baby girl. Lie down," said Olivia.
Etta resisted, but let her mother settled her down. Olivia knelt beside the bed and curled her arms around the top of Etta's head. She began running her fingers through Etta's long, blonde hair again and again.
"What do we say?" asked Olivia.
"Please don't dream tonight," said Etta.
Olivia repeated the phrase a few more times. Her voice was soft and low. After nearly half an hour, the combination of the repetitive motion and the words was enough to get Etta's eyes to begin to close.
Olivia stopped playing with Etta's hair. Etta sighed, but didn't stir. She was asleep.
Olivia didn't move right away. She hated this. It was always something. It didn't matter how hard they had fought. It didn't matter that Walter saved the world for Etta; there were still consequences.
Olivia just wished there was something more she could do. Something more just being there to soothe her daughter back to sleep. Still, she was glad she could that for her child.
Normally, Etta was a complete and total daddy's girl. She went to Peter when she bummed her head. She went to Peter when she wanted to play. Or when she was hungry. She went to Peter first when she needed just about anything.
Etta came to her mother when she was scared. She preferred the way Olivia read stories. Etta loved to cuddle, to be close. She came to Olivia for that too. Olivia's relationship with her daughter was quiet. Where with Peter it was loud and playful. She didn't mind the difference. Each parent gave Etta exactly what she needed.
Olivia did what she could, but of course it gutted her to see the terror that Etta experienced. She couldn't let herself imagine the strange memories that caused the dreams. Olivia had learned to live with most of what they had experienced. However, the way Etta had grown up alone haunted her. She had had no one. No one to kiss her good night. No one to keep her safe. No family.
It was the part that haunted Etta too. No matter what happened in her dreams, no matter who was chancing her or what happened, she was always alone. She was always trying to find her parents.
Olivia was confident that the Invasion would never happen. They had saved the world. However, her job and Peter's was still dangerous. Etta could still end up alone. It would never be as bad as what happened the day of the Invasion. She would have Rachel and Nina. But she would be entirely alone.
The thought still plagued Olivia. She dreamed of it herself. She thought back to the days right after her mother had died. She and Rachel had clung to each other. They'd been alone except for each other.
The little girl sighed in her sleep again and interrupted Olivia's thoughts. She needed to go back to her own bed.
She got up carefully to avoid disturbing Etta in anyway and slipped from the room. She turned the hallway light off again. Then, she crept back into her room and into her bed.
Peter wasn't entirely asleep. As soon as she was under the sheets, he rolled towards her and wrapped an arm across her body.
"What was it?" he asked. His voice was groggy.
"The bald man," said Olivia.
"Poor kid. It's been a while since she had a dream, hasn't it?"
"Almost four months."
"That's a good sign."
"I hope so."
He didn't say anything else. He'd fallen asleep mid-thought.
Should she wake him up properly? Tell him now? No, she'd wait until the morning. Etta had swimming lessons and it was another family's turn to drive. The adults would have a few hours to themselves.
She hadn't taken the home test yet. Though, she was sure what the answer would be. She felt the same as she had last time with Etta. She'd needed to sit with the idea for just a little while. She didn't want to keep anything from Peter, but she needed to get herself ready for the process again. Or the possibly of the process. And everything that came afterwards.
She closed her eyes. Sit with the idea. Don't really think about. Don't think about the past. Don't think about the future. Just be aware of what was probably going onto inside her belly. Just be. It wasn't easy, but after a little while Olivia was also asleep.
She heard Etta racing up the stairs. The child was incapable of the walking between the first and second floors. There was a pause, and then her little voice yelled, "Found them!"
Olivia listens the pounding of Etta's feet as she ran back downstairs.
"Henrietta, Mommy is still sleeping. We have to be quiet," Peter called almost as loudly as Etta.
Olivia opened her eyes just to roll them. She was awake now. It was Saturday and apparently Peter had done his best to let her sleep in, which meant eight thirty. The carpool would be there in half an hour.
She dragged herself out of bed. After pulling on a sweatshirt, she went to find her loud family.
In the kitchen, Etta was sitting at the table, her legs swinging back and forth. She didn't have any pants on and Olivia could see her bright green swimsuit underneath her shirt. She also had her goggles on. Peter stood in front of the stove in plaid pants and an FBI t-shirt.
"Morning," said Olivia.
The others looked up.
"Good morning," Peter said.
"Mommy's awake," said Etta.
"I am awake," Olivia said.
She slid into the chair beside Etta. She reached over and removed the goggles. "Where are your pants, baby girl?" Olivia asked.
"Daddy couldn't find them, but I found them," Etta said proudly and held them up.
Olivia did not question why Etta was still not wearing them.
"What's for breakfast?" asked Olivia.
"Bacon!"
"I hope not just bacon," said Olivia.
"And eggs. I figured she needed a hearty breakfast before her lesson," said Peter.
"Good thinking," Olivia said.
"You want anything? Etta wolfed hers down, but I can make more."
Nothing really appealed to Olivia, but she nodded.
"What's wolfed?" asked Etta. "I'm not a wolf."
"It means to eat quickly," said Olivia.
"Oh. Then, I am a wolf."
"I thought you were a fish."
Etta giggled. "That too."
Peter laughed too. He dropped two fat slices of bacon onto the pan in front of him. They started to sizzle and the kitchen filled with the smell.
Olivia sucked in a breath. Peter glanced over.
"You okay?" he asked.
She held up a finger while trying to decide. Then, she shook her head and dashed from the kitchen. She made it to the master bathroom and wretched into the toilet. Yes, the test would be positive.
She flushed. She got herself a glass of water to rinse out her mouth. She sat back on the floor beside the toilet. Etta's carpool would be here in a few minutes, and then Peter would come and find her.
A horn honked outside.
She heard the shuffling as Peter got Etta out the door, hopefully, with her pants on.
"Swim good, kiddo," said Peter.
"Bye, Daddy."
Olivia heard the footstep on the stairs. Peter poked his head into the bathroom.
"Hey, Liv, how you feeling?" he asked.
"Fine now."
"Maybe we should go to the doctor. We have a couple of hours until Etta gets back. You've been sick for a few day."
Olivia shook her head. "I know what's wrong. Or at least I'm pretty sure."
"What it is?" he said with his voice filled with concern.
"Peter, I think I'm pregnant."
If he'd been a cartoon character, his jaw would've dropped to the floor. "You are what?"
"There's a test under the sink. I bought it yesterday."
"Really?"
"I'm not sure. Get the test."
He opened the cabinet under sink and handled her the brightly colored box. She shooed him from the bathroom. She activated the strip and set it on the counter. She stepped out of the bathroom.
Peter was sitting on the bed, legs crossed and his chin resting on his fist. He still looked a bit like a cartoon character.
"What are you thinking?" she asked as she sat down next to him.
"I'm thinking this would be amazing. I'm thinking that you have said that you didn't want anymore kids."
"I know I said that, but I want the test to be positive."
"Okay, good. That's step one."
"It's not so much that I don't want more kids. The pregnancy was so hard with Etta."
"I know that. I don't like the thought of you having to go through it again."
"It's not for my sake. My body isn't safe." She had never articulated this before. Etta had been healthy and perfect. Her fears during her pregnancy had been for nothing.
"Honey, that's not true."
She just gave him a look at say 'really?'
"Don't make faces at me."
"Last time I was pregnant, Bell tried to active me. And that's just one thing that happened."
He didn't have an answer for her.
She lay back onto the bed and started up at the ceiling.
"Do you want to know why I want the test to be positive?" she asked.
"Why?"
"For Etta. I want her to have a little brother or sister. I don't want her to be alone."
"She has us. She'll never be alone."
"She might not always have us. I want Etta to have someone else." She couldn't say 'in case we die' or 'in case the Invasion does happen'.
"I like that thought too."
Olivia watched the clock. The test took a few minutes.
"We didn't have to wait last time. This is killing me," said Peter. "How are you so calm?"
"Because I know what the answer is going to be," she said.
"What if it's negative? What then?"
Olivia had to consider the question. This was not nearly as accidental as Peter thought. They used to be so careful. Since Etta was entirely unplanned, they knew they had no problem getting pregnant. Slowly, without him even noticing, she had started being less careful. Let what would happen, happen. She knew he'd wanted more kids.
'A tribe of Bishops,' he'd said until she asked him to stop.
"What if it's only one?" She has said a few days after Etta's second birthday when once again he had brought it up.
He'd stopped and gave her a hard look. He didn't answer.
"Is Henrietta enough?" she had continued. "She is enough for me. I don't want to temp fate. I think every day that we were got lucky."
The look on his face had changed. It softened. He had pulled her into a hug and said, "She's is more than enough. Our family is perfect."
He seemed to think that she'd been right after the Invasion that wouldn't be. When in reality, it had had the opposite effect on Olivia.
She felt his eyes on her. "I think we try in earnest."
A smile spread across his face. "If that's what you want."
"I'm not afraid anymore. I really want this. No reservations. No hesitation."
He kissed her.
She was smiling now too. "We can check the test now," she said. "You ready?"
"Am I ready to find out if our lives are about to change? Hell yes."
She stood up from the bed and moved back into the bathroom. He was right behind her.
She picked the plastic stripe up from the counter. She read the little window and tried to suppress a grin.
"Well? What's it say?" He was already smiling. He already knew.
She flipped the test around and read the results out loud. "Pregnant."
She knew that she was pregnant. Her body was practically yelling it. But to have it confirmed made a difference. She didn't have to sit with the thought. It was real.
Peter lifted her out her feet and spun her around as best he could in the bathroom. He whooped.
"A tribe if Bishops," he said laughing.
She was laughing too. He set her back down. Placing a hand on either side if her face, he kissed her again.
"We have to tell Etta as soon as she gets home. She's going to be so excited," he said when they broke apart.
Olivia nodded. They continued to grin at each other for a while.
"What now?" asked Peter.
"Well, I have to go to the grocery store."
He made a face. "That's not what I meant."
"I know that's not what you meant, but nothing's really changed."
"Oh yes it has."
"Okay maybe it has, but we still need groceries."
"I guess you're right. I'm coming."
"You're being silly."
"Yup, but I want to come."
"Okay, whatever you want."
He kissed her again. "I want you."
"Don't start," she said, but couldn't help smiling again. "If you're coming with me to the store, we need to be back by the time Etta gets home."
They shared one more lingering kiss. Then, she made him leave the bathroom again so she could shower without getting distracted.
Half an hour later, they entered the store. Olivia found it very hard to concentrate on getting everything on the list with him there. He kept grabbing her by the waist or kissing her shoulder while she was trying to look at the prices.
They got home just in time to meet Etta's carpool. Peter wouldn't let Olivia unload the bags from the car, so she was putting the items away inside.
She heard Etta's voice talking excitedly about something. Etta followed her dad inside, hoping back and forth from one foot to the other, excitedly talking about something. "And, and, and we did floating ponytail and I did it longest."
"Way to go, kiddo."
"I'm a fish!" said Etta and laughed at herself.
"Come here, my little fish," said Olivia. "Help me put the groceries away."
Etta bounced over after dropping her bag and wet towel on the table. She came closer to Olivia. She bent down and kissed Etta's wet hair. She smelled like chlorine.
"Hi, baby girl," said Olivia.
"Hi, Mama," answered Etta.
"Can you put the yogurt away, please?"
Etta nodded.
Peter gathered up Etta's pool stuff. He gave Olivia a look that asked when.
She smiled at him. "After lunch."
He sighed in an excited way. He could such an impatient child sometimes. Olivia kept smiling though.
When the groceries were all put away, Olivia made sandwiches for the three of them. After they had eaten, Etta started to run off to play, but Olivia stopped her.
"Let's go talk in the living room," she said.
Etta stopped and looked back at her parents as they got up from the table. Peter led the way into the living room and settle in the armchair. Olivia took the couch and motioned for Etta to sit beside her.
Etta climbed up and cuddled next to her mom.
"We have something we'd like to tell you," began Peter. "There are going to be a lot of changes around here. Before anything else happens, we want you to know that we love you so much and there isn't anything in the world that could change that. Do you understand?"
Etta looked confused, but nodded.
Olivia took over. "We are going to have another baby. You are going to have a little brother or sister. Do you understand?"
"What?" asked Etta.
"Mommy has a new baby growing in her belly," he said.
Etta held her hands up. "Well, it's about time."
Both Peter and Olivia laughed. "What does that mean?" said Peter.
"I knew—I knew I was going to have a brother. I was just waiting for you to tell me."
Olivia's didn't know what to say. She looked at Peter and then back to her daughter. "What do you mean, baby girl?"
"Sometimes in my dreams my brother is with me. I'm not scared in those dreams," said Etta as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We care of each other."
Olivia felt the hot tears in her eyes. It was what she wanted. Her family looking after each other. "I'm glad those dreams don't scare you," said Olivia and pulled her child even closer.
Peter was just staring at them. He shook his head as if to remind himself where he was. "So you're happy, kiddo? Like I said, it's going to mean a lot of changes."
Etta pulled out of her mother's arms and started jumping on the couch. "I am so happy!" she yelled, saying each word as she bounced.
He laughed again. "Good. We're going to have to be on your best behavior for Mommy. We're going to have to help her out a lot."
"Of course." Etta stopped jumping as she remembered that jumping on the couch was not her best behavior.
"Thank you," said Olivia.
"Can I watch a video now?" asked Etta.
"Sure," said Peter.
They set it up for her and moved into the kitchen. Olivia poured herself a glass of water and stared back at Peter.
"She already knew. I will never understand this connection you two have. It's incredible," he said.
She shrugged. "Mother and child, I guess."
"It's so much more than that. You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?"
She gave him a sheepish look. "Maybe."
"And she knew. She felt it. It's why she wants you and only you when she has a nightmare. It's why she always sits so close to you. You know what I think it is?"
She could guess what he was getting at. "What?"
"Cortexiphan."
"No, Peter, I don't—"
He held up hand to interrupt her. "It's not a bad thing."
"It is." She was suddenly scared again. Why was he bringing this up? This was the thought that haunted her. She put a hand on the belly, where the new heart was only just beginning to beat. "I don't want to think about that. Etta's normal. This baby will be too. I have to believe that."
"Of course, he will. Livy, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that Etta's special because of you. You made her special. She's such a smart, brave, intuitive little girl."
She was still confused. "I don't know if I had anything to do with it. But why are you telling me this?"
"Because I'm excited, Liv. I'm really excited," he said and moved closer to her. He put a hand over hers. "I'm excited to meet this new little baby. I'm excited to see Etta be a big sister. I'm excited for our family to grow."
"Me too."
She had everything she wanted. The kind of life that had seemed as likely as a fairy tale. A happy family was a vague concept from when she was a very small child. It was something from the movies. It had never seemed attainable. Now, she had it. There was no excitement. No desire to jump for joy. There was a calm, a feeling of settling into place, or a release of weight from her shoulders.
She kissed him again, but gently.
"I can't imagine my life without you," he said.
"I was always able to and that scared me."
"And now?"
"I don't know where I'd be."
"I love you, Agent Dunham," he said.
"I love you too."