Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Fraser's mouth on his was the best thing Ray had ever felt in this universe or any other.

And it wasn't really like kissing Ben, either, which made absolutely no sense; it should have felt exactly the same, right? It didn't, and the difference was in Ray. To Fraser it must have felt the same as when he'd kissed Rae, though, and that thought brought Ray up short. He came up for air, and when he got some he said the first thing that came into his head, which was predictably stupid: "Whoa. That's queer."

"Well, yes, Ray, but I thought homosexuality didn't bother you."

"Not that kind of queer, Fraser; that kind is good. I mean this is odd, strange, bizarre."

"What is?"

"Knowing you've done this before and I haven't."

"Oh no, Ray. I haven't done this before." He placed a kiss on Ray's jawline, then another, then planted a whole line of them, sweet and soft, all the way up to Ray's ear, and kissed that, too. "This is you."

A delicious shiver followed Fraser's lips all the way up, making Ray's knees feel loose.

"But it's the same bodies. Doesn't it feel the same as with Rae?"

"Not in the least," Fraser said. "Ray, can I—?" He had his hands on the front of Ray's t-shirt, his fingers sliding to the waist, pulling up.

"Yeah." Ray shimmied, left, right, down, and the shirt was off him, and Fraser's hands were on Ray's chest, curving over his hard, male pecs, his bony ribcage, his abs, his flat stomach. There was nothing feminine about Ray's torso, and Fraser seemed to like it just fine.

Fraser kissed Ray's chest, even his flat nipples, which hardened up like Rae's, but didn't feel as intensely good. Fraser didn't linger there, but kissed his way down Ray's belly to the waistband of his jeans. "Ray. Let me?"

Oh, God. Fraser wanted to...

Jesus fucking Christ, he wanted to...

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Ray flicked the top button open, and that was apparently more help than Fraser wanted, because he batted Ray's hand away gently and popped the rest of the buttons open himself in about a second. Then he got hold of the band of Ray's boxer briefs, easing the fabric away from Ray's erection—and then hauled the jeans and briefs both down so fast that Ray almost toppled over. Jeez, Fraser moved fast once he decided to do it.

Fraser dropped to his knees.

Holy Christ on a banana split.

Ray couldn't move, because his pants were somewhere in the vicinity of his ankles, hobbling him, and also because Fraser was staring at Ray's dick like he'd been waiting all his life to see it hard for him.

Maybe he had been waiting a while for that.

Because Fraser was right. They hadn't done any of this before. This was new for both of them.

Fraser looked from his dick up to his face, back to his dick again, almost like he couldn't believe his good luck.

Ray couldn't stop himself even though he was going to lose his balance; he grabbed himself right there in front of Fraser and gave his dick a long, tight, delicious stroke. Oh, God, yes. He'd missed that.

His dick was hard and hot in his hand, blood pulsing under the soft skin as it filled even more. He stroked himself again, and his hand brushed against his balls on the downstroke, so good, so good, and they were already tight and full and high under his cock, and Ray really couldn't stop himself, he cupped them in his hand and stroked them, too.

He couldn't stop the sound he made, either, and he would have been embarrassed, except Fraser was looking at Ray like he hung the damn moon and all the stars.

That look on Fraser's face probably would have been enough to take Ray from zero to raging hard-on in ten seconds, even if he hadn't already been halfway there. "Fraser—" he choked out, but that was all, because Fraser's mouth was suddenly on him, taking his cock into perfect wet warmth, holding him there, then moving on him, licking him, starting to suck.

Ray tried to stay upright, but his legs shook, and it was a good thing he was right next to the bed anyway. Fraser let him go just long enough to ease him down on the bed, and then he crawled up there next to him on hands and knees and went straight for his cock again.

For long, incoherent moments, Ray couldn't do anything but lie there and take it. Fraser's mouth on him was incredibly sweet, absolutely perfect. Fraser's tongue was athletic, like nothing Ray'd ever felt before, because Ben didn't do that to Rae's body; it probably would have felt too rough, too hard. But on Ray's male body, it felt great. Fraser was fast, he was all over Ray's cock, licking the entire shaft and over the head, then dodging away before Ray's hips could get into some kind of regular motion. Ray was restricted, too, not only was Fraser holding him down, but his ankles were still caught in his pants, and—jeez, his boots were still on.

Fraser had stripped him down to the ankles and then apparently he forgot about Ray's clothes and just...went for him. Because he wanted him so much. Because he wanted Ray.

Ray let out a long groan. It sounded like frustration, and it sounded like satisfaction; he was weirdly caught between the two, and not really able to form actual words. He kicked his legs just enough to get the point across, and Fraser lifted his head and shook himself and seemed to come to his senses for a moment. "Oh, dear...your...let me..."

"Yeah, yeah," Ray breathed. "Off. Clothes. Get them..." He tried to kick his feet, but only made awkward jerky motions.

Fraser sat up on his heels and looked, and seemed surprised to see Ray's boots. He scrambled off the bed and pulled them off, and then got Ray's pants and underwear untangled from around his ankles, and whipped his socks off, too, and then Ray was naked.

Fraser was still fully dressed except for his shoes, but he didn't seem to notice. He didn't seem to be paying any attention, even though his jeans had to be getting pretty tight. Ray could see the hard bulge under the fly, and he reached a hand to it, got his fingers around it, and oh, God, yeah, that was hot and hard Fraser under there, getting harder under Ray's fingers, responding to him. To him.

"God, Fraser, you're..." Ray managed to say before he had to stop for more air.

"Yeah," Fraser said distractedly, and kissed his way down Ray's belly again, heading for Ray's cock. Guy had a one-track mind, which Ray wasn't complaining about that at all. He dug his heels into the mattress and arched his back, thrusting his hips up just as Fraser got his mouth around Ray's cock again, and this time Ray slid all the way in—at least, as far as Fraser's mouth could take him, which was far enough to make Ray nearly jump out of his skin with pleasure.

Ray found his voice. "Fraser, please. Fraser. Oh God."

Fraser sank down on him another inch, and Ray didn't know how he could even do that. Because Ray was kind of big, and Fraser, yeah, Fraser liked to play superhero on the job, and the guy had a big square jaw, but Ray had to be halfway down his throat at this point.

Fraser swallowed. Ray practically shot up off the bed. Would have, if Fraser hadn't been holding him down by the hips. And Fraser swallowed again, his throat clenched around Ray, tight and hot and perfect. After a long, excruciatingly delightful moment of that, he eased back, licking up the underside of Ray's cock, his agile tongue wet and strong on the underside, playing over the most sensitive places. He held it gently in the strong circle of his lips and released the shaft by bit, letting just the edges of his teeth touch Ray, so gently, till he got to the head, and once there, he licked all around it and pushed his mouth back down, up and down, again and again, so fast Ray almost couldn't follow the motion.

Hell, he couldn't even remember his name, and for once, he didn't care in the least. He breathed and his hips moved without his direction, without him even being half aware of it. He just moved under Fraser and Fraser moved with him, and hell, this was dancing, this was grooving, this was ecstasy.

Fraser pulled back to just the head, his lips tight around it, and that was it, all Ray could take. He went over the edge yelling something he didn't recognize, not even sure who was yelling. He shot hard into Fraser's mouth, and Fraser lapped him up and sank back down on him, and he spilled more down Fraser's hot throat until he had no more to spill.

Ray flopped back on the bed, every muscle in his body gone limp, a delicious, lazy feeling soaking through him.

It took him a couple of minutes to get clear enough to recognize the feeling: relaxation. He was relaxed, boneless. Ray typically was a hyper kind of guy, kind of wired, on his toes all the time, and he didn't relax that often. Usually it took a good slug of single malt to do the trick, and, okay, that stuff tasted heavenly, but he didn't indulge too often, because he didn't trust being relaxed all that much.

A cop living alone, he really couldn't.

But he wasn't alone any more. He was with Fraser.

He reached a hand to him. "Frase."

Fraser wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and climbed up to kiss Ray, and yeah, salt and bitter and musk...that was Ray, that was them together Ray was tasting. Better than single malt.

Fraser was half-smiling, but also looking a question at him.

Ray groaned. "Yes, you almost killed me," he said. "But I would've died happy."

Fraser's beautiful face relaxed into a full smile. "I wanted it to be good."

"Which it was not even in the same city," Ray said, still gulping air. "Or planet. It left good behind and went on to a whole other dimension of greatness. And when I can breathe and maybe even think again—although that's asking a lot, here—I'll be happy to return the favor."

Fraser beamed. "Ray."

"You just like saying my name."

"Stanley Raymond Kowalski, I just like you. In point of fact, I love you."

It was Ray's turn to grin like he was going to split his face. "Benton Fraser, I love you back."

He put his hand up again, and Fraser laced their fingers together, and Ray pulled their joined hands to his mouth and kissed Fraser's. Which some guys would think that was a chick thing, but Ray didn't have anything to prove here, so he didn't care.

He knew Fraser didn't, either.

Fraser was still grinning at him like he was the best thing he'd ever seen in a thousand and one lifetimes. But there was something out of place, and for a moment, Ray didn't know what it was. He looked Fraser over from his messy dark head down to his sock feet, and then he realized: Fraser was still fully dressed.

Ray laughed. "You, uh, you always have sex with your clothes on, Fraser?"

Fraser looked down at himself, startled. The front of his jeans still looked pretty distended, and Ray could swear he saw a wet spot in the worn denim. Fraser must be hard enough to hammer nails.

"Oh, dear," Fraser said. "Er, no, to answer your question. Usually I undress. I'm afraid I was quite..."

"It's okay, I understand. You were trying to do me before I got away. And you did. Although I am not going anywhere. But I am done like turkey." He grinned.

"Oh. Would you rather sleep now?"

"Are you kidding? Cut the crazy talk and get out of those jeans before your dick makes a hole in them. I want to touch you."

"Oh. Oh. Yes." As though Fraser still hadn't totally twigged to the idea that Ray wanted him. Poor guy. He must have spent a very long time convincing himself that Ray didn't, Ray couldn't, and it had gotten to be a habit.

The two of them were a piece of work.

Ray wondered how long it would have taken them if Rae hadn't stepped in and shaken things up.

It hit him that the past month had been a very good thing, after all. Like maybe the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Fraser sat back on his heels and pulled his shirt off. Since he was wearing the buttoned kind, that was a little tough on the shirt; Ray heard a couple of buttons hit the floorboards. Fraser, who could identify a bullet from hearing somebody load it into a gun two floors down, didn't seem to notice. He whipped off his undershirt and undid his jeans, and stood up just long enough to get everything off.

Then he crawled back up next to Ray and kissed his shoulder, making Ray shiver. Yeah, he was definitely up for a lot more. Damn good thing he had a personal day. It was going to get very personal, if Ray had any say in it.

Ray pulled back enough to check Fraser out. Just as beautiful as Ben, and with mostly the same scars, too. He ran his hand over Fraser's smooth chest and down over his ribs, and Fraser squirmed, ticklish. Ray filed that information and moved his hand to Fraser's belly. Mmm, smooth and hard, with just a little softness over the six-pack of his abs.

He slid his hand down farther and got it around Fraser's cock, which pushed up into his fist like it already knew him. And it really didn't, he thought, but he was going to enjoy getting acquainted, for sure. He gave it a couple of long, tight, experimental strokes, remembering how he'd done it to Ben, but mostly just watching Fraser for clues to how fast and tight he liked it.

Fraser gasped and thrust up quickly into his hand, little rabbity thrusts, like he couldn't help himself.

Ray pulled him close and eased his stroking up a bit, trying not to tease, but trying to pull back the intensity a little. "You do sex at, like, sixty miles an hour all the time?" Ray asked.

Fraser grinned. "Well, no, I don't have to."

"Okay, good. 'Cause I got my energy back now, and I'm raring to go, here, but...you know, I usually like to go a little slower. Savor, you know."

"Oh, yes," Fraser breathed.

"And I haven't, uh...sucked anyone's cock since nineteen...um, I don't even remember. Seventy something, or maybe eighty. Before Stella and me were a steady thing. Might be a little rusty."

"You didn't...with him?"

Ray shook his head. "Never got the chance, really. I told you, the couple of times we did it, it wasn't really planned."

"Ah."

"She did it to you, though, huh?"

"Well. Ah. Yes."

"Well, I want to taste you, but there's time for that. Is there anything you didn't do with her that you'd like to try?"

Fraser went instantly red.

"Whoa. That reaction because you did everything and then some, or is there something specific you're thinking of?"

"Ray, I...I would love it if you would, er..."

"C'mon, Fraser. If you can do it you can say it."

"Ah, if you would penetrate me."

Ray made a face. "You mean fuck you."

"I believe that's what I said."

Ray laughed. "No, I did not hear the F word out of your mouth—yet. Maybe I'll get you there one of these days, but, you know. One thing at a time." Then he licked his lips. "So, uh, I would love to, but after what you just did to me, you might have to wait another half hour for that. Think you can hold out?"

"Oh," Fraser said, thrusting unconsciously into Ray's hand. "Oh. Certainly."

Which, not. No way was Fraser going to hang on that long, not the way he was moving. His cock was getting all slippery in Ray's hand, really leaking, and the head was pushed all the way out of the foreskin now.

"So you didn't do that with her?" Ray said.

Fraser blushed scarlet again.

"Out with it," Ray said.

"Well, er, I didn't say that."

"Okay, so you did. Look, I'm okay with it either way but, hey, you're the one who's ready to go, here, so how about you fuck me?"

"Ray!"

Ray smiled. "It's good, isn't it? What did you think?"

"It's wonderful. But..." Fraser swallowed hard. "Ray, don't you think...I mean, you were so recently straight..."

"Who, me? Did I say I was straight?"

"Er, no."

"Didn't I, in fact, just tell you I sucked cock back in...well. High school, the first time. That ain't straight, Fraser."

"Oh. But Stella..."

"I'm bi. A lot of people are; it's not a crime." Ray shrugged. "Stella knew. It never bothered her, she knew I was faithful, end of story."

"But you were so recently a woman, Ray. Don't you want to...well...wouldn't you rather take the role of the—"

"Man? You are not going to say 'man,' as in, 'which one's the man,' are you? Christ, you haven't been queer for long, have you?"

Fraser scrubbed at his eyebrow with his thumb. "Ah, I don't know. I thought I was straight before I fell in love with you."

That warmed Ray all over. "Wow."

"I've had very little experience with romantic love," Fraser said, kind of defensively, "The first was a woman, before I met you. The second was you."

"And Rae?"

"I love her as an aspect of you," Fraser said. "I can't think of a better way to put it. She's not in this...dimension, for lack of a better word, so it's not an issue."

"Okay," Ray said. "I am good with that. So about who should fuck who—"

"Whom," Fraser said distractedly.

Ray just laughed. Because of course Fraser would correct a guy's grammar in bed. "Okay, whom, whatever. I don't care whom fucks who." He knew he had it wrong, but he stroked Fraser's cock at the same moment, one long, twisting stroke, and Fraser probably never even heard the grammar thing.

Then Ray let him go, because Fraser's breathing was getting uneven, and Ray didn't want to drive Fraser over the edge too soon. "You're the one with the wood at the moment, so you're up to bat, buddy."

"I'm concerned it could hurt you."

"Okay, first time, it could smart a bit. I'm not worried. What did Rachael think?"

"Ah, we didn't...I couldn't do that to you, Ray. Not without your consent. Your consent. Because you're a virgin. At least, I assumed you were."

"No time like the present to unload that label," Ray said, grimacing.

"So you haven't...?"

Ray shook his head. "Didn't get that far in high school. Not even with Stella."

"Did you and, ah, Ben...?"

"Yes, he fucked me. But no, he didn't fuck me up the ass. Because I was a chick; I had a pussy and what's the point in having one if you don't get to experience it?"

"That's very understandable, Ray."

"Which I'm sure is why you let her fuck you. Which I think was the right call, for the same reason. She had a dick, absolutely she should try it out."

Fraser sighed. "I'm glad you understand."

"Hell, yeah. I understand better than anybody. Rachael and me, we're like this." He held up his crossed fingers. "But if you're thinking I need to...what do they call it? Assert my masculinity? Nah, there's no need for that. I mean, don't get me wrong: I love my dick. I'm real happy to be reunited. But it don't make me me, Fraser."

He put his hand over his heart, tapped his chest. "This is me, in here. Inside." He pulled Fraser close. "So come in here and find me."

"Ray." Fraser's eyes were wide, startlingly blue.

Ray leaned in and kissed him, quick and hot. "I'm good with it. I want to feel you inside me. I want you to fuck me."

Fraser just...melted into his arms. "God, yes!" He kissed under Ray's jaw, making him squirm, because it tickled, and it didn't, and his dick started waking up.

Fraser didn't waste time after that, though he had to take everything a lot slower than before, because of having to slick up both of them, and then get Ray ready to take him in. Fraser slicked up a couple of fingers first, and pushed them in real carefully, first one, then the other alongside it, and he leaned in and sucked Ray's cock at the same time, and, yeah, that first time was no fluke. Fraser was good at that, and he'd obviously put his practice time with Rae to good use. His fingers added a whole new dimension, making Ray writhe on the bed, and yeah, he was seriously back in the game.

His cock was hard again, and Fraser saw that and gave him a look that asked if he really wanted to be the one whom got fucked. Ray just mock-glared at him, because, hell yes, he did, and it wasn't only because he wasn't sure he could stay hard long enough after that first incredible blow job.

It was also because this was the thing Fraser hadn't done with Rae. And because "virgin" was a nasty word—to a 37-year-old guy, anyway, even if it was, what did you call it, severely qualified in his case.

Fraser knew where the lube was in the nightstand, which Ray would've blushed over that, except he realized Rae'd probably been the one to find it. And that thought just made him hotter, thinking of her doing herself in his body.

Fraser slipped his fingers out of Ray carefully, and then he fished a condom out of the drawer and picked up the lube, and got both of them on himself in what had to be record time.

And then he gathered Ray into his arms and kissed him, deep and hot. "Do you want to turn over?"

"I don't care. Just put it in me," Ray groaned. He heaved up like he was trying to hump something himself, and in the position Fraser had him in, that was an exercise in frustration. "Now, Fraser." He spread his legs as wide as they'd go, and tilted his hips up, and, okay, it was still a little bit more awkward than it had been as a woman, because Ray's skinny hips just didn't want to get around Fraser's bigger ones.

But Fraser didn't miss a beat; he pushed a pillow under Ray's lower back and curled him up into his arms, hooking Ray's legs over his elbows. And then there he was, pressing his hard, hot cock against Ray's ass, and this was it, time to put up or shut up, and Ray took a big breath and held it, and when he let it out, Fraser pushed in. He went slow, but Ray could feel him shaking with the strain of holding back, and, okay, yeah, that was a pretty good stretch, there, kind of burning a little. Fraser's dick wasn't freakishly huge, but it wasn't small, either, and it was thick enough to make going in kind of tough.

Ray panted a little, and Fraser stopped.

"Oh, God, don't stop, keep pushing," Ray managed to say between breaths.

Fraser resumed, but really slow, and he said, "I found it helps to bear down a little. Push against me."

Which didn't make any sense, but Ray was going with it, because Fraser was his partner, and that was the way partners worked. And whaddya know, it did work, and Fraser slid into him most of the way, and then, with one more good push, he was in.

Ray's eyes rolled back in his head. It still hurt some, but he didn't care, because it also felt damn fine, and when Fraser started moving, real gently at first, all of a sudden there was something...yeah, that! a sweet burst of sensation that reminded him of the startling feeling of having his girl nipples sucked or his clit touched, or...

Jeez, he was pretty scrambled. He didn't care about that, either. Fraser had stepped up the pace and was trying some actual thrusts now, each one sparking that same sensation deep in Ray's ass, but there was something else, too. He gradually realized it was something about how that cock moved inside him, deep and pushy and so there, connecting him to Fraser like they were wired together in the same circuit, and when had Ray told him his tongue and electricity were not a good mix? Because maybe Fraser had swallowed some of that electricity and was giving it back to Ray now, and it sure as hell was good.

Fraser moaned out something that didn't have words, but Ray didn't need them. He pressed his face up as close to Fraser's chest as he could get and he smelled him, and yeah, just a fraction different from Ben, but still the same woodsy, sweet Fraser smell that he loved.

The electric feeling inside him didn't quit, it spread, and Fraser's cock seemed to swell up bigger and harder inside him, and yeah, soon; he could feel Fraser's climax gathering, surging up, almost ready to go. The feeling inside Ray was something like getting fucked in his pussy and feeling that cock pushing up inside, pressing his womb or deep in his gut, it didn't matter...and he got it, he got it, it was the same, it didn't matter what equipment he had, even here, even in this, because it was all beautiful, it was Fraser and him, him and Fraser, and there were probably thousands of each of them in different dimensions. Maybe infinite ones. Maybe every time they woke up in the morning, the universe had to sort them all out, but here and now they were all connected.

Because he was Ray and he was Rae, and in some crazy way, he was Fraser, too; he could see that now.

Fraser leaned over far enough to kiss Ray's shoulder, all he could manage with the hard work he was doing, his sweat dripping down onto Ray on every thrust in. Ray put his experience as a girl to good use: he put his back into it and met each thrust, using the pillow for leverage and being careful to hold Fraser steady against him with his legs. He moved the left one, showing Fraser that he didn't need him to hold it over his elbow any more. Fraser let go, and Ray wrapped his leg around Fraser's waist instead and that was absolute greatness, because it freed Fraser's right hand, and he immediately wrapped it around Ray's cock and started stroking him in time to his thrusts.

Then they were both yelling and going over the edge, their thrusts stilling at the same moment, every muscle they both possessed locked tight, and there was a space where they didn't move, didn't even breathe, complete whiteout, and then the world burst back into color and sound again and they were both coming all over the place, Fraser in Ray's ass and Ray all over his belly and Fraser's hand. Fraser looked totally zoned, and then gradually he seemed to shake himself back to awareness. He raised himself on his strong arms and looked down. Winced a little as he got hold of the condom and pulled very carefully out of Ray.

"Sore?" Ray said.

"Ah, just a little."

Ray nodded. "Me, too. I mean, from Rae doing it to you. I finally realized what that was." He smiled. "Plus my ass kind of is, too, but in a good way. We went at it pretty hard, huh?"

"Conventional wisdom holds that anything worth doing," Fraser said between breaths, "is worth overdoing. Once in a while."

"Amen to that."

Fraser eased himself back and dealt with the condom, then wiped himself off good on the sheet and flopped down next to Ray. He made this sound like one of Dief's big doggy yawns, and Ray laughed and lay back on the bed and realized he felt better than he could ever remember feeling.

They lay quiet, cooling down, sweat and more drying on them. Ray knew he was probably sticky and gross, but he didn't feel like moving an inch, and anyway, Fraser had lived among the musk ox on the tundra, right?

Ray was probably exhausted and too sex-stupid to even know it, but he wasn't dozing off just yet, and if he knew Fraser—and he did—Fraser would be up for a little pillow talk, even now.

He put a lazy hand over to ruffle Fraser's glossy dark hair. "You know, Frase, I didn't think I was ever gonna get to touch you. I didn't think you were interested in me. Or any guy, maybe."

Fraser smiled a little wistfully. "While I didn't think you were."

"Yeah, we should've talked, huh?"

"Yeah," Fraser said softly.

"Why didn't you say something? I put out lots of hints, but...okay, so I was a wuss. I didn't come out and ask. I was afraid to put you on the spot like that, because you would've had to choose, and I'd never seen any hint you even thought of me that way."

"I couldn't bring myself to ask you," Fraser said. "I...I've loved you for a long time. And you're too important to me to risk any part of our friendship, our partnership, simply because I found it difficult to...rein in my libido."

"Fraser, your libido is more reined in than those musical Mountie horses." He grinned. "Uh, well, it was. I think we kind of blew that out of the water."

Fraser flicked his tongue out over his lip and put his thumb up to scratch at his eyebrow, and that typical nervous gesture doubled Ray up with laughter. "Freak," he accused, leaning up over him and kissing both his thumb and his eyebrow and tickling him until Fraser gave in and laughed with him.

It was a beautiful sound.

Ray smoothed Fraser's eyebrow back in place. He couldn't stop looking at Fraser's face, thinking how much he looked like Rae's Ben...and how much he actually didn't. He saw the differences now. Ben had been loved, really loved, for a couple of years now. It had taken some of the stiffness out of him; maybe that was it. Ray would have to see if he could do the same for his Fraser. Maybe it wouldn't even take him two years, he thought. Maybe he could make up for some lost time.

Maybe he could get him to stop starching his shorts, for openers.

On the other hand, maybe that was a little ambitious.

He sighed. "You know, I'm not totally sure that that Fraser believed I wasn't his Rae. He kind of...he doubts himself, sometimes. Isn't sure he's seeing what's really there."

"I...know the feeling," Fraser said, and it sounded like it was hard for him to even get the words out.

"Fraser, he sees his dead father," Ray said. "Says he talks to him and everything."

"Er," Fraser said. In that way that totally meant it wasn't the end of True Confessions Night chez Ray.

"Oh, jeez. You too?" He blew out an exasperated breath. "Fraser, how many times I got to tell you, partners means sharing."

Fraser sighed. "I'm trying to learn. Sharing doesn't come naturally to me."

"Yeah, I know. You'll share your stuff, and you'll give a stranger your last dime, and you'll tell Inuit folktales till you're out of air, but the important things, you have a hard time saying those."

"I've tried on occasion," Fraser said. "But until you, Ray, no one really listened," Fraser said. "The few times I tried, my friends fell asleep. Until you."

Ray smiled, and stroked his fingertips over Fraser's cheek, his lips. "Their loss. Your stories are usually kind of off the wall, I admit, but you can definitely spin a yarn, and they always have a point."

"Why, thank you, Ray."

"Sometimes it's a screwball point, but they always got one."

"Yes." Fraser captured Ray's roving fingers and planted a kiss on the tip of each one.

Ray laughed, and dived in and kissed him some more, as though he hadn't had enough, and then it hit him—of course he hadn't had enough. He was just getting started here. He kissed up to Fraser's ear and whispered, "I won't tell," against the edge of it.

"Won't tell what?"

"That you're a romantic."

"Oh," Fraser said. "Well. Thank you, Ray."

"Yeah. Wouldn't want to spoil your Mountie image."

"I appreciate that."

Ray yawned. "Me, though, I got no reputation to protect, so you just go ahead and tell anybody you want."

"What, that you're a romantic?"

"If they don't already know that, they haven't been playing the home game," Ray said over another yawn. "I mean, you can tell people about us if you want."

"Ray! Aren't you concerned about...well, American policemen aren't reputed to be the most accepting of alternative lifestyles."

"Yeah, well." Ray waved an idle hand, easing back on the pillow, feeling messy and sweaty and absolutely fine. "I've been a police woman for a month. Gay cops think they got problems, they ought to try that one on for size."

"Ah."

"Ah," Ray mocked gently. But he was smiling, closing his eyes because they just wouldn't stay open.

Just before he sank into sleep he felt Fraser's hand settle on his chest, right over his heart.

                
He stood poised, waiting for the music to come up, the spotlight to find him. "Three, two, one," he heard from the wings, just a whisper that wouldn't carry past the edge of the curtain, and his music came up, the opening bars of "Sisters," the drums and the bass, and that funky muted electric guitar, vamping for eight measures, getting the audience ready. "Go," Maddy said behind him, but she didn't push him, because he responded automatically, just like he always did after that first time. It was like shooting a gun or driving a car: you didn't forget the first steps of a dance, and once the music came up, you just went with it, and it carried you along.

He struck his opening pose and held it: one, two, three, four, and there was his light, right on time. He moved, right on his beat, right where he was supposed to be, with perfect timing.

He could feel the audience out there in the brilliant dark, he could even hear them, but he couldn't see them, all except one. One face caught the light, maybe a reflection off one of the mirrors, or maybe it generated its own light, a beacon in the dark, like a lighthouse, showing any lost ships the way to a safe haven.

Ray didn't have to see the red uniform to know it was there. Didn't have to see the blue of his eyes to know who it was. Fraser. Not Ben.

Ray was well into the dance; the second verse was giving way to the chorus, but now he danced his heart out, because Fraser was watching, and he wanted to dance for him. Wanted to bring that beautiful smile back to Fraser's face, again and again.

And then he realized, Fraser is watching, and Fraser wasn't in the same universe with Rae, not any more, so who was Ray? And on a turn that spun him away from the audience, Ray got a hand down quickly and just brushed it against the front of his pants, and—

—yeah, that was his dick, stiffening up, because dancing did that to him, and the hips Ray was shaking were pretty skinny, and the front of his shirt was looser than it had been as Rae, so the evidence was pretty clear.

He was himself.

He spun back around, into the final steps, just Annie and Aretha and him, all on the same beat, and then he was done.

The music faded and the audience started to react, but Ray's attention was riveted to that one point in space where Fraser still shone out of the dark. All Ray had to do was stay focused on that light and he knew he'd never again lose sight of the way home.

The applause sounded like a home run at Wrigley Field.

He didn't remember getting off stage, he didn't remember ducking through the wings and bursting through the door of the dressing room, but he must have, and Fraser was standing there, still glowing, brighter than the makeup lights, and he was holding out his arms.

Ray dived straight into that embrace and Fraser spun him around, making a full circle and then more, like they were waltzing in place. And then somehow they were stopped, frozen in place, and that was greatness, too, because Ray needed to kiss Fraser, he needed to kiss him, no matter what universe they were in, and he was going to do it. And he didn't care if the entire Chicago police force, Stella, his parents, Steve McQueen, and the President were all standing there watching.

Fraser's lips were incredibly soft, and his mouth was hot and perfect under Ray's, and Ray dived in there, too, giving Fraser his tongue like he could pour his soul into him, and maybe if he tried long and hard enough, he could.

Long and hard, yeah. He was that, too, hard against Fraser's hip, and he was naked, because it was just that easy, and he was sliding himself gently against Fraser's soft, thick skin, because Fraser was suddenly naked, too, naked in Ray's dream with him, and that was perfect.

Somebody tapped him on the shoulder and he reluctantly let go of Fraser and turned. Maddy. She looked happy, which made Ray happy, too. He hadn't seen a smile like that on Maddy except maybe when she was performing. And it made sense, because he'd only known her for a month, a pretty rough month for her, when she'd lost her home and her job and most of the people she called family.

Maddy didn't seem to notice or care that he was naked. Her big, dark eyes were riveted on his. "Ray," she said, like she was really happy to see him. He heard the Y loud and clear.

Ray hugged her quickly, then pulled back to ask, "So...you okay? Everything okay? You look great."

She was nodding. "I'm gonna be fine, Ray. I think I might stick around. One of my old clients...he's got money. He always liked this place. He's gonna buy the club. With me; I'm going to be a part owner. We're going to renovate, change everything." She waved an expansive hand. "I'm going to run the place."

"Oh, yeah? That's great news. What're you gonna call it?"

"What do you think?" she shot back.

Ray thought for a minute, then grinned. "Sisters," he said.

"Got it in one," she said, and grinned back, and wow, Ray loved that big, wide smile.

"Call Fraser," he said, even though Fraser was standing right there behind him, because he meant the other Fraser—Ben. "Call Ben, you still got the number. Have him bring Rae by, and..." he stopped, unsure whether she would understand. "You know what I mean? I mean her."

"Yes," Maddy said. "Fraser already phoned and said everything was fine. He said she was happy to be home."

"Good. That's—thank you for telling me. I didn't have a way to know for sure. Because, I'm back home, too. This is me, the male me. "

She took a little step back and looked him over, and Ray looked down, and, yeah, still naked. And still kind of hard.

He thought about blushing, but didn't feel the heat.

"Wow," Maddy said. "You sure are."

"I'm pretty sure this is a dream," he said.

"Oh, yes," she said. "A lucid one. I've been reading up on those."

"It's a dream for you, too? You're really Maddy?"

"I sure am," she said.

She was wearing one of her sequined costumes, shimmering in the dressing-room lights, and she was still tall and strong and had legs up to there, but somehow Ray just knew, the way you just know stuff in dreams, that she looked a hundred percent like a girl under the dress.

She smiled like she heard him thinking. "Yeah, I am," she said. "In my dreams I always am."

"Not me," Ray said. "I got some, uh, confusion like that in my dreams." He laughed a little. "You know, but when I'm not dreaming, this is me. In the uh, in the flesh."

She laughed her sweet, throaty little laugh, and said, "You're gorgeous, honey. You tell your Fraser he's a lucky man."

"You can tell him yourself; he's right h—" Ray started to say, turning, but Fraser wasn't there.

"It's all right," Maddy said. "I think that just means it's time to wake up."

"Okay," he said, perfectly calm, which would have been kind of weird if it hadn't been a dream. The dressing room started to get dark and unclear around him, like his brain couldn't figure out if it was really there or not. "Keep in touch," he thought he heard Maddy say, and then he faded back into sleep.

Ray woke with his hand on his dick. He wasn't hard, he was sticky and satisfied. Maybe he was just unconsciously checking which universe he was in.

Maybe he was going to be waking up like that most mornings, at least for a while. It wasn't the end of the world.

Especially because the person stirring beside him was Fraser—his Fraser. Sleepy and with beautifully messy hair. Ray reached over to mess it up some more.

Fraser pressed warm lips against Ray's shoulder. "Good morning, Ray."

And all of a sudden Ray remembered his dream. Which had been an actual dream this time, he was pretty sure.

But he was also pretty sure the message was real. Maybe this was how he was going to be able to keep tabs on Rae and Ben, make sure they were doing okay. Maddy, too.

"Rae's back where she belongs," he told Fraser. "With her Ben, in her world. She's happy, they're happy."

"I'm so glad to hear that," Fraser said in a husky voice.

"Because you loved her?"

"Because I care about her, what happens to her." He swallowed. "Whether she's happy."

"And love her."

"Ray..."

"It's okay, Fraser. I'm not going to get bent out of shape over that. He loves me, too. The other Fraser. Ben. I know he does."

"How could he not?"

"Hate to break it to you, but most people don't love me." But Ray was grinning.

"Their loss," Fraser persisted. "But he is me, so of course he loves you."

"Yeah."

Fraser stroked two fingers slowly down Ray's cheek, following his jawline. "I can't help wondering what it was like for you. Being a woman."

"Well, uh, really damn different. I mean, at first. Weird to look in the mirror and see this chick instead of me. But, you know. Inside I was still me, and after a while...I gotta say, not that different after all."

Fraser blinked at him, bemused.

"I was still a detective, I had a case to solve. Most important, I still had you. We were still partners."

"I'm beginning to think we would be in any universe," Fraser said.

"Yeah," Ray said, yawning. It was definitely time for coffee and a shower, in that order. Maybe he could talk Fraser into sharing both with him. "But this is the one I want to be in."

"Yes," Fraser said. "Stay with me."

"Oh, I stick like glue," Ray said. "You know me."

"I do know you, Ray," Fraser said. "You're my partner and my friend. And the love of my life."

Ray grinned so hard his face hurt. "Was that hard to say?"

"Not in the least," Fraser said, and damn if he didn't look happier than Ray had ever seen him.

Ray felt warm all over, like every nerve in his body had suddenly woken up and started singing. A symphony or something, something wonderful, something big and beautiful enough to accompany a limitless future. Not an ABBA tune in the bunch.

He pulled Fraser in and kissed him, figuring the coffee and shower could wait a while. Because he had a day off, and the best guy in the world in his arms.

It was Saturday morning, and Ray Kowalski woke up into his own life for what felt like the first time.

It was good to be him.

It was very, very good.

fin